Child's wishes

If, under the Children Act, children have a right to know their extended family, would this apply to uncles and aunts as well as grandparents?

I lost my Dad 2 years ago tomorrow and mainly due to him favouring me for something in his Will the whole family has turned against me including my 2 sons. I have 4 GC - 2 from each son. The eldest I keep in contact through their mother (his ex) as it's what the children want and we enjoy video chats every few weeks. I asked about taking them out to lunch and she told me that my son is paying 'additional' maintenance over the csa set amount on condition that I am prevented having contact with them that would not involve him at all, so just done out of pure spite .. rotten parent!! Their mother sends me video messages with them opening birthday presents which is lovely and I really appreciate her help with this.
My youngest son has cut all contact and my youngest GC is almost 1 and I didnt even know they were expecting. I send cards and token gifts for birthdays/Xmas and get proof of posting and take photos of everything I send for a memory box and hope they make contact when they are older. Using children as pawns to hurt people is disgusting behaviour and not only hurts us GP but the children also

i have had to go through this twice first time my son got divorced ad his ex would not let us see GD, second time my daughter decided that as i was going through a divorce husbands fault i was not going to see GD but ex could, i am sorry to say i was informed bty a solicitor unlss i took them to court for acces to visit i didnt stand a chance. so lost touch completely ith GD1 but GD2 now 16 has got in touch and we are currently emailing but not yet feel comfortable meeting

Get a solicitor and go via grandparents rights - its long and depressing but you do get contact. The children then realise you do love them and intend to be there for them no matter what.

Whiff... you are truly astounding. I wish you love, luck, hope and further strength for the future.
Such good advice on here already. xx

silverlining48

Why not keep a notebook to write to your grandchildren, talking to them about things you have done together, are now doing, what you feel about them. Just chatty things. Include photos and birthday and Christmas wishes. Whatever helps you to feel closer to them.

I am not estranged but kept a book for over 20 years for my children and also grandchildren, which they will get when they are old enough.

I always send them a postcard from holidays too, you could do the same and keep them together with the book, so that one day they will know you have always cared. I wish you well.

Well, this one got to me. Monday morning tears here. x

Chewbacca only brave and strong because of all the support from Smiles and everyone one else. Otherwise I couldn't have got through this last year. Without you all I could have ended up a wreck.
???

You did do the right thing User disagreements and disputes between adults should be kept between adults and children should not be drawn into them.

You're a strong and brave woman Whiff.

It's a travesty that kids are used like pawns in parents disputes. I could not stand my ex husband, but I always asked my child if they wanted to see nan and grandad on his side. My kid wanted to see them, so they did. Perhaps I gave my child too much autonomy. I feel I did the right thing, even though they bad mouthed me over the years to my kid. My AC now knows how to think for themselves, instead of listening to others. AC now middleaged and can see the reality of all involved

When my son decided last year he never wanted anything to do with me. I sent a letter to my then 2 grandson's who I had seen every week with my son until March. To his mother in law who lives with them.

As one grandmother to another asking her to read it to the boys. I just said that I wouldn't be seeing them for a time but they hadn't done anything wrong. And that I loved them very much and would always be their nannie. And to be good boys and look after their baby brother when he was born. And to be good for daddy,mommy and nannie.

Can't remember the exact wording but those are some of the things I put . I didn't crictise my son or daughter in law . My daughter in law tore me to shreds on Reddit for writing to my grandson's via her mother.

In August last year I foolishly send birthday presents for both my son and second grandsons birthday which was the same day ,plus birth presents as knew my baby grandson was due in July and something for my oldest grandson. As in my son's email he sent in May he said to give him time.

Everything came back the day after their birthday . All unopened. Looked like someone had crushed the presents in their hands with a vile letter stating zero contact.

So zero contact he has got. I haven't sent a thing to them since.

It will be up to my 3 grandson's when they are older if they want to see me . I will be here. At the moment the oldest will be 5 in October he's brothers are 3 and 1.

It's up to you what you do but being torn to shreds over the letter and having everything returned unopened plus the final letter was that it for me.

I will never let them hurt me again like that. I don't hate my son and daughter in law. But will never trust my son ever again or forgive either of them. I miss my son and grandson's very much. And don't even know the name or date of birth of the youngest.

But I would never go to court over this. It will be my grandson's choice when they are older if they want to know me.

Children at the age of 16 have their own say about any adult contact.

why have you fallen out with the GC' parents.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this painful position. As hard as this situation is for you, parents ultimately decide who spends time with their children. The best thing is to work out things with the parents. If you can't, then you need to respect their wishes for their minor children. Don't try to bypass the parents to get to their children.

Not knowing the details of the situation it's hard to be sure whether you can have distant contact like sending cards or gifts but, if the parents aren't passing them on, their wishes there are clear.

You can go for visitation through courts if you had a previous involved relationship with the gc, but this move, successful or not, will probably be the end of any hope of a relationship with the children's parents. The stress of this may also have a negative impact on your gc.

Who would be asking the children if they wish to see their grandparents?

If you mean in regards to a court action then no, I don’t imagine their views would be taken into consideration given their ages and the fact that the courts would, in any event, assume the parents to be acting in the best interests of the children. The state is reluctant to intervene in parenting decisions, except where the child is at risk of harm. As it should be.

Are you intending to raise a court action? The best course of action would be to try and fix your relationship with the parents. Is that a possibility in your situation?

You could go to the Family court and the children are old enough to have their views considered, but even if you succeed in having some access granted that access would need to be facilitated by the parents. There are a thousand ways they can stop this happening. If they don't comply you would need to take legal action against them, which would only aggravate the situation. Meantime the children will be caught in the cross fire.
I'm sorry to be so negative. I realy don't think a legal route would help. I do hope you can find another way.

Part of the safeguarding of children within the act is safeguarding their right to know their extended family. Where for example GP's are successful in obtaining a court order to have access to their GC, that decision is based on what is in the best interests of the children.

As I remember it, The Children's Act is primarily concerned with the duties of parents, courts and other organisations in safeguarding children and keeping them free from abuse and harm.

If it does say that I would love to know the specific heading it comes under so that I can update my own knowledge.

Yes you're right User777 it does state in the Children Act that children have a right to know their extended family, which is why if GP's do go to court to get access, it's not their rights they're asking to be upheld (GP's don't have any rights when it comes to their GC) it's the children's rights.

Children do not have to be in care.

I don't think it does say that User7777. I think what you have heard refers to children in care.
Courts in the UK generally do not go against the parents wishes unless the grandparent can prove that they have had a substantial role in a child's life and it would be determental to the child not to see them. I do not think that would change if going to court becomes easier.

I would never advise anyone to go that route, it would in most cases destroy any chance of mending the relationship. I will relate what I have heard about the reasons this would be a terrible.

If there were alegations that the grandparents were unfit or the parents were unfit this could involve the children being interviewed and no matter how gently this is done, children are smart. They will ask questions. They will likely find out what is happening.

It would place emotional stress on the family which affects the children.

It will place financial stress on the family which affects the children.

If grandparents have concerns for the grandchildren, going for visitation would not help the children and likely harm them. Of parents are unfit they should be reported through the proper channels. If they are good parents then I would assume they are taking care of their children's mental and physical health and the children are coping well with the situation.

Awarded visitation may sour the relationship with grandparents later when children who usually become autonomous with their social lives are still forced to visit more often than wanted and it may build resentment.

The best way to have a good relationship with grandchildren will always be to find a way to have a good one with the parents.

Outside influences should never come between children and their parents. Children do not deserve to be put in the middle of difficult family relationships. This applies also to separated parents who cannot coparent effectively. All that does is harm children in the majority of cases.

Unless you go through the courts, which is very difficult (particularly in the UK) the there are official rules about how to navigate this situation.

What is your relationship like with the other grandparents? If it’s good then perhaps speak to them? If not then maybe write. All you can really do is ask the parents and see what they will allow.

Obviously going through the courts is an option but quite complicated and can be costly. And may risk damaging your relationship with the parents further, which may hinder any chance of reconciliation.

I feel terrible for you. I think kids have a right to know their extended family. It states that in the Children Act.
My grandparents were not allowed to see us due to our fathers ego. So we never knew them until we were 18. My g p sent Xmas presents which were never acknowledged by our stupid father. It is time family courts looked into the damage kids are caused by vengeful parents. And no, after 18 years old there was precious little time left before they died. It's the cruellest thing, parents do to their kids

"Hell no!" what Hithere?

Hell no!

Violetsky Your last sentence says it all. that is all you can do. If you really try that and it fails then at least you know you have really tried your very best.