Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Hello everyone again - I’m another ex estranged-long since reconciled and now occasional contributor to this marvellous thread ?

I do read most days and like to pop in at the start of every new thread and wish you all the best, whatever that is. It won’t be the same for everyone I know - acceptance and peace of mind, apologies or reconciliation, whatever.

Reading all your different posts helps me hugely to appreciate my own situation where I’m so much better now at managing my expectations of what perfect parent/child interactions are!

It’s so easy to cherrypick others perfect lives but when I listen to friends talking about their own different difficulties I realise that few have ideal balanced relationships.

Keep keeping on and Carpe Diem ?

Sorry you're not feeling well DSL, with so much going on including an offer on your house and all of the ensuing paperwork as well as getting through last Sunday, perhaps it's all caught up with you.

I know it went well but you had all the anxiety as the day approached, as well as on the day itself.

Goodness Whiff has it really been 2 years seems like only yesterday we started chatting in private and on the other hand feels as if we've been friends for much longer.

Good of you to pop on Pantglas it's always good to know that someone's reconciliation is going well. I don't think anyone ever manages the ideal balance in relationships all the time. They all have their peaks and troughs don't they, which is why real commitment and a desire to succeed are so important as without them, there's not much hope.

Well to quote Mr. S. we smashed it . Even the Latin went really well . Really enjoyed it and so pleased that everyone else did too.

Hi everyone. I'm still here too, and grateful for this new thread - thanks Whiff! Tbh have been struggling - lost energy and confidence. Feeling the urge to make contact with EC again, although fearing the hurt of rejection if I do. My husband says no....so guess will leave it. I think I'm in a rut. We need to move, but can't summon the enthusiasm. So proud of all of you who've taken that step/are about to. It seems like the final step of deciding to move on with your lives, and create new, happier memories. Had a few days away in a remote area of Scotland recently. What struck me was how my husband responded to the peace and serenity of the place.....he visibly relaxed and became a different person, as if all the stresses were lifted. Thanks to those of you posting about reconciliations.....it's good to hear, but clearly it doesn't make all the problems disappear. At least there's something to work with though. For the rest of us it's just blanket silence, although I appreciate this can be the most peaceful option. I like the idea of having a computer trainer. So much of our world is now digital, including booking and transferring any tickets, I get completely lost in it all!

Spring...I have just watched "Local Hero". One of my favourite films - set in a remote part of Scotland. I used to live in Scotland, on the west coast. I loved it. A quiet serene place definitely has its attractions. I sometimes think I would like to live somewhere in the wilds of Derbyshire but I guess living on my own it wouldn't be very practical at my age. Probably more sensible to be closer to amenities and "civilisation" ?

The computer trainer was excellent. I've booked 3 more sessions, he deducted 25% off his fee if you booked a block of 4. Well worth it. I've been doing some homework today. He advised me to practice every other day saying we have to do something 3 times before it becomes imprinted in our brains.

Pantglas. It's true "perfect" relationships are as rare as hens teeth. Even when reconciliations do happen, the relationship can be very fragile. I often feel like I'm walking a tightrope,

Very tired today. Was awake at some god forsaken hour, hope I sleep better tonight.

Local hero is one of my many favourite films. If I had no family that's where I would have moved to is Scotland. We as a family loved Scotland. Our last holiday which was just my husband,me and our son. Once the children reached 16 they where given the choice to go on holiday with us or not. We didn't know in 2003 that it would be my husband's last holiday otherwise our daughter would have come to. We went to a cottage in Gifford.

Two months later we had the terminal diagnosis. Glad we didn't know sooner otherwise our son wouldn't have had his last holiday with his dad. Hard to think of him as a 16 year old . He will be 35 in August. Then again our daughter will be 39 next week. Glad the years fly by.

Wish I had had computer lessons but then again unless I write everything day I forget . Only just learnt my mobile number it's taken me nearly 3 years. And only because I do my LF test every Saturday and report the results. Took me 4 days to remember the name of pop star Lenny Kravtz ( that's not spelt correctly) . But can't blame age as it's all part of HPX. Like dropping things and not realising I have let go. A third of my dinner ended up on the kitchen floor the other night . I am glad I found the HPX society and from fellow suffers finding out a lot. Like here I no longer feel alone. And all the things that happen to me happen to others. Only took me 64 years to feel I am not a freak.

Reading about what is happening to babies and young children is very upsetting but at least they are diagnosed while very young. Makes me realise how brilliant my parents where. As they must have been out of their minds with worry and being told it was growing pains and I was clumsy. Told that even into my 20's plus time of the month ,age or because I was fat. Thank goodness for modern diagnostics. Even though I was under a neurologist in the Midlands he never mentioned genetic testing. Even the professor I saw in London in 2018 never mentioned it. Thank goodness for my new neurologist. Must admit I was hurt when I let my son know my diagnosis and sent him a copy of the letter with the diagnosis and told him how to get tested. That he never bothered to send a simple text with at least you know mom . My symptoms got worse when he was 6 months old and our daughter 4. But it showed me his love had turned to hate. Which I already suspected but that definitely showed me .

Pantgras and Spring nice to hear from you both. I know moving for me as I have said many times was what I needed . I existed now live my life to the full. Lost my son and 3 grandson's but gain a life.

We all get wrapped up in our labels and I didn't realise I had lost me . It's sobering to think a lot of my identity was wrapped up being a wife and mother plus all our other labels. Would much rather still be a wife. But then again I think of myself as married and hate being classed as single I know I am but hate it. I will always be married and Mrs . I know some people find a new love after being widowed but that has never been what I wanted. I am happy for people who find love again . But my husband was my one and only. Death doesn't end that love. I laugh at myself sometimes when I think of all the things I do and what his reaction would be. But then again I wouldn't be the person I am today if he had lived . My daughter and son always said dad would be proud of you. As neither thought I would cope on my own. My daughter still tells me that . And I am proud especially since my move. Would I rather be a couple of course I would but only with my husband . I am lonely but only for one person and that's him. I am not lonely because I live on my own never have been since both the children left home. Even as a child I was content with my own company. Looking back I was bullied all through school until I was 16 because I was the quiet ,fat ,clever girl who fell down a lot . Once in 6th form the bullying stopped because my tormenters left school for jobs. My brother was bullied but he got his own back once he left school at 16. He hunted them down and beat them up. I know violence isn't the answer but bullies are cowards when on their own. Mind you my brother wanted to thump my son and in his words bitch slap that wife if his. And my brother loves them both but they have hurt me and not only dumped me but all our side of the family. He wants to know what ever did he do to them? I asked him not to do anything and because he loves me my little brother agreed .

As you can see I am in a reflexive mood this morning. Well you probably won't here from me the rest of the week but I am fine. Got my friend from the Midlands coming to stay until Friday tomorrow. Can't wait and see her and show her around. She will met my daughter and grandson's this week for the first time. We only meet in 2018 at exercise class. Hers was before mine and as I am always early for things she spoke to me one day and we clicked. Funny how life works out . She and my nephew and nieces are the only people I miss about the Midlands. My brother and sister in law now live in Lincolnshire so no need to go back to the Midlands again . I wouldn't visit my friend as she has 5 cats one I could cope with but not 5. But then again was never invited to her home when I lived there. We went out or she came to mind. She drives and I don't. But she is coming by train. Her train has been cancelled in the morning but the one after is running. So will be here by 12. 45. Friday she can get to the station she needs to change at. But the local train isn't running to get her home but a friend is picking her up from that station.

Well rambled one as per usual. Have a good week everyone. Will be reading up on you all. Be back later in the week. ?

Smiles I know you'd remember when I went to court for visitation rights to my GC. I envisaged getting the connection back with my estD slowly, through the visits. I thought it would be just before my GD birthday in May and envisaged having a birthday cake & presents for her. But the judge was on their side and even though my D&GD lived with me before he came into my D life, it made no difference.

Well done on your concert Smiles

Hope you are enjoying your friends company Whiff We had a massive thunder storm last night!

Pantglas nice to hear your reconciliation is going well, even if not quite comfortable yet, fingers crossed that will come in time.

Spring moving is a trauma, even if all goes well, it's hard, stressful work, but if you want to move you just have to take the bull by the horns and do it. Good luck if you do.

My move did not go smoothly, I don't like my road, the guy opposite to the left has parked onto my front bumper, and I mean right on, nothing in front of him, so no need. I'm going to take a pic if it's still the same when I leave at 10am. The other guy immediately opposite is ok now, doesn't park onto my back bumper any more, so I have room to get in and out, If it's free, we now have a little friendly chat, so I'm pleased about that. I've fallen out with the guy in the upstairs flat, due to his overgrown garden that joins onto mine, so I can't ignore it, I also view it from my kitchen window [strange but true] I offered to buy it from him as he told me he had better thing to do with his time than tend his garden, but he told me, in a very rude manner, that it's not for sale.

Have a great week with your friend Whiff, I'm sure it will be fab.

Well last night I used some of my new found computer skills. I have a lot of paperwork which I'm not sure whether or not I need to keep. (I'm a bit of a belt and braces type of girl when it comes to keep paperwork. I do tend to hang on to it when maybe it is safe to let go).

So I'm scanning it and will keep it all in digital format. It will save so much space for when I downsize. Ooh get me, I am finally starting to catch up with the 21st century. Lol.

Still nothing on RM. I will keep looking but it's beginning to look like I will be renting (assuming of course the sale goes through ok).

Mustn't count my chickens obviously, but he's an investor, so no dependent sale, he's had his mortgage valuation done, so keeping my fingers crossed. I've have sent Permissions, certificates for works carried out etc, so hopefully there should be nothing nasty further down the line. I have booked a chimney sweep, gas fire service. Not much else I can be doing at the moment .....

Just carry on decluttering, Ooooh Matron.

Off to Aldis in a bit, then a potter in the garden and some more paperwork later. Life in the fast lane ........??

Not a word from my son and DIL.........

I could be dead on the kitchen floor for all they know. Is a quick phone call once a week really too much to ask. There are 10,080 minutes in a week. He can't spare 5 for a quick chat with his mum.

Maybe I will have to stop sparing so many of my minutes next time he crooks his little finger. ?

Yogin.....it is so irritating when neighbours neglect their gardens and you end up with their weeds. I have been known to go next door and cut the seed heads of dandelions and thistles. (She knows that I do it and is fine about it).

Your neighbour is canny enough to buy a flat with a garden and he probably realises that when he comes to sell it will be an asset, flats with gardens being as rare as hens teeth. If he hates gardening so much he could at least just gravel the lot. Then all it would need is the occasional application of weed killer.

Is there not something in the lease which says the garden must be kept tidy.

Well it's only a week since your family gathering DSL, so you may get a call this afternoon from your son. Don't know if the lease states that, if not it should do.

Well Yogin....it might "only" be a week......but my son has had plenty of time to spare for DILs extended family this week.

He is pushing out not just me but my other son too. And no, he didn't phone me yesterday. And he hasn't seen his brother in almost a year. It's just not acceptable.

You can bet your boots it will be a different kettle of fish when he wants his brother to do him a favour or when he wants me to help out.

They will be all over us like a rash then. ?

Looks like a great week weather wise.

Well, I had a lovely time with two of my grand children over the weekend. It is only from about 5pm on saturday night and they have to be dropped in the lay-by near to their house on Sunday morning at 10am. One of them loves to paint and I have plenty of stuff for them. She did a lovely abstract with poster paints and wool, really good. Sadly I forgot to take a photo. My other grand daughter aged 12 wants to be a model and very into fashion. She had an app on her phone and put together outfits which she says she is buying for her holiday with her sister and her mam later this year. It was great and they are so loveable. I cried once I had dropped them off because I have missed out so much of their lives. They both have lots of photos of their other gran parents.

It’s my eldest sons birthday on wednesday and I haven’t spoken to him since that horrible phone call last December. I have a card and I put some money in and some little smiley face stickers on the outside of the envelope.

We are off on friday to Newcastle for a week and I am already getting excited. My youngest son is phoning tonight and one of my friends on wednesday night. Lots of keep my head from spinning!!!

Hope you are all well.

Hi all, sorry I missed the thread jump, been a hectic few days.

I think you're handling all your painful experiences so well PF and a good ramble is often what we need to do so.

Nice to see you ToeToe. I'm sorry you feel pushed out but I'm glad you're coming to terms with it and got something from seeing your girls.

I think we all end up shocked how the estrangement goes on and on yogin - we never imagined it would. Shame about pesky neighbours bah.

Wow, that's a lot of jam whiff. Yum. Hope you are enjoying time with your friend.

Hi spring20 hope you find the strength to move if it's what you decide you want to do. We're just at the start of trying and it is stressful but a new start feels like a worthwhile goal.

Well done on smashing the concert smiles.

Fingers crossed for you as you move forward with house stuff DSL

Glad you had a good time with the grandchildren PP. Enjoy Newscastle.

Daughter has the keys to her house BUT the vendor has taken stuff DD paid her for including fridge freezer which they need, left junk, doesn't know the number to the security system, left the garden a tip (it was much better when the agreed sale), left rubbish all over etc etc. EA finally got hold of her and she said she gave the stuff away that our DD bought. They are phoning solicitor today. OH and the vendor left a key hidden where it could be found and didn't cancel her newspapers. We dread to think what other problems will turn up.

We accepted an offer on our house and are trying to get booking viewed today.

Hugshelp.....I just knew your daughters vendor would pull some stunts like that. She sounds like a total nightmare.

Congratulations on receiving an offer on your house.

Exciting. ?.

I'm having a gardening day.

Hugshelp, sorry your daughter has been treated so badly. What a dreadful person doing such spiteful things to her. Hopefully, once she has sorted these initial problems out she will love her house, everything will get sorted. It takes all sorts.

DSL, you only saw your son the weekend, so he is hardly ignoring you. He is probably so busy and doesn’t mean anything by it.
Yoga, you seem to have been unlucky with your upstairs neighbour, he sounds a very bitter man, can you live as you are or will you consider moving again? If you are otherwise happy is there a way to screen his unsightly garden off? It’s so difficult when you move home you could have lovely neighbours each side and one of them could move.

Actually, it's been 10 days........

. And he has managed to find plenty of time this week to spend with DILs family, so what's wrong with finding a little time for his own family.

I hardly think a quick 5 minute call, or even just a text to say hi is asking for the earth,.

As I said, it's almost a year since he deigned to see his brother....he's fobbed him off yet again this week, because he was seeing DILs lot. He has all the time in the world for DILs extended family but can't spare any for his own immediate family.

But hey. Some of you seem to think I'm being demanding and unreasonable so I'll just leave it there.

Good morning dear friends. Isn't this weather fab; loving it. Went out to buy a pair of black jeans yesterday and got rather carried away so 2 pairs later plus a pair of white summer trousers and 5 tops, I came home with a rather large bag full .

Sounds as if you had a lovely time in Scotland Spring and great that the trip had such a positive effect on your DH's stress levels. Looks as if another one's in order asap. I'm hopeless with computers too and would need an extremely patient tutor to give me any skills.

Have a lovely week with your friend, you've certainly got the weather for it.

I remember the shock I felt when you lost in court Yogin. It made no sense when you'd been such an intrinsic part of your GD's life for, what was it 5 years? To be stopped from seeing that little girl who loved you so much was just wicked IMO.

Sorry about your neighbour. Good neighbours are worth their weight in gold and there's nothing more annoying than having a neglected garden next to your own which you lovingly care for.

Looks as if you and your GD's had a great time on Saturday PP and you must have enjoyed your telephone conversation with your son on Monday.

We had a lovely facetime call with DS on Sunday and I had a little cry when we'd finished. I miss and love him so much and don't know when we'll actually get to be together again. Still hoping he'll come for Christmas but he hasn't mentioned is again, so just have to wait and hope.

Hope your D's getting things sorted with that awful woman hugs. Don't understand why some people have to be so awkward and make life difficult for others, just because they can.

Great news about the offer on your house.

Well your training sounds as if it's going very well DSL. Scanning and storing info digitally way beyond me so thank goodness I have my 'go to tech guy' Mr. S. at my disposal.

Very positive about your buyer, no chain and is clearly keen to be getting on with it.

I don't think that a quick call or text is asking for the earth either and this is the nightmare that you're living with. Are you in or are you out? You just don't know and when you don't and/or aren't sure it is a nightmare.

As our relationship rapidly deteriorated, we only had that to deal with for a few months but I remember it so vividly that as I type this, it feels like my stomach is doing tiny somersaults.

Estrangement is ....... well there are no words that can adequately describe it but at least we know where we stand. We know we're not wanted and eventually stop waiting for a text, an email, that knock on the door or the 'phone to ring.

I don't know what to say to make this easier for you. I wish I did, but as I don't, I'm sending you love and (((hugs))) instead .

Thanks Smiles. Am I in or am I out.....lol. That's exactly what's it's like. As soon as I open my eyes in the morning, it starts, the anxiety, the stomach churning. It takes me a good hour or so to gain my equilibrium.

It's my birthday soon....I guess I'll have to wait until then before I hear from him........and then it will feel like he's only in touch because it's a "birthday duty".

Not a very nice feeling, if I am honest. No one wants to be the "duty visit/call".

Thank goodness my other son isn't the same. We text or speak most days. Just general chit chat......he enjoys a good gossip. He takes after his dad, a pair of chatterboxes. ?.

That's why it's so sad that my eldest son is so changed. He too used to enjoy a good chat, a laugh and a joke. He's become so morose and he doesn't look good. I can't help but worry when I don't hear from him,

Good for you for your shopping trip. Some great additions to your wardrobe, lots of mixing and matching potential. ?

This morning I was up with the larks, took a car full of stuff to the ymca. Still got loads to go. I'll get a skip for the dregs and anything that can't be donated, although I also need to go the recycling centre.

Downsizing is all well and good, but there's so much to let go of. Its only now I've stated going through the loft and the shed that I realise just how much. Anyway little and often and I'll get there.

It's a scorcher here. Time for brunch and then I need to tackle some paperwork for the solicitor,

It's all go. Lol

It’s so warm today and I also went on a spending spree this morning and got some holiday clothes to take when we got on friday.

Today is my eldest sons birthday and he is 48 years old. I remember a hot sunny day when he was born and also when we held a party for his second birthday (1976). I sent him a card and put some money in it. Also texted him this morning and no word so far. Oh well, what did I expect? On 1st July it is my daughters birthday and this morning I picked up a voucher for her and put it back. She is only getting a card this year. Fed up with the whole thing. For the past 7.5 years I haven’t seen or spoken to her and yet I send the cards and the vouchers for birthdays and christmas - No more vouchers. I have had enough so I put the money towards my new clothes.

My youngest son did phone on monday night. Bless him, he is such a lovely. He went along and bought himself a car back on 31st May this year and to date he still hasn’t received the full service history. They promised him they would post it out to him - nothing yet. I feel for him as he was chuffed to bits that he did it all himself. The car was clearly advertised with FSH. I said ask one more time and then say you will give them a naff review. I dont know what else he can do.

I’m going to start and pack this afternoon and we are setting off soon on friday morning.

Enjoy the lovely weather and catch up soon.

Oh I remember those feelings DSL and used to get them whenever DS mentioned his brother so in the end had to tell him I just can't talk about it anymore.

Felt like that when Mr. S. told me 2 days after my mum had dies, that he'd sent an email. Had to get him to read it first just in case there was anything upsetting in it. Dear God, who'd have ever thought we'd end up like this.

I think you're right to just send your D a card and no more vouchers PP. Never sent our ES anything since the estrangement.

Speaking of spending sprees, had rather a naughty day again today but to be fair, it wasn't just me; honest.

Wanted a large plugin cool box to use at the lodge for some extra fridge space so bought a 40L one today in Halfords for £100, reduced from £140.

When on his travels this morning, Mr. S. popped into a new shop that sells ex catalogue furniture etc as we've already bought a lovely mirror and modern standard lamp for our flat. He saw a coffee table so we went for a look.

Coffee table was naff but they had a garden set complete with large parasol for £80.00 (should have been £90 but she knocked a tenner off). Too good to miss so made an instant decision to buy it. I'll get Mr. S. to post a pic.

He took down two of our prized Bowie portraits to avoid damage when bringing it up to the roof terrace, and when putting the first back, with a cheeky grin on his face said "there's dust on the top of this frame". Cheek of the man, it's only dusty because I can't reach and do my best with a feather duster, and when I told him so he said "well you are short".

Good job I can't imagine life without him .

Here it is

Looks fab, very Mediterranean,

One of the things I'm looking forward to with the move is buying some nice new furniture.

I have also decided I will have to treat myself to a nice holiday once the dust has settled. I've not had a proper holiday since 2018. I think I've earned one.

Think you've earned a world cruise DSL.

Well the shopping trip sounds great fun smiles. Glad you found so much you liked. Sounds like Mr S is a great bargain hunter, even if he's a naughty tease (so is Mr Hugs) and the garden furniture looks lovely.

Of course it's disappointing when your loved ones make time for others but not for you DSL. None of us want to feel like the afterthought. I've had friends who expect me to be on call then let me down when we've made arrangements. I simply refuse to be on call for anyone now, unless it's for a genuine emergency. It's worse still when it's family. I'm looking forward to buying some new furniture when we move. Hope you get that holiday too. We had a nice short break in March before we started but reckon we'll have earned something for next year if we managed to get moved this year.

That looks like a great shopping trip.

I would love to have a little piece of garden to sit out in on a night but we live on a corner spot and it is like a fish bowl here.

No word yesterday from my eldest son about his card or cash. Oh well, what did I expect, silly me?! I need to properly back away but it is so hard. We used to be so close when he was younger. I spoke to a good friend on the phone last night and she couldnt believe how my eldest 2 children have turned out. They used to play with her 2 children when they were young. So sad really but that is life.

I cannot get to sleep tonight for thinking about life and things in general. What have I done wrong? At least me and DH are going away for a week and that is something to look forward to. Take care all my lovely friends on this wonderful site and thank you for reading.