Gransnet forums


Narcissistic personality disorder

(69 Posts)
Devastatedgranny Sat 26-Oct-19 17:41:34

Do any of you grans etc think that "NPD" is the main cause of cut offs ?

Gonegirl Sat 26-Oct-19 17:43:43


I'll be in a minority with that though.

Luckygirl Sat 26-Oct-19 17:46:54

Well - it is the go-to label now for all manner of ills. In the main many people labelled by their families in this way do not fit the diagnostic criteria - it is a just a way of saying you do not like how a person behaves.

Eglantine21 Sat 26-Oct-19 17:56:52

It seems to be the go-to label when you don’t get your own way......

Loislovesstewie Sat 26-Oct-19 18:00:19

I'm always amazed that people who aren't professionals can diagnose this. I think it is just the latest fad to decide that someone has it because they don't want contact.

sodapop Sat 26-Oct-19 21:23:11

I agree loislovesstewie

MissAdventure Sat 26-Oct-19 21:27:27

I think some relationships can be classed as toxic, to coin a phrase, but I'm unsure of the label of narcissist (even though my ex had almost the entire traits listed for narcissism)

I just think, really, it doesn't matter; what matters is people not having their needs met in a relationship.

M0nica Sat 26-Oct-19 21:56:43

I think it is very arrogant to assume anyone who doesn't get on with you has a psychiatric illness.

Of course there are people whose very difficult personalities are the result of psychiatric problems. But it is possible for 2 perfectly decent people to take have an active dislike of each other. I can think of people I would prefer not to be in a room with, who are perfectly ordinary and normal but just set my teeth on edge.

Thankfully none of them are members of my family. I can see it would cause problems if they were

BradfordLass72 Sun 27-Oct-19 03:47:41

Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

It seems to be the 'on trend' excuse at the moment but from reading some of the histories here - if one has consistently made life difficult for someone; put them down and/or ridiculed them and their lifestyles, then that is where the answer lies, not in NPD.

There is never just one reason.

Loislovesstewie Sun 27-Oct-19 05:47:16

M0nica, , I agree with you. There are some people who rub me up the wrong way , and I am sure I do it to other people. It doesn't mean that we have psychological/ psychiatric issues, just that our personalities are different.

ladymuck Sun 27-Oct-19 06:08:09

It seems to be the 'in thing' to put a label on people just because their character is at odds with ours. It's true that there are some strange people about, and mental health problems are in vogue, thanks to misguided royals. However, it is perfectly normal to have disagreements and fall out with folks. It doesn't mean that they are insane!

Smileless2012 Fri 01-Nov-19 14:07:02

I agree Bradfordlass "sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't" and so sometimes it's a contributing factor.

muffinthemoo Sun 03-Nov-19 02:12:21

I think when you get right down to it, some people are just a**eholes and I don’t think it particularly matters why

Hithere Sun 03-Nov-19 02:51:51

While only a professional is able to diagnose NPD, the effects of a highly traited narcissistic person are devastating.
It is the hill to die on for many people and they cut off. For others, they manage with very limited contact or gray rocking.

Peonyrose Sun 03-Nov-19 08:29:35

Some do and many don't. To deliberately ostrasise anyone is very cruel, yet in some circumstances it's the only way and wouldn't mean you were a narcisstic personality, just protecting yourself. I can't imagine ever doing it but I have been lucky.

wildswan16 Sun 03-Nov-19 08:54:13

No. Not the main reason, but possibly involved in a minority of cases. It seems to be used as a "diagnosis" by lots of non-professional people and I think that is unhelpful.

Some people just don't get on with each other, can be nasty to each other, can be selfish, can be ... etc etc.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 03-Nov-19 09:04:39

As has been said upthread, sometimes.
Late MIL certainly had an ego was rather childlike and demanding. My late father was a difficult and quarrelsome individual. Put them together and they would almost certainly have rubbed each other up the wrong way with a great deal of friction and misunderstanding between them. We had to tiptoe around them.

EllanVannin Sun 03-Nov-19 09:31:26

Just born nasty would be my contribution. A genetic disposition usually. There's a lot of them about !!

Narcissism is evident when some form of mental illness is diagnosed and there are other traits. It's complex.

Granniesunite Sun 03-Nov-19 09:34:51

As has been said up thread it's seems to be the " new"" word banned about. Only a professional can diagnosis in my opinion. But I do think no contact or falling out with family can "run in families" . Our family member is the third living generation to " shunn" loved one who for whatever reason annoyed them. Simple as that. That member now surrounds themselves with others who have shunned family.

Mebster Sun 08-Dec-19 16:12:54

NPD is the new all-purpose accusation, along with "toxic." Most grans I know who've been cut off have done far too much for their offspring, not too little.
If you have longterm relationships with friends, spouses and other relatives then it's very unlikely you have NPD, which has largely replaced sociopathy as a psychiatric diagnosis, along with borderline personality disorder, closely related.

Sara65 Sun 08-Dec-19 16:14:39

I’d never heard of it before I joined gransnet

Smileless2012 Sun 08-Dec-19 16:29:49

That's very true Mebster usually there's a history of short term relationships and when it comes to family there's often no contact with any family members.

Fennel Sun 08-Dec-19 16:54:01

Good post Mebster.
I've heard that they've now developed a vaccine against all these diseases. wink.
We grans should all be vaccinated.

Madgran77 Sun 08-Dec-19 17:49:40

Every estrangement has it's own context. In some NPD may be part of that context

Missfoodlove Sun 08-Dec-19 18:39:33

As the daughter of a severe narcissist, I can confirm that a narcissist would always play the victim and always believes they have never done any wrong!

I was to blame for her problems at home, in her marriage, financial and professional.

As a child and young adult I believed everything she told me.

Her favourite saying was “I rue the day you were born”

I agree NPD is a term used to freely. However always remember a true narc is a clever, manipulative and often charming.
It is easy to be taken in by them.