Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

How ironic is it, that the ones that have got rid of us live so near and the good ones so far away, not fair is it.

Thankfully my good ones are near me. A few years back my DD started talking about emigrating to Oz, I said NO she said you can come with us mum, but I said I wouldn't do that, I'd loose my work and my friends and everything I know and love about the UK. I was quite sure they wouldn't go though, as I was sure my s.i.l wouldn't leave his mum, especially when he's dad suddenly died of Sepsis!

I was just saying how nice Whiffs runner beans looked and I'd like some for my Sunday dinner, when my laptop went off, low battery!

Congratulations Hugs on your daughter's engagement!
Yes paper work for moving house is a nightmare. My solicitor was a 'nit picker'

Yoginimeisje - My daughter who I havent seen or spoken to in 7.5 years lives 2 miles away. Infact I pass her house every time I go to the shops. My eldest son, who I havent spoken to since that horrible phone call on 20th December 2021, lives 19 miles away. Yet my fabulous youngest son lives around 100 miles away.

Whiff - lovely runner beans.I was going to grow them this year but used the canes for sweet peas instead. Maybe next year. I have two pots of cherry tomatoes and there are lots of flowers on, so I am hopeful. Also 3 pots filled with carrots and they seem to be coming along great.

A massive congratulations Hugs on your daughter’s engagement! Happy days ahead.

My youngest son will be phoning tomorrow and I am sooooo looking forward to it. No doing much today as it is too hot. DH and I were out in the garden around 9am this morning to do a bit of weeding. Might make a cake. I finished my cardigan but I don’t really like it so it is back to knitting a dog blanket for Battersea.

Take care everyone.

It's a bitter irony isn't it Yogin and PP. We moved 25 miles to get away from our ES and the difference it has made to our lives is more than we could have hoped for.

I moved to live closer to both my children as I lived 100+ miles away. They had both wanted me to for years but had people dependant on me so couldn't move. Once they died I was free to live my life.

My son lives 40 mins away in the car. But once I moved here was never invited to there house. But he came every week with his 2 eldest. Between August and Boxing day only saw my daughter in law 3 times. Boxing day they where here should have gone to them Christmas day but my son said he wouldn't finish work until late Christmas Eve and he would be tired which is knew was a lie but let it go. Was happy to be on my own but my daughter said no and went to their house. She was fuming.

Then I was going to them but he text to say they would come to me and bring all the food with them. My daughter in law sat crocheting and only talked to me if I asked a question. I didn't understand why.

Once I had the email I thought back and realised she was happy only seeing me at most 4 times a year didn't like I lived close by. But will not lay all the blame on her as my son sent the email and letter.

Ironically my daughter and family moved and live closer to me February last year. Only a few miles from where they lived before.

No matter what we do as parents we are dammed if we don't and dammed if we do.

But for what my son has done and how much I hurt I don't regret having him I still remember the loving and caring man he was before 4th May 2020.

Take care everyone and enjoy all the things you have planned.

Having an all mighty wobble. I just want to see my son and grandsons . Why it's hit me tonight no idea. I know his youngest will be 2 sometime this month. This is ridiculous I just can't stop crying. Haven't felt this bad since the estrangement happened. No just the email in May but when the cards and presents all came back unopened in August 2020. My son will be 35 next month and middle son 4. He will start school in September.

I really thought I was handling it but not tonight. Well I will just cry it out and be back to myself before bedtime. ?

Oh Whiff, I’m so sorry your having a big wobble, we all do that, it just gets overwhelming at times and I wish I could help. You have a lovely d and gc who adore you, lots of friends and other family. Your home and garden give you so much pleasure. You didn’t estrange, he did and I think one day that very close bond you had will make him get back in touch, he is probably ashamed of what he did. Go and get some chocolate or a drink, you deserve it, concentrate on what you do have.?

Plus your beans look great.

Whiff.....sending you ❤️?. Hope you feel better soon.

Whiff }}}Hugs{{{

You are handling it Whiff and handling it with courage and determination. I hope you're feeling a little better today. The wobbles are the legacy our EAC have left us with.

Do you remember when we were all talking about those Weeble toys? They wobble but they don't fall down, just like all of us.

Sending you love and (((hugs))) x

Thank you all. Back to my normal self. It had been building for days. Been having problems for a few weeks with missing hearts more than normal. Not in danger of heart attack may just need my heart tablet increasing. My GP has sent a referral for a 24hr ECG. But I can hear my heart beat in my left ear a legacy left from having jaundice. It annoys the hell out of me. Just going to rest today. At least my washing will dry and then water my veg plants later.

Thank you all for caring ?

just make sure you do rest today Whiff or we'll have to put you on the naughty step.

I hope you have a lovely restful day Whiff. It’s awful when things just fall apart in our heads isnt it? I received a text plus 3 photos from my eldest son’s son to say that they were photos of his prom. He looked so grown up and handsome in his suit. It’s 14 months since I have seen him and his sister and I had a good cry. I have missed out on so much of their lives. DH doesn’t understand. So I phoned one of my lovely best friends in the north east who are always there for me. She helped a lot with her words and hugs. We are not made of stone. I would like to be a fly on the wall when their children are older. Maybe what goes around, comes around.
Have a lovely Sunday. My youngest son is phoning some time today.

Hugs to you all.

I'm sorry you were hit by a huge wobble Whiff. We never know when they will come. Do take it easy and get that rest. Hopefully they'll have you looked after and on the right med dose soon. Sending hugs. x

We got our paperwork in to the solicitor at the beginning of last week. Haven't heard anything since. We've been pricing up and comparing surveys. Rang our EA on Friday to check where our buyer is at, as we don't want to fork out on a survey unless things look in order and he hasn't completed his paperwork yet. Ea chased him twice last week and he said he was going to get his brother to help him. They are chasing it again on Monday. The surveyors are booked up quite a bit in advance so I'm getting worried about not booking ours but at the same time I'd like to see some action from our buyer before I commit to more spending. How did anyone else navigate this please?

Sorry about your wobble Whiff, do take care of yourself, this emotion will pass for now.
As you told me...its OK to cry! We all wobble now and then.
Love ?

Hello everyone,

This post is my first here and I’m certain there will be many more. As I read through many of the posts, I knew I’d found a group that will understand what I’m going through. It’s been extremely difficult to open up about it with friends or new acquaintances.

My life has changed so dramatically with multiple estrangements that I truly feel like I’ve died in some ways. I try to remember who I am and in some ways I know I’m still the loving woman I’ve always been, but I’ve become cynical with all this pain, which is very unlike me.

The heartbreak has been very traumatic for me and I’ve come to distrust most everyone anymore. I hate that change, but it’s the reality of how estrangements have affected me.

I’m looking forward to connecting with people who understand this type of grief because they’re experiencing it themselves.

Thank you to all who care enough to respond to any of my posts.

Iseethruit as said many times estrangement is a living bereavement. The relationship has died and you grief for what you have lost . In my case as others I never saw it coming which I suppose made it harder. But then again if you did see it coming it must be agony as knowing there was nothing you can do to stop it .

What shocked me was the way my son disposed of me. I would never have said he was cruel or a coward but the way he did it was very cruel and cowardly via email and letter a few months later. He has cut all our side out of his life. I found out much to my horror how much my daughter in law hated me after she trolled me on another thread and at the time was quite ill and not got my wits about me and clicked on the link she posted as a grandmother who's grandson had given her. It was to Reddit posts. Which was written by her and torn me to shreds. But still love her until one sentence 'FIL died to get away from MIL' any love for her died . How anyone could write such a think about the parents of the man she loves I will never understand. She didn't know my husband he died the year before she met my son.

We all have different stories and experiences but that has got me through the last 2 years. Hope we can help you get through what you are going through. Some here are long term posters and I know how much they have helped me. Without that support I don't know where I could have turned I didn't even know it was called estrangement.

You say you have read the thread as you know I had a wobble but knowing I could admit how I was feeling helped me come to terms with it. Plus a good cry. I thought I was doing ok them wham it hits me.

But the grief I feel for my husband far outweighs the grief I feel over my son and 3 grandson's. At least they are still living.

The pain estrangement causes eats away at you and you question who you are and did you deserve it. But I know I had done nothing in any shape or form to hurt my son and daughter in law in anyway. The only thing I can think of is I moved to live closer to them and my son and his 2 eldest came every week to see me and my daughter in law didn't like it. Was happy I used to live 100+ miles away and only saw me 3-4 times a year .

Post whatever you want and know you are amongst friends who understand what you are going through. You are not alone ?

Hello Iseethruit (great name by the way) and a very warm welcome to this support thread.

So pleased you have found us because we've all experienced how hard it is to tell people about our estrangements; even those we know well. It's easier to talk to a group of strangers on line, especially when those strangers become your friends, as many of us have found here.

It's understandable to become cynical and have problems with trust when your trust has been so badly broken so even here, it can take time to have the confidence to open up.

So take your time, there's no rush. Just say what you feel comfortable saying. You're among friends here, friends who care and understand .

Took my little dog walkies early today, too hot after 9am. I'm always up early, about 6am, but have my first cuppa in the garden, breakfast after clearing the dishwasher and after shower we go walkies, can't do that in this heat! Need to go as early as possible whilst we have this heat wave, predicted to be 33` later today. It was lovely in the park earlier, lovely and fresh.

That's rotten Pixie. My estD lived just 5mins from me and I'd pass their house all the time. I know Smiles lived doors away from her estS and she found that too hard to live with, so she moved and is a lot happier in her new home. Myself and my estD have both moved house now.

Hope you get your hart beat sorted out quickly Whiff my mum used to hear her blood rushing through her ears, as she had high blood pressure, she too hated the sound, and she had an irregular heat beat too, but was deemed normal for her.

I went on a hart monitor when this estranged first reared it's ugly head, but it was just stress from the situation.

Hope you had a good chat with your youngest son Pixie How lovely of your GS to send the txt & photos, now he has had his prom, he must be old enough to contact you independently, so you may get a visit next!

Iseethruit Welcome x

Whiff I had no idea my s.i.l hated me either, I thought we got on fine, how wrong was I, just goes to show, you can't tell what's going on in someone's head.

Welcome Iseethruit - you're in very good company though nobody wants to be in this situation. It really is the most awful pain but the company of good friends here can make it so much more maneagable.