Unable to forgive or forget

Thank you all for your replies I agree with Smileless2012 and Oopsadaisy1 best leave the past behind.
I don't need to hear the other side of the story he just stopped phoning no warning no argument they both just disappeared from our lives for the first few years mum was hopeful they would contact her but not to be.
I just feel the sheer arrogance of even writing the email.

I hope having made this decision you're able to put the email behind you ttgran and I wish you well.

I would be suspicious of your brother.
Years have gone by and he wants to get in touch.
What does he want?
I would steer well clear of him. You have managed without him for a long time.

I wouldn’t instigate a meeting with my estranged sister, but if she contacted me...curiosity would probably take over.

It doesn’t have to be face to face at first. The beauty of the internet.

You may regret it if you don’t. You’ll always wonder. If you ‘ meet’ him, then at least you can put it to bed if you want.

Good luck.

I would make contact and ask what has made him seek you out, then make the decision about whether to increase contact depending on what he has to say.
Otherwise, you will always be curious.

I wouldn't even be curious.
I wouldn't forgive or forget.

OP has responded, top of this page

My curiosity would get the better of me but I certainly wouldn’t be inclined to forgive and forget.

Very hard. My brother did the same upon marrying his second wife 35 years ago. . He did keep in touch with mum sporadically but not his own children - he didn’t show up for dads or mums funerals . Excuses about supporting his second wife and her not being accepted by the family which was all rubbish ...! He was my favourite out of three brother when I was little bit the other two have been loyal and supportive all my life while he has been absent - even when his grandchildren were ill and his own daughter had cancer . Yet he seems to feel he can still say he loves us !
Anyway you just do what you think is the right thing for you - there is no right or wrong answer. If you feel the right thing is to let the last go then let it go - it’s for you to chose now and to protect your own happiness. I know how hard it is and you have my sincerest good wishes in this .

'There's nowt so queer as folk' is there marymary.

No contact with his own children, when his GC were ill and his D had cancer. Sporadic contact with your (his) mum "Yet he seems to feel he can say he loves us"; difficult to believe isn't it.

It’s easier to forgive your own hurts than those that have hurt someone you love, don’t you think?

Yes I think it is Peasblossom I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive our ES for breaking his dad's heart.

I could not forgive someone who did this without explanation years earlier. Your mother lived with the pain of what he had done and died never knowing why.

?Smileless

ttgran - I know that hope - and no you don’t need to respond. There is nothing to be gained for you but more heartache I think .

In your shoes, I’d walk on by. I couldn’t forgive or forget what your brother did.
I’m in a similar situation so blocked my brother from every method of contact. I simply don’t need him in my life.
It gets easier to stop thinking of him as time passes. It’s now been years and years and I’ve no regrets. My resolve grows strong.

If he had hurt my mom then no I would not connect.

silverlining48

Yogin I am sorry and not sure if this helps but it is probable that your gd was adopted by her mother and partner. It is usual for the surname of the child then to be changed.
Adoption can help children feel secure especially if other/later children are involved.

My GD was not adopted by him. I have my GD original birth certificate and the fraudulent one with name changes. My estD will not have any more children.

Just because an email was sent, you dont have to make a decision right now

Whose side did you take when he stopped calling?
If you didn't remain neutral, it could be a reason why you were collateral damage

Yogin a fake birth certificate is illegal. I am sorry, just hoped to help,

Just replying to you Silver no issues. Yes it is illegal. Just the thought of him adopting my GD is upsetting to me. He said he wouldn't, no doubt because he would have to pay maintenance if he & my estD split.

What do you mean by fraudulent? You can’t just go in and get it changed.

If your daughter used the channels to change the name then that doesn’t make it fake regardless of your feelings on the matter.

He and your brother had no contact with you or their mother, as someone estranged from my child I can tell you it breaks your heart whatever face you put on. She died knowing they didn’t care.

Bibbity

What do you mean by fraudulent? You can’t just go in and get it changed.

If your daughter used the channels to change the name then that doesn’t make it fake regardless of your feelings on the matter.

I didn't say it was fake. He is on the birth certificate as my GD father and he is not. On the original birth cert. father is left blank.

A lie then Yogin.