SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

PF It really does sound like everyone was making as big an effort as they could for the sake of your DH and yourself. That is the very best that it can be just now. Very pleased for you

Thanks everyone. Yes, I think it went it went as well as it could, although there was also a lot of underlying tension, but I don't think DH was aware of it. We were all exhausted yesterday, but I am feeling better after a good night's sleep.

I am pleased that DD1 came but also pleased that the visit is over, if that makes sense. And after the euphoria of thinking that we love each other, that it will all be ok, we will have a good mother/daughter relationship, comes the crash and all the 'buts'. The 'but she didn't invite us to share her marriage day' (which was low key just signing the register, but SIL's family shared the day - although they live much closer). The 'but she didn't tell us about DGD1 for 14 months'. The 'but she moved house without giving us her new address' for a long time.

The really weird thing about the last one is that when I said to DD1 last week - (on the first occasion we have spent time alone together in 4 years, because we were visiting DH) - I asked why she had blocked our telephone numbers. I said how cruel it was and how would she feel if one of her DC did it when they were older. She said that she would have turned up on the doorstep and that's what we should have done. So I said that presumably you blocked us because you didn't want to speak to us, so why would you want us to turn up on your doorstep.

I know that I have to forgive and let go if we are to truly move forward, but I can feel myself sinking back into the old negative thought patterns. Does the anger and hurt ever go away? Probably time for a bit more therapy, especially with everything else going on. I just don't know who I am any more.

Anyway, enough about me. How is everyone else doing today?

PF It is good that DH was not aware of tension.

I am sad to say this and it is meant kindly, but your daughter telling you that you should have turned up on the doorstep suggests that she is not taking responsibility for her actions and is turning the consequences of her actions on to you.

I think you are right that if you want a relationship you have to move forward and let go but I think you should keep in mind what I have suggested above. Counselling might help you I am sure but the onus is not just on you. I truly hope that DD1 sees this and that you can all move forward together through this difficult time for you all and beyond. At the moment just focus on DH, the rest can follow.

I agree with Madgran PF. Your DD1 is refusing to take responsibility for the estrangement she wanted and caused.

With your DH's health you're bound to feel uncertain about what the future holds for your reconciliation. I'm sure you'd have felt like this if your DH was in the best of health. It's totally understandable.

I know I have to forgive and let go. What you need to do is to work on forgiving and letting go. This isn't going to happen over night, no matter how much she and you want it too.

The love you have for your D, that unconditional love, is why you want too but it will take time. Once broken, trust is very difficult to re build.

As Madgran has said "at the moment just focus on DH, the rest can follow".

We're back home now, we were returning today anyway and with the new lock down everyone has to leave by Wednesday.
A lot to do to shut it down until March and I was pleased with how well organised I was, getting it ready so quickly; until we got home!!

I've left the cheque book in my dressing table drawerso poor Mr. S. has to drive back this afternoon before picking up our cat to get it. Thank goodness it's only an hours drive away.

I can't go because I got a 'phone all from my hairdresser yesterday afternoon and she's booked me in for a hair cut this afternoon. Anything to stop me using my thinning comb I suspect but depending on how long this lock down lasts, I may have to give into temptation.

It's our ES's birthday today; 'Happy Birthday. I love you'.

Oh Bless you PF, you'd have to be a saint and then some not to have some negative thoughts. I think you're doing amazingly well. Give yourself, and all of you, time, you've just got too much on your plates to process it all I'm sure.

Bless you too smiles - what a lovely message to your ES on a day that must be very difficult for you.

Smileless

Today I have lost my dearest love.

So very sorry PF. ? You did all you could for your darling husband.

Sincere condolences PF

Very sorry for your loss PF x

There are no words PF only tears and deep sorrow for your loss[flowers[ xxxx

PF So sorry. And well done for doing all that you could for him as he came to the end of his life

Very sorry to read this Petitfromage - hope your family is a comfort to you over the coming weeks and you can be kind to yourself ?

I am so so sorry for your los PF.
Please take care of yourself xx

So very sorry PetitFromage. My sincere condolences to you and your family. ?

So sorry for your loss PF,
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
May your dear husband Rest in peace xx

Petit So very sorry for your loss
How fortunate that he had his 3 daughters by his bedside just 2 days before! Let's hope the reconciliation continues. You can never forget & no doubt it will come up from time to time with you & your Ds, but just try not to let things be said that could rock the boat.

I always said I could never forgive or forget, but would move on to a renewed relationship if there was a reconciliation. This I have done with my son, but now, 8yrs on, feel I could not do this with my EstD, too much pain & heartache, she's destroyed too much for no reason!

Sincere Condolences to you PF and the family on the sad loss of D.H.
You all made his last days loving and peaceful for him and for the family to have come together without animosity was certainly a happy end to his illness.
Thinking of you. XX

PetitFromage

Smileless

Today I have lost my dearest love.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

You are in my thoughts

So very sorry for your loss PFx

Today is the 4th anniversary of our move to our lovely new home and the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. I'm sitting here remembering the mixed emotions of that day; joyful anticipation and anxiousness as Mr. S. bless him, only agreed to the move because I needed it so badly.

x PF

Smileless & Mr.S Congratulations on your 4th anniversary of moving on into your new home God Bless xx

It was a good move Smileless, done for the best reasons and one that has turned out very well for you both.

I am pleased that it has worked out so well for you Smileless xx.

Thank you everybody for your good wishes and kindness. I feel oddly peaceful today, relieved that his suffering is at an end, and I feel his presence all around me. However, I fully expect to be hit by a tidal wave of grief in the near future. I am just trying to be supportive to my DDs and letting friends and former colleagues know. He was greatly loved and respected.

Smileless2012 and Mr. S. congratulations on your 4th anniversary in your new home. A new chapter that brought
much needed happiness to you both.

P.F hope you and the family are okay. It must be a relief that the pain and suffering are now over for D.H. Take care you have had so much to deal with.
Thinking of you. xx.