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Best example of how to estrange a partner from family?

(54 Posts)
Namsnanny Fri 17-Jan-20 03:18:00

Sorry to drag the royals into this forum especially as they are all over GN, but does any one see Megan's (nee Markle) behaviour as a classic example of estrangement?

Mirroring, play the victim, isolate, engulf, control (last move) discard (if necessary).

She gives me the shivers she's so good at it.

PetitFromage Fri 17-Jan-20 03:43:46

I do see certain parallels in my own situation with my daughter, who was very close but is now semi-estranged from the family since meeting her husband. There seems to be a familiar pattern in play. Obviously we can't know the truth of the situation, but I do feel sorry for Mr Markle, who has yet to meet his grandson.

Namsnanny Fri 17-Jan-20 04:29:50

Yes I do as well. He did put himself on the line (went bankrupt as I understand it) to pay for her very exclusive education.
Thought the world of her I understand.
Maybe he invested too much of himself in their relationship, but is that possible?

It's very easy to manipulate some one who loves you isn't it?
Into cutting out the people who would see your behaviour for what it is.

Why is it so hard for some people on here to accept that all a manipulator has to do is mirror the right behaviour, love bomb the victim, and exploit the cracks in the original family relationship?
All families have cracks nobody is perfect.

rosecarmel Fri 17-Jan-20 04:45:35

He was brought up in a bubble- Perhaps he moved from one bubble to another-

Perhaps all he has done is traded one cracked environment for another-

love0c Fri 17-Jan-20 04:49:45

Namsnanny She gives me the shivers too. Unfortunately we have a DIL very similar. Our son can not see her for what she is yet? Fortunately our son is determined to keep our relationship. We as parents are ready to be there to pick up the pieces when she hurts him.

Namsnanny Fri 17-Jan-20 05:05:50

That applies to everybody though rosecarmel.

Sounds positive love0c smile

rosecarmel Fri 17-Jan-20 05:16:23

If it applies to everybody, namsnanny, so you give yourself the shivers too?

love0c Fri 17-Jan-20 05:19:57

Thanks Namsnanny, we are trying to stay upbeat but it is very hard. smile

Starlady Fri 17-Jan-20 06:25:01

I've been thinking that their situation reminds me of one of the classic IL situations and the classic case of mismatched expectations (rhyme not intentional, sorry), The ILs have certain ideas about how a young couple/DIL is supposed to fit into their family, but either the DIL or DIL and DS see things differently. MIL feels they need to work things out together - or in this case, GMIL (as in Queen calling for a meeting), but DIL doesn't feel she and DS need to discuss their choices w/ anyone (as in Meghan declining to attend the meeting b/c, from what I've heard, she "didn't think it was necessary"). And, of course, DS/DH (Prince Harry) is caught in the middle (attends the meeting alone, but keeps in touch w/ Meghan).

Clearly, the Queen and other Royals feel any changes in Harry and Meghan's roles need to be decided by them all as a family. But, just as clearly, Meghan feels she and Harry should be able to decide to live wherever they want and scale back their royal roles w/o input from the Queen or any other Royals.

And, you know, ordinarily I'd agree w/ her. But as I understand it, the Royal family has its own set of rules. And Meghan knew this is what she was getting into, no doubt, when she wed Harry. Also, as I said elsewhere, Queen Elizabeth has come along way as far as accepting the non-traditional choices of young Royals, and I think that should be appreciated. But IDK if Harry and Meghan see that or think it should impact their behavior.

Starlady Fri 17-Jan-20 06:27:31

But Harry isn't William and never was. As I recall, he was always a little rebellious. Perhaps there's a part of him that likes what Meghan's doing?

GagaJo Fri 17-Jan-20 06:40:26

Conspiracy theories everywhere!

Harry feels the paparazzi killed his mum. No one can blame him for wanting to protect his family and trying to escape. I feel very sorry for them.

Starlady Fri 17-Jan-20 06:50:34

Good point, Gagjo, about Diana, etc. Not to mention that she had her conflicts w/ the Queen, etc. too. Perhaps Meghan is reminding Harry of Diana a little bit.

Ginny42 Fri 17-Jan-20 06:57:58

Strangely I woke up this morning resenting my SiL for attempting to alienate me from my DD and GS. It's not working because she and I are working very hard not to allow it to. I resent that he's depriving me of spending more than three occasions in the year when I can be in their lives.

I imagine the Queen too is sad she'll see very little, if anything of Archie growing up.

Yehbutnobut Fri 17-Jan-20 07:29:54

Not at all do I see her as you depict her. Have you ever met the woman or are you just a ‘gobble up the DM’ junky?

janeainsworth Fri 17-Jan-20 07:42:13

‘They ran her out of town and now they’re mad she’s leaving’

I prefer this version of events.
And the sentence I quoted doesn’t refer to the Royal Family.

No one on Gransnet knows anything about Meghan and Harry’s private lives.

But we do know that our gutter press distorts and makes things up to sell their own newspapers.

Hetty58 Fri 17-Jan-20 08:02:16

I'm sure that Harry has a mind of his own. Why are people so willing to blame Meghan? It seems only logical that he'd want to distance himself and his family from all the madness.

HolyHannah Fri 17-Jan-20 20:30:07

Hetty58 -- Because some people always side against wayward daughters/DiL's regardless of the situation and never accept that just perhaps Megan and Harry made the decision JOINTLY.

The fact that the Royal Family FEEL they should have a say in how Megan and Harry live their life is their feeling. Megan and Harry probably FEEL that they have a right to live their life as they see fit. Whose feelings are "righter"? Which adults feelings' supersede whose? Hint -- No ones.

Just because the Royal family is institutionalized dysfunction, where the senior members dictate to the 'lesser members' how they will live/be, doesn't mean that the chain of dysfunction cannot be broken in that family as well.

They are handling things perfectly in my opinion. They set a boundary, did not try to negotiate (negotiation denotes a meeting of equals of which they are not viewed) and then made the best decision(s) for them.

And as a final thought, perhaps Harry ALWAYS wanted to walk away and until He found a loving and supporting partner He never felt secure enough to do so, knowing He would likely be shunned as an out-cast by his 'family'.

Namsnanny Sat 18-Jan-20 00:50:28

roaecarmel ... no silly you've got the wrong end of the stick! I was replying to your
^ He lives in a bubble and swapped one bubble for another etc., ^
And I replied that I thought that's what we all do!

rosecarmel Sat 18-Jan-20 04:30:59

Plenty of younger couples are faced with making difficult decisions in an effort to make necessary changes to the dynamics of family relationships - And even if their marriages/relationships fail, their efforts to bring about change will have inspired others to do the same- Much like passing the baton in a relay race-

Any adult child who returns to the family fold after estrangement isn't going to be the same person they were when they left it- Harry is no exception-

I started reading a book the other day, a memoir, and had to set it down because it was too depressing- The 70s were depressing, the way people treated each other was awful but considered normal simply because dysfunction had a strangle hold on so many families-

People of all ages are making efforts to bring about change, much to others dismay, others who want to maintain old, unhealthy status quos-

OutsideDave Sat 18-Jan-20 04:53:02

Poor Meghan...her family of origin is nuttier than squirrel poo. Her mum is quite lovely it seems though. I’m glad she and Harry are getting away. Harry didn’t chose to be the spare and it’s ridiculous to think he owes anything to ‘the firm’ as #5 in line!

HolyHannah Sat 18-Jan-20 06:21:42

OutsideDave -- I thought Harry was #6 in line... Isn't it Charles, William, his 3 kids and then Harry?

OutsideDave Sat 18-Jan-20 11:13:49

You are right. I’d forgotten about Charles!

Alexa Sat 18-Jan-20 11:23:02

I do, Namsnanny and I try not to.

notanan2 Sat 18-Jan-20 11:27:03

Or, Harry always wanted to pull away but never wanted to do it alone?

notanan2 Sat 18-Jan-20 11:28:51

Her mum is quite lovely it seems though
Not plain sailing there either, didnt she live with her dad not her mum as a teen? Ive heard interney rumours that she had been estranged from her mum in the past but I havent seen that backed up with any evidence