Frightened I will never see her or overcome this block

Not the cruelest thing I have seen on gransnet by far. Another poster I became friendly with was horribly bullied and laughed at by some of the estranged parents here. So much so that the last message I got from her that I then couldn't answer because she was gone, she was in a really bad way. Read the whole thread PF. Some people around here like to covertly wind other posters up till they get the reaction they want and then pretend to be the victim. Happens all the time.

@Starblaze - I have read it and the most striking aspect is that the original poster has been driven away.

I am sorry to hear about the poster you refer to, but two wrongs don't make a right.

Times are hard enough right now. Can't we just be kind to each other?

You would hope so PF. EACs should be able to leave their advice without being accused of having ulterior motives of any kind or otherwise argued with constantly.

Sometimes people marry a version of their parent- They became conditioned to a behavior, be it abusive or kind- Or something else-

And then sometimes a parent doesn't like their child's partner, the partner they chose because they're like the parent that ends up not liking the partner, the partner that's like them-

Then all heck breaks loose ..

rosecarmel I've watched that one go down a few times. The poor scapegoat stuck in a situation where they think they have to choose between 2 abusers.

Run away! run away free!

I’ve read the whole thread, because I’m always interested in estrangement and other people’s experiences. We were estranged from family, but not for serious reasons as I’ve read on here. This definitely needs expert counselling, as others have said, and I’m not sure gransnet is the place to be discussing it for both these ladies, as it’s obviously still very raw for other people who were victims. My personal view is, no one would EVER go no contact for no reason. It simply doesn’t make sense. Whether all parties get the chance to talk about it properly is another matter.

It does look as if the OP's been driven away as you say PF but elena keeps coming back despite the nature of some of responses she receives.

As you say, two wrongs don't make a right.

Sometimes an AC's partner doesn't like their partner's parents, other family members and friends their partner's had for years; all hell breaks loose then as well.

I wouldn't assume the OP was driven away. Some join just to ask 1 question and others have a regular account here and start a newer anonymous account to ask a personal question. The original OP was given a majority of honest, polite advice.

In order for your Elmyra reversal of what rosecarmel said to work Smileless the partner doesn't like the parents because the parents are like the partner abusive

This is why you constantly reversing statements is just petty and not workable.

We are talking about abusive people. You are defending those you say are not abusive.

Oranges and apples.

Can you see the difference?

I often find that those who know nothing believe they know everything.

More black and white thinking. I guess people either are all knowing or know nothing... Nothing in between right?

I used to say as a child, "How come I am never 'right'?" and dear old Ma would say, "Even a stopped clock is 'right' twice a day." Me, "I must be a 'broken' stopped clock because it's correct two more times a day then I am."

There's nothing petty or unworkable about reversing statements when doing so creates a balance. The balance being that not all EP's have been estranged because they abused their AC and not all EAC estrange because they were abused.

Again rosecarmel said some parents don't like their child's partner because the partner is like them.

The reverse of that is that some partners do not like the parent because the parent is like them.

In both scenarios partner and parents are the same. Bad.

rosecarmel said "some" not "all"

So what exactly does it achieve or add to the discussion?

Nothing.

It is a simple exercise in invalidating what another has said for absolutely no reason and this case just looked very silly.

You say yourself Smileless that people come here for support.

Imo support should not be "yes you are perfect and wonderful and guilty of no wrong doing" because actually that just damages some relationships further when they could be saved with a little hard truth and a little hard work.

Anyway, it's incredibly unsupportive to focus on "balance" in every scenario when the scenario of all EAC here is that they were abused.

You disallow the venting of estranged children's feelings by trying to put your own first.

Clearly none of us are your child.

It is incredibly unsupportive.

If you were to say, I have read your stories here and perhaps you should consider xyz, I would have respect for that.

Instead you argue, speak for others and encourage others unkindness towards estranged children.

If you pulled up estranged parents and did the same reversing of statements there, again I could respect that.

In my year or so here that has never happened.

So perhaps it is time to stop.

The thoughts and opinions of anyone who has no care for the poster they're responding too, but only wish to use someone else's pain and suffering as a soap box to further their own agenda, mean nothing to me.

The irony here Smileless makes me so sad.

There's no irony in that post of mine Summerlove, none at all.

This thread was started by a poster because of her estrangement with her D. Another poster has made several posts about the situation she is currently faced with, with her own D.

This thread is not a place for the "venting of estranged children's feelings" it's a place for posters to come and offer their support and advice, and not as I posted earlier, a place to come to pursue their own agenda.

I haven't been unkind too or encouraged unkindness to anyone here. I leave that to others, as motherofdragons did so earlier by suggesting she could see why I'm estranged.

As you said yourself previously Smileless thread topics grow, evolve and change. Estranged children aren't allowed their own threads, you only have to visit the EAC thread started by myself for other estranged children to see you say so.

Please do stick to one set of rules for everyone as I keep asking you to. We are all more than our estrangement.

Well I know I'm more than my estrangement. This is an open site; no one has their own threads. If you want somewhere only for EAC perhaps you should go to a closed site.

When I wanted a place to post that was only for EP's I found a site specifically for EP's.

Urgh, it's like being on the waltzer. I may throw up on you.

If the ride doesn't agree with you, you can always get off.

Do you get off on this Smileless constantly twisting everything people say in your detemination to win some sort of Internet prize? Because that is why Motherofdragons made that comment to you. You never ever actually listen or self reflect in your determination to make estranged children look or feel bad. She is judging you by your behaviour towards other posters here.

You are the only one who can prove her wrong.

Maybe you should give it some thought.

Ive found it quite sad reading the posts here, I actually left gransnet a few years back because of the negative comments on the estrangement threads. Ive just rejoined and its sad to see nothing has changed!

SallyB392 I really feel your pain and have no advice whatsoever. I have been estranged by both my daughters for over a year now. If I try and contact I'm wrong and if I dont I'm wrong I fear I will never see them or the GC again. So so sad, I wish I had the magic answer but can only send a virtual hug. Feeling so low and lonely.

Smileless, yes, I read the full thread. There was no need to explain it to me like a toddler.

I stand by my thought.

Posters here are trying to help Elena see from outside of her own perspective. The only soapbox I see is certain posters telling her that her daughter needs help and she does not.

I have no desire to prove her wrong. As I posted earlier the opinions of those who have no care for the poster they're responding too, but only seek to further their own agenda are of no interest to me.

This is GN, it isn't all about EAC. I have no desire to make anyone look or feel bad and when it comes to some, I don't have to make them look bad; they do that all by themselves.

Are we on the same thread here? The majority of responses that one poster has received have done nothing but make the poor woman look and feel bad.

The support thread is ongoing Wibby and thankfully stays pretty much free of negative comments.