Very distraught and I’m not sure where to go

If they truly registered as private, it throws a red flag.

Why did they do that? It is not a common practice. It is done for safety and privacy.
Does it mean they always register private?

There is so much more background we haven't been told. Maybe OP has a habit of stalking them (aka show concern)?

Rosecarmel - she can apologize via letter and then wait for them to contact her, if in some unlikely scenario they want to resume contact. Otherwise she can leave them alone and get therapy.

Sounds like a practical plan, OutsideDave-

@Leaannbo
* A few minutes later my son in law came downstairs and told me to leave immediately before they had security remove me. Nurse’s station did call security but I left before they arrived. *

Good grief! Seriously?

Get a good grip of yourself, normal people do not get threatened with hospital security removing them.

Leave those long-suffering relatives alone, and send a gushy and fulsome apology if you want the slightest chance of fixing this. (It may take a lot of work on yourself first).

Then spend the rest of your life researching about how to stop being a nuisance in times of stress.

How

...do peeps not see that they ARE the problem?

ananimous -- They do not see that their actions/behavior are a problem because regardless of how outrageous/over the top/abusive they act, there is ALWAYS a justification for said actions. They justify the bad behavior so thoroughly to themselves that clearly that CANNOT be the 'reason' for estrangement or any family conflict.

Family conflict isn't dependent upon one members behavior- That's scapegoating- But once a member is estranged, or remove themselves from the situation, other patterns continue on - Taking a deeper look in an effort to understand and aspire to creating healthier dynamics is a task for all involved-

That’s gaslighting nonsense rosecarmel. The OP sounds quite capable of having created every bit of conflict on her own.

This all seems extreme behaviour from your daughter for you not to be aware what the reasons for this is. Have you ever asked for an explanation? Can you think of anything that may have sparked it. I know with daughters (I have 2) that it doesn't take much sometimes but is there anyone you can ak if you can't speak to your daughter?

OutsideDave, I don't the woman- And neither do you- Not all her capabilities, not all that motivates her- It's impossible to understand a person or situation straight out of the gate- What's noticeable is what's glaring-

To blame all family conflict on a single individual is scapegoating- It's nonsense- Because it isn't true- And trying to convince someone that something isn't true, when it is, is gaslighting- And a form of abuse-

How often do members blame the daughter in law? Son inlaw? For everything- How often do members blame a parent? For everything-

That should read don't "know" the woman ..

rosecarmel -- If two people are in a relationship and one person is abusive, it is 100% the fault of the abuser if the relationship breaks down.

Scapegoating is blaming/shaming/abusing someone for perceived/imagined flaws. Pointing out/not tolerating a bully and their behavior is NOT gaslighting.

For example, I followed the story of an EP who admitted to slapping one of her adult sons multiple times. Her sons then accused her of being abusive which she 100% WAS. The EP's mother, sister and extended family took her son's 'side' and now the whole 'family' is excluding her. She claimed to be the victim and being scapegoated.

So yes. One person CAN, especially if they are the 'parent', cause ALL the issues in a relationship. However, abusers cling to their victim is at least 50% responsible. In child abuse situations, the child is POWERLESS so it is 100% on the parent to stop abusing or face the consequences of that behavior.

Stalking is against the law no matter who is doing it. I am sure all stalkers would express having some sort of "love" for the people they are stalking. If people don't want contact you have to back off and give them the space they are asking for. It doesn't matter if you are their mum, unwanted contact will cause them distress and won't help resolve conflict at all x

HolyHanna, currently, the best I can do is make an effort to understand and determine what's truth and what isn't- Most stories I read I see differently than the person telling it- There are exeptions-

It's true that one can be solely responsible when one of two is abused- But at the same time, can't say I 100% agree that a couple is a family, unlike a single mother or father with one child- Regardless, in the case of two, one can be held solely accountable- However, conflict goes beyond who is right or who is wrong, it also pertains to who is involved-

Pointing out bullying has it's flaws- Because when the accusation isn't true, it can be damaging to all involved-

The story about the mother who slapped her son in the face, the entire family is involved in the conflict- She is at the core of that incident, solely responsible for her action- But responsible for the entire family dynamic that led up to the slap? No-

Families interact-

The OP shared her story- Her immediate matter is noticeable- But I wouldn't hold her accountable for collective family conflicts-

????? her family is trying to stay away from her. If one person is trying to escape the dynamic and their abuser/family member, then regardless of what they may have done ‘Wrong’ in the past, it’s ridiculous to blame them for behavior when they have made clear they want to be left alone. For example If I fight with cousin C every time I see her, and therefore avoid cousin C and ask she leave me alone, and make efforts to
Not be the same place she is- if she stalks me as OP has, is it still my fault if we end up arguing? Am I still ‘responsible’ for those family dynamics? What do I owe someone I’m desperately trying to avoid?

It's impossible to understand a person or situation straight out of the gate - Rosecarmel

Hardly rocket science to understand that making a show of yourself at a hospital of all places pretty much marks a person out as argumentative, dramatic and unreasonable.

Therapy is not meant as an unkind suggestion, though I doubt if such a personality as showed up for the arm operation would choose that option, and instead takes her cause to a group of well meaning strangers.

I'm still unsure or not if this thread is a hoax.

I worry, though, for anybody's mental health who think nurses haven't enough to do without having to referee a verbal assault.

OutsideDave, what human isn't subject to the laws of cause and effect? We're all equal, nobody can escape the effects of past behavior- Therefore, it always matters- Just as much as what's happening now does- People don't get to change what already has taken place, they can change how they look at it, and anyone can take whatever happened in the past and use it to shape and improve their current situation- And future considerations, for that matter-

I understand the OP- I understand her family's reaction- All that considered, I wouldn't consider her presence in the hospital stalking- According to the story there was still contact- Low but not cut off-

Anyone can escape a situation, stop interacting with family but breaking out of a dynamic takes great effort since the effects it has on a person are part of it- It goes where they go- That's not to say change doesn't begin to take place from the second they walk away, disconnect the call, drive off-

Sorry about your cousin- Yes, everyone is responsible for their actions, for how they "respond"-

ananamous, she doesn't see it- But after reaching out to complete strangers, she may begin to-

Therapists are strangers too ..

I would consider "demanding" (her own words), and hospital staff calling security a couple of red flags about th OP.

Professional therapy cannot be conflated with a stranger's anecdotes.

*The nurses station Rosecarmel

I don't see any harm in bringing this issue to internet strangers. It's not the same as seeking professional therapy, but it has its value. IMO, the OP could benefit from both in different ways.

Probably group therapy lol

She doesn't see it, ananimous- If she doesn't view her situation as one that requires change, she isn't going to notice the fact that she's raising flags either-

A stranger is a stranger, therapists included- I'll leave the suggestion that two avenues never intersect up to you-

"A few minutes later my son in law came downstairs and told me to leave immediately before they had security remove me. Nurse’s station did call security but I left before they arrived."

Leanbo, IDK if you're even still reading this thread. But if you are, I have some questions about the above quote. Did the nurses know SIL warned you that security might be called? Or did they happen to call them just as he was talking to you? I'm wondering if you ignored SIL's warning, and this led to the nurses calling security? Or, IOWs, did you leave when SIL asked you to or only when you realized the nurses had called security? B/c IF you ignored SIL's warning, and IF this kind of stubbornness has occurred before, sorry to say, but that could explained why they have distanced you. Please think it over even if you don't choose to answer me.

@Rosecarmel
Don't understand your points, sorry.