I've spent a lot of time trying to understand my mother so I can heal myself from her behaviour but everything I find just leads me to, literally how boring a narcissist is.
Yes I know, armchair psychologist etc but nearly 4 decades of this woman and reading every article under the sun and getting mental health help from professionals, she fits all the criteria. Also I know not all Narcissits are abusive and travel that path.
What am I finding?
That they are all:
Use the same tactics
Have no heart
Have no soul
Have no dreams
Have no substance
Can only copy what makes others happy
Can only covet what they don't have
Every article will point out the patterns an abusive narcissist will follow, their tactics and their impact on you.
Every article will show how they only like people willing to dance to their tune, praise them, never question them and offer them only support that contains no hard truth or cause for introspection.
And it is so so boring. There is no original thought, they learn what hurts and they stick to it.
Years and years of the same.
They never change their tune, even after No Contact.
Their message is always the same, they just continue on and on saying the same things, doing the same things, nothing really ever changes. Even when they get to the point of telling you or whoever will listen that they have moved on and are now happier without you, they just continue on repeating the same old things. Blaming you, blaming your partner, blaming your friends, blaming the Internet for coaxing you away. Only ever blaming themselves for attention then responding with anger if you agree.
They are boring.
Good people, fall into this trap of thinking these people and these relationships can be fixed. All the while the narcissist is there, undermining your self worth, bringing you down, moulding you into what they need you to be to feel good about themselves and the you that has desperately tried to make them happy and whole sacrifices your own happiness for that?
You watch them put down anyone they envy, their own friends, their own families, listening to them whisper at family gatherings about the people they are supposed to love. They do so much worse to you, their scapegoat and confidant, the one who must never have enough confidence to tell and even if you do, they have destroyed your reputation so you won't be believed...
And we think they are so clever and so manipulative and so big and strong and terrifying that we can't take them down but they aren't any of those things, they are weak, and frightened and hiding from their shame. With the right tools, they may as well have a flashing light above their heads because they are ultimately really really boring.
Leave them to themselves and each other. Know your own worth.
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