Gransnet forums


Best example of how to estrange a partner from family?

(55 Posts)
Namsnanny Fri 17-Jan-20 03:18:00

Sorry to drag the royals into this forum especially as they are all over GN, but does any one see Megan's (nee Markle) behaviour as a classic example of estrangement?

Mirroring, play the victim, isolate, engulf, control (last move) discard (if necessary).

She gives me the shivers she's so good at it.

notanan2 Sat 18-Jan-20 11:31:17

When people start families of their own it often highlights disfunction in their family of origin that they excused up to that point. You look at your child and find it hard to continue to excuse your parents treatment of their children once you cannot imagine doing that to your own!

notanan2 Sat 18-Jan-20 11:33:45

This is why so often a new partner is a catalyst to estrangement. The things you have put up with alone you see differenlt when you have to bring a new partner or children into the situation.

eazybee Sat 18-Jan-20 12:11:17

One wonders how their son will be brought up, and how much contact with his family, both sides, he will be allowed.
Mummy Darling scenario?

notanan2 Sat 18-Jan-20 13:39:26

I do not think H would have fallen in love with M if she had been a homebody who was already comfortable in "society"

Theyre using each other IMO. Neither want to carry on where their own upbringings left off

janeainsworth Sat 18-Jan-20 14:35:19

I think 'using each other' is perhaps a bit harsh notanan.
Maybe empowering each other might be a more positive reflection of their relationship.

Starlady Sat 18-Jan-20 16:15:11

Perhaps this explains it a lot?:

love0c Sat 18-Jan-20 17:00:52

notanan2 you could be right. However, I think it is more to do with one person trying to do everything the other person wants. In this case, Harry doing everything Megan wants. He loves her far more than she loves him. If she truly loved him she would not be trying to get him to leave is family behind.

janeainsworth Sat 18-Jan-20 17:13:38

Harry doing everything Megan wants. He loves her far more than she loves him. If she truly loved him she would not be trying to get him to leave is family behind.

I think that's the most ridiculous post I've ever read on Gransnet angry

love0c Sat 18-Jan-20 17:19:36

Why? His family love him. To me that is obvious. They care for each other, again that is obvious.

janeainsworth Sat 18-Jan-20 17:29:55

You know them all personally do you love0c?
Or do you have psychic powers denied to the rest of us?
What gives you the right to speculate on how much two people you don’t know love each other? Or which one loves the other one more?
Good grief.

Summerlove Sat 18-Jan-20 19:51:02

starlady, I’m sure comparisons like that were part of it

Namsnanny Sat 18-Jan-20 21:24:19

janeainsworthhmm why so angry? confused

Namsnanny Sat 18-Jan-20 21:32:09

notanan … could also read

The things you accepted happily before, you see differently when you bring a new partner into the situation.

With two different ideas come different results.

Not a choice based on good or bad, just different.

OutsideDave Sat 18-Jan-20 21:40:00

Seeing as how her mom has been calm, quiet, and discreet- having a tough relationship with one divorced parent in your teen isn’t all that of a shock.

OutsideDave Sat 18-Jan-20 21:44:02

Love what on earth do you have to support such a statement???

Yennifer Sat 18-Jan-20 23:24:10

I'm so so surprised at the speculation, so much IL blame and shame, is that just easier than admitting a son/daughter might be behind the distancing? If they have grown strong and confident in loving homes, those bonds can't be broken easily x

HolyHannah Sun 19-Jan-20 00:31:14

Yennifer -- The speculation and blaming is a way to try to re-enforce that it is the "evil other party" that is to blame for estrangements to maintain the 'innocent parent' theme.

As for, "Harry doing everything Megan wants. He loves her far more than she loves him. If she truly loved him she would not be trying to get him to leave is family behind." is a statement that should get people angry. Anyone that thinks such speculation is normal, even with people they know PERSONALLY, is shocking. No one knows the intimacy of a couple better then the couple themselves.

I see that mentality as, "I believe Megan is evil and manipulative so therefore anything bad I say isn't based on 'nothing' it is based on MY truth/reality." It reminds me of my 'family', "Hannah is 'bad' so any bad thing that happens to her (like their abuse) is okay because she deserves it because she's 'bad'."

rosecarmel Sun 19-Jan-20 04:20:23

"Yennifer -- The speculation and blaming is a way to try to re-enforce that it is the "evil other party" that is to blame for estrangements to maintain the 'innocent parent' theme. "

Sussinct ..

I agree .. It isn't the person, it's the pattern a person follows, the knee jerk reactions to life events that create pain for all involved ..

HolyHannah Sun 19-Jan-20 06:32:34

rosecarmel -- I think some EP's go to that default belief because that is their 'reason' that they cling to for their own estrangements. If they believe it strongly enough and blame every wayward daughter and DiL by saying unkind and even preposterous things about someone like Megan, then hopefully others will believe it of her (and other DiL's) and thus the EP's tale of heartbreak as well.

mumofmadboys Sun 19-Jan-20 07:02:18

After reading some of these comments ,it is no wonder H and M want out! It is not only the tabloids who make up the 'news'!

M0nica Sun 19-Jan-20 07:46:28

Look at it positively. Prince Harry has never been comfortable being royal. He may have been drawn to Meghan because she provided to moral support and love that enabled him to make the decision to break away from the life he was born into.

It will not be the first and certainly not the last time that the support of a loving spouse has enabled someone to make the major life changes that they lacked the courage to do on their own.

There has been no suggestion of any family estrangement, just that one member has decided not to work for the family business. Many families have faced this kind of shock, when a child decides, to turn their back on the future the family has laid out for them and make their own way in life.

HolyHannah Sun 19-Jan-20 07:46:34

mumofmadboys -- And yet that 'attitude' is RARE according to some.

Starlady Sun 19-Jan-20 12:16:21

Thanks, Summerlove. I'm sure they were, too. And I wonder what was at the heart of it. Resentment that Harry didn't choose a British girl? The view some had of Meg as a social climber? Racism? No doubt, Harry and Meghan have their ideas about what it was. And whatever they thought, didn't like it.

Regardless of that, I certainly don't think we can put this all on Meghan, people. There have been rebels in the Royal Family going back at least as far as Elizabeth's uncle, Edward, who gave up the throne (and also married an American, LOL). Harry's mum was a bit of a rebel, too, or at least, that's how the Palace saw her, as I recall. So, as I said earlier, I wouldn't be surprised if Harry were a little rebellious, himself.

Besides, IMO, they haven't really done anything wrong. Yes, Queen Elizabeth may be sad that she will be at a distance from her newest GGC, and Prince Charles may feel bad that he'll be far from his new little GS. But Harry and Meg certainly wouldn't be the first British AC & CIL who moved to another country, LOL! Some of us here have DSs or DDs who did that. They wouldn't be the first, either, as some have said, to leave the "family business" and strike out on their own. Also, they all can clearly afford to travel back and forth for visits, LOL! IMO, the sudden, unexpected, public announcement was a little out-of-line, but that's all.

Thankfully, the Queen is being reasonable about it. She has been through too much, I suspect, to let this change break up her family.

rosecarmel Sun 19-Jan-20 12:32:14

If Harry has an under developed sense of self, Meghan could take advantage of that weakness or nurture it, assisting in his transformation and being supportive -

Where do their parents fit into all of this?

rosenoir Sun 19-Jan-20 12:45:26

I was going to say the same janeainsworth17.29