Mum and Dad relationship

Smileless2012

I remember out boys going through that stage DL. They'd get up in the morning, their eyes would meet as they came out of their bedrooms and then they were off.

What they found to fall out about when they hadn't seen one another all night was beyond me.

It used to make me laugh - my daughter was very petite (still is), and my son was tall and stocky, he played rugby for his school.

Yet, she was the protagonist - first one in there, fists flying.?

He still eyes her warily, if she starts lol

our not out

I remember out boys going through that stage DL. They'd get up in the morning, their eyes would meet as they came out of their bedrooms and then they were off.

What they found to fall out about when they hadn't seen one another all night was beyond me.

Yes, not sure children fighting could be called parental abuse, and the OP doesn't say he was abused by his parents anyway.

Siblings fight - my two couldn't share a room without a dust up for years.?. Now they get on just fine. The OP still seems to have a problem with his sibling though.

The OP on here has long gone, so it's all speculation anyway.

Re. your post today @ 8.14 Normandygirl that is certainly how the OP and his subsequent posts came across to me.

There appear to be a lot of issues going back to childhood that have found there way into adulthood, that are yet to be resolved.

Definitely Icanhandthemback

Everyone is telling theor stories here

Also isn't it legally only slander if you aren't telling the truth?

Should this grandfather read the accusations levelled at him by people with no knowledge of the family circumstances he would possibly have grounds for legal action, as was discussed in a recent post concerning other matters.

That is the same with every post on here.
It is also unlikely that the grandfather will read it because the poster is anonymous and he hasn't actually named the grandfather or given any identifying information.
Finally, it is unlikely the grandfather would even recognise that his behaviour is abusive as abusers don't appear to be that self aware!

You haven't read the whole thread.

This is why we need the support thread

The Grandfather is abusive, that is clear .Norah Tue 02-Aug-22 15:02:33

Or can we just accept "I was abused" because that is a statement of fact? (Violet Sky)

Neither of these statements can be accepted as facts because they are not verifiable on this forum. They are statements of belief and are made by and about people of whom we have no personal knowledge, and are influenced by posters' personal experience, not impartial observation.

Should this grandfather read the accusations levelled at him by people with no knowledge of the family circumstances he would possibly have grounds for legal action, as was discussed in a recent post concerning other matters.

VioletSky

*I had open heart surgery*

This is a fact, we wouldn't go to someone's thread about the open heart surgery and say "well it's my opinion your heart was fine and you didn't need surgery, also... can you prove it by showing us the scar?"

The OP said their childhood was abusive and they were advised to go no contact.

Which part of your opinion matters more than that exactly?

What is so special and important about you that you can say, well, in my opinion you haven't suffered abuse because you haven't shown me the scars.

And what exactly are you going to do or say if the OP does come back and show them to you?

If the OP comes back and tells you all the painful stories they still need professional help to deal with a.d hirts themselves by doing it?

How many painful stories would be enough?

Or can we just accept "I was abused" because that is a statement of fact.?

Sometimes people come and ask for advice and it's not that simple, because clearly there is a compromise to be had or their thinking needs help, or they may make their situation worse or end up regretting a specific action.

But when they say "I have been abused" how does anyone possibly think that their opinion matters more than anothers feelings?

I truly don't understand it and why people do it on these threads

I really don't understand your post, the OP doesn't claim to have been abused by his parents. In fact his OP is outlining his annoyance at his parents for not speaking to him because of his behaviour towards his father.
The abuse he claims was at the hands of his brother when they were small, and everyone has accepted "that as a statement of fact", I have not seen any posts saying otherwise.

imaround

I remember that feeling of anxiety I had as a child due to my emotionally abusive mother. I never knew what would set her off. I remember getting home from school and would just stand outside the door with my hand on it trying to prepare myself because I had no idea what version of my mother would be on the other side of it. That image is seared into my brain all these years later.

Would she be upset because I forgot something? When she was she would refuse to talk to me and stare with a dirty look. I literally ran through my mind of what I could have possibly done this time. Most times, I would have to guess.

Heck once, while my mom was gone, she had left a list of chores. I was trying to be nice and mopped the floor for her. You know, do a little extra. She went crazy when she got home. Screaming and throwing things. I had no idea how it went from me trying to be nice and do something extra to her having a meltdown over it.

The situation in the OP is not about the dang pencil. It is about how his child is made to feel anxiety for forgetting his pencil. That is what is abusive.

Anxiety is often not caused by a single incident.

I relate to this so much, and i fully agree.

I remember that feeling of anxiety I had as a child due to my emotionally abusive mother. I never knew what would set her off. I remember getting home from school and would just stand outside the door with my hand on it trying to prepare myself because I had no idea what version of my mother would be on the other side of it. That image is seared into my brain all these years later.

Would she be upset because I forgot something? When she was she would refuse to talk to me and stare with a dirty look. I literally ran through my mind of what I could have possibly done this time. Most times, I would have to guess.

Heck once, while my mom was gone, she had left a list of chores. I was trying to be nice and mopped the floor for her. You know, do a little extra. She went crazy when she got home. Screaming and throwing things. I had no idea how it went from me trying to be nice and do something extra to her having a meltdown over it.

The situation in the OP is not about the dang pencil. It is about how his child is made to feel anxiety for forgetting his pencil. That is what is abusive.

Anxiety is often not caused by a single incident.

I had open heart surgery

This is a fact, we wouldn't go to someone's thread about the open heart surgery and say "well it's my opinion your heart was fine and you didn't need surgery, also... can you prove it by showing us the scar?"

The OP said their childhood was abusive and they were advised to go no contact.

Which part of your opinion matters more than that exactly?

What is so special and important about you that you can say, well, in my opinion you haven't suffered abuse because you haven't shown me the scars.

And what exactly are you going to do or say if the OP does come back and show them to you?

If the OP comes back and tells you all the painful stories they still need professional help to deal with a.d hirts themselves by doing it?

How many painful stories would be enough?

Or can we just accept "I was abused" because that is a statement of fact.?

Sometimes people come and ask for advice and it's not that simple, because clearly there is a compromise to be had or their thinking needs help, or they may make their situation worse or end up regretting a specific action.

But when they say "I have been abused" how does anyone possibly think that their opinion matters more than anothers feelings?

I truly don't understand it and why people do it on these threads

Yes opinions do differ on many things Norah which is to be expected.

Indeed, Smileless, very different views to what was posted.

Opinions differ on many things. When I first posted here I was so aggrieved, many posters felt I should intervene and talk to my daughters about their MIL being estranged. I'd do no such thing, none of my business and I don't believe in taking sides in a family. Sweep my own side of the street!

I don't think anyone's rug sweeping Norah simply different interpretations of what's been read.

I think it's clear that OP's father sounds indeed textbook abusive, controlling, mean, bullying unable to just stay away (football). I can't imagine rug sweeping the GP behaviour.

The OP references their childhood as being "abusive".

The OP mentions having seen no less than 5 different mental health professionals who back that up.

I'm not sure it is really OK for a third party who wasn't there and doesn't know the full story to say "No it wasnt"

I wouldn't want to be a person who thought it was OK to say that.

Would you?

I agree with you Normandygirl, there did appear to be anger directed at his brother, because of his relationship with their parents and inheritance.

As the OP hasn't been back for sometime, we can only hope that for the sake of all concerned, especially the GS that some resolution has been found.

Norah

Allsorts, thanks for disagreeing politely! I think the GP is a bully and a control freak, not worthy of being around any precious children.

We don't know that the GP was a bully and control freak though.
I don't understand why the OP would be happy to use the GP's as before and after school childcare if that were the case. We don't know why the GC was anxious about the pencil either. It could be a simple case of it being required for school and the GF reminded him of that. Perhaps the GP is worried about his son's mental health and uses the football to check that his GS is OK? We really don't know what is going on. There are way too many inconsistences and anger about his brother, wills etc , that it's impossible for anyone to unravel it all. Not sure how you have come to such a decisive conclusion that the GF is a control freak and bully.

Norah, As H.M. said, recollections may differ. I would give a wide berth. Walking on eggshells is precarious. Some people could argue in an empty room for sure, life is too short.

Allsorts, thanks for disagreeing politely! I think the GP is a bully and a control freak, not worthy of being around any precious children.

The grandson is a pawn in all this, poor child. Don’t blame father from avoiding conflict, but he can’t win.
Norah, have to agree to disagree with your comments.

Well, we have to do what we think best, but, as I say, the OP has long gone, so it's all hypothetical now.?