Unable to forgive or forget

It's all about how you feel. If you need a closing, an explanation whatsoever, go ahead. You do not owe him nothing, just keep in mind that.

ttgran has made the decision that feels right for her current circumstances.

My own opinion on the matter would have been different a few weeks ago, but recently I had a conversation with one of my sisters that surprised me. She is very angry with my older brother for re-hashing with our (92 year old) mum something that happened when he was a child and which he finds extremely painful. I discovered that my sister has no shared understanding of what we older siblings went through in our very dysfunctional childhood. What’s more, when I shared a few things from my brother’s perspective, she literally said she didn’t want to know. My sister is lovely, but she says she’s too sensitive to want to know any upsetting details about our life.

So, I think perhaps ttgran has made a wise choice for her. If her brother had experiences with their mum (that’s only an ‘if’) that were not positive and were previously unknown to ttgran she can remain in ignorance.

That's a good point grannyactivist and another consideration is he may not be truthful and ttgran's mother is not here to defend herself if false allegations are made.

nightowl

Just to clarify the legal situation, there are two routes whereby a new birth certificate can be issued.

If no father is named in the registration and on the original birth certificate, and the mother then marries the biological father, the birth must be re-registered with his name. If she lives in a relationship with the biological father but does not marry him, they can apply for his name to be added to the registration and apply for a new birth certificate.

As others have said, if the mother marries someone else who is not the biological father, they can apply to adopt the child (and both parents adopt, even the biological mother). When the adoption order is granted, a new adoption birth certificate is issued which replaces the original.

From what the OP has said it seems she was involved in their lives at the time and would have known if this man had been involved in adopting her granddaughter. As she is certain this did not happen it seems more likely that the registration was amended to include the new partner’s name. If he is not the biological father, this was indeed a lie and a false registration. Whatever the motives, it is unfair to a child to register their birth with false information. Hope that helps.

Thank you for this NightOwl Yes very unfair to have a man who is not your bio dad on your birth certificate, this was a lie and has a prison term if found out, hence why I stayed quiet. My GD will want to know who her real dad is with all these programmes on TV about genealogy like 'Who do you think you are' and 'Families reunited'. I'm sure she will want to know who her real nanny & aunty is too, along with the rest of her birth family. My GD was loved and adored and highly cherished by me & her aunty, all taken away from her by her stepdad. I will always remember my GD stepdad saying to me She [my D] should get down on her f***ing knees and kiss my f***ing feet for taking on L****

Thank you Smiles so much for sticking up for me, we have travelled this awful rd. for so long together haven't we, and know far more of the in's & out's than is printed on these pages here.

Also thank you Zoe I remember such a thing on Families reunited, where a son was shocked to see adopted on the side of his BC, when he joined the scouts.

I will post this and turn the page for next posts.

You're welcome Yogin 9 years is a long time isn't it and there's a lot more to our individual stories than the majority know.

I’m a mother and my daughter has distance herself from me… it could be 50 years from now and I would always welcome her back with open arms, no matter how much I’m hurting now. I’m sure your mother would want you to try and reconcile. And also to forgive.