Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Allsorts I think many of us who've been estranged are finding the whole H & M debacle difficult. I haven't watched their latest BS and didn't watch the Oprah 'interview' but it's all over the news isn't it, which means I'm at risk of wearing out the mute button in our tv control.

You're not finished. You have a life to live and people who care for, admire and respect you. Those are the ones we need to focus on.

Glad you felt better after your nap yesterday hugs. You must be worn out with all the stress of completing on the sale and then actually moving.

#Bumped into an ex friend of ES and his wife's last night. Haven't seen her for at least 6 years although we see her face book and she sees Mr. S's. It was so good to see her and we exchanged wonderful hugs, it made my day.

Going to have a light lunch before heading off to our concert this afternoon.

Sorry you're feeling low Allsorts - I do know what you mean. Totally.

Glad you got such pleasure from seeing the friend smiles.

We had a walk down to the town today. It's a pleasant little walk and we like the look of the shops etc. Grouting for me this afternoon and flatpack for Mr Hugs.

Morning everyone. This thread will reach its maximum 1000 posts with just another 22 to go after this one, so I'm going to get the next one set up before this one closes.

This is a very difficult time of the year for so many of us, so it's important to ensure we have somewhere to share and care for and support one another.

It does catch up with you hugs when you move, such a lot to do and sort out, look at me, a year on and still have my old add on some sites. Got an email from Evri about delivery, same with them, uncontactable, apart from I can state 'leave on porch/door step' which I'll do. Just embarrassing having to phone the new owners of my old house. Got a dehumidifier to sort out the condensation, it's doing the job.

Hope your carol service went well Smiles sure it did. Thanks for lovely comments re Joey, he is adorable. Hope to get my Xmas tree today, if not def tomorrow, looking forward to putting it up and decorating inside and out.

Allsorts I don't have netflix so can't view M&H, but I feel the same it's diabolical! Apparently King Charles has said he doesn't want them at his coronation. M&H are still using there royal titles though, they should hand them back if they feel so venomous against the royal family! They say they don't want to be in the limelight but are making millions on netflix and personal appearances.

We were a couple of singers down Yogin but it went well and our choir master was pleased.

Mr. S. has watched it but I can't even bear to have the sound on when clips are shown, I can literally feel my blood pressure rising. It's like listening to our ES and his wife.

Yep, two Joey fans here. Hope you get your tree today and have fun getting your decs up.

I will never watch the H&M carryon! She should have met a rich super league footballer and buggared off with him. I used two like him at one time.

I had a fantastic day yesterday with my youngest son at London. We had a fabulous time. Photo of the christmas tree outside of Battersea Power Station. All too soon I was on the train and back home. Lovely memories but it was magical when it started snowing.

Having a quiet day today and knitting dog blankets for Battersea cats/dogs home. My son did suggest calling in there yesterday but I know that I would want to bring a cat for dog home with me. Memories.

So pleased you had a lovely day Pixie, I used to love going into London when all the decs were up.

Oh me too, I would find it hard to resist bringing them all home.

I think all those address changes to remember is one of the worst things yogin. We've got a dehumidifier. Our old house was a really old house and needed a bit of help with condensation in the winter. Giving it a run in the attic atm.

Good to hear the carol service went well smiles.

Glad you had a wonderful day Pixie.

We got ourselves signed up with the local dentist today and I got my writing/admin corner set up. Feel a lot more organised now I've got a proper space to work and keep my files etc. Mrs Hubs has been valiantly demolishing the empty box mountain.

Glad to see Smiles got the next thread up and running.

Will read up in a few days what everyone has been up to.

Been trying to help my friend with her grief. My daughter's taking me to the funeral tomorrow. But found it brought back floods if memories . Other funerals I have been to have been friends parents apart from my cousin's wife. Which was over 5 years ago and brought back floods then. Thought I had a handle on my grief seems I'm wrong.

It's a burial which I have never been to before. I need to hold it together to help her but don't think I will be able to .

Just feeling all mixed up today.

Will be back in a few days. Take care everyone.

I hope the funeral goes well Whiff. Will be thinking of you and your friend.

Just having you by her side will be all she needs Whiff, my thoughts are with you today.

Well Mr. S. and I have been having a good laugh this morning. I have another choir practice this evening with a choir I don't know. One of our members asked for some of us to join her's for a Boxing day concert to make up the numbers.

She gave me the 4 songs we'll be practising tonight, but not who they're by and some of the ones with the same name are most definitely for children and/or very jolly, so we've had images of a scene from 'Sister Act' as Mr. S. and I have been jigging along to them.

Now where did I put my Habit?

No idea if they're the right ones or not, so this evening should be very interesting.

That image is going to stay with me smiles.

As long as it doesn't give you nightmares hugs.

🤣

Choir practice was cancelled due to the weather and I'm feeling like a little girl, just loving the snow because I can't remember the last time it snowed on the run up to Christmas.

Allsorts I hope you didn't hurt yourself moving the snow or get bitter cold. I am glad to have moved here as it gets so windy any snow doesn't settle. Mind you I have never known it so cold since I moved here. It's 15° in my living room so put the heating on. I have tried only having it on for 2 hours of a morning and in the evening but it's to cold. I am worried about heating bills but my joints are suffering from the cold so have to have it on. In all the years my daughter has lived up here she has never known it so cold.

H&M are ridiculous. They should be ashamed of themselves. They are like to moody teenagers they say they want privacy but in fact they want look at me, look how hard done to we are. Aren't our lives tragic . H is poor me my mom died when I was young. So do hundreds of thousands of children have parents die when they are young. But they don't harp on the fact, they don't say look at poor me and blame things going on in their lives down to the death of a parent. H&M have millions of pounds they never want for money. Their children will never know hardship .

I feel sorry for Charles and William they have put up with all H&M say and do and can't defend themselves. How many of us here are in the same position. Our children say what they like about us and we can't defend ourselves nor do we stoop to their level.

I felt and still feel I was accused of a crime ,tried, sentence past and didn't even realise I had done anything wrong. And I will never know why this happened.

Helping my friend brought back all my husband's death and aftermath. The year my husband died our son would go out most nights and wouldn't tell me what time he would be back he was 16. Some nights he can home drunk. I never told him off as I understand it was his way of dealing with his grief. Our daughter when mad at him for his behaviour. What my son doesn't know is I never slept until he can home and the nights he was drunk I spent all night going into his room to check he hadn't choked on his own vomit. And I am a bad mother.

When he met his future wife I was so happy I got my happy boy back and she has made him happy. I grew to love her as my own.

Helping my friend has brought back my husband's death because I know exactly what she is going through but it's brought back all the hurt and sadness of the early days of estrangement. Haven't cried this much since I can't remember when.

I want him to come here and explain himself as I have had more than enough of this crap. But I wouldn't contact him as I will only get more hurt by his ignoring me as he has so far. When I let him know about my HPX and sent him a copy of my Neurologists letter and how to get tested as he could be a carrier for it. I heard nothing. As he has known my friend and her husband all his life I let him know he died. He knows how much they mean to me and his dad but again silence . He was cruel and cowardly the way he dumped me as his mom but has shown himself to be callous as well.

To be honest my son and daughter in law are treating me the same way as my in laws treated my husband and me . And by extension the rest of our side of the family. I put up with the treatment my in laws dished out from 1975 until 2015 when my mother in law died. Because my husband didn't like his parents but he loved them. Things they did and said would make your hair curl. But we never gave up on them . His mother got worse after my husband died but I still went every week,was her emergency contact and protected her from treatments that she didn't want , made sure medical staff knew here medical history and helped her in anyway I could no matter all vileness she dished out. What mother denies the fact she ever had a son or had 2 grandchildren. And they never gave up on her either .

Like I say because of helping my friend it's brought things I had dealt with and come to terms with years ago right back . And everything feels so raw again.

Yesterday my daughter took me to the funeral. Should have taken 90 mins took us an hour longer . Luckily we set out extra early and arrived in the church just as the vicar started the eulogy my friend had written . It was beautiful and couldn't help but cry. It was a burial and the coffin was a willow one which was beautiful and simple. Which is exactly what they both wanted . Luckily the burial service didn't take long as it was below freezing. She looked so broken. The wake was held in a lovely pub and the room we used was beautiful. But for all it was such a sad day there was love and laughter. And delicious food. Which he would have loved as my friends husband had 3 loves her ,his football team and food . Depending how hungary he was which of the 2 came first but my friend was the love of his life and he hers.

We sat a big table and was joined by her friends. All career women. They where lovely. One asked if I was a counsellor as well. But I have never been a career women. What has made me happy was being a wife and mother . I have never been the sort of person who wanted riches and expensive things. Then I became a widow, mom and nannie and adjusted to that new life. I am still a wife to me and always will be . I am still a mom and nannie but only allowed to be to half my family. And that's sad.

Sorry this ramble is me me . But like I said it's brought back things I had long dealt with.

Because my friend won't have anything special from her husband Christmas and we had decided not to buy eachother gifts this year. I couldn't not let her have a surprise. So made her a hamper of some things she would like. Just some of my home made jam, marmalade and chutney. Plus some treats from Aldi and some nice soap and body cream from a company on Etsy as I know she loves their things because I brought her a hamper of their soaps for her birthday. I talked to her nephew and he had his car with him so my daughter took him to get it and told him not to give it to her until near Christmas day as I don't want her to send me anything. I put a card on the present explaining why I have done it. I even put in a small bottle of prosecco for her as she loves it.

I text her when I got home to say how beautiful it was and she had done her husband proud. She sent back that having me and my daughter there made it special. She's like me only says what we mean. Like me she has had health problems for years including cancer scares and yet it's her husband who died like mine.

That's why is so important to live your life to the full as none of us know how long we have and all of us know life is unfair . So as my husband said live the best life you can.

Hugs the first year in a new home is all pay out as you get to know your new home. I hadn't been here long and the sewer pipe went on my drive. Luckily I have always had Homeserve.

Oops better post this ramble before I lose it . Back in a minute.

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It would have cost thousands to have it repaired they had to dig up part of my drive . 4 men here all day and sewerage tanker had to come and clear out the gunk as one of the men put it. Repaired my drive like new when the work was finished. Had Homeserve since they started and over the years saved thousands in plumbing and heating engineer bills. I know some people don't like paying every month incase they never need help but to us it was peace of mind and included the boiler service every year. We always paid a bit more so no excess. For me since my husband died having it is piece of mind as they are available 24/7 365 days a year. Had to have them on Monday had a leak from the valve of a radiator. I saw a drop of water on my carpet on Friday so phoned them straight away. They could have come that day but I was going out so came Saturday. But he was a boiler engineer but I get him to check my other 2 radiators and when he took the cap of they had a bead of water. So he rebooked my appointment for Monday with a plumber. My appointment was 8-1 so no heating on after 7 as I didn't want him to get hurt by a hot radiator. Good job as he had to drain the radiators. He didn't come until nearly 1 . I had 6 layers of clothes plus a hoody blanket my daughter brought me she brought me 2 as she was worried I would get cold as I hadn't been having my heating on all day. I hugged under 3 fleeces it was 15° in my living room. But the plumber was very good took him 90 mins he waited to check they where working and bled them as well. The hall valve had been changed last year as it leaked.

Pixie love all your knitted creations . Craft I find relaxing . I unlike you only do one but I fine my cross stitch addictive. You are multi talented. Glad you had a lovely time with your son.

Smiles I have an image of you as Whoopi Goldberg's character upto mischief. Including what she got up to in Sister act 2. Enjoy singing you heart out and raise the roof off the church. With Mr S all smiles cheering you on.

Yogin does Joey have a Christmas outfit. I love the fact he brings you so much joy. Unconditional love and someone to always have a cuddle. Sadly hear Tuesday my neighbours old jack Russell had died but she was 14 and always used me as a leaning post when we met. Only one dog left in our road and she's 12 . She's funny since a pup she will never turn left out of their drive only right so they have to go the long way round to get too the park.

A friend at craft group has recently had a cat from a rehoming centre. She has a dog. And read if you put foil under your Christmas cats won't go near it. This cats loves the foil and rolls over it then tries to climb the tree.

Craft group secret Santa today. Made brownies,cheese biscuits and mango chutney and sweet potato filo parcels to take . Went a bit mad baking . The pictures are of my secret Santa present and my lasted finished work .

Well better shut up. I go missing for a few days and can't stop taking . 🤦. But that's me in real life. Sorry if I missed anyone out.

I'm so sorry the funeral has left you feeling so raw Whiff. I'm sure your friend will appreciate the comfort you gave her and I hope there's some comfort in that for you. I think we've all wondered what crime we committed. In the end, I learned to tell myself if they can't tell me what the problem is then it must be their problem. Sometimes it really isn't about you though they make it so.
The hamper you made sounds lovely.

I've never had homeserve but I will look into it. Thanks for that.

Those cross-stitch pictures are gorgeous.

Had a short walk this morning but golly it was cold. Pottered on with a few jobs, but slowed down now. Going for our boosters tomorrow and they usually knock me for six so expecting to snooze for a couple of days.

Your cross stitch pictures are beautiful Whiff. It's lovely to have a creative outlet isn't it. Cross Stitch for you, knitting for Pixie, is it you hugs that writes? And for me singing. Yogin has her yoga which is great for the body and the mind.

Wednesday must have been a difficult day for you Whiff, seeing your dear friend with her grief which will still be so raw, and bringing back the pain of your own loss, which like it is with estrangement, never really goes away.

We had home serve cover in our previous house because there was a manhole cover on our front garden, so any issues with that pipe would have been our responsibility. Thankfully we never needed to put the cover to use, but the peace of mind having the cover brought was certainly worth it.

Telling yourself over and over again that if your EAC can't tell you what the problem is then it must be their problem, is so important, especially in the early days hugs.

Bitterly cold here as it is everywhere. So cold that for the last 3 mornings Mr. S. has had to carry our little poodle for at least half of the dogs morning walk because he gives up and sits down.

We think it's because it's too cold for his little paws. Thank goodness they have their jumpers and warm coats that go over them to keep them warm.

When he brings them back and I take them off, I can feel how warm their little bodies are.

Went to the pictures last night to see 'Moonage Daydream', a film about Bowie which was brilliant. It was so well done that I couldn't help thinking that if he was still alive, and had made the film himself, he'd have done it in exactly the same way.

Rather treacherous walking to and from the cinema so Mr. S. held on to me just in case.

Hope your boosters go OK today hugs.

Do write a bit, yes smiles. Not much lately due to the house move but hoping to start getting back into it. Not too bad from the jab so far - sore arm, chills, bit tired.

Both my arms were sore for a while hugs. Left from the Covid and right from the flu jab.

I've had to cancel today's singing lesson as I've got the beginning of a cold and a sore throat. Really frustrating as we have a concert tomorrow and I don't know if I'll be able to sing.

Got back with the weekly shop yesterday afternoon and as I was putting things in the fridge, it packed up. It's a fridge freezer and neither are working.

Luckily I took out cover about 4 years when the fridge packed in; good news. Bad news is they can't come until Thursday but we managed to pack everything into our second fridge, got quite a lot into the second freezer, and our lovely girls next door managed to make room in their freezer for the rest, so at least nothing will get wasted.

Fingers crossed it can be repaired but if not the cover means it will be replaced.

Oh dear, not the best day with a cold and a dodgy freezer smiles. Hope all is well on both fronts soon.

Had a tired, sleepy day today. Mr Hugs got the last curtain pole and curtains up. That's good because it really does make a difference to keeping the warmth in. Enjoyed strictly and ready for bed again now.

Off for early Xmas lunch at our daughter's tomorrow.

The funeral did bring back memories. And my friend looked so broken . As soon as I heard the eulogy she had written the flood gates opened . It's was all about the love and life they shared and their strong belief they will be together again one day. Don't know if I have already written this but the coffin was made from willow and it was beautiful. Perhaps you shouldn't say that about a coffin but it was. A lovely poem was read about all about love . And the song that was always played at his football teams matches was played it was in Welsh . It was -5° where the funeral was held luckily the burial service only took 10 mins. I did worry when my friend threw a rose onto the coffin she would fall in but she was find and other members of her husband's family threw in a rose as well. She had picked a sunny spot for their joint burial plot.

The wake was only 10 mins away in the next village. Beautiful room . I recognised his brother straight away as he looked like his brother it had been 36 years since we last met at their wedding. We sat at a table and was joined by an old neighbour of theirs and 2 old work colleagues of my friend . She retired from where she worked last year but still had her private practice 2.5 days a week.

Food was brought round by waiters and my friends husband would have loved it as it was the best food I have eaten at a wake. The room was full of love and laughter . My friend and I hugged and laughed at stories of both our husbands. May seem odd but it was the best funeral I have ever been to. While saying goodbye to her my daughter gave the hamper to her nephew I had told him not to give it to her until near Christmas day. She would worry as we had agreed no presents this year. But I explained in a card attached to the present why I had done it.

Once home texted my friend to let her know we got back took us 3 hours. She said having me and my daughter there made the funeral.
Funny to think of all the people there we had known eachother the longest. And will remain best friends until the day we die. Hopefully we both have a good 20 years left in us. Like me is has had health problems for decades and like me it's our husbands who die first. Doesn't seem fair but that's life for you that's why it's so important to as my husband said live the best life you can.

Death and estrangement produce there own grief. Death grief is by far the worse if its the death of your other half of yourself as in my case I haven't been whole since my husband died. Estrangement is a living grief the persons are still alive but the relationship has died. Unfortunately it's not the estranger who feels this way as they feel they are superior and justified with their actions. But us parents and grandparents who suffer and for why because they decided we are disposable.

I felt an overwhelming need to contact my son recently and get him to see me. But thanks to some wise words from friends here I won't do it. I will not allow him to hurt me anymore than he has already. I suppose the funeral and my visits to my cardiologist Wednesday and neurologist in January made me think of wanting to see and get all the answers to why he decided to dump me because it's not what he put in his email or letter.

My daughter is taking me to the hospital as my grandson breaks up from school on Tuesday was going to get a taxi as it's an early appointment and my bus pass doesn't start until 9.30. I am not retirement age but here women and men get a free bus and local train pass at 60. I won't let her wait as I can get a bus just outside the hospital which will take me home. Anyway I don't know what the appointment is about as he just sent it to me but not worried as no point worry won't mend the hole in my heart or stop me missing heart beats.

Anyway far to much of a ramble about me.

Smiles and Hugs hope you are both recovered from your jabs. Thank you for your kind comments about my cross stitch. I am addicted to it.

Smiles hope your cold isn't to bad and you can still sing. Sorry about your fridge freezer why do they always go like ovens just before Christmas. Thank goodness you have back ups and the girls could help out. When I had my new kitchen 3 years ago took out extended warranties which covers if they can't be repaired then I have a new one . If the model I have is no longer made then the newer version is the replacement.

Haven't been to the pictures for over 6 years. There is a picture house near me which is an independent one run as a charity . Lower prices than the big boys and Thursday they have a £1 film for over 60's but it is the same time as my craft group and that I will never give that up.

Posted incase I lost it.

Hugs and DerbyshireLass hope you will be bit straighter ready for Christmas . I still had unpacked boxes until last year and I have been here since August 2019.

Hugs have a lovely lunch with your daughter today.

Had my youngest grandson yesterday morning for a couple of hours he has a terrible cough but no trouble having his medicine . I was worried as my hands shake but he opened his mouth wide so I didn't miss. When my daughter and grandson came they had lunch with me. I had made mango chutney and sweet potato puff pastry parcels as I had filling left over from the samosas. Trimmings made into cheese straws. Made choc chip cookies. Also had in all things I knew they liked. Both boys helped nannie get things sorted. Had made butternut soup the day before. Boys don't like soup but my daughter and me enjoy it.

Hard to believe this time next week it's Christmas day.

Bother just realised I had already written about the funeral. But that's me in real life I repeat myself and don't realise I have done it 🤦🤦🤦🤦.

Well better shut up now. Stay warm and keep well everyone.

The final post on this lovely support thread. It's great that the next one is already up and running in time for Christmas and to see us into 2023.

for all who take the time to share, care for and support one another. What a great group of ladies you are.