Mum and Dad relationship

Pencil = final straw because all your paternal protective instincts rushed to the defence of your son, and good for you.

However, the damage and humiliation over years and years needs to be worked through with a third party, so really pleased you are seeing a counsellor. Hope you can work it out to a happier place.

Mandrake - thank you!

A sensible post.

I kind of get it. Your parents created negative emotions in you as a child and you don't want your child to have the same feelings you did. You believe you see your son experiencing the same anxiety you did when your parents got angry over something minor, which triggers your protective instinct. Is that right?

You may have to accept you are never going to get the acknowledgement from your parents of past hurts that you are after. The question is whether you can let that go and see if they are different now. I'm glad you're working through all this with a counsellor.

A lot of anger over a pencil. Just think, there are worse things your Dad could have done . Despite the incident he still went to watch your son play. He is your son’s grandfather, who obviously loves him. Get rid of this angst and good luck !

Ok thanks.

Speaking with compassion, as someone who managed a fairly poisonous relationship with my parents, after many years of estrangement, so that my sons could have a good relationship with their grandparents, and given that you’ve posted on a board where many people have heartbreaking experience of being estranged from their children and grandchildren, you might do better asking for, and heeding, advice and support on how to Improve things for the benefit of your son.

Icr123 You come on GN and ask for help and advice but you reject every bit of help and advice you are given, and refuse to even consider anything we say.

I think it tells us all we need to know about the problems in your family and how receptive you are to any view but your own.

All i can say is how sad it is for your young son being brought up in this atmosphere of denied simmering rage.

Zonne - I wanted some compassion etc.

If that isn’t allowed, I won’t post again.

Lovely group so far.

Thank you!

I’m not sure what you want this thread to achieve?

They aren't going to admit they are wrong, so I think for your own sake you need to accept that and move on (easier said than done)

I'm not surprised people on here have got the wrong end of the stick as emotional abuse within families is really complex and I'm glad you are seeing a counsellor.

nadateturbe - we have taken our son away a few weeks ago.

Mainly because I told them about my brother bullying me and they just ignored it.

Do they think I am either lying or they condone it.

Either way not people I want my son to be around.

I couldn’t lie if I tried.

Thank you Sago!

Yes nadateturbe - correct, I want them to hold their hands up and say they’ve been wrong.

But they won’t - I find it hard to accept.

BlueBelle - my son isn’t anxious in every day situations since we reduced their contact with them.

I’m not the one going back to them - they approached me.

Icr123 I have PM’d you.

I think your problem is, you want your parents to admit they are wrong. That's not going to happen. And if they are so bad, why are you letting your son see them?

I think you should just accept the fact you don't get on, and get on with yor life. You need to learn how to be calm when things don't go your way. It's not good for your health to be so angry.

So after all you say is wrong with your father you still go back for more, you have been told by five counsellors to walk away, but nah still there and after 15 months of carrying this anger (over something that you now say is irrelevant)

Take a break from your family if they are as bad as you say they are If your dad is such an arse keep him out of your life

(You see you dad as giving you the silent treatment by not standing near you at the football match, I see it as trying to avoid any kind of public confrontation and a sensible move)

Your attitude is what is making your son anxious I m not wanting to sound harsh but change can only come from you
You cannot change others you can however change how you react to others

Good luck …. try a new counsellor

You say he is doing right thing by standing away and ignoring us.

I’ll give you a counter to that - the silent treatment.

This relates to him wanting control and another form of emotional abuse he does.

He’s done same with my mums mum over the past 5 years.

Still doesn’t talk to her over 1 comment she made.

Ah yes, cos that always helps with someone who is anxious.

Just forget it and stop worrying son.

you could have made your son feel much better yourself by telling him not to worry!

Ok no problem. Thanks for the help.

But can’t you see by standing alone at the football match and arriving late and leaving early your father is doing the right thing he is avoiding any kind of confrontation whilst still getting ti see his grandson
I m sorry to sound like a broken record but you are the one that needs the help the tips on how to behave in confrontation

Your parents might be the worst people in the world and you may have had a nasty childhood but you are fanning the flames with your utter rage Now this rage maybe explainable from your childhood but you need to learn how to release that rage in a positive manner and you are not managing it at all well at the moment

I can even feel your rage at people not agreeing with you on here You need to be able to release that rage in a positive way not the negative path you are choosing at the moment

The bloody pencil is irrelevant here.

If it wasn’t that, it would be something else.

Pencil = irrelevant

We are not doing anything to my son - we allow them to see him, we don’t speak ill of them etc etc.

Why should we allow my mum and dad to do that to him by covering over it?

Because they will keep on doing it and have an be effect on him like they did with me.

We are passing nothing onto our son - except the opposite to how I was brought up.

We talk. We accept we are wrong. We have fun. We open up if things aren’t going perfectly. We celebrate when things are great.

And WE are wrong?

All you had to do was say to your son in the first place don’t worry lad, nanny and grandad are a bit fussy about losing things
Instead you have used it to flare up a huge family feud

Your Dad gave you a letter last night and you threw it back at him in front of your son ….over a blooming pencil You need some help fast If you have five counsellors and none have worked for you then the trouble lies with you

Get some help before you project all your anger and frustrations onto your seven year old, yes, YOU are the one making him nervous
Perhaps you had a horrendous childhood but you don’t have to carry that weight, that hurt, the fears around on your shoulders and pass them all on to the next generation

GET HELP ASAP