Child's wishes

I am very sorry you are in this situation.

I wouldn't risk putting the other grandparents in this position.

I'm afraid unwanted contact is quite often viewed as harassment and stalking no matter what the intentions behind doing so.

The very best thing you can do to have a good relationship with your grandchildren is to find a way to have a good relationship with their parents.

Smileless2012

I know how hard this is for you Heartwrenched as we're in the same situation. We were sending cards and Christmas and for birthdays but have stopped now as I doubt they were being passed on.

We always bought 2, one to send and one for a memory box we have for them. I suggest you do that and in addition you could open a savings account for each in your name, and put money in their instead of buying gifts.

If you do get to see them in the future, you'll be able to draw that money out for them but if not, leave details of the accounts in your will to ensure that they'll get the money once you're no longer here.

IMO it would be unwise to involve the other GP's as doing so would put them in a potentially very difficult position.

I'm sorry but I think it unlikely the parents would be willing for any gifts, cards or letters you send to be given to the children. That would mean there's some contact with you and if they were willing for this to be the case, you'd have that contact now.

Unfortunately the GC in cases like these are the innocent victims; their wishes and rights not being taken into account.

Again, I'm sorry you're in this situation.

I am so sorry for you Heartwrenched.
Smile less has a good option- could that be something for you to think about?

Sending you hugs and

Why not keep a notebook to write to your grandchildren, talking to them about things you have done together, are now doing, what you feel about them. Just chatty things. Include photos and birthday and Christmas wishes. Whatever helps you to feel closer to them.

I am not estranged but kept a book for over 20 years for my children and also grandchildren, which they will get when they are old enough.

I always send them a postcard from holidays too, you could do the same and keep them together with the book, so that one day they will know you have always cared. I wish you well.

I know how hard this is for you Heartwrenched as we're in the same situation. We were sending cards and Christmas and for birthdays but have stopped now as I doubt they were being passed on.

We always bought 2, one to send and one for a memory box we have for them. I suggest you do that and in addition you could open a savings account for each in your name, and put money in their instead of buying gifts.

If you do get to see them in the future, you'll be able to draw that money out for them but if not, leave details of the accounts in your will to ensure that they'll get the money once you're no longer here.

IMO it would be unwise to involve the other GP's as doing so would put them in a potentially very difficult position.

I'm sorry but I think it unlikely the parents would be willing for any gifts, cards or letters you send to be given to the children. That would mean there's some contact with you and if they were willing for this to be the case, you'd have that contact now.

Unfortunately the GC in cases like these are the innocent victims; their wishes and rights not being taken into account.

Again, I'm sorry you're in this situation.

In a court situation where custody is being decided then children would be consulted about where and with whom they would like to live but in these circumstances it’s highly unlikely,
As for the other grandparents passing gifts on, it’s unlikely unless parents agree, as they are responsible fir their children until 16, unless it’s proved the children are unsafe with them.
Mediation can be helpful but both sides have to agree to this.
I am sorry Heartwrenched.

It is very difficult to answer this as every situation is different. Did you have a good relationship with the other grandparents? It is possible that the other grandparents wont want to get involved for fear of the same thing happening to them. I am so sorry you are going through this 'living bereavement.'

Does anyone know that if we are estranged from our grandchildren, and the parents of the children aren't giving them any birthday gifts etc sent to them, would we be allowed to write to the children, send gifts, etc to the other set of grandparents who see the children,so that they can pass them on?

I don't think so (but I'm not an expert). I think the parents wishes are paramount unfortunately.

I'm sorry I meant if grandchildren and grandparents are
estranged