Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Well done DL. Sounds as if the day itself went as well as you could have hoped. Time now to rest and take time to relive some of the special memories. Sending love.

DiamondLily didn't realise the baby was born . I went to bereavement group it was useless. Only went because my children wanted me to . They where 20 and 16. The woman running it did a 12 week course and was married. The next to my age was a 68 year old man the women where in their 70-80's. I went for 2 years but I did it for them once they where going to leave home I could stop. Luckily they never asked me if it helped just did I have a good time. The people where nice but no talk about grief it's was all about what their grand and great grandchildren where doing. And the leader talked about patchwork.

I would never encourage people to go to counseling unless it's what they want. My best friend is a family counselor but she can't help herself with her grief.

When my son dumped me and I told her she put that voice on. So I told her to stop I don't need counseling I have friends on GN who understood what it felt like. I just wanted my friend.

I do laugh a lot about the things my husband did he was a kultz . When we talked about him as a family it was always the idiotic things he did . He never wanted to be remembered for the cancer but his life. That's why no one knew he wasn't going to live until we had the terminal notice. As he didn't want anyone to treat him differently but thats what happened and he hated it. So he only saw people who would treat him as him not a dieing man.

You have a wonderful time on the Isle of Wight . And you take your husband with you in your heart and mind.

Well, I've been offered counselling over the years, for different things and my response has always been the same - it's good for those without a close friend and unable to uncork a bottle (or 3) of wine, but not for me.

One consultant advised me never to seek it actually - he said my personality would end up with the counsellors frothing at the mouth and needing counselling lol - he was probably right.🤐

A very wise nurse told me something years ago, when she just taking blood.

She said: Find ONE thing a day to make you smile -whatever it is. Music, nature, a poem, whatever.

Week two: Find two things a day, and so on. Train the brain.

Find ONE song that inspires you.

This was when I'd just been diagnosed with a life changing disability.

I followed that mantra when I was dragging myself out of a wheelchair, pushing myself to the physical limits, encouraged on by DH, and it worked. So, I need to do it again.

Oh, and the song was One Day at a Time by Lena Martell lol. 😉

Ooh, thanks whiff. I'll have to give pak choi a try. I do like growing kale because it's so easy to cut as much as you want. I like to grow broad beans too. I never find them very nice when I buy them but fresh from the garden they are lovely.

I'm sorry you had to put up with some rude behaviour and drama Diamond Lily but glad you got to do your Eulogy the way you wanted it. You don't sound defeated, you sound like you've been amazing in the face of an awful lot of hassle and if it's left you wiped out and needing some time and self-care for yourself that's really not surprising. I'm glad you got to catch up with a friend. I'm sure your mojo will be back when it's ready. Be patient with yourself. We're all thinking of you. xxx

Went for a blood test yesterday. New nurse at surgery. I told her I was on blood thinners and needed extra taping. When I left felt my arm getting wet. Finally went to a cafe before shopping and to have breakfast as it was a fasting test. The picture shows what I found. The young woman in the cafe got the first aid box and gave me wipes and 2 large blue plasters. Good job I had on my navy cotton jacket as the inside was blood stained. Massive bruise this morning.

Sorry if you don't like the sight of blood.

Unbelievable Whiff you need to show/send that pic to the surgery. Hope you're feeling ok now.

I had similar thing, my arm was black from wrist to armpit!

Good grief Whiff what did she use, a harpoon? Sometimes they can be too rough. I have really bad veins so it's always a problem if I need a blood test, they're barely visible at the best of times and a nurse once commented that when she said the words "I need to take some blood" my veins collapsed. She'd never seen anything like it before!!!

Back at home, arrived yesterday. The weather was overcast apart from a few hours one afternoon, and chilly for the entire time we were there and I was just fed up with it so we came home early.

It doesn't usually bother me so I realise it's 'me'. I've been feeling at a low ebb for sometime, no specific reason. Nothing's wrong, nothing's changed so I just need to wait until this, whatever it is passes, which it will eventually.

I feel the same about counselling DL. Had some after ES was born due to post natal depression and it just made me feel even worse, so never again for me but I know it can and does work for others.

The weather's set to improve for us here on the east coast from tomorrow so maybe some will lift my mood.

Crazy about your arm Whiff as looks like the nurse did give you extra padding! Glad the people at the cafe were kind. Oddly enough I’ve been feeling the same as you Smileless. I’ve realised for me is always a tiny lingering hope the E isn’t permanent and yet I know in my heart our EC won’t relent. I try to be active but have just been feeling drained of energy recently. If anyone reads this who has estranged their parents can I just say there are some of us who long to reconcile and who are broken hearted at the loss of you. If there is the slightest, minutest chance of healing a relationship, and building a gentler, kinder future together, please don’t pass it by. I know for some this is inconceivable, but I’m sure there are many E where hurts can be healed with honest communication. People are fragile. We all mess up. We all get hurt and wounded. Please don’t add to this pain in the world if it’s remotely in your power to do something about it.

Spring a lovely post.

Spring a heart felt post. For me I gave my son 3 years and after I reached out and had a vile text back I am done. I will not waste anymore time . As I get older things I can't do anymore like pull a plug out of a socket is getting longer. Things I could do with ease last year can't do or have had to fine a way to do it my way. The son I love and knew has gone I have no idea who he is now and why he thought it was acceptable to hurt me this way. He's dad died when he was 16 he threw me away couple of months before his 33rd birthday and when he sent me back all his and my grandson's cards and new grandson's birthday presents all unopened with a vile letter the day after his birthday he didn't even let me know my grandson's name or date of birth. But I have given him a name as I can't bear the thought of him without one. . He hasn't just cut me out of his life but all our side of the family. My daughter had washed her hands of him years ago because of his behaviour and she never got on with her sister in law from when they first met in 2005.

I have to many people who love and care for me to waste time . My husband dieing aged 47 taught me that. I have only had 2 people in my life I hated my in laws. But we never gave up on them. My husband loved his parents but didn't like them. But never gave up on them. Once we where married went every Sunday and if they kicked off we walked out but went back the next week. Even after my husband's death I still went to see his mom every week and I hated her. She denied she had a son or grandchildren but I never gave up on her because she was family.

My son and daughter in law knew her and yet they are treating worse than she did or my father in law and he called me defective and to fat.

We all get to a point where we can only take so much. Then have to call it a day. Unfortunately it's my grandson's who are missing out. But if they want to find me they will.

My son put a time limit on his email it's supposed to disappear in 2025 silly child I have a hard copy.

Enough about him.

My arm has a dark purple bruise but she never hurt me when taking it. I am seeing her on the 27th and will tell her about my arm and show her the picture. I face people if I have a problem with anything . I don't hid behind emails and texts.

Been in the garden this morning but way to hot now. Temperature are supported nto raise to 30 next week Smiles. I feel sorry for the dogs some owners walk them in this heat and there poor paws must hurt as the pavements are hot.

I know you and Yogin are sensible and only walk them when cool . My son did with his .

My brother had to have the paramedics out last week his blood pressure dropped dangerous low thought it was his heart as he has AF and 2 stents in it. Taken to hospital his heart was fine but they thought he had an infection or virus so put on antibiotic drip for 8 hours he was fine the next day. They are off to the Norfolk Broads on a Hoseason's barge for 4 days with friends next . week . Going them next month for 5 days can't wait. But next meeting my best friend in Chester for the day and then the 19th my friend from the Black country is coming for 5 days. Will take her to my exercise class and craft group. It was her birthday beginning of the month and part of her present is afternoon tea as she loves it.

Well think that's me up todate . Be sun aware and keep cool.

Blimey Whiff, it's awful that they sent you away like that.
Sorry, you're feeling low Smiles. Hope it passes soon.
Lovely post Spring.

We had a nice day out visiting a historic house and garden. Still loads of work to do on the bungalow but you need a break now and again and it did give us a bit of a lift.

Smileless2012

Spring a lovely post.

I agree, lovely post. xx

I've just received from DS in Aus. The card read "Happy terrible son day, from your no. One terrible son. xxxxx

Problem is they are practically dead; dry as a bone.
Mr. S. managed to take a reasonable photo from a distance for me to send DS with my love and thanks; obviously I don't want him to know.

I've emailed the company www.eflorist.co.uk as follows:-

I have just received some flowers from my son in Australia and they are all but dead; as dry as a bone. I very much doubt they're going to spring into life over the next 12 hours and I would have more success raising Lazarus from the dead.

We sent a photo of them in the box. My email's been acknowledged so we'll see if they have anything to say.

Meant to say that the problem with a company like this is, it doesn't really affect their business because you're not going to tell the person who sent them that they were practically dead, because you don't want them to be upset.

Your son thought he was sending them from a reputable company. He would be upset if he knew they where dead Smiles . As usual as parents we protect our children the best way we can. He would be very hurt if he knew what state they where in. Bet they weren't cheap either.

I always use bloom &wild letterbox flowers . Never had any bad deliveries.

In a bit of a tiss at the moment. Because of my HPX I understand why I have always planned things and hate if things don't work out. As it causes me anxiety never knew that what it was until I talked to others with HPX. Stress, infections and any illness can set it off as well. It has a knock on effect of affecting my balance sounds bonkers but that HPX for you .

My friend was going to come and stay with me on 19th but may not be able to because one of her cats got attacked by a fox on Wednesday and had to have an operation to repair it's face and puncture wounds. She's got to go back on Monday and may have to go back every 2 days. She had booked a cattery 12 weeks ago when the trip got planned . She will have to see what the vet says and if the woman at the cattery will be willing to take the cat to the vets . If not she won't be coming. I understand that her cats are her family and they come first but this may seem childish but been looking to seeing her and had planned things to do that she would enjoy. If she can't come don't know if she will be able to rest of the year.

Told you it was childish. Spent 3 hours talking to her this morning. Will know on Friday if she is coming or not.

On a bright note meeting my best friend in Chester on Tuesday.

Smileless2012

Meant to say that the problem with a company like this is, it doesn't really affect their business because you're not going to tell the person who sent them that they were practically dead, because you don't want them to be upset.

My son sent some from this firm, and they were dying.

I did tell him, as it was a waste of his money, although to be honest, I turned it into a laugh by thanking him for the dead flowers lol - he now uses Moonpig or Serenata.

It's not good enough. 😗

Well, I'm pressing on trying to regain my mojo...it's up and down, but today I found the energy to have a good cleaning spree and hunt down, from various cupboards, the Dyson cooling fans I've got - very hot here which affects my breathing.

I've picked up DHs ashes, and they are now tucked away, out of sight, until I shuffle off from this mortal coil.

My American lot have flown home, and it's a case of trying to get back to whatever normal is.

Miss Dysfunctionality, who was on police bail, has been re-arrested. The ONE bail condition she had to abide by was that she couldn't, directly or indirectly, contact ANY of us.

So, she promptly contacts all of with abuse and threats. Which we, just as promptly, reported.

She will never learn. 🙄

Social Services are holding a Child Protection Conference, as they are now so worried.

She's moved out from her birth mother's home, as she's fed up with all the knife threats, and is back with the Jehovah's Witness adoptive mother.

Ah well, on we press. 🙄

Last year he sent me orchids via wild letterbox flowers, they arrived in a little sealed pod of water. They were very delicate and a few had intertwined so some of the blooms broke off as we tried to untangle them.

I emailed the company, not to complain but suggest that with such delicate blooms it might be an idea to wrap each one separately in tissue paper. They responded with an apology and notification that they were re sending the order. Very decent of them but they didn't take on my suggestion so more untangling of delicate blooms was needed.

Oh DL as if you haven't got enough to think about at the moment. I hope that SS do take the child off her, goodness knows what psychological damage could be done as the little mite gets old. A horrible situation especially for your DGS who must be worried about losing contact with his child.

You'll get plenty of up and down days I'm sure. Moving forward without your DH is not going to be easy x

No, nothing much is easy, at the moment, but I have to press on.

I could do without Miss D, but it is what it is.

I hope SS take the child. This situation will never be tenable.

Hope you're feeling a bit better. 😉x

DiamondLily after the funeral I found even though I thought phew that's over. Even though I was on my own forever it didn't hit me until them. Also found out who my real friends where as some disappeared along with my husband's family apart from his mom . But she won't have bothered with us it was me who keep the relationship going . As horrible as she was my mother in law and my children's nan . I could have taken the easy road and dumped her but that's not me. Without her and my father in law I wouldn't have had my husband and children. She had me down as her emergency contact not her brother me and we hated eachother.

What you have been and going through is far worse and not only your grief to cope with but a little baby in danger your great granddaughter. Plus supporting your daughter and grandson. All this will take its toll on your physical and mental health. It's bad enough to lose half of yourself but having to cope with other things as well there are going to be times it all feels to much. So don't hold those feelings in otherwise you will do what I did and ended up hurting myself more . I foolish though I had to be brave I was a fool. Once the children left home I never held my feelings in again . It was to painful being brave . When I talked to them years later they said I should have told them as they where adults and didn't expect me to be brave. But I did want us parents always do we protect our children in this case from me.

Only do want you need to do and take your time . But look after yourself it's all to easy to forget to eat and drink . And all the firsts will be hard but with your loving family you will get though them .

Bloom& wild put a plastic cover over delicate blooms Smiles and never had any that were delivered in a bad state. Any plants I have ordered for my garden have always been well packed including some holly plants . Mine you did get pricked fighting my way through the packaging.

Hugs sorting out your new home seems endless. Having a break will recharge your batteries ready for the next things you need to tackle. Took me 3 years to get my bungalow exactly as I want it. Gardening is never done but I find it so relaxing even when I end up swearing at a plant that would come out.

We had a storm last night glad I didn't bother to water the garden as I was tired.

Have a good day everyone. 💐

DL - sadly sounds as if everything you predicted with Miss D is happening. I agree with you and others - it’s good SS are involved this early on. I really hope a good long term solution is decided on so the drama can end for you all. Smileless I had to smile about your flowers as I imagine the one’s you post on here look more alive!! A nice gesture from your son though….all the more special because of E with your other son.
Sorry your visit from your friend is likely to be postponed Whiff. She must be so disappointed also, as well as worried about her cat.
Anyone else in the UK dreading Father’s Day? How are you planning to manage the day? As I posted earlier, lacking a bit of energy at the moment so we might just lock ourselves away! Love to all - is hot again so take care!

Morning everyone.

Yes Spring we dread fathers day and mothers day in equal measure, so it will be just another day for us but I notice that the tv ads aren't as OTT as they are for mothers day which is something I suppose.

You must be disappointed about your friend Whiff but hopefully the cattery will be happy to look after her cat while she's away but even so, I don't think I could have left mine after such a horrible attack.

Well much to my surprise the flowers have picked up and aren't looking too bad this morning, still annoyed about it though and apart from acknowledging my complaint I've not heard anything more.

We have and warmth at last having quite literally been living under a cloud, well lots of clouds actually, for two weeks so the chairs are out on the roof terrace and the water feature is on, so we can enjoy the soothing sound together with the sound of sea gulls which I love, as I'm so happy to be living where we are.

That’s lovely Smileless - a reminder to appreciate the simple things! And good to hear the flowers are reviving. Sounds like you are too!

Yes Spring I think I am .

Sorry about your friends cat Whiff, as a cat lover I would have been traumatised. Know you were looking forward to seeing her and hope it works out. Just glad your arm is on the mend.
Lots of anniversaries and birthdays coming up, not as bad for me as they used to be, thinking back to good times when we shared them. I block them out. Father’s Day doesn’t upset me, I’m just so grateful I had the best dad in the world for so long, he never demanded anything, always pleased to see me and ask how I was and he made me laugh.My husband well I don’t need any day not to miss him.
What a shame about your flowers Smileless it seem very silly not to protect delicate blooms properly, but glad they seem to be reviving.