Frightened I will never see her or overcome this block

Elana, I’m glad you’re reading all the advice.

Don’t push your daughter about her granddad, that is her relationship to manage. I know it’s hard, but you need to try to let that go. I understand your upset though.

Have you looked into therapy to help you process your feelings? After a few sessions you might be able to reach out to daughter with a different perspective, she might be more willing in that time frame to listen, whether due to time or hearing that you are trying to sort your feelings.

Now, she might not be interested, but after therapy you will be stronger to deal with that.

Therapy is not a punishment as some would have you believe, but more a tool to help us all through tough times.

Elena,
be very weary using the courts to see your gc. The money used to defend themselves in court is money being taken away from your gc. Maybe they won't be able to afford after school activities anymore because you are suing them. Court is only going to really hurt your d and gc. I would think that you are very unlikely to gain the outcome you want in court when there is a history of sexual abuse however. You may spend alot of money, put your gc through trauma (yes being sued is traumatic), and then not even get the outcome you want. If you do this and it doesn't work out, you may guarantee that your d and gc never see you again.

A good point about the different language Namsnanny.

Mr. S. often asks me the same thing Grandmafrench in fact he asked me this evening why I bother, and the only answer I could give was "it's what I do".

I understand your wanting to talk to your D elena, I felt the same way when my step father died, I really wanted to be able to talk to our ES because before the estrangement he'd have been such a comfort. I didn't contact him though because I knew it would a total waste of time.

You really need to understand that if you do file to go court there's a distinct possibility that it will cause a bigger problem. That your D wont see it as evidence of your love for your GC and desire to see them. That she'll regard it as not being on her side, which is what she felt when you refused to have nothing more to do with your H, your son and your other GC. That she may never communicate with you again.

My advice for what it's worth is the same as it was in my previous response to you when you asked for suggestions. Leave it alone, don't contact your D or your 12 year old GS and hope that things will change.

Elena,
If my parents ever sued me to see my children. It would not prove to me how much they loved them. It would prove to me how little they cared about my feelings and how much they wanted to control me. This probably isn't your intention. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone being thankful or happy about being taken to court. You could financially ruin them, then they would hate you. Please find other ways to reconnect with them, court could push them away forever.

If there wasn't a relationship with your dad before, then its not that surprising that she isn't responding. You see some toxic people use another persons health/death to try and guilt/rope abused children back under their control. My parents did this, my uncle passed away a couple months ago as I posted here. I doubt this is your intention but she could read this as you trying to force her into contact with her because of the health of someone she didn't have a relationship to begin with. I am not saying that you were abusive or she was abused, but she could definitely get the wrong idea.

Don't stress that she didn't respond. Take some of the better advice given before and try to work on the relationship with your daughter first

Elana you sound a little calmer which is great. All your feelings are understandable but don't assume feelings for your daughter, her not telling you doesn't mean she isn't having them. I really think you both need therapy or counselling together. Try to put yourself in your daughters place, imagine her coming to you as her son did to her. Admitting something serious happened to him doesn't make your grandaughter bad. She was just a child. Admitting that your daughter has understandable feelings and worries doesn't make your husband guilty. I worry that going to court will destroy your relationship and fixing it is the best way to get truly meaningful relationships with your grandchildren.

"I'm even moreso worried with her mindset right now as I did text her just days ago to let her know her grandad was in hospital with Covid. She has never been close to him, neither have I really due to my parents divorcing when I was 3. But he is still my dad and her grandad. I was so upset when the hospital called me, all I wanted to do was talk with my d as upset as I was. My d didnt even send me a text to ask after him"

You said it yourself - she is not close to her grandfather.
You are not close either.

You are using his hospitalization to force contact with your daughter.

This is a very common mistake that parents make - use a medical emergency to pursue your own agenda.
This is straight manipulation.

You are so lucky she still talks to you.
I hope you realize it.

You take her to court and she will be gone from your life. Your gc too.

Using the authorities (calling CPS, police wellness calls, going to court for gpr, etc) instead of fixing your differences in a more civilized manner is the BIGGEST mistake you can make.

A dna link without a relationship means nothing.
That person is a stranger to you, like the ones you see on the street but haven't even talked to ever.
DNA makes no difference.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

A disgusting post that I have reported.

What on earth is going on? Has rosecarmel been hacked?

Why on earth would anyone bother hacking into someones GN account?

I don't know Smileless but have you ever heard rosecarmel say anything even remotely similar? The layout of the comment was also nothing like her usual style.

I'm still in shock

It was shocking I agree and not like her but I can't imagine why anyone would hack into someones GN account.

Probably the same reasons people make fake accounts... to say horrible things they wouldn't want to be held responsible for themselves.

The post was deleted so I haven't read it, but sorry if I sound rude but hacking a GN account?
Targeting a particular poster in this way?
Doesn't seem likely to me.

No it doesn't to me either Namsnanny but it just didn't look like the same person at all and I was so shocked I didn't know what to think.

It could be that her profile was left logged in somewhere though and someone else used it

Unfortunately the targeting of posters does happen Namsnanny but even so, hacking into someone else's account is extreme.

"A disgusting post etc.."

It's what I do ..

The comment I was responding to was threaded with bitterness, prejudice and contempt-

But no vulgarity.

As I said I didn't read your post rosecarmel, and I'm quite ready to accept there are a lot of replies I don't understand.

Innuendo can be very insulting, as it is meant to be, and is used an awful lot on here. As is allusion.

But I haven't read a post today that fits your description.
Which one were you replying to?

I'm puzzled.

rosecarmel I'm not sure what to say really, I'm flabbergasted.

That was like putting out a burning chip pan with a flamethrower. No need to burn the house down.

I do appreciate the opportunity to use flabbergasted though.

Yesterday 22:43 namsnanny not anyone I recognise. Bit of a sweeping generalisation about estranged children. I know I'm not one of the "liked" estranged children round here but still, are we all "angry teens" who "having discussions with adults aren't really their thing" who should "play elsewhere" ? I meet the criteria to join gransnet or I wouldn't be here.

Starblaze, I'd compare it to depriving a fire of oxygen, putting a lid on it ..

And Smileless, prejudicial practices are vulgar-

I'm sure you're right but not practising them myself, I wouldn't really know.