Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

My son's and brothers experience as a HGV has only gotten harder over the years. Since my brother started well over 20 years ago the rules have tightened and stricter. Regular medicals are stand. Even though my brother stopped working he wants to keep his licence so he can do some agency work if he needs extra money. He will be 63 in August the DVLA have insisted on a treadmill test. Which he has to pay for himself. Any medical tests the DVLA want drivers to have they have to pay for themselves. My son had glandular fever in 2019 he had blood tests scans etc ordered by his GP on NHS. But the DVLA insisted he had private blood tests as they wouldn't take the NHS results can't remember how much it cost him but I was shocked how much private blood tests where.

Accidents among HGV drivers are high I don't mean crashes but falling off lorries or things falling on them ,getting bruised and sprains mauling with there cargos . They are under a lot of pressure to get to pick up and drop off points on time. There are strict rules about driving hours ,rest periods ,speed limits and they can be pulled over by the police to check the vehicles and weighing the lorries to make sure they aren't over loaded.

Many times my son or brother could be a mile away from their drop but because it was time for a rest period they had to stop. It all shows on their tackograph ( not spelt correctly) which is handed in and checked for any rule breaking.

Agency money isn't that good . Better when full time with a company and both my son and brother had to join the union. Even though my son drives for a supermarket chain he gets filthy . My brother used to pick up broken or burnt out farm equipment some cars and vans but mainly from farms. Many a time a farmer has hosed him down before getting into clean clothes because he was cover in mud,oil or soot.
Mind you he made me laugh one time he fell into a dung heap.

They both enjoyed the job but it's not an easy one. And the turn over of drivers is high especially with younger drivers who don't realise how demanding it is and restrictive .

These are my son and brothers experiences. My son wouldn't stay out over night as he has a young family . My brother did luckily his cab had a full size bed in it. But even though he had a heater he frozen in the winter and boiled in hot weather.

Others here might have family who are HGV drivers and their experience may be different. My brother was in the West Midlands when he drove. He has since moved to Lincolnshire. My son is here in Merseyside.

Smiles glad to hear Mr S is negative. Fingers crossed for yours tomorrow. Going to the lodge with make you feel a lot better. And the dogs will look at their best after being at the groomers.

DerbyshireLass I suppose I reinvented myself when I moved. Had already started a bit when I put my house on the market. As I started on my diet and going to exercise class once I got to 15st 7lb. But it was moving to the bungalow that freed me from the past. I have said before I existed before now live my life to the full. Even though my son decided he doesn't need or want me and hurts . I won't stop it living my life . I can't I would be betraying all the promises I made to my husband. Even without my son and 3 grandson's I am happier since my move that I have been since my husband died.

People here are so different ,living in the bungalow is easier and joining my exercise class and craft group have made lots of new friends. The big plus is the health care here is brilliant. If I still lived in the Midlands even though I was under a neurologist I doubt if he would have done the genetic blood tests. But here it was done as standard and being on the Clonazepam has stopped my jerks and seizures. Ok still got all the others problems but being on the tablet a switch has been turned off. I am no longer afraid of hitting people when out or ending up at A&E because I am seizing.

Even though still having jerks and seizures my daughter and son in law trusted me with their first born been on the tablet since their youngest was born. They trusted to look after him myself and when out with them I was allowed to push the buggy. Even though the first time I crashed into a display cabinet. But my daughter just said I do that and let me carry on

My son and daughter in law never trusted me with their 2 eldest. When they let me push the buggy with their first born and I crashed into a display cabinet the buggy was taken off me and I wasn't allowed to push it again.

And yet my daughter doesn't remember how I was pre 1988 and my son grew up with a mom how had physical health problems. They treated me differently once they had children . And yet my grandson's have never been in any danger from me. My son forgets I brought them both up and they never got hurt because of my illness.

As I have said before our estranged children think they are perfect parents and there is no such thing. I could have written an email pointing out all the things my son and daughter in law have done wrong with my grandson's but I am nor ever been cruel nor a coward. I won't play their games. The sad thing is my grandson's are missing out. I know how much my other grandson's love being with me and me them.

But you sow what you reap and one day my son and daughter in law will find that out.

Let our perfect adult children, who think we were such bad parents that we can’t be talked to, carry on in wonderland if they
know all the answers. I bet they never raise a voice, certainly would not tap little fingers about to go in a plug socket. Can easily do their children homework, can multi task very calmly in all circumstances, always be ready 24/7 to administer words of wisdom in all circumstances. Ask their children in twenty years time.

Allsorts.. Do I detect a little note of sarcasm.. ??

Busy day here. Quite a bit of gardening, Absolutely done for now. . Had an IBS flare up this Mornjng.....I'll spare you all the gory details. ?. I'm fine now but just feel drained. So a simple easy to digest supper (although the flare up was probably stress induced). and then just watch a nice film.

Had the chimney swept.....£55. Last year it was £45. And my little odd job man texted me to say he's put his rates up. Can't say as I blame either of them putting up their fees. It's tough for everyone but especially small traders and one man bands,

I went to Aldi yesterday - food price rises are really starting to bite now. I think we are in for a rough ride.

No news from 2nd buyer so they have obviously not had any offers on their property yet. Just have to sit tight. Give them a couple of weeks to find a buyer. If not then I'll just have to put mine back on the open market.

Hey ho, Que Sera. What's for you wont go by you and all that.

Another family gathering next week (my birthday). DIL and son are being as nice as pie again. They are a pair of funnyosities.......As you can see I am no longer letting them get under my skin or upset me when they disappear off the face of the earth. I am just going to be "super chill" .......and leave them to their own devices.

Anyway Treated myself to an amazing maxi frock from the chazza (£4.50). I do love a bargain.

I have also treated myself to a concert ticket. A special candle lit David Bowie tribute concert in our beautiful cathedral. I never did get to see the real Bowie so this will be the next best thing, lol.

I have decided that once I've moved I will most likely start up my little vintage clothing/antiques and bric a brac business again, I haven't bothered over the summer, partly because I don't really have much summer clothing stock and partly because I have been focussing all my efforts on the house.

It wont make me rich beyond the dreams of avarice but Every little helps ha ha. and the money I make from my little sideline hustles will go towards my "adventure/bucket list" fund.

DerbyshireLass did you get a certificate from your chimney sweep. As buyers solicitors ask for them nowadays to prove the chimney has been swept. Sounds like you have a lot to look forward too. ?

Yes I did thanks.

I know Ive finally seemed to shake off that awful inertia and have started organising some fun stuff.

I can't go on holiday yet but I can start with more outings.

Glad Mr S is on the mend smiles, hope you won't be too far behind.

My brother-in-law used to be a HGV driver whiff. He's passed on now. I was a teenager back in the 70s and he used to take me on a few trips with him - I'm sure there would be strict rules against that now. He had a CB radio and was into the whole 'rubber ducky' thing. I can't remember his handle but he used to have a real laugh with his mates over the radio.

Indeed all this perfect parenting by people who have got it all worked out whiff and allsorts. Isn't it amazing how every generation through history thought they knew what they were doing and only this one has finally got it right!

Sorry about the IBS DSL, and Gl moving forward with the house. It's such a frustrating business. I'm glad you're managing to chill about the family stuff. I love a bargain too, and I love maxi frocks.

Had the most stressful day. Trying to get my ID checks done for the EAs and the solicitors. I have no up-to-date driving licence because I'm not allowed to drive with my sight impairment. My passport is out of date as I've been too ill to travel for a number of years. They have all started using online apps to do the checks and they won't work if you haven't got the right stuff. I have been at it for literally hours today and still no joy. Hubby managed to do his ID but they want him to show proof of funds and again sent an app but the app doesn't work with his particular bank account. The whole living room is covered in papers.
I rang the solicitors to check a few things and couldn't get a straight answer to anything. Our house and boundaries are quirky so the questions on the form don't really work for it. Our deeds are inches thick because it's so old so scanning them all in would take hours and some of the documents are huge so won't fit. Do they want them all? I keep asking the solicitor's secretary for clarification but the bottom line is she doesn't know.
argh!

Hugs. Tell me about it. Online solicitors are supposed to make the process streamlined and quicker. Fat chance. I will never use an online solicitor for conveyancing ever again.

I refused last time but allowed myself to be persuaded this time round. Big mistake. It is just too complicated and far too much like hard work (for the client). As you say half the forms just don't work and the various apps don't "talk" to each other.

Far better to have a face to face meeting, take all your documents in to their office and let them sort it out. After all that's what we are paying them for. ?

Hugshelp I used my solicitor for my house sale and purchase. I started the process in March 2018. I know Covid has changed some things. But I hand delivered all paperwork to make sure they had it. I don't drive or have a passport so they accepted my disabled blue badge as photo ID plus ,council tax bill,energy bill and birth certificate. The estate agent who was selling the bungalow also accepted those when they accepted my offer. I like dealing face to face. When I redid my will and did the lasting powers of attorney it was during strict Covid rules but still did it face to face with my new solicitor here.
I know some on the house and home forum under the help calm me etc thread came unstuck using online solicitors and said they would never us them again as it took longer.

I know when my daughter and son in law brought their house over a year ago the hassle they had all because my daughter kept her maiden name after marriage. It was their second house purchase. They had the same hassle buying their first house. You would think in this day and age solicitors and mortgage providers would be more open minded. When my niece and her fiance brought their house last year they had no such problems. ?.

I hope things get sorted out for you. Hope your daughter has settled into her new home after all the hassle.

Smiles hopefully you are making a full recovery along with Mr S. Enjoy your time at the lodge.

DerbyshireLass hope you are feeling better today. Glad you are making plans for the future including starting up your business again.

Under orders from my daughter to be careful what I am doing next week as they go away for a weeks holiday today. Not going abroad. So I will be extra careful and not do anything silly.

Have done all my preparation for my PIP phone assessment on Tuesday. Taken lot of advice from pension and benefits forum . So hopefully after 34 years of being rejected I may finally get something now I have a name for my condition.

Take care everyone.

Ours is a local office solicitor DSL They have just started doing a lot of stuff online due to covid.
We've got an appointment Monday to physically do what the app won't.

Yeah, those are the things I thought they'd accept whiff. But they said all documents must be dated within the last 3 months - council tax and water bill issued annually so not valid. Online copies not accepted - our Energy company don't do paper copies. And so it went with everything I had to offer. I've basically collected every piece of paper I have that might do it and sent them a list and they said bring the lot in on Monday. Apparently the money laundering rules have been tightened recently. Thank you for your kind words.

Good luck with the Pip. Usually if you have plenty of medical history it's fine - and I'm sure you do!

Whiff "Have done all my preparation for my PIP phone assessment on Tuesday. Taken lot of advice from pension and benefits forum . So hopefully after 34 years of being rejected I may finally get something now I have a name for my condition."

Good luck with your assessment. I was a disability benefits advocate for a long time, so make sure you make very clear how your illness affects you, on a daily level.

They are more interested in that than diagnosis, and I would imagine you have sent your medical stuff off with your claim form (?), or have sent it since.

Many people get DLA/PIP long before an actual diagnosis. It's proof of the effects that count, in their eyes.

I used to advise or people to think about their day - is it difficult to get dressed, bathed etc type of thing.

Preparing/cooking meals. Going out/travelling. Everything.

Blackouts. Balance. Falling/tripping.

How often these effects happen.

You need to show you have more difficulties than would be "normal".

To fit with the so-called "descriptors" - which I'm sure you've read.

These interviews can be difficult, although not always, but if you're succinct and answer them fully, you should be fine.

Best wishes. ?

DiamondLily thank for the advice. I found out on 1st April what my condition is and I was born with it and it's rare. My neurologist hasn't any patients with it so he is having to learn about it. But I joined a closed Facebook group for it and all that has happened with my body all my life is down to the condition. I no longer feel a freak. The group is world wide. Some like me are only getting diagnosed in their 60's but some have babies that have been diagnosed with in days of being born. Thank goodness for genetic blood tests.

They phoned me from PIP yesterday to tell me the name of the woman who I would be speaking to and it may be 30-60 mins after my appointment time she speaks to me. But said that's fine I am a patient person and people are entitled to send as much time as they need. I've waited 34 years since we first tried to claim anything. But it was always the same no name no claim. Even October last year Eon said people could claim £140 if they needed heating on because of health reasons. As soon as I said there wasn't a name that was it I couldn't claim anything. This year is going to be a different matter I have a label.

Thank you for taking the time to write the list. I will add things to my notes. I sent copies of everything I have had from consultants over the years. ?

Yes, it took them over 20 years to actually sort out what my neurological disease was.

It mimicked different aspects of things, and they finally established it all. I can't say it made much difference - it remains what it is, and I just have to get on with it. Tedious though it is.?

I did get DLA though, so at least I didn't have to fight with the DWP - I didn't have the energy!

Good luck with it. ?

DiamondLily that was my problem it was parts of different neurological conditions. What has made a big different is my neurologist put me on Clonazepam before he even knew what was wrong. So for 2 years I haven't had my limbs jerking or seizures. But still have all the other problems plus falling since I was a child and the jerks and seizures has damaged my joints. But not having the jerks and seizures has changed my life. Still in constant pain etc. But I am more confident when I go out. As I never had any warning when my limbs would go out of control.

Moving house I came under a different health authority and a brilliant neurologist otherwise I still wouldn't know what was wrong.

Funny how life turns out. Finally found out what was wrong with me but lost my son and 3 grandson's due to estrangement. His doing not mine.

hugshelp

Ours is a local office solicitor DSL They have just started doing a lot of stuff online due to covid.
We've got an appointment Monday to physically do what the app won't.

Yeah, those are the things I thought they'd accept whiff. But they said all documents must be dated within the last 3 months - council tax and water bill issued annually so not valid. Online copies not accepted - our Energy company don't do paper copies. And so it went with everything I had to offer. I've basically collected every piece of paper I have that might do it and sent them a list and they said bring the lot in on Monday. Apparently the money laundering rules have been tightened recently. Thank you for your kind words.

Good luck with the Pip. Usually if you have plenty of medical history it's fine - and I'm sure you do!

I've read that your National Insurance card, along with a passport sized photo, countersigned on the back by a person who knows your identity, is acceptable.

Whiff. Yes, a good neurologist makes a huge difference. Mine is brilliant, and I travel 70 miles each way to see her. I asked to remain under her when we moved some years ago, and the funding between health authorities was agreed.?

Hope all goes well anyway, and I'm sorry that your son doesn't offer support. My ACs are fine, although my DH's ACs are a bit of a nightmare ?

Morning all

Thanks for all the HGV stories

I had online solicitors, yes could be difficult, but such a time saver. My last house purchase I was always popping in with the docs, although I was passing on route to my work.

Hope you're both better today Smiles and your little doggies are looking beautiful. I tried to book mine in but got the 4th of Aug! He was sooo hot yesterday that I ended up doing him myself, got to his rump and our Chinese take away arrived early [yes really!] so I had to pack away unfinished, he'll be done later this afternoon and then I'll book the groomers for 2 months time.

Morning all. Feeling a lot better this morning so am hoping for a negative result tomorrow. Arrived Friday and getting ready to come, and unpacking when we arrived wiped me out!! Hoping to catch up with friends while we're here but need those negative results.

We did do well but I suppose getting it was inevitable as apparently 1 in 30 have it at the moment but it could be even higher as not everyone gets tested. £9.50 for a pack of 5 tests and we needed 2 packs because it's 3 tests a time. One to see if you have it and a further two negative results to know you're clear.

Hope you enjoyed the Bowie tribute concert DSL, I was so lucky to see him many times the last time for his 'Outside' tour and was on the front row!!

IMO some things just don't work online, and dealing with solicitors when buying and selling houses is one of those times. It's so complex at the best of times and has to be spot on to avoid complications further down the line.

It's good that you have a face to face appointment tomorrow hugshelp. Keeping fingers crossed for you both that there aren't too many complications and hurdles for you to negotiate.

Such a massive improvement in your health care Whiff and all because you moved to a different area. Shouldn't be like that should it. We should get good care regardless of where we live but post codes can certainly make a difference.

The dogs look lovely Yogin. £46 each every 6 weeks but well worth it. You do a great job with yours. I only touch mine in an emergency apart from regular brushing of course, which neither of them like so I don't know how the groomer manages to do such a fabulous job.

Another day of not doing much and watching the tennis. Have really enjoyed it so far, when I haven't fallen asleep that is.

Good to hear you're feeling better smiles.

Glad you're better today/yesterday Smiles take it you got your negative result now. Lot of money £46 every 6weeks x2. Mine was £43 at 'Pets at home' It was about £35 at Joey's new groomers, but they are excellent and just a walk away. I try to book and time it so I'm out, as I hate walking into the house without him there. I finished him off yesterday, he's legs and face I do with scissors, takes ages! I was just about to finish with his tail, when he jumped off the garden seat I had him on and he said enough! so still his tail to do. I wouldn't want to do grooming full time, such a job! Still to give a bath, which he hates!

Tested negative this morning*Yogin*. Thank goodness.

Yes it is expensive but she's very good and like yours is just a walk down the road, less than 5 minutes away and even quicker on the way back when the dogs can't get home quick enough.

PS thanks hugs.

Hi all. Sorry very out of step with you all. We had a lovely holiday at Newcastle upon Tyne.

It was my daughters birthday last friday and I just sent her a card and no cash or vouchers this time. Why should I send them? She has ignored my birthday, christmas and Mother’s Day for the last 7 years. She has never encouraged her two girls to send me anything either. Stuff it! Also I did send my eldest son a card plus some cash and later that day he did send a thank you text but nothing more. Stuff him as well. I am tired of it all and just want to concentrate things on my youngest son in the future.

Smiles glad you are negative. My brother and sister have Covid . They had it 2 years ago before they where eligible for the jab. Both seriously ill for 6 weeks. My sister in law's MS went out if control and she never got to how she was before. They where feeling rough yesterday but bit better today. Think they caught it when they visited her mom in the nursing home. Thank goodness they live in a bungalow now.

I didn't realise how much it cost to have a dog's hair cut. But with this heat bet they feel more comfortable.

Yogin sorry about your neighbour he must be a very unhappy man. Manners don't cost anything . Your garden sounds lovely. Joey must enjoying running around.

Purplepixie glad you had a nice holiday. As much as I love my son and grandson's and as hard as it is not to send cards etc I won't give him chance to hurt me anymore than he has by sending anything for birthdays and Christmas. You are doing the right thing as hard as it is. Best to concentrate at those that love and care for you. Your younger son sounds lovely and he is very caring.

Had my PIP phone assessment this afternoon took hour and 46 mins. Will know in 8 weeks if they let me have anything. She was a nurse who asked the questions and will write the report. I answered all her questions fully and hopefully after 34 years I will get some help. But I won't get my hopes up as I have always been turned down in the past. But I will appeal if I am. I was very tired after doing it which is odd as I was only talking . ?

Glad you had a good holiday PP. I think I'd say stuff it too with sending money.

I'm glad you got the PIP assessment done Whiff* - good luck with the results.