Yennifer, to answer your question about people knowing if they are abusive, I don't know- There's tons I didn't realize about dysfunction until mid-life, not a clue- And that includes issues I'd been steadily working at understanding since young adulthood-
What I have noticed about online discussions is that when an estranged grandparent shares their version of a story they're usually freaked out, their emotions tumbling out of control and don't know up from down- They want it to stop- When asked if they heard the roar of the waterfall as their skiff drifted towards it, sometimes they say yes, sometimes no-
But here's the rub .. The responses the grandparent receives from supposedly "woke" members can be aggressive and abusive in tone- But time and again their tone is described as harsh, straightforward, but not what it actually is- Do they know they're being abusive? Some might, some may not-
I think it would be fair to say everyone still has a lot to learn and unlearn ..