PetitFromage
rosecarmel - I agree that you need to validate people's views, as it is their genuine response to a situation, before you can enter into a meaningful dialogue. Otherwise, as you rightly point out, the person will become defensive and then any effort at communication is doomed to failure.
I also agree with you that sometimes we may need to settle for something which is less than we would have wished for, but is the best which can be achieved - like making the best dish you can with the ingredients available. If you cannot change a situation, then the next best thing is to change your reaction to it. Otherwise, it just takes up too much head space and causes damage to our mental health as well as impacting on our other relationships.
A person can validate what others think they see but not validate that what they think they see is true- That's the sticking, point- Because when refused, there's defensiveness-
Sometimes what others say results in discomfort- The severity of it dependent upon comfort being expected,
even when causing discomfort wasn't intended- Although, sometimes it clearly is-
What isn't healthy is expecting what others say to always provide comfort and expecting them not to say what causes discomfort while at the same time causing discomfort to others with what they themselves say-