Cut out of the estranged GPs will, dilemma!

How lucky I feel that neither set of GP’s or parents had absolutely nothing to leave to my H and I.
We had no expectations so were not disappointed.
I have money to leave my C and GC but will spend all I need without being wasteful.
It is surely very true that the love of money is the root of all evil.

Maybe it's all about intention. If your AC cuts you off and you think I'll take them out the Will and let them know I've taken them out the will, then surely that's just revenge, lashing out? Is that healthy? Would it be better to show them you still loved them even if they didn't love you? I don't know really. As I was saying, I don't want anything anyway x

If your AC cuts you off and you think I'll take them out the Will and let them know I've taken them out the will, then surely that's just revenge, lashing out? Is that healthy? Would it be better to show them you still loved them even if they didn't love you?

I don't agree with that at all. If, as an AC, you've taken the decision to walk away from your family and have nothing more to do with them, you surely wouldn't expect to be remembered in their will. Why would you have any expectations of receiving anything when they're dead if you had lost all expectations of receiving anything when they were alive? They had plenty of time whilst they were alive to demonstrate any love that they may have had for you so why would you expect them to demonstrate it from beyond the grave? Is it healthy to keep those expectations? I think not.

I found this video which shows a human journey, loosely connected to the topic, I know,...and it's heartwarming, too.

Meet me on the bridge: Discovering the truth about my parents after 20 years
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GofREVeNbcw

Aren't Wills a bit out-dated ? If you have savings ( for what they're worth with interest as it is ) then now's the time that AC/ GC need a bit extra. Why wait until you're dead ? If this is the sort of insidiousness it causes, is it worth it ?? NO !

Chewbacca I don't want or expect anything, you have misunderstood my comment completely but I don't really want to talk to you anyway x

If your parents are comfortabe, and have both will, and savings?
Like mine.

I don't expect an inheritance would make a difference one way or another - I'm simply bringing up this topic to show the P side (and) the A/C in this scenario.
Nothing insidious, at all.

Some A/C will not have ANY contact, or ever accept help via financial gifts whether offered or not.

You can understand why.

Mother always brought up my inheritance ever since I can remember.

I don't think it's helpful on this thread to attack someone because you find the subject taboo Chestnut.

"The love" of money

Not money

So sorry that I do not have "poverty-mind, and was raised to expect the family filthy lucre.

Of course Yennifer, I completely understand xx

I'm sorry for your troubles ananimous, but I have to say, that the way forward, is to accept the situation and try to move forward
We don't get to choose the cards that life deals us, however difficult they may be to accept
Your have my best wishes

I am picking up a strange undercurrent on this thread. I haven't been here long enough to know what it is, but there does seem to be a subtext that I'm sensing but not understanding, and it's uncomfortable.

I don't want to say anything that might hurt anyone, so I'm bowing out.

So this scenario wouldn’t apply then if it is the adult children who have estranged themselves from their parents ?

If the parents were the party who caused the estrangement then leaving money in the will would make the estranged adult child feel more loved ?

I wonder how a parent whose child has chosen estrangement will feel on their deathbed ? As they won’t have the benefit of an inheritance to show their child did love them .

Thankyou @Dollymac that's very kind of you.

I agree, Doodlebug. I don’t know what’s been said before and why all these strange meaningful remarks that don’t mean anything to me. I’ve been on GN a long time but am obviously not in the clique and am not bothered if it means ‘discussions’ like this.

@Luckylegs
The posts have been out of sync with the intended answer appearing further down, it quite ok.

Nobody really knows what people are thinking when they decide about who to leave the money to.
I only had one uncle, my mothers estranged brother who was widowed young and had no children. I had intermittent contact with him over the years, doing family history and sharing an interest in music. I would probably visit him once a year at mutual request. He was extremely wealthy but I never discussed money with him. He did once say many years ago that as I was the only member of the family who bothered with him, I would be “ looked after”
Fast forward to a few years ago, I didn’t receive a Christmas card from him and made some enquiries. Apparently he had died mid year, having just prior to that informed his solicitor that he had no relatives, didn’t want a funeral and all his money was to go to guide dogs for the blind. He had no dogs ever and had good eyesight!
Who knows why he made those decisions.
I never thought about inheriting from him when I was visiting, but was disappointed that I didn’t know he was terminally ill.
His beautiful house was sold for £450000!

True.

I just think you can show so much by leaving the AC a little something, and am saddened that a GP would take such a bitter step.

Thankfully I am not in the sad position of being estranged from any of my AC. However if I was I think I would still leave all my children a share of my estate. I think a mother always loves the children they bore even if that love has been sorely tested. It also shows or represents love and forgiveness as you depart this life.

"I wouldn’t have thought it was that uncommon for adult children to be left nothing, if there’s a spouse alive."

I don't think it is uncommon. But often, the agreement between the spouses is that the remaining spouse will leave money/assets to the kids when that spouse passes.

"So he, who had done so much for her and her sister over many years, was the only one who lost out financially. "

This is sad, V3ra. But did the aunt leave any money to her other nieces and nephews or only DH (besides him, you only mention great-nieces and great-nephews). IOWS, did she skip over other nieces and nephews to leave money to their kids? Perhaps it's b/c DH did so much for her that she left him the money instead of your two children?

If it's any comfort, I don't think you and yours are the only ones who were ever disappointed in an aunt's decisions about inheritances. I've heard of cases before where one niece or nephew did more for a childless aunt, only to find that she divided her assets up equally among all her nieces and nephews in her will. Or that she left everything to a favorite charity.

As for estrangement, I don't see, people, how anyone can expect an inheritance from a parent they have CO or be shocked if they find out that parent didn't leave them anything. If they want nothing to do w/ that parent, it seems to me, they shouldn't want their money/assets either. But I admit, I haven't been in the situation, so, ananimous, I don't know how it would feel.

In fact, I agree that it would be preferable for the EP to try to find a way to mend the estranged relationship. But if that doesn't happen, EAC should not be surprised to find they have been cut out of the EP's will.

One other thought... As another poster mentioned, it could be the EP who decided to go NC in the first place. IMO, that's a little trickier. Disowning their EAC would then become part of their effort to push them away. IMO, it would be good of the EP in this scenario to at least keep that one connection/leave something to their AC. But I don't think an EAC should expect it in this situation either.... JMHO...

If you are the Scapegoat, the 'cutting you out of the will' is the final, "F-You. I never loved you and as always I am going to give You what You 'deserve'... Which is nothing! LOL"

I always encourage EP's to divide their estate unequally between their children, up to and including cutting off their "bad" child(ren). Always leave a 'legacy' of inequality and dysfunction! At least it's accurate/truth, which I am always for. It also, in the future, may prove the Goat correct, that they could never 'win' in the 'family'.

Starlady
No my husband's aunt left money to all her nieces and nephews, ie all my husband's generation, and all the other great-nieces and great-nephews.

She'd obviously got some grievance against two of our children but no-one had any idea what or why.

She'd also promised, to his face, to leave my husband a flat she owned: that was for all the help he'd given. That didn't happen either but that didn't bother him, it was our children being cut out that really upset him.

(Her house went to the nephew and his wife who lived close by and had looked after the aunt in her later years).

I was very close to one of my aunties. She was estranged from her own daughter . She adored my son and would often take him out in his pram and “ show him off “ when he was a baby . She sadly died very suddenly ( no will) and her husband ,my uncle gave all her jewellery (including some quite valuable pieces) to my sister. Almost all of which she sold . I honestly think he did it as a kind of punishment.