Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Lovely to hear your concert went well Smiles.

All your produce sounds wonderful Whiff. Lovely harvest of chard.

Oh, crikey Yogin that swan sounds incredibly aggressive.

Lovely father's day dinner at our daughter's for both Mr Hugs and our SIL's father, yesterday. We all had a nice relaxing day.
Another lovely knit and natter for me this morning. We took another load of garden waste to the tip this afternoon and had a little stroll. Day flew by today.

Yogin I hope the cygnets don't grow up to be like their dad . My friend who was coming has a canal at the bottom of her garden and and has Canadian geese and their gosling's come regularly. She has noticed the ducks stay away went the geese are about . Her other 3 cats went to the cattery as planned on Sunday be back on Friday. Don't ask why she still put them in the cattery when she is at home not idea ?

Had good time at exercise class . Funny enough my right knee was hurting before class but fine after.

Glad all the dad's had a good father's day Hugs. Glad you are enjoying your knit and natter group. We have our own closed what's app group. One of our number who started the group with her friend has been doing a writing course for 6 weeks be back with us next week. As I had a weird thought pop into my head I suggested she could write a murder mystery about a craft group. It was hysterical all the comments and plot lines others came up with . At one point I was the murderer by poisoning my brownies . Then death but knitting needle ,poisoned decaf tea bags, poisoned Jaffa cakes by our member who comes when she has a day off and loves house plants . I suggested she's growing poisonous ones. And so it went on.

Today just doing housework instead of going to the beach then afternoon tea I had booked. It my seem odd but when I look forward to something like my friends visit it puts me all out of wack . Because I plan as it's always been how I live my life but at least I know why I have had to do that others with HPX do the same. I feel at a lose end. Knowing my luck they will give me a date for my tribunal when I am going to my brother's next month. But already decided I will attend but if it's while I am away I will come back for it and then go back to my brother's. It's a round trip of over 8 hours but I am not missing either. They only give you 2 weeks notice of court date. I think they do that on purpose hoping people won't be prepared . I understand why people give up but luckily I have the backing of the Brain Charity. One man in the HPX group has applied 8 times and been refused the reasons they gave was because he drives and can pick up a pencil from the floor. I know people who drive , can wallpaper and go abroad for holidays they get standard living and enhanced mobility. Several with mental health conditions get it. While they do deserve it. I have been refused for 35 years any benefits because of no diagnosis but know I have it still can't get help. And yet they have my results in black and white. Friends with mental health problems need the help but they can't be proved to have it apart from observation and symptoms. It's all how you fill in the forms . But the forms for PIP are yes and no questions if you tick yes they don't read the explanation how you have to do things. Plus they take no notice of your GP or consultants . They are supposed to contact them but no one has contacted my GP or 2 consultants . It's been over a year now.

Just having a moan my friend cancelling at the last moment has put me all on edge. Hate feeling this way. ☹️

Hope you feel more cheerful soon @Whiff - tribunals etc. are a stress, but once there, they are impartial, and will listen to how you say your condition affects you.

I'm on the Isle of Wight - DD booked a lodge for both of us to have 5 days of chilling out. It's a lovely lodge, very peaceful.

She's just gone out for a horse hack and beach ride - I'm past that now, but she still enjoys it.

Being away from home doesn't make my sense of loss any easier, but that's the case wherever I am. The IOW used to be my "happy escape" place when I was with my ex. I bought a static van over here to escape to. Crossing the Solent made my stress float away.

But, I never needed it with DH because I was happy anyway - so DDs thought was kind, but it's a different thing now. Still, at least there's no real memories of DH here. We did come a couple of times but nothing special.

However, she looks stressed out - what with me, my GS, Miss D and this baby, she's exhausted,

So, I want her to enjoy it, and relax. so I'm just plastering on a smile to cheer her up.😉. She's been an absolute star.

Large amounts of Pinot Grigio are helping it along...🤐

Anyway, hope everyone well. 💐

Haven't heard from his family at all - not entirely surprised.🙄

Morning everyone.

So good to see your post DL and that you're away with your DD. A lovely thought and I hope that the change of scene will bring you some peace but it's still very early days so one day at a time.

As you know, there's never any need for you to plaster a smile on your face with your friends here so come along whenever you need to talk .

That did make me laugh Whiff 'death by knitting needle' and your poisonous brownies, sounds like you've got the beginnings of a good murder mystery there, and so admirable how you keep your spirits up with so much to contend with.

Had my singing lesson and out of no where, I burst into tears . I'm working on 'You Must Love Me' from Evita and when I got to the last 'you must love me', the tears came.

My teacher is lovely and rushed over to ask if I was alright and give me a hug. I told her about ES and she told me about a friend of her's whose in exactly the same situation, for the same reasons.

She asked if I was OK to sing it through again but when I got too 'I believed in you and you believed in me' the tears came again so she got me to sing 'With One Look' from Sunset Boulevard so I could bring out my inner diva; it worked and I left with a smile on my face.

It's so strange isn't it how you can suddenly be overwhelmed with grief when you weren't even thinking about them.

I've been thinking of doing that song as a solo with my choir but may have to think again.

It's raining here, a heavy drizzle but possibly enough for Mr. S.'s bowls match to be cancelled this afternoon which will mean he wont be very happy as he's played in a lot worse, but they're particularly fussy here about not playing on the green if it's just a little wet.

Ooh your crafting group is a wicked murderous lot Whiff! I love it. All those brilliant plots. I'm sorry you've still got the horrible tribunal stuff going on. The stress of it all is awful.

I hope your break does you good DiamondLily even though it's such a painful time. I'm glad you and your DD have one another. xxx

I'm sorry the grief suddenly got at you Smiles but glad you had someone understanding to share with.

Bit of shopping and a bit of napping for me today. Needed a rest.

Glad you've this time to chill out DL, change of scenery does help.
Whiff, such a shame your friend cancelled but not long until you go to your brothers. It must be so stressful waiting to hear about your tribunal.
Smileless, I think we all have those very sad, dark moments, even though it's beyond hope as too much as happened, all the love and emotion and caring thrown back as if we were nothing, can't help but hurt. We have come through Covid without a word, that says it all really.

Good afternoon to you all. It’s been such a while since I last read or contributed to this lovely suportive thread but I just want to say hope all of you are doing as well as can be and getting some peace and joy from life. You are a bunch of extremely strong ladies.

I’m afraid my own experiences just now are so dire that I’m not able to put into words just how difficult I’m finding life just now. But I know that “this too will pass.” I have to say it’s taking it’s time..
Best to you all.

Granniesunite I'm so sorry that you're finding things so hard at the moment. You don't have to say anymore, you've said all that needs to be said.

Granniesunite sorry you are having a hard time at the moment. But you know we are here for you . Take care of yourself.

DiamondLily glad you are having a good break. No matter where you go the sense of loss will never leave you. You lost half of yourself when your husband died and if like me you will never be whole again. Over years you get used to it. The loss will get worse but that's my experience but you learn to cope. His love for you and yours for him even thought he isn't here will get through the toughest of days. As I have said many times we are lucky to have found the other half of ourselves. It's horrible when they die but some people live their whole lives and never find the perfect person for them . The person that completes you. But to be loved and love in return can keep you going even if you feel you don't want to. My husband made me promise to live the best life I can and since moving here I do. I no longer just exist.

But you are helping your daughter by being there and she needs you more than ever. And that is precious.

When I can afford to go on holiday I will never go back to places I went to with my husband and children. Those memories are precious and can never be recaptured. Still want to go to Ireland but will go to Cork we never stayed there and my nearest airport fly's directly there. That will be an experience alone. As never been on a plane by myself. Funny still finding firsts to do at my age . But met my husband when I was 16 and he was 18. So until he died never did a lot of things on my own.

My friend who I met up in Chester is different she met her husband when she was 26 married at 28. So had a life before him. By like me struggles through everyday.

Took my brother until his third marriage to finally find the other half of himself. He told me 2 weeks after meeting my sister in law he finally understood what I had with my husband who happened to be my brother's best friend even though he is 2 years younger than my husband would be.

Smiles the grief of any loss can hit you out of the blue. But your teacher is a wonderful person and good you explain and she understood as her friend is going through estrangement. She would have taken your experience and used it to help her friend. It's only through someone on a bereavement thread that I finally listened to ELO . Hadn't been able to since my husband died. We had Mr Blue Sky played on the way out of the Crem . Had a can't say dance in the kitchen as it's more of a wobble and sang my heart out. Only took me since 2004 to beable to listen to one of our favourite bands.

Will have come back as battery about to die.

Thanks for your messages. Yes, we are getting something out of it - we have talked a lot, because our lives are usually too full on to ever really talk.

We've also managed to get sunburnt (ouch!) and blind drunk one evening (double ouch the morning after lol). Too much sun and wine..🙄

The only fly in the ointment has been Miss D and her endless
demands and messages..the SS decided that my grandson should have the baby overnight once a fortnight (at DDs).

Miss D has said my daughters an unfit mother 🙄, I'm not fit either 🙄 and that others need to be there. Fine, but now we're getting endless streams of demands of things we must buy - must be new, must be certain brands, must send photos to prove we've got them, must have her approval of clothes, and we can't use anything of hers.

DD agrees - then comes the next list. Personally, I can't see the visit happening and then it's all back to SS for them to sort out. They were the ones that said it should happen.

She's back with her JW adoptive mother as she's estranged her birth family (again).

She's still on police bail, not allowed to contact my GS directly - on and on this goes.

DDs currently out horse riding again, then we're off out. Gorgeous day here, and home tomorrow.

All have a nice day 💐x

Just wrote a long post and an Aldi advert full page popped up and lost the lot. Will contact GNHQ and find out why. This is the second time it's happened in 2 days. Try again later.

Morning all

Only halfway through reading all the post, but need to get out early today, so will read the rest tomorrow.

Lovely DL having a relaxing day/week on the I of W. Enjoy it all especially the wine

Can't you tell the medical team not to give you an app. when you're at your brothers Whiff

Smiles I realise now that the ducks do go over to the other lake to lay their eggs & hatch their young, as I remember thinking 'where are all the ducks today' So maybe that duck was a first-time mum and hadn't been warned about sycho Swan!!

Yogin it's not a medical appointment I am waiting for but a PIP tribunal date via the courts was told in September there where no dates before Christmas. I applied for the PIP forms in March last year they received them filled in April 12thn2022. Then phone assessment followed by refusal them MRN that was also refused. Got solicitor via Brain Charity in August solicitor put on paperwork for tribunal. Once you receive your date it's then 2 weeks to the tribunal. But if it's like the PIP it took 10 days for the forms to arrived and you have to have them back by the month following the date on letter. That's why my daughter filled them in. CAB and Age UK refused to help me . I didn't know about the Brain Charity until we had a new member start and she told me about them. This was after the MRN was refused..

So whatever the date is I have to attend as I have waited 35 years for disability benefits not giving up yet.

Be back later having balance problems been out and walked into a wall twice ,fence once and nearly ended up in the road. 🤦🤷

Sorry things are so tough right now Granniesuite. Thinking of you.

Sounds like the exercise class is doing you good whiff. Walking into walks not so much - I doo hope you're okay. xxx

Those demands sound ridiculous DL. I really don't know what to say to that.

Oh well, as expected the visit is off, some mad saga, yesterday, involving Miss D and the JW adoptive mother.

DD has referred it all back to SS and they're not happy. They insisted it must happen. So, they're holding an emergency planning meeting next week🙄

@Whiff - the DWP are taking ages to do anything at the moment, unless they think you owe them money.

When DH died, I registered his death (April) within 5 days, and then did the "Tell us once" service - the DWP wrote saying to send off my original marriage cert, as they thought I might be entitled to extra on my state pension because of his SERPS contributions years ago. They said I'd get it straight back - it arrived yesterday, (took them weeks to look at it), and they said they'd now start to work out if I was entitled to it.

But, two days after I'd done the Tell me Once, they also wrote saying he'd been overpaid on his state pension and could I pay it back.🙄

I remembered seeing something, by Martin Lewis, which said they had no power to request this, as I'd notified them promptly. They cannot ask twice, and the DWP confirmed repayment was voluntary.

So, they can whistle for that.😉

Afternoon everyone, hope you've all had a good day so far.

Sounds as if that duck was a first time mum Yogin and hopefully will avoid that particular pond in the future. Such a shame that she lost all but one of her brood.

A poster on another thread was complaining about the Aldi ad for the same reason Whiff, so far I've not seen it so wonder if it's now been removed.

Hope you're OK after yesterday's knocks, it must be so frustrating for you and you're wonderful for not letting this affect your enjoyment of life.

An absolute disgrace that you're having such a carry on trying to get PIP. If you're not considered eligible there's something seriously amiss here.

Outrageous demands from Miss D DL. As it's SS's insisting that these visits happen, it's up to them to make sure they do, but what realistically can they do to make it happen?

Summing up the energy to bring the washing in. Had a particularly bad night last and feel worn out. Happens every now and again and is very frustrating and I don't want to 'catch up' the next day, in case that prevents me from getting off to sleep again.

Going out for an Italian this evening so at least I wont be cooking and it's a lovely evening for a stroll.

Well, it's on again. They told DD to pick her up at 4pm, but the want her back by 10am tomorrow - which wasn't what SS said..

She got halfway home (other side of London), and now they want her back tonight.

DD's thrown a complete strop and told them to pick her up as she's not driving anywhere else today.

Unfortunately, she's picking me up in a minute in case I don't get another chance to see this baby - quite honestly, I've got past it.

I cannot deal with dysfunctional lu-lu's at the moment,,,🙄

Sorry to hear about your tears whilst singing Smiles. That's why I would avoid going to church services as singing made me weep too. Think I'm OK now though, I have a little sing-along whilst watching 'Songs of praise' on Sundays and don't find tears welling up anymore.

I've been avidly watching Ascot, sooo good, all over now. My DD suggested we go next year!

Sorry didn't read properly Whiff good luck with your PIP. When I went to court for visitation to my GC it fell on my DD 30th birthday and I too couldn't say no to it, as I'd waited so long for the date.

Granniesuite

DL think your GS baby's mum is having you on and as you say at the last minute it will be cancelled.

DL I see things have moved on since I replied to your last post I read. Sounds like she is going to make it as difficult as she possible can for you all. Best of luck, you'll need it!

Well, I saw her briefly. There was uproar until 11pm with demands to return her. In the end, DD said she was asleep, and they'd return her by 8am - which they did.

The baby is a dear little soul, as they are at 4 months.🙂

SS have an emergency planning meeting today, and the Court case (for Miss D trying to stab my GS), is set for end of July.

Miss D remains on police bail, with a no contact with GS in place.

On we go....🙄

Oh DL what a terrible situation . You must all be worried about forming any kind of attachment to her for fear of losing all contact, and how can you not? Who can resist a 4 month old?

That would be great Yogin I can just see you both in fabulous hats, tottering around the lawns in your gorgeous shoes, with a glass of bubbly in hand. You simply have to go.

Had a great day yesterday, friends in the afternoon/evening for drinks and a meal before we all went to see Sting. He was amazing, and what a bod!!!!

Had such a lovely time which was ruined when we went to bed because once again I couldn't sleep. It would have been close to 4.00 am before I drifted off so another day of feeling like a zombie even though I slept until 9.15.

Any suggestions? I'm worried that this is going to become a pattern and of course if I go to bed feeling anxious, sleep isn't going to be coming anytime soon especially as last night I was happy, content and relaxed; or so I thought.

Hi Smileless. I often find happy times are accompanied by then feeling down….as if the pain we always carry feels the need to reassert itself. I use an app called Lectio 365 which I try to listen to morning and night and find soothing. It helps me gain perspective. DL….and so the drama continues as you predicted. I hope you can all stay measured and not be provoked, since SS are surely now aware Miss D has serious problems. Really pleased you managed to see the baby. Take care everyone.

Thank you Spring that's a good point.

Try again as that spinning wheel advert did it again. Will have to post bits at a time so I don't lose things.

DiamondLily glad you got to see your great granddaughter. Not to add to your woes but as she is being brought up in a JW household means she won't get her childhood vaccines. I don't know if your grandson can get SS to make sure she gets them as Miss D is clearly as mad as a hatter with her behaviour and demands . Can't remember if your grandson had a paternity test done to make sure he is the babies father ? If he his he has rights as to his daughters health.