OnwardandUpward it's horrible to feel that you are being judged and even on an online forum like GN, on threads specifically about estrangement, it takes courage to share even just the tip of your experience.
You're spot on about the importance of learning the grieving process. Estrangement is referred too as a living bereavement and I think that acknowledging that we are grieving for what we've lost is very important. Doing so can hopefully enable us to be kinder to ourselves, to realise and understand that this is not something we can just get over. It may be something some will never get over and there's no shame in that.
I can in a way identify with that Sara, despite it being our son's decision to estrange us, I don't want to see him or talk to him anymore, and have felt this way for some time.
I'm not happy with his choice, we lost not just him but our only GC but have found peace (most of the time) and happiness in my life without him.
You couldn't make it up could you Whiff. You moved closer to your son and D and lost your son, our ES and his wife moved closer to us, just 15 doors away, and we lost him.
I agree cornishpatsy that it's important to accept what has happened and move on, whether you're the one who estranged or the one who has been estranged. That said, it's a difficult process and for me, being able to share with others not just what I have and continue to experience in terms of the actual estrangement, but the things we have done to move forward with our lives, has been immensely beneficial to my well being.
Simply knowing that you've shown someone else that they're not alone, that you and others understand their pain and suffering is testament to there being some good that can come from something so awful.