Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Dear Whiff - it is a shock, and so much harder when there is no one with you to ‘process’ the news, but you have many friends here. I hope you have a peaceful night. Hugs x

Whiff, Glad you now have a diagnosis for your condition, it's natural you want to tell your husband.? The crying is the result of all you have gone through. I do hope you feel better today.,
Smileless, How are you feeling?
Our group has a low point at the moment, we all do our best in very difficult circumstances but at times, grief takes over, then we carry on.

Good morning Everyone.

Whiff. Sending your virtual hugs, ?❤️ It's so hard for you, not having your husband by your side at this time.

Smiles, hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Allsorts, you are right. I think Many of us feel a bit down at the moment. I have felt rather low, no real reason, nothings changed. Maybe that's the problem. Lol.

Despite losing my husband, before things blew up with my son and DIL a lot more upbeat and positive, with a cheerful and sunny nature. But what happened really knocked the stuffing out of me. I've lost a lot of confidence and I feel very vulnerable at times. Hence the anxiety.

I don't think EAC realise just how much damage they have done to us, the sheer devastation they cause. I do wonder if I will ever recover my old joire de vie. I just feel so diminished.

Need to find my mojo...... I want the old me back. I miss her.

Morning everyone.

Hope you're OK Whiff there must be a mixture of emotions; relief that at last you have your diagnosis and sadness that your DH isn't here to share the news with which is intensified because you can't tell your son.

I'm feeling much better thanks Allsorts. We had my cousin and her H to stay last night and had a lovely evening. Lots of laughter which did me the world of good.

The last two years have seen our 'worlds' shrink in a way with less face to face social interaction. Due to his health they've been virtual recluses because of Covid and yesterday was the first time they'd been anywhere as a couple.

It was lovely to see him relaxed and having a good time and hopefully we'll see more of them moving forward.

You're right about our group having hit a low point. I've been reminding myself of the wave analogy. I was hit by a big one on Wednesday, knocked me off my feet and drenched by the full force of emotions elicited, but it's rescinded now and no permanent damage.

Nothing changing doesn't help does it DSL the journeys we are all undertaking sometimes seem never ending. We have no idea when or if we'll ever reach our 'destination' or what that will be/look like.

Loss of confidence and the feeling of vulnerability take their toll and impact in ways we don't expect. We're just not the people we used to be.

I know what you mean, I miss the old me and wish I could be that person again, but I never will.

It's a lovely day here today and I hope you all have somewhere you are. We're bunking off church for a change and going out for a walk with the dogs instead.

Hi all. Sorry I am out of step with you all but I just haven’t felt too good. After the wonderful birthday last Sunday with DH and my youngest son I felt on cloud nine. By wednesday I felt sick with a horrible headache. No appointments at the drs so I have been just taking paracetamols but my anxiety level has been out of this world. I got those 2 lovely cards from my eldest son along with money and I should feel great but I dont. So down in the dumps. I get really bad PTSD from the days when I was married to the first husband and I think i need to get in touch with a counsellor again. Stuff that happened was horrific and I relive it every night when I should be going to sleep. I miss my grand children and also my beautiful cat. DH says he doesn’t want anymore pets but I feel like I want a cat. Maybe he is right and my head is all over the place. I feel so weak and pathetic at the moment and hope that this time passes. My youngest son is phoning some time today and I must get myself out of these doldrums. Thank you to everyone on this site for helping me in the past. Can you please send some strength, love and hugs my way.

Strength, love and hugs are on their way PP, you're not alone in feeling in the doldrums at the moment, or weak and pathetic for that matter.

We may be feeling that way but none of us are. We're only human and doing our best to get through each day with broken hearts.

x

I am feeling more myself today. But everyone is out of sorts and I wonder why we are all feeling this way. I know since we altered the clocks I am feeling out of sync. I was used to waking up 5-5.30 to daylight and it set me up for the day. But it's now dark at that time and my day feels odd. I know that seems weird but it's the only way I can describe it.

I feel happy today. But still in a middle of a pain flare which is bugging me. It stops me doing things. Like today it's cold but sunny and wanted to go into the garden but my arm is so painful I can't.

Also I now have all these questions I should have asked my neurologist but didn't. I was so shocked after all these time to finally know my condition has a name and I was born with it. And it's rare. So tomorrow I am phoning his secretary to see if he has an email address. So I can ask what I need to know and if he doesn't know the answers he will find out for me. Plus both my daughter and brother want to be tested to see if they have it or are carriers.

As said before estrangement is a form of breavenment. I am still grieving for my husband after 18 years. So it's only natural to grieve for my lost relationship with my son and grandson's. We are all grieving for our lost children and grandchildren. Doesn't matter if they are still in your life but the relationship you had before has died along with trust . Before I trusted my son completely not anymore and I can't forgive him or my daughter in law.

I am no longer the mom he knew. As he isn't the son I knew.

But since moving here I have more confidence which you would think losing my son and grandson's would have destroyed. But I live my life to the full here no longer just exist like I did in my old home.

I have done things I never thought I could do, my daughter jokes sometimes and says where's my mom and what have you done with her . But she loves this more confident me. She loved me before but now doesn't have to worry about me so much.

If we where all in our 20's+ I would say it's the time of the month. But we aren't. Is it because Easter is coming and that's another time of the year the idea of family get together's is being forced down our throats with advertising.

I hope we all feel back to normal soon. But until then at least we have eachother and together we are stronger than apart.

Big hugs and kisses to you all❤️?

Pixie.....strength, love and hugs on their way. ❤️❤️??

And no you are not weak and pathetic .....or at least no more than I. And I am not fully estranged. I haven't had to deal with all you have had thrown at you. I have, so far, been spared, so in fact you are stronger than I am.

Whiff.....you took the words right out of my mouth. I really do feel as though I'm existing, not living. And I agree that whilst I do still have a tentative relationship with my son, the old one has died and what's in its place is just a pale imitation of what once was. Trust is dead too. I will never trust him again.

Tbh I am just thoroughly fed up, probably not helped by the fact that my fibro is so painful at the moment. The two things are probably linked. I think my poor nervous system is just sending out a cry for help, I might see if I can book a massage soon, it might ease things a bit.

I managed to go to Asda this morning, but even that has knocked me for six. After brunch I slept on the sofa for a good hour but still feel tired and drained.

This pain and tiredness feels like some form of post viral fatigue, yet to my knowledge I haven't had a virus. I guess it's just the body's way. Like I said I think we are all suffering from some form of PTSD to some extent.

Hopefully summer will sort us out. ?

QuotePurplepixie Sun 03-Apr-22 13:29:43

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad Pixie I think getting a pet would be wonderful for you, my little dog is my furbaby and gives so much love & happiness, I wouldn't be without him. Also a dog gets you out to the park or beach where you get to talk to lots of people and make friends.

In the first years of estrangement I got severe headaches and thought I had a brain tumour, it was that bad. Thought I had stomach cancer, thought I had heart problems as I kept feeling faint and thought I would pass out. Went to the doctors for all this, was sent to hospital for check ups and nothing wrong with me, all down to the stress of the estrangement! If my doctors records were looked at they would have shown that I never went to the doctors, was fit and healthy all of my life and then suddenly all of the above. If it had been the old school of doctors, where you see the same doctor all the time, surely they would say ' hang on a minute, what's going on here with Ms.D?'

I agree estrangement can be a cruel cowardly thing to do Allsorts. In the case where people have tried, have talked, have had family therapy, and there's nothing left to salvage then I'm sure it's the best thing to do. But when it's the first course of action, it's a way to punish the other person without giving them a chance to understand what for or to put it right if they made a mistake.

Smiles - I'm really glad my words were a help to you. I can never repay you for all the times your words have helped me.

Sending a hug right back Elless.

I am so glad you had that lovely moment with your daughter and youngest grandson Whiff "You bring your children up the same and one turns against you and the other can't do enough for you. And yet you are blamed as the bad parent." - that's something I often think about. You don't sound self-indulgent to me, just honest. xx
Sorry you've got pain to contend with again now too.

Sorry you're having such a bad patch PP - I hope it does indeed pass soon for you.

Sorry, you're also suffering DSL. I hope you perk up soon.

Feeling a bit ropey myself - aches and pains and swollen glands. The sinusitis is a bit better though. Been really lazy today, lots of naps, but my body insisted. I get so frustrated because there's so much I want to be getting on with.

We sound like we could all do with being chucked in a bag as my grandma used to say. Though I'm not sure how that would fix us ...

Morning everyone.

I hope you're continuing to feel happier Whiff and managed to get the email address of your specialist. It's easily done, coming away from situation and realising we haven't asked half the questions we should have/intended too.

It is odd isn't it, that we're all struggling at the same time. I wonder how many EP's there are out there, and how many of them are feeling just as we are right now.

You're right of course, we are stronger together and at times like this you realise how precious this support thread is.

DSL you're in such a difficult position, I can only imagine the stress you must be under as you'll be unable to erase from your mind that fear that they may go no contact again.

No wonder you're feeling so tired, emotional stress is exhausting so make sure you sleep when you need too.

This were the days Yogin when you had a family doctor, who knew you because they were the one you saw almost if not every time you needed an appointment.

Clear and obvious symptoms of stress and when they manifest physically, there's no doubting just how damaging stress can be.

I'm not sure if chucking us all in a bag would fix us either hugshelp but if it we were to substitute the bag for a venue somewhere, and all get together now that may not fix us either, but it would be fabulous wouldn't it.

We're all doing OK. I know it may not feel that way but we are and 'OK' is pretty good considering all that we have and continue to go through.

Stay strong dear friends; we've got this xx

Smiles I emailed my neurologist yesterday with my questions. Am still feeling happy. My daughter and youngest grandson came round this morning and she filled in the PIP forms for me. I can't hold a pen for long before I lose control of it. And haven't been able to write long hand for years. It ends up as a scribble that I can't read. Will photo copy the whole form on Thursday when I am at the library for my craft group just incase it gets lost. But will be sending it by registered post.

Glad you are feeling ok. What our children have put us all through I wouldn't want to wish on my worst enemy. My husband didn't want to leave me but my son choose to and my grandson's had no choice. I have always liked the saying reap what you sow. Wonder if our children will.

Had an ultrasound on my bladder and kidneys today. Don't recommend drinking 2pts of freezing water in 30 mins. It hurt my chest. Luckily they looked at my bladder first then I could use the loo.

Been in touch with a support group with my condition. Nice to know I am not on my own.

Has a piece of brilliant news my brother and sister in law exchanged contracts today and get the keys to their new home Thursday. But leaving the Midlands tomorrow and spending the night with friends. New home, new life for them in Lincolnshire. My brother has been like a bear with a sore head. He's like me if I decide to do something I get it done. They should have exchanged on Friday but the vendors solicitor mess up one sentence on the contract.

Hope everyone is feeling better and keeping warm . Be glad when the sun comes back. Thinks always look better in the sunshine. ?

It would be lovely if we could get together for a bit real hug smiles.

So glad you've had some good news whiff. yes please, bring back the sun.

Well it's 3am . Woken by a bang. It was next doors bin blowing over . Very high winds here. Hopefully it will calm down a bit by the time I go out.

As we all have been feeling down lately. At the bus stop yesterday was thinking about it. End of this month it will be 2 years since I saw or spoke to my son. I know how much he has hurt me but I was thinking about all the things I have done in those 2 years and how I have changed.

My bungalow is how I want it. Garden will be an on going project. I wear trousers everyday. Never did before. But my daughter persuaded me to try a pair and was surprised I look good in them.

Health wise found out I was born with a heart defect and diagnosed with PAF but having treatment for it. Got a name for my neurological condition. Because of the tablets not had a seizure in 2 years. May be able to claim some PIP. Under the care of an urologist and hopefully my ultrasound will show my bladder and kidneys are fine.

I have more confidence in my ability to do things I never thought I could. Painted my garden fences ,varnished my garden gate and bench last year and this. Growing some vegetables last and planning to grow some this year .

Fitter than I have ever been. Made new friends. Enjoying my exercise class and craft group. My walking is quicker and able to walk further on my good days. Been exploring roads where I live.

My brother and sister in law get the keys to their bungalow today. New home new life for them. Looking forward to visiting them this year. My friend from the Midlands coming to stay in June.

Touched up paintwork in my bungalow where I have marked the walls. Can get my own curtains down. Change my living room light bulb.

Still fighting the good fight weight wise and even if it's takes another year will get to the weight I want. I don't think I can't do things but think how can I do it. Ok have to admit defeat sometimes as some things I can't do but found I can do things I didn't think I could.

See my daughter and grandson's every week. And have 2 new grandsons . Ok only see the one and don't know the name of my son's youngest while that hurts am happy to have another member of my family .

And of course getting to know all of you . And without you all wouldn't be as I am . I know I am stronger and more able to face what life throws at me next. Ok have wobbles but I get through them. I live my life to the full no longer just exist as I did before moving here.

So while I have some negatives I have more positives.

What are the positives in your life's? If you think about it bet you can come up with more than you thought. Doesn't need to be big things but little things. Hopefully it will make you feel better and by Easter we can all feel better in ourselves. Stay strong my friends ?

Glad you're feeling better about things Whiff, you do have more to be pleased about than not. I can't get my curtains down, too big and heavy.
Smiles glad you seem happier, having visitors has cheered you up.
Like DSL I too am full of aches and pains, felt very low since I had Covid.
Trying to think of the positives Whiff, I don't have the worry of do many people with jobs that can't make ends meet, in these difficult times. My family are well, wish I saw them more, but all mothers think that. I don't dwell on the releasionship with my daughter now, she's almost a stranger to me. I know of a friendly aquaintances who think no smoke without fire and dropped into conversation, mine woukd never do that!
Wish I could sleep at night is a definite negative, however meeting my friend for a meal a positive.
Enjoy yourself all..

Good Morning everyone.

Lovely post Whiff. Inspirational. It couldn't have come at a better time for me to cheer me up because it's proof positive that there is a better future waiting for me. Just need to keep working towards it.

It's a slow process though, one step forward, two back. Just need to keep on keeping on. A few setbacks this week, so do feel a bit low but compared to what's happening out there in the world I am fortunate.

I'm not rich but I can just about weather the financial storms ahead. I know how to make a penny do the work of two. And at least were not being bombed to smithereens.

Another bitingly cold day here.

Hope you are all ok.

Great post Whiff and just what we all needed so thank you.

We were reminded on Saturday just how fabulous our home is because it was the first time my cousin's husband had seen it, and he summed it up the same way we did when we viewed it for the first time; wow.

It's too easy to take the good and positive things in our lives for granted, not to fully appreciate what we do have, especially when feeling low as we then understandably spend too much time thinking of our estrangements, or the emotionally stressful and challenging relationship we have with an AC.

An unexpected face time call with DS on Tuesday with him saying he wants to come to us for a visit. Just knowing this is a possibility made my heart leap for joy.

Like you DSL we can weather the financial storms ahead and that in itself is so much to be thankful for. The amount we are having to spend on our flat, in part due to the unbelievable state the tenants left it in has hit us hard BUT at least we have that money, even though it means we can't possibly visit DS in Aus. next year and possibly not the year after either, which is why what he said on Tuesday means so much.

I've been thinking too about how we've all been low and wonder how much is due to us having unrealistic expectations of ourselves. Perhaps berating ourselves because it still hurts so much; that we haven't 'got over it' yet. Or, having those unrealistic expectations of other areas of our lives.

That's what I've done as the treasurer for our Church. The accounts package was designed for churches and is a brilliant and complex excel spreadsheet. They guy responsible has moved on, and as clever as he must have been to devise it, there are glitches.

So, all I can do is what I do. Can't solve the inherent issues; it is what it is. Can't help it if I can't handle the stress and need to walk away; it is what it is.

Having one another here is priceless. The friendships we've made; the things we have and continue to share; laughing together and crying together as we share the good and the bad.

the old 'there's no smoke without fire' jibe Allsorts; have these people never heard of dry ice? Maybe ask them next time.

Wouldn't it be wonderful hugshelp and whose to say it wont happen one day.

What a wonderful post Whiff. I'm feeling a bit frustrated because I only have the energy to do things for a couple of hours a day, then I'm sleeping most of the rest of the time. But after reading your post I've reframed my day to things I did accomplish today: Made pasties, read a chapter of a book I'm enjoying, put wild garlic and potato soup in the slow cooker for tomorrow, and am going to watch one of my favourite TV programmes before more sleep. Looked at that way, I feel much better about it.

So glad you had the lovely factime with DS smiles. Fingers crossed for that visit. Love that line about dry ice - I'm going to remember that.

Glad to see everyone can find a few positives . Yesterday it was so cold here on my way back from craft group couldn't feel my legs. We had snow mixed with the rain. Learnt my lesson a couple of years ago after the strong wind blew me over. When it gusted yesterday I stopped walking until it stopped. I still forget I live not far from the sea .

I know several people who had Covid and it took them weeks to feel.better again after they where negative. Plus this new variant can be confused for a cold. I haven't given up my Covid precautions since it started. Noticed more people are wearing a mask on the buses again. One advantage of wearing a mask it keeps my nose warm but fogs my glasses up. Swings and roundabouts.

My brother and sister in law got their keys to their bungalow yesterday. Yah they have a home again. Their bungalow has quiet neighbours the one side it's the graveyard. They live by a church . I know my brother will be full steam ahead as he wants to paint the bedrooms and hire a carpet cleaner before they move there furniture in. Expect him to get that all done by Sunday night and furniture in on Monday. Then they can move in. There furniture has been up there since November as he moved everything into storage units with the help of friends. It was cheaper than a removals company. He has a large van.

Just taking it easy today. Doing housework . No exercise class for 2 weeks now so will make sure I put plenty of welly into them at home. Hopefully the warm weather will be back soon. And won't need my heating on.

Hopefully everyone will feel better health wise and mentally soon. ?

Snow and sleet here today Whiff. We still wear our masks and try to social distance. Glad your brother is starting to get settled.

A very sleepy day for me today.

Great news about your brother and s.i.l.'s house purchase Whiff, they must be relieved. I expect you'll be looking forward to visiting them in their new home.

Sleep's good for you hugshelp, helps your body to reserve the energy you need to get well again.

It's been a lovely sunny day here today but very cold. Enjoyed a nice walk with Mr. S. and the dogs around a beautiful park we have here, nice time of the year to go because it's not yet tourist season so it's very peaceful.

Taking our dogs next door to our girls for a 'puppy play date' to introduce them to their little yorkiepoo so hoping ours will be in their best behaviour.

Just asked Mr. S. if he's going to clear away after our evening meal and stack the dishwasher. No he replied "I thought you were going to do it", so I told him I'm really looking forward to my Sunday dinner of gammon with pineapple, cauliflower, peas, carrots and white sauce (home made of course) and he immediately got on with the task.

Lovely posts here putting things in perspective. I too am grateful for a cosy home, food on the table, enough resources to be able to hopefully weather the storm. Our neighbours not as quiet as your brothers though Whiff!! And sunny days, although agree with others…..is freezing outside at the moment! How lovely if your son is able to visit Smileless. How nice he wants to.

Yes on both counts Spring.

Well the 'puppy party' with our girls next door and their adorable little puppy went really well. Only problem is the temptation for us to get another.

I'm so proud of our two, not a bad bone in their little bodies and it was lovely to see them all running around together..

Another sunny day but still very cold. 'Greese' is just starting on channel 4seven.

That should be Grease of course.