Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Thinking back I always asked my daughter and daughter in law for present ideas for grandsons birthday and Christmas presents. What my daughter in law put was always more expensive than my daughter's . But I always set myself a budget so my grandson's with my son never had as many presents because of the cost. My daughter was always mind full of my fiance's but my daughter in law didn't consider that. Mind you that was a reason why my daughter in law was very jealous of my daughter and son in law as they earned more than her or my son. It was the same with my brother and his second wife. We owned our own house while they had a council house. My brother worked hard but she had expensive tastes. He loved her and should have put a stop to get expensive buys but he didn't. While we had more money as we weren't brought up with money I was very careful what we spent. When we needed a new 3 piece suite my husband hide all the prices as he knew I would go for cheaper not what I liked. Had a G plan suite still remember it cost £1,200 which was a lot over 30 years ago . It's got to be that old as we brought it pre cancer days . But it's still going strong. When we first married it was furniture from MFI . Still had 2 bookcases and a cupboard in dark colour but the charity I gave them said they would be sell quickly as they where in excellent condition. It was called community transport and they dealt with mainly homeless people going into their first homes. They took most of my furniture as the bigger charities were very picky and I gave up on them. When I had my new kitchen Emmaus had my fridge and upright freezer even though one had a small dent and the other the handle had a crack. But with worked and I still had the handbooks. They had loads of kitchen ware that was to heavy for me.

Smiles glad you had a lovely meal. Sorry you have trouble sleeping . Funny enough before my move I hardly slept even when my husband was alive. Having the children needed to alert in case needed in the night. Then when the limb jerks started in 1988 did them during my sleep. Then my husband's cancer and once terminal he needed morphine in the night. Then having both parents and mother in law to look after especially after but children left home for good was on alter 24/7. Didn't sleep properly until I moved here and no matter how ill I have been sleep all night apart from loo visits . Even my son's estrangement didn't interfer with my sleep.

When my husband was alive if I couldn't sleep he had a cure for that we made love and wore me out . 🤣. But the bugger if he looked tired he would tell his colleagues she was demanding my body at 2am . Good job I got on well with his work colleagues and nothing embarrasses me. Smiles you could give Mr S a nudge sure he wouldn't mind 😱🤣.

In pain flare with both my arm and leg been years since it happened in both at the same time . Just on extra painkillers until it goes back to levels I tolerate. But still went to sit fit class. Had us walking on our toes and then heels . Line of chairs to hold on to . But I won't let pain stop me as been in pain as long as I can remember. If I did I won't do the things I have or want to do in the future.

Went with my daughter and grandsons for cake Saturday afternoon and said I wanted to go to Ireland next year. She said mom what are you doing to me. I know she is worried about and since the estrangement everything has fallen on her shoulders . I understand her concerns but it made feel like a child. I know she didn't mean me to feel like that . It's just because she lives me so much.

Looked into coach holidays but not for me . I would be to cramped and I don't want to be told where we are going and when. I could ask my friend who was coming to go with me as she has never been to Ireland but after the cat episode can't really on her . Could ask my best friend but don't know if she would like to go but will decide soon what to do. I think my brother has friends in Ireland so will talk to him when I see them on the 10th. I have wanted to go back since my husband died but not to places we went . Those memories are if family time and will stay that way.

Seeing the nurse this morning for blood test results and health review. Then back home and making my daughter a birthday cake. She will be 40 tomorrow. Wasn't here when she was 30 and her 21st birthday cake was a disaster. I put 6 eggs into the mix instead of 3. It was the year my husband died. I had text my son in-law last week to see if he was making it ordering a cake. He hadn't thought about it so I said I would make her one which he was happy with. She will make him one when it's his birthday. Tomorrow going out for lunch with her youngest but I have insisted I pay as it's her birthday. They are going to London and seeing a show. Her in law's will have the boys for the weekend . They have had them before. I am ok looking after them both for hours but couldn't look after them both overnight. Especially as the youngest is 2.5. His brother wants to spend the night here and will do when my daughter says it's ok. Nannie day care booked for 4 Tuesday's in August and the 7th July . Little one will be at nursery. My price is a kiss and hug which my daughter says is very reasonable 🤣. I know how lucky I am that my daughter and son in law have always trusted me with the boys especially the eldest because I still had the limb jerks when he was younger.

Brings home how my son and daughter in law never trusted me to be alone with their 2 eldest. But my son forgets he was 6 months old when my limb jerks started and neither him nor his sister came to any harm because of me.

Brownies to take to craft Thursday to celebrate the return of one of the women who started the group after her writing course. So no longer on milk and tea duty. At least people will get full mug of their drink. As I shake so only fill mugs 3 quarters. Everyone one offers to help make and carry but I switch into mom mode and like to do it.

Had UC appointment yesterday next one in a month. They have asked GP for more information about my health which apparently is a good sign but will have to wait and see. Pity PIP aren't as efficient as UC . Sick of seeing lists of what conditions people can claim PIP for. And no idea where government get there figure from over how long things take to process. They live in cloud cuckoo land.

Well better get up as I have soup to make before breakfast. Sorry if I missed anyone out and about any spelling mistakes but that spinning wheel driving me crackers.

Have a good day all. X

Morning Smiles Sorry to hear you are having problems sleeping. I have a fan in my room and the whirring of it is a very comforting sound and blots out any other noise, so I sleep well when I have it one.

'Sounds of the sea' CD playing softly in the background. Maybe read a little before you close your eyes may help and a hot milky drink like Horicks, which I always have.

Keep your bedroom cool but have a warm cover.

Well, my sleep remedies sound very boring compared with Whiff Smiles

Yogin unfortunately that sleep remedy stopped once he started chemo. 2 side effects he didn't want was to lose his sense of taste and to become impotent . Remember him crying saying I am dieing and can't make love to you. Told it didn't matter as we had plenty before he started chemo.

Last winter had a small beside dehumidifier on and still have it on as I can't sleep without the noise. Before that slept fine in silence. I always even on the hottest night have a mug of hot chocolate hour before bed.

Smiles you could sing yourself to sleep my brother did that as a child drove me mad but always worked for him. ❤️

It's my daughter's 40th birthday tomorrow. Her 21st birthday cake was a disaster as I put in 6 eggs instead of 3 but it was the year her dad died. Wasn't here for here 30th. So made her a cake . Me and perfect don't go together unfortunately. I know the cake will taste brilliant made it before . This is the front of the cake.

Unfortunately the top slipped putting it into the fridge so this is the back.

That looks absolutely yummy Whiff .

Ooh Sting. I'm very jealous Smiles. Glad you had a lovely time. Afraid my sleep is terribly erratic. I find listening to an audiobook or putting ambient noise on alexa - ocean or creaking ship - sometimes helps.

I'm so sorry you've got all this stress to deal with Diamond Lily. No words of wisdom but sending a big hug.

I'm sorry you've had another pain flare to deal with Whiff. That cake looks absolutely delicious.

Had a busy few days. Friends over on Sunday that we hadn't seen for a while. Had a lovely catch up. Yesterday was knit and natter in the morning and local poetry group in the afternoon - first visit to that one. Both were really lovely. Some writing projects to work on today and a bit of DIY.

Thanks for the tips for getting off to sleep Whiff and Yogin. I shared your thoughts with Mr. S. Whiff . Two good night's sleep since Sunday thank goodness but I'm not saying whose advice was taken .

Well the cake looks delicious Whiff especially the shiny chocolate glaze. Chocolate is my favourite especially when accompanied by fresh cream.

He was very good hugs and I'll certainly see him again if I get the chance. Next week we're going to see 'The Hollywood Vampires' aka Alice Cooper and Johnny Depp. Absolutely no idea what they'll play but curiosity got the better of us.

Mr. S. has just collected my car. £414.00 later and it's still the same even though they 'thought they'd solved the problem'. Took out and re fitted the dash board, said it was OK but if not the speedo head would need to be replaced and that costs £1060 .

Said the whistling noise is the air con not working but didn't notify us about that with a quote for how much it would cost to repair. Don't know what to do TBH because I don't have any faith in them.

Ooh, you do go see some great acts Smiles.
That's a shocking price for little result with the car. How annoying. I wouldn't have much faith after all that either.

Eye tests and a bit of shopping for necessities for us today. Nice to get those ticked off.

Smileless, I haven’t slept through for about 6 weeks, big birthdays coming up and my mind is turning over all the time how I can’t manage here, dread moving, being on my own, I think the last two years of health problems, managing on my own has taken its toll. So much better now and almost back to normal, but it shook me. People have far worse problems than me as I’m lucky, I can afford to stay here for example.
I go off to sleep. Get about 2/3 hours and that’s it, I look a wreck. You cannot get to see a doctor here for love or money, but I don’t think tablets would help as I drop off to sleep straight away but not for long.

I know I've said this before Allsorts but can you not just stay where you are and close part of the house off if it's too big for you. You wouldn't need to stress about anything then. Moving is very stressful, even if all goes 'smoothly', which quite often it doesn't I'm afraid!

Allsorts the last two years have been so hard for you it's not surprising that things have taken their toll, and not getting a decent night's sleep just makes everything even harder.

Do you sleep during the day? If I've had a bad night I resist dropping off during the day because I worry that I wont sleep when I go to bed and end up looking like one of the walking dead!!!

I do understand how the prospect of moving when you're own must be daunting but if you looked into it thoroughly you might find that it is something you could manage, especially if you found somewhere that you fall in love with, where you'd love to live.

Good removal firms provide a packing service and pack everything which although rather expensive, is a great help if you can afford it. We did this because everything was so awful with ES that we just couldn't face it.

The stress of buying and selling though can't be planned for, and even when there's someone to share the burden with, it can still feel overwhelming.

We're very lucky hugs living where we do with a fabulous venue within a 15 minute walk and another a short drive away, and it was only after we'd moved in that we realised what a great location this is.

Mr. S. is taking my car to another garage which our local garage has recommended for a second opinion so fingers crossed we get a definitive diagnosis.

Just seen your post Yogin and that's an idea that's certainly worth considering.

Thank you Smileless and Yoga, I started this journey on here , under a different name as I was hounded off by a very unpleasant bitter person, same time as both of you and you do feel like friends, you are lovely people and your acceptance and wisdom helps so many, it’s wrong that your own children haven’t appreciated those qualities, such is life. So thank you.

Sorry things have been so hard Allsorts. Those night-time worries are the worst. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. xx

Thanks Hugs, Slept last night for 5 hours, can feel the difference.
Think when you are lacking sleep it affects your coping mechanisms. Also not been out this week getting jobs done which I had left due to health issues. I have aways walked, danced and done crafts etc, all of these I couldn't do for 2 years, but I'm on the up as they say now. Just mustn't go bull at a gate.Last night I watched a documentary about the Bay City Rollers and I was in tears at the abuse they suffered as well as the presenter Nicky at his expensive private school. I realise how lucky I was. Perhaps though I need more uplifting programmes a bit more as I am drawn to documentaries.

Whiff I am so sorry about your flare up don'tHooe you're feeling a bit better. Your daughter is over protective because she loves you. However you must follow your dream, you have lots of time to plan the journey and more than capable.I know you don't want to be organised with a planned coach journey, but could you just do the travelling over to Ireland with them to the area where you want to be, for your base. Is it better for you to fly or go by water? Living where I do I couldn't be further away from any port. Some of the best holidays I have had have been on my own, I had a plan, well 2, weather wet, weather dry.all together I did 6 on my own, the first a disaster, the rest great as I had planned them. Since then I have been with friends which were good but lots of compromising, did get fed up walking around shops everyday on one holiday, I prefer walking along the coast.

Allsorts I know how hard things have been for you and hope things get easier. Health problems just add to your worries. And estrangement means you can't get any support from some quarters. I don't mean you need children to do things for you but just a kind word makes the world of difference. But when all you get is harsh words or silence it's hard to cope with. You have had to cope on your own for a long time . When your have health problems that effect you physically it has a knock on effect and can effect your mental health. Also not having your husband who knew exactly what to do or say or even just give you a hug can be very lonely. I know I am lonely but only for my husband. I like living on my own. As I like the freedom it gives me also moving I finally found me again .

But when you aren't well and on your own it can be very hard especially if you find your home to much for you.

For me moving was what I needed to find me again and live my life to the full and no longer just exist as I did before. I moved towards a new life as my life before was taken up with looking after others. Where I lived was lovely but after my husband died it felt like a cage. Once both the children left and before they moved out I had people dependant on me all the time. Plus my grief for my husband to cope with.

Having jaundice was my wake up call my life had to change . Don't recommend it. But we all need to have that wake up call. So that we can finally do and be who we want to be.

Moving house is stressed full and full of tears and sleepless nights . Also you find out how horrible buyers can be plus the expense not just in money but in time spend until you get contracts exchanged. We need a simpler and quicker way to sell and buy. Wish we had the Scottish way of doing it. I was lucky even though my sale feel through twice they kept my bungalow for me. I was lucky that way. But things can work out for the best both my daughter's and brothers first choice if homes fell through but they quickly found better homes and are both very happy. And there homes are in better areas than their original choices. My brother like me moved to an area where the healthcare is so much better than before. And better healthcare is a must as we get older.

I would still not know about my HPX ,PAF or I was born with a hole in my heart and having the correct medication without my moving. Moving cost me my son but that was his choice not mine. But in the long run I have gained so much more. Some people thing of where they come from as home but I don't think like that as I feel like I have always lived here. Where I lived before I lived until my husband died then it became a place I didn't want to be. I wasn't happy and happiness is under rated. My home even though it became mine it's was still ours . The children's bedrooms after they moved out ,my husband's study even his arm chair. But moving changed all that . Everything is mine . Sounds selfish I know but some will understand what I mean.

I had been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 18. So my life was joined to his for 29 years and married 22. While I don't regret a second with him . It wasn't until I moved I found me and a new life . Have more friends than ever had and done things I never would have done as a couple.

I wish with all my heart I had my fit healthy husband with me but life isn't fair if it was I would have died and not him. But I am doing what he wanted me to do and that's living my life to the full. But when he died I lost half of myself and haven't been whole since and the grief gets worse over the years and can be overwhelming at times. But I have to live my life for us both I promised him I would and have kept every promise I made to him. That's what keeps me going everyday .

It's hard finding who you want and need to be and where you need to be happy. But we all have to do it whether on our own or as a couple. Fear holds us back from doing a lot of things I know it did me but not since I moved. Now I look forward to new challenges even with health problems I have to move forward. The past is just that past. It's the now and future that counts.

To all for you decide what you want and don't let fear hold you back like it did me. Doesn't matter how old or health problems we can still do what we want and have a good life. 🥰

Morning all

Thanks for your kind words Allsorts yes be selective on what you watch on TV, it can bring you down. Having said that I watch 3 episodes of 'families reunited' on Tuesday, very sad!
I did start watching those murder investigations. very interesting but stopped as getting a bit too much to watch and not keep looking over my shoulder!

You've done very well for yourself Whiff, you love your new home and area, you've made lots of new friends and joined different clubs to socialise. Working in your garden to make it nice for you and your DD&GC and all your lovely baking too.
You say you're happier than you've been for years, so well done you xx