Arrested

nanna8

I actually find it quite chilling that people would rifle through old posts like that.

Really? When a post that to my mind doesn't look kosher, I always look back and search. So far I haven't been disappointed. There are some very "unusual" people out there. It to my mind is a form of scamming and I don't appreciate it and like to show the person we know what game they are playing.

You need to walk away and concentrate on your own life and health as horrible as it might sound, you have to get on with your life. I have been estranged from my daughter for nearly 8 years and my eldest son since last December. I still see my daughters two beautiful girls, thanks to her ex husband. I haven’t seen my eldest son’s children since May of last year. It hurts. Please accept it and stay away from them because it is the only way to sanity. I do have a fantastic youngest son. Take care.

Hetty58

Here we go again - it gets a bit quiet and up pops the (predictable) bonkers mystery post. It's full of contradictions, omissions and, often, spelling mistakes. it makes no sense, yet (like throwing a fox into a henhouse) stirs up the resident grannies into a frenzy of problem solving, mystery busting private detecting and truth seeking. Little gems of additional information are dragged out of the OP.

On another forum, the same regular pattern occurs - but with a different outcome. It's stagnant, so people post 'Where is everybody? It's so quiet on here.' - and then an argument soon breaks out (any subject will do) when someone posts a ridiculous, spiteful or controversial comment (the bait) and a flurry of indignation ensues, insults fly left, right and centre, sides are taken - and accusations of bullying emerge. People are banned, the 'post mortem, what happened?' discussions are completed - and peace returns. All great fun!

Spot on if you have been on GN for a while. The resident grans change about but the pattern remains. I like it.

Here we go again - it gets a bit quiet and up pops the (predictable) bonkers mystery post. It's full of contradictions, omissions and, often, spelling mistakes. it makes no sense, yet (like throwing a fox into a henhouse) stirs up the resident grannies into a frenzy of problem solving, mystery busting private detecting and truth seeking. Little gems of additional information are dragged out of the OP.

On another forum, the same regular pattern occurs - but with a different outcome. It's stagnant, so people post 'Where is everybody? It's so quiet on here.' - and then an argument soon breaks out (any subject will do) when someone posts a ridiculous, spiteful or controversial comment (the bait) and a flurry of indignation ensues, insults fly left, right and centre, sides are taken - and accusations of bullying emerge. People are banned, the 'post mortem, what happened?' discussions are completed - and peace returns. All great fun!

Being a parent or grandparent doesn’t place anyone above the law. From experience, both personal and of friends, getting someone arrested for breaking a restraining order or for harassment isn’t easy. It takes a lengthy, ongoing pattern, ESPECIALLY if it’s a family member.

There’s simply no way that this is the result of a single birthday card being sent. My guess is that multiple warnings were ignored, possibly a restraining order broken.

lemsip I was responding to your comment you can see only most recent.

But if someone’s contribution doesn’t ring true because you remember an old similar comment and there’s a way of checking that out, isn’t it worth doing so?

I actually find it quite chilling that people would rifle through old posts like that.

Whiff

well, that's exactly what I done of course, so puzzled by your comment

lemsip if you go into desktop site and type in the OP s name you can see the original post from 2016. I just tried to see who was right. So it's not just recent posts that can be seen.

Allsorts I am staggered that some of you look at peoples posts going back years. you said

well staggered you may be but mistaken you definitely you are!

you can only see most recent!

There must have been a legal restraining order against the OP, so that even a tiny infringement such as sending birthday card led to her arrest.

Tinytotx2, they can do this to you. It's exceedingly cruel for you , but you must obey the order. You need to look after yourself and not rely on your son and daughter in law.

Do you understand why they are afraid of you? If you don't understand I hope you can find someone who will explain to you why your son has done this. I hate to think of you eating your heart out wondering what you have done wrong.

I hope there is a gran who can advise on what sort of professional worker can help her in the situation she is in.

Is there possibly a mutual friend who knows both your son and yourself?

@tinytox2 I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It changes your life, I know I'm also prevented from seeing my grandchildren by my daughter.
For those people who are sceptical about being arrested for sending a birthday card, this can happen I have myself heard of this happening to other grandparents. It's a disgrace. Although police force vary from area to area ( thankfully our local force are lovely), others are awful, much like any of all organisations, varying from area to area.

Sadly I don't think there's a lot you can do at this point, unless you have a family member prepared to do some liaising work? If not, I would definitely try to focus on yourself, put away pocket money into an account for your grandchildren so they know you are thinking of them. Build a memory box for the future.
You never know in the future you might find that the door will open again, and you will be stronger then.
You are understandably worried that your grandchildren will be missing you, sadly they may be, you just have to remember that you have tried to stay in touch & the law sadly isn't on our side.
Some of these parents have no mercy.

What I would say is that like all of us (we've all experienced loss & trials as children & adults), they will find their way. Hopefully back to you one day

Tinytotx2

I haven't Been a member that long. I think you may have me mixed up with someone else but thankyou so much for your input

You have posted before Tinytotsx2
I believe this is you. If you wanted to be someone else you should change your style of writing.

www.gransnet.com/forums/grandparenting/1226759-Child-minding

You were arrested for something other than sending birthday cards. This was a wicked thing to do to you whatever you did, and no mother deserves such treatment.

People can be very cruel to each other and I am sorry this has happened to you. I agree with others here who have said you need to look after yourself . You need to look after yourself as yourself and not as the man's mother. He does not own your life and happiness. You own your life and happiness whoever he is.

I honestly can't remember what I posted yesterday, let alone 6 years ago. Lots of people join but don't comment much so probably an easy mistake

Allsorts, I have both time and inclination. If I was so busy then I wouldn't have joined Gransnet. I shall now waste my time because I'm inclined to look at your previous posts!

You’re quite wrong allsorts I don’t have the time or inclination to trawl through old posts BUT there was just one other post with this ladies name on it and so it took 10 seconds to see it It was the same name and the exact same problem but 6 years apart Doesn’t that strike you as strange especially when the poster says she wasnt a member or posting 6 years ago
Either the lady has a mental health problem and has forgotten in which case she needs a doctor or she is in some way having a bit of a moment with us all

You go on to say allsorts
I for one will look in future not post. Certainly not on anything that is completely light hearted
this is not a lighthearted thread by any means so I m not at all sure what you mean by that

Allsorts

I am staggered that some of you look at peoples posts going back years. Why would anyone do that? I would not have the time or the inclination.. Everyone should be aware that what they post could be scrutinised by anyone, I for one will look in future not post. Certainly not on anything that is completely light hearted.

If you recognise a story/scenario, or a new name posts a long-winded tale it takes only a second to search the name to see if they have posted before - it helps you decide whether to respond or not waste your time.

The OP is denying that she has posted before, but as said upthread, a poster with an identical username started a thread on estrangement in 2016. As far as I'm aware it's not possible for two people to have the same username.

Tinytot has said she's been mixed up with someone else.

I am staggered that some of you look at peoples posts going back years. Why would anyone do that? I would not have the time or the inclination.. Everyone should be aware that what they post could be scrutinised by anyone, I for one will look in future not post. Certainly not on anything that is completely light hearted.

Delila

I think all people need to do in the circumstances is gently ask Tinytotx2 for more information and then wait to hope she will update us.

There isn’t enough information here to give either meaningful advice or harsh comment.

I respectfully disagree Delila. The OP's family have got the Police involved, this is something that advice from Gransnet would hardly be meaningful, other than what the general census on here is, to leave well alone as her family don't want any contact.

I think all people need to do in the circumstances is gently ask Tinytotx2 for more information and then wait to hope she will update us.

There isn’t enough information here to give either meaningful advice or harsh comment.

Tinytot

I think the best thing you can do is try and get some counselling.

If the parents have a restraining order or evidence of harassment against you, even something like a birthday card will be seen by the police as harassment, even addressed to grandchildren.

Please get yourself some help to move forward with life happily.

They’ve asked you to stop doing it. They’ve contacted the police. They have made it very clear they don’t want to hear from you, and I’m sorry but it’s extremely unlikely that your grandchildren miss you if the relationship with their parents has broken down to this degree. You need to step away and get help to work through the grieving process.