Things to avoid saying to an estranged parent

Maybe you guys can understand how I felt early in the thread
I'm afraid I can't, no. The thread was started and has had so many excellent contributions, from different perspectives, different angles and experiences. Just because you start a thread, doesn't mean that every opinion will chime with your own or even agree with you; that's how chat forums work: every one gets to have their say, even those you may not like. But you really can't demand to have a thread taken down when it's not going the way you expected or hoped for. You can't police any thread; that's the admins job. I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.

I was wondering if there is more stigma attached to being the one who is estranged rather than the one who did the estranging...

Now that's just silly. I'm one who "did the estranging" and you know that others, in the same situation, have also posted and not been stigmatized.

So if Badger comes back and explains why they felt justified to say what they did... all good?

That's a strange thing to say. Do you know Badger personally and are able to summon him/her to come back on the thread?

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This thread has been really productive and enlightening for everyone vs; don't let it veer off track again; it's rare that posters from all angles of estrangement have exchanged their views. Please take it as a positive thing.

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Badger, your views on EPs are clear, they’re the people responsible for any emotional psychological or psychiatric difficulties their adult children live with.
Polarising discussion, demonising some and painting others as irreparably damaged by Bad Parents, is a simplistic unhelpful and some could argue prejudiced view point.

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I don't know Badger

Not my place to police what others say
I agree

I didn't start the thread for my benefit

Just remember it takes 2 to have an argument

No one apologised, just explained why they felt justified which really only just enforced what they were saying

They said what their perception was. Some tried to explain possibly WHY that was some people's perception based on how it was posted. It was acknowledged that that may not have been your intention. You explained what your motivation was. People may or may not believe you, which in the end is their perogative, but the nature of the posting following on suggests that they have accepted it.

No idea what Badgers explanation might be, or whether it will be accepted. People are entitled to express their views on comments whether about themselves or someone else, just as you did. Hopefully a poster can explain their perception, people accept it as the reason for that perception.

For me I see it as a continuous way of learning. It might make me/someone about what they would do/say differently next time, and things can move on.

Which is good

Well, I would interpret those comments and the comments agreeing as trying to hurt my feelings. They could have been said in private but they were said where I could hear them.

It wasn't even a general statement, it was personal to me and look at the reaction a general statement got.

Well, I'm better than that so that is a comfort to me at least

Oh dear and now that the thread has slipped again into more angst. What a shame.

I genuinely do not understand what is suggesting "through a guilty lens" on this thread Badger , and what the guilt is supposed to be about?

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Maybe there is a clue in the fact that, someone has disagreed with the way I have been treated and somehow I have been blamed for that?

Does it not come back to the original behaviour that was commented on?

All problems have an origin right?

But there is no argument vs! No one is arguing with you! People have said how good the thread has veen; they're not arguing with you or stigmatising you; they're simply not all agreeing with you. I've tried very hard to explain this as kindly as I can; no one is "against you" or stigmatising you because you estranged your family; and, but be absolutely fair, you've been offered more kindness, compassion and understanding from Estranged Parents than you've sometimes shown them. I've been offered the same and far from feeling stigmatised, I'm deeply grateful to them for that support and friendship.

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Chewbacca do not worry, I'm absolutely fine, I was just a but frustrated but I'm OK now

Well, I would interpret those comments and the comments agreeing as trying to hurt my feelings. They could have been said in private but they were said where I could hear them

I'm sorry that that is the case Violet. On public forums sometimes things are said which might be hurtful, possibly deliberately. But why would that impact on you really, when you are so clear about explaining yourself, so able to put your point of view, have the pleasure of having been the instigator of a thread that many are saying (both EACs and EPs) is useful and informative. Well done you!

Well, I'm better than that so that is a comfort to me at least

Good

I have had very personal comments about me made on public threads on GN, with huge assumptions made about my motivation/life situation etc etc. Seriously expressed comments have been openly laughed at! Sometimes that has been because of the way I said something. Sometimes a misunderstanding of my point or my motivation.

As have a few other posters both EAC and EPs, over the years as I have observed.

I have also learnt from comments made about my posts, perceptions that people have expressed, about what I would do differently next time to avoid the same thing happening. Which I see as a positive learning for me, even if I would have preferred that it never happened in the first place.
I hope that the thread can move on again, I truly do.

Passive aggression does suck

Much prefer people actually just saying what they think, even if it does make them laugh...

Unless assigning thoughts, feelings and motivations to others that aren't there of course.

I've got a logical brain and prefer reason too

Gotta go anyway, family game night

Another day then to discuss "Passive Aggression" then and the context of that on this thread!

Enjoy the games night!

I’m not going to go back and create a detailed list of examples of this for you

I wasn't expecting you to Badger I just don't understand where "guilty lens" comes in, guilty of what? Being an EP?

Never mind, hopefully thread can continue to be useful.

Another day then to discuss "Passive Aggression" then and the context of that on this thread!

That sounds like an excellent idea for a thread Madgran good thinking!