SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement

Thank you everybody for your kind thoughts and good wishes. In the end, the weekend did not happen as planned, as unfortunately DD1 cancelled on Friday. DGD1 had been suffering from a fever and the whole family have gone down with a nasty bug. I am quite sure that it was genuine, not an excuse, as her main concern was not to put DH at risk and she wants to come next weekend.

However, DD3 says she has to go back to London as her course starts the following week and DD2 is also planning to go to London to stay in the flat for a couple of days, as she says she has things she needs to sort out there. Basically, I think that the moment has passed and DD1's proposed visit was putting a lot of stress on the family. DD1 says that she couldn't cope with another week of it, that she will see her sometime for DH's sake, but doesn't feel up to it right now.

The situation has been made worse by the fact that DH's scan results were not good, the chemo has stopped working and the tumours have increased in size. However, the oncologist has prescribed radiology and immunotherapy, so they haven't given up on him, which is good news. But he is in a lot of pain and discomfort and clearly disappointed that the reunion didn't happen.

I feel drained but also relieved and disappointed at the same time. I so wanted DH to have a memorable birthday, but it just didn't happen in the end. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Sorry to hear that you are suffering hugs and I will be thinking of you this week Smileless and sending all love and best wishes that the funeral goes as well as it can.

Sorry, I meant DD2 couldn't bear another week of stress. DD1 wants to come and see her sisters and just move on as though nothing has happened.

PT would it be better for it to be a smaller reunion anyway. Then you can focus on your relationship with your daughter and let your children resolve issues between themselves. That way you can take a step back from that part of the issue, especially when you have had more awful news. Sending you good thoughts for your husbands treatment and recovery.

Oh I am sorry PF about the weekend not happening and especially about your DH.

I an understand you having feelings of relief and disappointment. Sometimes I think a moment does pass and I can only imagine how stressful that wait and anticipation for this weekend must have been.

Sending love, hugs and to you and your DH x

I'm sorry to hear your latest news PF. It's a shame the reunion didn't happen but I can understand you being relieved as well as disappointed. I do hope the bug isn't too bag and all those suffering from it are soon recovered and not worrying about passing it on. I hope little get togethers can make up for it and perhaps be less stressful.
I'm very sorry the scan results weren't better and I very much hope that he does well on the next treatments.
Thank you very much for you kind words. You have so much on your plate, and you are yours are very much in my thoughts.

I hope the run-up to the funeral isn't getting too stressful smiles - there can be a lot going round in your mind just before hand, I hope your preparations so far have helped you feel ready. Will be thinking of you. And thank you too for your kindness when you have so much going on.

Wishing you all a peaceful night and better things to come. x

I’d like to add my best wishes to you all ?- I know you’ve all been having a tough time recently and don’t like to just read and run as it were x

So sorry your birthday weekend didn't work out Petit. It must have been so disappointing for your H & yourself, & so sorry to hear he has taken a turn for the worse. to ty & cheer you a little. xx

Smileless Best of luck tomorrow with your mother's funeral

PF I am sorry that the memorable birthday didnt happen as planned and also that the news re your husbands illness was not good.

I hope that you can have a small get together with your daughter next weekend as she suggests and that your husband and you can enjoy that.

When your other daughters are ready then they can take that step with their sister too.

I've done as much as I can do in readiness for tomorrow food wise and am now waiting for 2 of my cousins to arrive. Had some beautiful flowers delivered this morning which we'll take with us on Wednesday when we scatter mum's ashes on Wednesday.

Not long to wait now.

Thinking of you Smileless

For you Smileless

Thinking of you Smiles x

[flowe thinking of you x

Thinking of you smiles

Hope today is not too stressful as you say goodbye smileless. I think its today!

Thanks everyone, you support and kindness is much appreciated.

Yesterday went really well. It was a beautiful day and the hearse mum was in had a glass roof so the sun was shining down on her and the beautiful flowers we'd arranged, all the way to the crematorium.

The service was lovely; my cousins all said it was perfect. Thankfully there were only 6 of us so they were able to come back and we had a lovely lunch, shared our memories and looked through old photo's one of my cousins brought with her.

Mr. S. and I went back this morning for her ashes to be scattered in the Garden of Remembrance. The man who looked after us was lovely and made a cross with mum's ashes then we put our flowers, my cousins and some from my dearest friend either side, and Mr. S. took photo's.

Mr. S. found another lovely poem 'We are Made of Stardust' which he read just before mum's ashes were spread. I don't know what I'd do without him.

I've decided to have a plaque done for mum, somewhere where I can go and leave flowers for her. I have some of mum's ashes as her sister died last year and one of my cousins has some of my aunt's ashes. She's going to put them in the ground and plant a fruit tree and will do the same with mum's, so the sisters will have a fruit tree each, side by side.

Didn't get much sleep the night before the funeral; slept well last night but feel exhausted.

It sounds to have been one of those funerals that truly help the grieving process x

Smileless. You've done you're mum proud.

Yes it really has helped Iam.

Thanks Chewbacca; I hope so.

I'm so glad it went well *smiles". It sounds like you really did her proud.

I am so pleased it went so well and you must be relieved it is over. I am not surprised that you are exhausted. Just relax now, take care and be kind to yourself. for later x

Sorry I haven't posted all summer, this has been a crazy summer full of grief and joy. Two week vacation to the Oregon coast that our GC were supposed to go on with us but of course were not allowed, that we ended up having to come home early fleeing the forest fires. That's another long story. Three months without the kids and I dreamed about them almost every night. I would look for them down the street, drive by their house hoping they would be in the yard. My husband and I sought counseling last month from a professional counsleor and got great advice and comfort. More nasty e-mails and accusations from my daughter. Finally we sought the advice of a family law attorney who informed us of our rights as grandparents. In Wyoming (as in all 50 states) grandparents have rights to visitation with their grandchildren, by statute, similar to a non-custodial parent. We learned that we could file a petition with the court to force visitation with our GCs. The only way they could block our visitation would be if we were unfit or if somehow the visitation would substantially hinder their rights to raise their children as they see fit. So before we went ahead and filed the lawsuit, we wrote a letter to my daughter and told her that if we could not work out visitation they we were going to take it to the court. Guess what, we get to have the kids overnight this weekend. We haven't worked out a specific visitation schedule yet but I know we will now that litigation is hanging over their heads.
Thank the Good Lord.
I don't any of the rest of your situations but Grandparent visitation is a right by law in all 50 states and more of you should consider taking advantage of the law to stand up for your rights and for your grandchildren who need to have grandparents in their lives.
Thank you all for listening.

I'm so pleased for you Grandmasosad that you have managed to secure contact with your GC. Just goes to show how there are AC out there who deny their parents their GC out of spite and not because they have any genuine concerns for their children's welfare.

The opposite actually, when children are deprived of the GP's they know and love because of their parents 'issues'.