SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

It's good to see you back again 3nanny. I agree with you about Katie Piper, such a horrific attack, it beggars belief that anyone could be so cruel and full of hate.

I'm sure you're right in that we all have ways of coping that we'd never realised we had until we needed them. Just as well when you're hit with estrangement.

Well my afternoon has been very productive in so far as I got loads done, just didn't have time to finish. Not to worry, it wont take me long to finish off tomorrow and then I can get number 3 of 5 admin jobs under my belt.

Let's leave it here shall we but I would be obliged if, rather than referencing me, if you do feel the need to censure me for anything I have written, either to you or to a third party, you address your remarks directly to me.

Yogin, I appreciate you are in emotional pain, as indeed we all are, we are all hurting but can I strongly but respectfully suggest that this continual niggling and side swiping has to stop.

It serves no purpose and only perpetuates the hurt and pain.

Let's get the thread back on track and support each other,

3 Nanny. I agree Katie Piper is an inspiration. My birthmark is nothing compared to the injuries she sustained.

Well I survived Aldi, have just tucked into a nice juicy steak and am going to put my feet up with Netflix.

Tomorrow I will finally get round to taking down the Christmas decorations.

Yogin "I have been on this thread for 9yrs, so know fully that all are welcome, estranged, reunited then estranged again, even AC that have estranged their parents, so why is everyone telling me what I've known for the 9yrs of posting here"

Yogin I think that is happening because I get the impression that your original post regarding puzzlement at DSLs position was read by many as querying her being on the thread even though you said that you were not doing that. That may not have been your intention but it was an impression given to many perhaps mainly by your comment but nearly estranged is not estranged. It was the impression that I got when I read it, although I then noted your other comments when I read through again.

You then quoted a comment made by DSL I do however think it somewhat disingenuous for people who have not suffered estrangement to feel they are in a position to criticise or offer unsolicited advice to those who are struggling with broken hearts and smashed lives...... which appeared to be quoted by you to suggest that DSL was being hypocritical. Again that is certainly how it came over to me

For me I wasn't really sure why you raised the issue at all, why you felt you needed clarity about whether someone was fully estranged, why that "fact" was relevant when it is so clear that DSL is certainly suffering aspects of estrangement just as many others are, even when not fully estranged at the moment.

After that discussion you apologised, others accepted that apology and discussions moved on. I am sorry if this is still upsetting you, it seems wise though to move on and for everyone to accept there has been some misunderstandings, differences of opinion etc. I hope you are now clear about DSLs position and anyone else's here who choose to discuss their situations and who gain support, understanding and critical friendship and advice from that.

Whiff I did not mean to offend you I was just clarifying with you that I had been fully involved with my grand-children from my daughter for quite a few years. In fact I done almost everything for them and had regular contact/visits and was letting you know that only in the last year I have had to have doorstep visits which I made infrequent as I felt that was not appropriate and done more harm than good. I just point out you mentioned in a post of 3rd January 22 at 12.00 that I had a lot of courage visiting my daughters house but not seeing my grand-children something that was not the case. I miss the children every day but it is what it is. I write because of your post Tuesday 4th 15-19 where you said you had not mentioned my daughter in fact you did mention about my grand-children.

Smileless pleased you have had a productive afternoon and got things done I have also been productive and after a walk around the block I have taken a few decorations down, cleaned a corner in my living room which I noticed was very dusty when I pulled out a table the other night when my son and his partner came. Floors have been washed and I have a chicken in the oven most of which will do tomorrow and a shepherds pie with roast parsnips and broccoli for this evening. I best get off to check on all the food hope everyone has a good evening.

Yogin this morning I went on the pears sequel part 3 wow thread. What thread are you on about?

3nanny6 I was praising your courage taking the presents to your grandchildren and because you where to poorly this year to make sure they had their presents you send them via taxi. So they didn't miss out.

I have read all your posts and you have had a roller coaster ride . You have done everything you can to protect your grandchildren and let them know how much you love and miss them. They are lucky that they know how much their Nannie loves and misses them.

Unfortunately I can't do that and my grandson's will have forgotten me by now because they are so young

You haven't offended me in anyway why would you think that.

Your grandchildren are lucky to have you.

Feeling sad tonight. Post Christmas? Who knows. There were times during the past seven years when I did feel that life was too much of a burden to carrying on shouldering and occasionally I still feel that way.

But who should pop up nearly three years ago, but my darling, darling granddaughter who has made my life worth living again.

But. I won’t ever see my now seven year old grand son as a baby, or toddler. Possibly in the future I will see him, but the loss remains and that sadness is with me every day.

I have much to be grateful for nonetheless and I do appreciate what I have. Thank you for listening. This is not a poor me post, I am just feeling sad tonight.

Sallywally sorry you are feeling sad. I call those times wobbles. Don't know about you but think I am fine and wham it hits you out of the blue. But I don't fight that feeling. If I need to cry I do or have a moment of self pity. I think for me because my husband died nearly 18 years ago it taught me not to fight my feelings and I don't have to be brave all the time. Spent to many years doing that and only hurt myself more.

Glad you are reunited with your grandaughter and she has brighten your life.

But being human we do crave what we can't have . But as your grandson is 7 you might be reunited in the future. You say you miss seeing him as a baby and toddler. Because of lived over 100 miles away I missed seeing 3 of my grandson's development because I only saw them every few months with my son's children especially his oldest it might only be for a day and sometimes the same with his second son. If they visited me or I came up here . Once my daughter and son in law brought their first house I stayed with them. And saw more of my first grandson with them as I was there.

It's only when I moved here I saw my son and the 2 of his boys every week. From the August until March when Covid hit. Then he decided he no longer want his mom in their lives in May. They had a third son in July. Don't even know his name or date of birth.

But I am lucky I have my daughter ,son in law and 2 grandson's. Their youngest I have seen every week since he was 4 days old with his brother . I had forgotten how much children change week by week.

The amount of joy and happiness I feel having them in my life. Doesn't lesson the sadness of missing my son and my 3 grandson's. But it was my son's choice to cut me out of his life . My grandson's are to young to choose and by now the older 2 would have forgotten me.

You are not alone in your sadness . It's because we love our children and grandchildren that it still affects us no matter how many years go by. But I feel lucky I saw my son's eldest 2 for a while at least.

We feel sadness because we love . If we didn't love then we wouldn't feel it. It's the price we pay for loving . But then again what would life be if we didn't love. Doesn't have to loving a person but can be the love of a cherished pet. Love brings us joys and sorrows . But hate is just destructive . So would rather have loved and lost than not have that in my life. Don't want or need hate .

Hope you are feeling bit happier today. But if not then you know where you can talk about your feelings and know you are not alone. ?

Can we just leave this alone now, I am sure no one meant to upset anyone. Christmas is a big trigger of emotions, all those adverts on tv of huge families, all getting on together in perfect harmony , with mountains of food, so many unrealistic goals. Is it any wonder we get emotional without the people we love with us. Let’s hope we find a way living with what we do have and who knows what the future may bring and just support each other.

QuoteMadgran77 Tue 04-Jan-22 18:43:42 Very good post and thank you for that Madgran Obviously I wished I had never asked the question now.

Yes I should have asked the question direct to you DSL I apologised again and meant no harm in asking, Just wanted clarification. Think it's because I was not on here when you first started posting so didn't know your back stories. When I came back on to post I didn't read the back posts, so started reading from the middle, the date I came back. I've made myself look really bad now, didn't mean to cause upset. I read your post with interest before all this.

Line drawn___________________

Yogin......

Don't worry, it's ok. We're all human, we all make mistakes, especially when our thoughts are elsewhere, or when we are stressed and upset.

In the run up to New Year I had a good look at myself, my home, my life - a sort of end of year review if you like. I wasnt terribly happy with what I saw. I need to make some sweeping changes and I will.

I need to lose some weight, get my blood sugar levels back down, get stronger, fitter and healthier, and I am definitely going to put my house on the market so that I can have a complete lifestyle change,

Walking through the house yesterday deciding what needs to be done to get it market ready it struck me that although it was tidy enough it really could do with a thorough deep clean, some of the decor needs touching up and refreshing. Some of the accessories are looking a bit tired.

Whilst my mind has been elsewhere (ie worrying about my situation viz a vie am I or am I not fully reconciled my son) I realised I have neglected both myself and my home. Standards have slipped.

So that's where I'm going to start, Get the Christmas decorations down and then room by room give the house a thorough early spring clean. Then another declutter and get the paint brushes out and freshen up where necessary.

I have got a small mountain to climb.......?

Here's my idea......take it or leave it I don't mind, it's not a commandment written in stone.

It's time to "reboot" From today I am going to reset. I am putting all the bad stuff behind me and concentrating on the here and now whilst looking forward to what I hope will be a much brighter future,

It's a new dawn, and a new day (Nina Simone) and whilst I may not be feeling good, I am determined to feel better soon.

Hello Sally. Hope you feel a little better today. Please know that you are not alone. You have friends here.

^QuoteDerbyshireLass Wed 05-Jan-22 08:10:43
Yogin^......

Thank you DSL

Yogin

Christmas really messes with your head and your heart. I don't know about you Yogin but every year I think, another year of estrangement has gone by so I wont be as bothered this year and probably wont cry.

But I always am and I always do. Mr. S. is the same but we always manage not to both be upset at the same time, so the one feeling 'OK' can be there for the other.

I don't think you've said when your moving date is. Is it soon and more importantly, are you all packed and ready to go?

All those 'happy family' Christmas ads Allsorts. Why is there never a mum sweating in the kitchen and struggling to get the turkey out of the oven? Why aren't there any siblings arguing because one's got a bigger present than the other, even though they haven't opened them and have no idea what they are? Why isn't there ever a toy that needs a battery, but you didn't realise one wasn't included and don't have any in the house?

Some of my Christmas memories when our boys were little.

Hope you're feeling a little happier today Sallywally. We all get those moments or days when it suddenly hits us and the effort of just living feels too much.

That's what this thread is for so you know where to come and off load.

Re booting is a great idea DSL. I feel as if I've got off to a good start with my mountain of paperwork to go through and shall carry on today.

A lot to get through this week so I'll re start my exercise routine on Sunday when everything else has been sorted. Otherwise I'll use that as an 'excuse' not to do what I should and need to do.

So glad to see everyone being positive and have plans for the future.

Be glad when the weather picks up and I can get into the garden . Has anyone still got roses in bloom? I cut mine right back in the autumn because of the highs winds here. But noticed lot of my neighbours had flowers on there rose bushes. Also my lavender is still flowering. But it's nice to see the bulbs starting to grow.

Yogin nice to see you have a completion date. I don't go on that thread much but it saved my sanity when selling my house.

Gave my bungalow a good clean this morning. I was up early so made good use of the time. I had taken my tree down on New year's Day and my cards yesterday.

It's a cold but the sun is out after the rain first thing which lifts the spirits.

Have a good day everyone. ?

Hi everyone and Happy New Year to you all. Not been on GN for a while, feeling really ill at the moment because I've only gone and got Covid, I can only presume my son has brought it home because as you know I have been off my feet since October and I haven't been out. Can't believe how ill I feel, I am drained, don't even want to imagine how bad could have been if I wasn't vaccinated.
I have obviously missed a lot of conversations but can't concentrate enough to go back through all the posts sorry, just wanted to say 'hello'.

Oh Elless I'm so sorry that you're feeling unwell.

How frustrating for you, not having been out since October, and catching this from your son.

Sending you a BIG (((hug))) and cuddles. Hope you feel better soon. Take care x

Thank-you Whiff and no problems at all I suppose just a little touchy from me as it really was a strange Christmas this year.

SallyWally1 I do hope you are not as sad today and how wonderful that your Grand-daughter popped up three years ago and made your life worthwhile again because that is what they do for us they bring the missing sunshine back again. I hope one day I will have the same from my grand-daughter.
Yogin : Pleased to see that you are still posting and feel better now that things have been clarified.

DBLass you seem to be doing well and just like you I have found things that need doing around the house. You say you
have a small mountain to climb, I feel exactly the same and keep making attempts to get climbing but then I have to rest again.

Elless I hope you are not too unwell with the Covid and send you best wishes I caught it 5/6th December found my test positive and then had the bigger test where everything gets recorded and I self isolated. I did not feel better until about the 18th December. Tbh all December and Christmas just felt surreal yes I was unwell but sometimes I just felt like I was floating on the clouds and that was without medication. I am still here to tell the tale so it is all good.

Smileless2012 I do hope you were not too upset with Christmas and another year of estrangement going by. The Christmas comes around and the happy feeling comes only then some of the memories return and we are reminded about other family times. I didn't want Covid but it seemed to take the edge of any worries somehow it was all so surreal.
I know you are busy this week and well done for inspiring many of us to catch up with things that need to get done, I am still a little slow so blaming it on fatigue after my illness.

Take care All.

Hope you’re well on the mend now Elle’s, I think those unvaccinated should be very worried with the shortage of beds and nursing staff.
Glad Christmas is over, if things get back to normal I would like to go away Christmas, it’s just hard with half a family you can’t help thinking of times gone by.
Well done Whiff, I did the same, but only downstairs, tomorrow upstairs, I couldn’t wait to get decorations down, I always preferred the build up though.
You are doing so well Smileless, you had quite a year last year apart from Covid. Hopefully it’s onwards and upwards for all of us.

I'm sure it is because you're recovering from Covid 3nanny, it's best not to try and over do it, just take it steady.

Thanks Allsorts. Another busy and productive day, with job number 2 all finished, just 3 and 4 to do now but they're not as time consuming which is why I've gone with the old saying about leaving the best 'til last, or in my case the shortest.

Had a lovely walk with Mr. S. and the dogs. I love to see them running off their leads and chasing each other; not Mr. S. I hasten to add. Can't remember the last time he broke into a run, or me for that matter.

As you say "onward and upward for all of us".

Elless sorry you have got Covid and hope the symptoms aren't to severe. Get plenty of rest and make sure you have plenty of hot drinks and food. Hopefully you haven't lost your sense of taste.
You where already coping with not feeling well from October so this could be making you feel even worse. Hopefully you will feel a bit better in a few days.

3nanny hope you are feeling a bit better today. But just take it easy and look after yourself.

??to you both.

Sally. Hope you feel a little better today.

Elless look after yourself, get well soon.

Sleety snow here and bitterly cold. I've got the thermstat at 20 degrees and the house feels like an icebox. ?

Just have to keep busy.......keep warm with some extreme housework. ?

Thank you Smileless Yes I have just got a completion date for the 28th of this month, frightening!

Sorry to hear you have Covid Elless, my DD & DGD have it too. We had planned a lovely new year celebration but all had to be cancelled. Wish you better