SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

PF I am glad that you are hearing so many lovely things about DH. Also that you are seeing a gentle move towards better relationships between your daughtrers.

Smilelesss that Remembrance Book sounds such a lovely thing to receive and to keep

|Thistlelass

3nanny6 I certainly didn't miss the Halloween shenanigans - I have always hated them!

Hope everyone's OK.

I'm still trying to get used to it getting dark at about 4.30; does make the days feel so much shorter and the evenings longer especially as we can't go out for an evening meal.

I hope the arrangements for your DH are going OK PF. It's a difficult time but sorting out all the arrangements can provide some comfort and peace of mind x

Got together outside at a park for my GS birthday. My ES was not there again. His father said my ES doesn't believe in the virus and is heavily into the Quanon conspiracy theories. My X is ready to kick him out if he doesn't wear a mask. He has no wear to go as there is no alot of places to rent or even buy.
I am stressed about him being on a street during a pandemic.
Geez, isn't it enough to worry about this virus without worrying about him being kicked out. Sorry, I just needed to vent. We don't stop worrying even if they are estranged do we?

It must be such a worry for you Rhinestone and hard for his dad if he's refusing to wear a mask and is risking bringing Covid home. Presumably, if he doesn't believe in the virus he isn't social distancing or hand washing either.

This difficult time is making estrangement harder for so many.
I can't understand virus deniers, anti vaxers or anyone who believes in Quanon. Tough for you Rhinestone

There are so many odd beliefs at the moment, but unfortunately some of the people in charge don't really help in terms of their leadership styles and how much trust they inspire.

Hope things are as ok for you all as they can be. Thinking of you and your family PF.

Thank you everybody for all of your good wishes and support. I am sorry to have been absent for a few days, but there has been so much to organise. I feel quite exhausted and have been going to bed at 8pm (and waking up early, as you can see). The funeral is to be on 1st December in London.

I am still devastated but it also seems unreal. I just try to get through each day, as best I can, one step in from of the other, ticking things off the list. Yesterday, I had to register the death (surprisingly easy as it is all done by telephone due to Covid, but still distressing), today the funeral director is coming, and there is so much to arrange around the funeral. I know that you will understand this Smileless given your own recent loss.

However, DD1 could not have been more loving or supportive, and there have also been big steps forward between the sisters. It was DD1's birthday a couple of days ago, the first without DH, and we all FaceTimed. DD2, in particular, knows that DH would have wanted reconciliation, but she wants it too, and I am sure that DD1 also does. She speaks of DH with such love and I am sure that she deeply regrets the estrangement. I think that the death of DH has put everything in perspective, that the arguments of the past all seem petty. We have all grown up a lot, including me.

And there has been so much kindness, so much support, even from unexpected quarters, that I feel comforted, that DH is still around us, somehow.

I am not sure that I belong on this thread any longer, but I just want to say that there is always hope, that people change and grow and their horizons and perspectives change. Time - and Sleep - are the great healers. So hang on in there, don't be despondent, love comes with pain, but love always triumphs in the end.

PF so glad that things are moving forward for you as a family even through such a difficult time

I think you do definitely belong here ...your wisdom and experience and understanding can only provide support and food for thought for others going through estrangement or fearing it, with so many different stories

I agree with Madgran, Petitfromage- you definitely belong on here.

Your experience of estrangement and reconciliation is added to the wealth of knowledge on this thread, all of it invaluable to everyone struggling through the mire.

Glad to hear that baby steps with your daughters are continuing and hope that gives you some consolation in the loss of your beloved husband x

You absolutely belong here *PF, please don't think about leaving us; we all need your care, support and good sense.

It's wonderful to hear about the improvement in relations between your D's. Your DH will be able to rest peacefully knowing that what he wanted so much is becoming a reality x

PF I found it really interesting reading your reconciliation stories, so do 'pop in' from time to time and let us know how things are going, they sound really good at the mo. Just a shame your DH has now gone, but so good he had all his girls round his bedside at the end.

Best of luck with the funeral

PFNow we REALLY need you. Please don’t leave because you are now a wealth of information for us. Keep us informed on your girls and maybe you can give us more insight as to what your DD1 says about estrangement. We need to know how the other side felt.
Much good wishes are sent for you to have continued strength as you go through this difficult time.

By the way ..... there are two people in our congress in the states that believe in Quanon. How strange . Now if only our president would concede. My ES said that Trump was the savior for the people. That’s what they told him to believe on those websites. He has really fallen into the hole.

PF., its sad and wonderful that reconciliation has come from your bereavement, I hope life continues to improve with your family, and send love and strength in this sad time.
Stay with us, we need your kindness and input to help us. Take care.

just popping in to say hello really.
P.F so glad to hear that your daughters are taking steps on the path of reconciliation and I am sure your DH will be watching it all from somewhere close by and will be happy for all of you. Do hope that the funeral arrangements go well .

P.F one of your lines in your post says love comes with pain but love always triumphs in the end and I am certainly glad that is what is working for you but just saying that is about as far away from love triumphing with my daughter as it could ever be and it seems any love has long frozen over as far as she is concerned.

3nanny

Thank you everybody for all of your kindness.

3nanny, I would have said exactly the same as you a couple years ago. I also felt that love was frozen and could see no way forward. But, as Plato famously said, 'everything changes, and nothing remains still', so even if things seem a bit hopeless now, that's not to say that they will always be that way.

DD2 admired DH. She thought he was very wise because, like a seasoned chess player, he would not see just the next move on the board, but several moves ahead, the big picture, and the end game. Sometimes, I think that is what we need to try to do, in order to unblock our thought processes and to anticipate a positive outcome, even if it's not on the immediate horizon.

Wishing everyone a peaceful weekend.

What is Quanon?

Your DH was very wise PF. I will remember the chess board analogy and your post shows exactly why you are needed here.

Yogagirl I think Quanon is a far right conspiracy believing organisation.

YogagirlSmileless is correct . They are a right wing conspiracy theory cult. They believe in so many crazy things. One of them is that Hillary Clinton and other famous people are pedophiles and drink children’s blood. They believe Trump was privy to information to this and was going to be the savior.The man can’t save us !
They are saving children’s lives supposedly. How is sitting on a computer all day helping children. Tom Hanks died and his double is running around. There is more but too long to go into. My ES has sent my mother tons of links to sites which support this. The difference between him and others is that he has not worked in two years. And my x wants to kick him out. He’s obviously mental ill and of course won’t get help. My brother is mentally ill as is my mother who is bipolar. Yet my x just rants and raves about him and he rants snd raves about Quanon. It has been three years since I last saw him and every time he knows I have talked with my X he calls my mother. Very strange. And yet despite all this I still want to see him.

Well I knew they had some wacky ideas Rhinestone but had no idea they were that wacky. No wonder you worry about your ES x

Hi All and I hope everyone is well. I have had three nights with outside fireworks being let off for Diwali as their are many Sikhs with houses over at the back of where I live and I feel a bit frazzled as my youngest dog has been terrified and does not like the bangs one little bit .

P.F I do hope I did not upset you saying about how my daughters love seems frozen over and I think you have an admirable way in how you look at things and keep such a strong faith that everything will turn out to a positive outcome. Your D.H was also most wise and to look for the bigger picture is always positive. I am just happy that for you and your family things are working out well and your steps towards reconciliation are meeting with success.

I do still care for my daughter but the pain runs deep and I do not know at this stage how much forgiveness I still have left but I try.
I have at least been given a tiny ray of hope for all my prayers I have been saying this November. I have had news from my son on 12th November (I am in his bubble for lockdown) and he has told me that his partner/missus is pregnant and I must not talk about it just yet as their first scan is due mid December so early days yet. He is ecstatically happy and I am so happy for him and to me it feels like I can see such a tiny light far in the distance at the end of the long dark tunnel that we have had this year. What I now feel is that this newest grand-child could go some way to healing so much heartache I have been through with my other grand-children and I do not think my son will treat me so badly as his sister chose to.
My first grand-child from my daughter at the time was a little miracle but look how it all turned out although none of it the fault of the children it has been a long road to travel.
Anyway I think I am rambling a bit now due to loss of sleep with those fireworks and also riding on a soft gentle cloud with the latest news.

Enjoy riding that "soft gentle cloud" 3nanny, you deserve it and congratulations on your wonderful news .

Rhinestone - Quanon is truly a terrifying thing, when so many folks seem to believe it. Mr T has caused so much damage. He has refused to refute the belief systems expressed by those who support Quanon because many of them are his 'core base'. Dangerous man and the sooner he's out of the White House the safer the US and also, the world will be

Thanks for that Smiles & Rhinestone Don't think I'll be joining