Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Morning everyone. A thank you from me too Allsorts not just for your kind words but for the support and advice you bring to this thread.

Good advice Yogin about being selective when choosing which programmes to watch. There are things I used to watch pre estrangement that I don't now and 'Families Reunited' is one of them. Anything to do murder remains a draw and I'm pretty confident I could commit the perfect murder .

Your life is whirl of activity Whiff and it's lovely to read about all that you're getting up too. Even your difficult, walking into things and stumbling, are a positive read because of your sheer determination to carry on .

We had a lovely evening on Thursday, went out for a meal with 'our girls' from next door to a mediterranean restaurant, just a 10 minute walk from where we live, and tonight the two of us are going to our favourite Thai.

A day of pottering and ironing for me today. Have a good weekend with whatever you're doing.

How's everyone doing?

It's been on the chilly side here today and we had a terrific thunderstorm earlier complete with hailstones but it's brightened up again so Mr. S. has gone to his bowls match.

I told him I was a bowls widow and the dogs are bowls orphans but he didn't soften. Still the upside is because he leaves about 5.15, we have lunch out and had a lovely one today.

Glad you've been having fun smiles. And Mr S.
More knit and natter for me this morning and a DIY shopping spree this afternoon. Still plodding on with all those jobs.

Smiles glad to see you keeping out of mischief. Glad you had a nice meal with good company. Made me laugh saying you are a bowls widow but it's lovely Mr S does something's he loves. Like you and your choir . How are the singing lessons going?

Saturday had a busy day talking to 2 friends and you know me I love to ramble on. My daughter and son in law went to London and saw the Abba hologram show. She said it was fabulous. Had tickets to an exhibition at the RA for Sunday. Her in law's had the boys for the weekend.

On Sunday went on to the Brain Charity website there is an art exhibition starting on Friday and I wanted to check times and how long it's on for. On until the 27th so planning on going on the 18th. So thought I would see if they had put HPX on their list of neurological conditions. Was pleased they had but had put Hyperekplexia then I read what they wrote. I don't get angry since my husband died annoyed yes especially at myself when I can't do things. But what I read no idea where they got there information from but what made me so angry they put symptoms disappear after aged one. So sent an email pointing out all the errors . But had decided to phone them yesterday morning as soon as they opened. Sunday had written on the HPX Facebook page about and said I would be speaking to them. One of our members posted she had read what they said after I mentioned it and agreed with me she also got angry.

The Brain Charity is a brilliant charity who have helped me with my fight for PIP and had a lovely day at there events days and met the person I have had long emails and chats with she is so lovely gave me a hug and kiss when I told her who I was. Think at the time I said how overwhelming it was to be with so many disabled people all at once over 200. But I had made my mind up to go even though had a fall on the bus and had sciatica but once I plan on doing something I do it. No matter how much pain I am in . I can do spur of the moment things in an emergency but have been a planner all my life and found out others with HPX do the same . Didn't know I had anxiety until I described how I feel if I can't do things I plan and friends from HPX told me. Planning especially a journey is like a military operation with me 🤦 . Even bus journeys I take every week I have to watch for each bus stop to make sure I get off at the right one. But it's not me just being weird 🤣.

Anyway back to yesterday phoned the Brain Charity when they opened and the person who wrote about HPX didn't start work until later but spoke to her manager and explained how insulting what had been written was and all the mistakes . While we talked she altered the entry and I had told her about the Facebook group. She sent me an email before posting the new entry which I was pleased with . And she has also joined the Hyperekplexia Society Facebook page as the Brain Charity. Which I am glad to say other members where happy about also me getting HPX entry corrected. Even though the charity is based in Liverpool and this year is there 30th year they help anyone in the UK via video chat ,phone or email.

I always try and fight for things I think are wrong but never know if I am doing the right thing. But I had to decided few months ago and gave my son one last change after his vile text . So will never try again with him . Only person hurting was me but no more. My husband dieing has hurt me more than anything my son has done. And will not waste time on someone who has treated me so badly and hurt my brother . I will always love him and my grandson's but I love the loving and caring son I knew not who he has become.

I am going to my brother's and sister in law's on Monday until Friday. So organised assistant travel for my train journey. I made the man laugh taking to him . And said even if he has anyone being horrible to him at least I made him laugh first thing. If it wasn't for the travel assistance I could use the trains like I do. Love a train journey. I have always found train passengers chatty and helpful .

Had thought of going on a coach holiday next year but decided I couldn't be cooped up on a coach. Mentioned to my daughter about wanting to go too Ireland next year she said mom what are you doing to me. It's because she worries and doesn't want me to go by myself. So asked my friend who should have come but because her cat got attacked by a fox cancelled the week before she was to come. Can't remember if I already said that. The visit had been planned in March. I know her cats are her family but it upset me like I said I am a planner and no matter what go through with what I plan. She is planning on still coming but told her I need at least a months notice and no matter what no canceling unless she is dieing. I know that sounds dramatic but it sets off my anxiety which has the knock on effect of making my HPX syptoms worse. Another new thing I have learnt since my diagnosis thanks to my HPX group it's not just me. So have asked her if she would go to Ireland which she said yes as she's never been. So come January get the holiday planned. Then following year planning on going to Italy I have never been but her dad was Italian. But she doesn't want to go too where he lived . My brother has been number of times so will asked him for the best place for us to go.

Next month on a train journey for the day but with need travel assistant to put me in a wheelchair to get the platforms as only 13 mins before my connection train and no way can I get there that quickly walking also the station is enormous and no idea where the platforms are. So that's marked on my calendar when to book.

If I didn't write things on my calendar I would forget. Will start my packing today. I had made my list 3 weeks ago of things to take. Will need to put some warm clothes in as well as summery as it's chilly again today.

Well another ramble finished. Have a good day everyone.

Good for you Whiff. If you hadn't acted, that misinformation would have remained and goodness knows what an adverse affect it would have had on others with the same condition and their families.

I know I've said this before but you really are an inspiration .

My singing lessons are going well and I have one this morning at 9.00. Last week I started learning 'Ave Maria' by Bach; Prelude in C (D major). It's quite difficult to learn the subtle key changes and the lyrics which are in Latin but I really enjoyed it last week.

It's one of my favourite pieces and I chose it for my gran's and mum's funeral so it's an emotional piece for me. My teacher is excellent and breaks it down which makes it easier to learn and that's the approach our choir master takes too.

I sang without new church's choir for the first time on Sunday. He runs that choir too and wanted me to sing an anthem with them they'd just learned, but I know well.

I really enjoyed it but not sure if I want to join them every time we're there as it means Mr. S. and I can't sit and take communion together. I will be joining them on the 23rd as the Arch Bishop will be taking the service, so for the next few weeks I'll have my lesson and choir practice on Tuesday and a rehearsal with the church choir on Thursday.

He does enjoy his bowls Whiff and is very good at it. He started playing when his dad took it up. They's always worked together but that at times put a strain on their relationship, and he wanted to do something with him outside of work.

It brought them closer together which was lovely and he occasionally plays with his dad's bowls but not for major matches.

My heart is breaking. I’m at such a loss 😞. I’ve reached out to my daughter over the past few weeks and nothing. I even tried to contact her Partner a couple of weeks ago to ask him to help. I know that’s probably too much! But I’m just trying to put things right. I am so hurt and feel so hated.

How do I get through this pain.

Justbecause the pain never goes away . So you have to take one day at a time. I tried with my son weeks ago and had already decided it would be the last time I would try. Of course got rejected so I am done. It's been 3 years since he sent me and his sister emails in May 2020. Next month it will be 3 years since he sent back all the birthday cards and birth presents and cards back and the babies presents where crushed. Everything was unopened with a vile letter . Still remember the final sentence. ' I do not want your vindictive and manipulative behaviour near me or my family ever again. Zero contact '
I have never been vindictive or manipulative to anyone .

I gave him 3 years and that's enough. The only person hurting was me . He knew before he sent the email I was waiting further tests on my heart as the echocardiogram showed a problem . If he had opened his birthday card he would have found out the results. But what hurt me the most was 4 days before the email he was here as it was my birthday and I had a wonderful time. I know think he thought I will give the old cow a nice day before I put the boot in.

I had a loving and caring son for 32 years. Still love that son and my 3 grandson's even though I know the eldest 2 will have forgotten me and I don't even know the name of their brother or date of birth. They will be 7,5 and 3 this year.

The son who will be 36 next month no idea who he is but what he did he did for his own reasons and that is not a person who I could love . I don't hate him or my daughter in law I can't.

Only hated 2 people in my life they where my in laws. But because my husband loved them but didn't like them he would never give up on them. So before and after we married if they said or did something awful.we would walk out . When we lived together for a year before getting married we would go every Sunday and if we walked would still go back the following Sunday. Only good thing we ever did in his father's eyes was have the children he adored them but he died when our daughter was 4 and some 8 months old . Ironically a few weeks after I came out of a 3 week stay in hospital. My mother in law took against our daughter from a baby but was all out son until he got a mind of his own.

My parents where complete opposite to my in laws.

My son and daughter in law knows what a bad mom,mother in law and grandmother is as they knew my mother in law. She out lived my husband by 11 years but because of him and the fact she was the children's nan I went every week. She got nastier with age and had me down as next of kin..Her own family didn't do the things I did. But soon came out of the woodwork when she died.

You have to decide how much you are going to let your daughter hurt and for how long. It's so hard to find out how much your child hates you when all you have done is give them unconditional love and attention.

My advice would be not to contact her again . But you have to decide for yourself.

I don't know if you have a partner or on your own or do you have other children?

But the main thing is post however you are feeling on this thread as we all understand the pain you are going through . Can't remember who said it but estrangement is a living grief . They are alive but they have decided to be dead to you . And it's so hard to accept and cope with.

But for me my grief for my husband far outs ways what my son has put me though.

Like I said on this thread we understand how you feel . And we are always hear to listen . I have offend wished there was a button to press so we could give someone a hug when they need it .

Hello Justbecause and a very warm welcome to this thread.

I'm so pleased that you've posted here, it's always upsetting to know that another loving parent is experiencing estrangement and trying to deal with the pain it brings, but I know it helps us when we can care for and support one another.

All of us know how much courage it takes to post here for the first time so well done and thank you for trusting us.

As Whiff has said, everyone here will understand how you feel and I hope you'll find what many of us have found here; friends you've yet to meet.

In the early days, my mind was a whirl of 'what ifs', 'what did we do wrong?', 'what did we say?' 'we're terrible parents' and the worse one of all 'how am I going to live without him in my life?'.

Yours I'm sure is the same so it might be good to take a step back and not contact her again. When they don't respond the silence is golden, and when they do in anger and bitterness, the response is devastating.

Although it can feel like you're the only one; you're not. If you were, we wouldn't be here.

Oh wouldn't a 'hug' button be wonderful Whiff but as we don't have one, this will have to do.

(((hugs))) for you Justbecause.

the silence is deafening, not golden.

Thank you Whiff and Smiles for your posts. So much to think about. Just taking it all in.
Thanks for the hugs too

Take one day at a time. Break a day into smaller bits if it helps, that's something I used to do.

'I just have to get to lunchtime; teatime, bedtime, the morning' it worked for me as in my head at the time, contemplating how to get through the next 24 hours was too much.

Great to hear you enjoyed the Brain charity events Whiff. I'm so glad you got your diagnosis at last because you have met so many people in a similar situation to you now and it's great to hear how you are finding others who you have so many things in common with. Lovely to read all your travel plans too.

Lovely to hear all about your singing Smiles. Such a joyful hobby to have. And very good for the breathing too.

Hello Justbecause. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. It's a terrible thing when you reach out, desperate to fix things, and get no response. I was in that situation for a long time. I did hear back from my son after a few years, but it's been months since the last letter and the two letters I did get were full of anger and vague accusations but nothing I could understand and work with. Basically just telling me I'd been a terrible mother but no details of when or how. I feel like I don't know the person he is now.

As others have said you're far from alone, and everyone here will understand what you are going through. The details for everyone might be slightly different but there are so many similarities and the pain is the same for us all.

With time, I learned to concentrate on other things and make the most of what good things I can, but the pain can still creep up and hit hard out of the blue.

As others have said, it takes courage to share your own situation, but we are all here for you. xx

Justbecause I'll start with a }}}Hug{{{ So sorry to hear you are going through this, it's one of the hardest things in life to go through. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do and it's best to back-off and wait for her to contact you. I was told this but couldn't follow the advice, but it is the best advise looking back.

Over 10yrs for me & Smiles my heart is broken and will never mend, but all this time on, you learn to live with it and the pain lessens. It seems cutting out your loving parents is the thing to do nowadays and highly promoted on 'mumsnet' so we've been told.

Smiles love hearing Ava Maria. I listen to classic FM everyday from 5am . Renee Flemming sings it beautifully but like hearing Andrea Botchelli ( not spelt correctly) sing it. Singing in front of the Arch bishop is a big deal. Reminds of in Sister Act singing in front of the pope.

Mr S and his dad playing bowls together sounded a lovely way to bond with his dad. My son and husband went to cricket and football matches but at home always did the BBQ together. While the coals got hot they played cards. Even in the rain my husband would rig up the tarpaulin over the fire and table and they would play while I past out things to cook through the window. My daughter and me stayed inside. Hope my son remembers time spent as a family especially with his dad as he was 16 when he died.

I know he has erased me out if their life but I hope he hasn't his dad. But then again he wouldn't have done what he has if he was still alive . We put up with everything his parents dished out but he wouldn't stand for any crap from the children. Not that we had any problems with our daughter. Don't know why I suddenly remembered this ,this morning. But when our son was 15 he drank a whole bottle of vodka while out with friends. So course he collapsed and it was one of his friends dad came to tell us. Ended up having his stomach pumped. I told him them don't ever make me ashamed again to be his mom he promised he wouldn't. But he had the cheek to blame his drinking the vodka on me and his dad. I told him he was grounded until he was 30. After a month my husband and daughter asked me to let him out. Which I did. His sister always fought for him when they where younger.

I should point out my husband had cancer at this time he was diagnosed in January 2001 and given 5 years to live he lived 3. Died 4 days after his 47th birthday. He went of the rails after his dad's death nothing major just not telling me when would be home or coming home drunk. Then I spent all night in and out if his room making sure he hadn't choked on his own vomit. His sister was always telling him off but I understand it was his way of coping with his grief. I was so happy when he met his future wife in 2005 at college. I had my happy boy back. But look how that's turned out. Mind you it did take from then until 2020 to dump me as his mom .

Funny how thinks pop into my head . We had a lilac tree in our old garden my husband was always talking about digging it out. But never did. He died on a Friday. Woke on the Monday to see the lilac had broken and fell over. My son spent a week hacking it into tiny bits with the axe taking his grief out on it. Wonder if he remembers?

Like I said things pop into my head. If I don't write then down they would fester and that's not who I want to be.

Got my craft group today and my grandson tomorrow teachers on strike. Monday off to my brother and sister in law's until the Friday. Can't wait to see them.

Take care everyone.

Just had the fright of my life! Watching a bird in the garden that I didn't recognize the breed, when a big fox came and just stood looking down towards us, I jumped which made my little dog run out into the garden, luckily the fox fled. Always wondered what would happen if my little dog came nose to nose with a fox [?] They do always seem to scarper.

Your DH sounds like good fun Whiff. As for your est.S, he sounds like my est.D, she was always getting into trouble & drinking too much!

Last winter there was a fox outside our house Yogin and was face to face with a cat. I was worried about the cat but after what looked like a Mexican stand off, the fox walked away. Like you, my concern would have been the welfare of our dogs, especially the little poodle but I think the foxes are more afraid than we are.

So what plans do you have to keep your grandson occupied tomorrow Whiff? I suspect baking will be in there somewhere. I bet he's looking forward to spending the day with his lovely gran.

We went to the 'Hollywood Vampire's' concert last night. Didn't know what to expect and it was brilliant. The stage setting, lights and smoke were great as was Alice Cooper and Johnny Depp.

Had no idea he was such a brilliant guitarist and it was surreal when he sang Bowie's 'We can be heroes', a good voice too and yes, very handsome.

The finale was 'School's Out for Summer', just brilliant and I've still got it running through my head!!!

A pic from last night

Smiles I like Alice Cooper also when I have seen him interviewed comes across as a down to earth person. I like Johnny Depp as an actor and musician but he doesn't seem a nice person in real life. But glad you had a good time.

Yes we baked a blueberry cake yesterday. My grandson is very good about measuring the ingredients and mixing everything up . He greases the tin before I put the parchment in and I only have to put the mix into the tin and bake it. He even cracks the eggs. He loves licking the bowl . Which I think is a right of passage for all children.

He picked the French and broad beans and the lone strawberry which was ripe. He watered the toms in my greenhouse and sprayed the flowers.

After lunch we went to the park. He has eczema. But I didn't know something in long grass causes his legs to itch and gives him hives. My daughter said it's a recent thing and sorry she forgot to tell me. The poor darling scratched his legs and they bled a little and had a few hives. But we had had a good hour on the playground. He got to the top of the climbing frame made out of steel ropes last time I took him he couldn't do that and it's only been a couple of months. I was scared he would fall . But he said he was a big boy now.

We watched some people in the park playing bowls for a while and made me think of Mr S Smiles I told my grandson I had a friend who's husband played bowls. He loved it when someone hit the little ball and then knocked someone's bowl out of the way.

As soon as we got to mine got his feet into bowl of cool water and bathed his legs and arms . The itching and hives stopped on his legs.

Mind you he did con me over his reading book . My daughter had put a sticker in saying page 14. I thought he had to do only page 14 so was pleased when he wanted to read another page. The little devil knew we where supposed to do the last 2 pages as well. But he did them when his mom came.

As usual we built a den with my clothes airers and fleece blankets. He's brother loved it when they came but only played for a short time as it was getting close to dinner time

Earlier on he asked about the photos in my bedroom. I have a frame with 8 photos of my son's eldest 2. Ironically it was him and my daughter in law who brought me the frame. So I just said it was some boys I knew. I told him their names and he asked if I saw them . Said no I hadn't seen them for 3 years and they wouldn't look like those pictures. He asked if I would see them soon so had to say I don't expect to ever see them again. And he left it at that.

I didn't tell him they where my grandson's or his cousin's because he understands . He has 2 cousins on his dad's side. Funny enough it didn't make me sad saying it. But we made it a rule to always answer our children's questions and haven't changed that and always answer my grandson's questions fully . It's not lying what I told him just not exactly who they where as it would only confuse him. My daughter never mentions her brother or nephews. But I don't blame her she can never forgive my son and never got on with my daughter in law. But was never unkind to her or made snide comments about her unlike my daughter in law who did it all the time about my daughter but I just ignored it.

Hope may talking about my grandson's doesn't upset anyone. But not having my husband in my life fills a part of the hole he left.

Had most of my bag packed since Wednesday ready for my trip to brothers and sister in law's on Monday. Booked the travel assistance on Monday and ordered my taxi on Thursday. Can't wait to see them all. Like me their lives changed for the better when they moved 2 years ago. Love where they live and have better healthcare. Like me living in a bungalow has made life easier especially for my sister in law who has MS.

I had asked for a referral to occupational therapy and they phoned yesterday for an appointment on Tuesday but will be away . But I am on the top of the list for the next available one. Hopefully they have some gadgets which will help me.

Emailed my solicitor just to tell her I will be away next week and asked her to text me if we get a PIP tribunal date. It does make me laugh when I read government reports saying how quickly people get to tribunal and how short the hold is when anyone phones PIP helpline. But then annoys me when I read reports from people who assessed PIP interviews and they had a quoter of how many they could allow a month. Good job I am a patient person 35 years and counting to get disability benefits.

Anyway better end my ramble. Enjoy your day the best way you can.

You certainly had a busy day with your grandson Whiff. I just knew that there'd be some baking involved.

What the government tells us rarely matches with what we experience does it Whiff. I hope that occupational therapy will have some gadgets that will make life a little easier for you.

It's lovely here this morning and we may or may not dodge the thunder storms that have been forecast. If we do get any, I hope they've gone by this evening as we'll be walking to the Italian restaurant for a meal at 7.00 pm.

A quiet day for me today as Mr. S. is meeting some friends for lunch and as it's about a 1.5 car journey to get there, 3 hours of travelling there and back would mean we'd have to rush lunch to get back to our dogs, as we don't like leaving them for more than 4.5 to 5 hours.

Singing with the church choir tomorrow so need to be there for 8.30 am for another rehearsal and to get robed up. Never worn a proper church choir robe before and poor old Mr. S. will need to drive me there as I'm still without my car.

The good news is the fault has finally been found by another garage so at least when I get it back this time, it will have been repaired and I can get back to driving it with confidence.

Have a good day everyone x.

Sounds like you had lots of fun with your grandson and the food all sounds delicious Whiff

I'm sure you'll look great in a choir robe smiles.

Thunder storms and really heavy rain here. Now we have roof leaks in the bungalow. I'm seriously wondering what we paid the surveyor to do. We have a bowl catching drips.

Hugs sorry you have more problems to deal with. I was very lucky my estranged son recommended the surveyor they used and he was very good . Only surprise was the mice but they weren't here when the survey was done. As my house sale fell through twice. Before my move already made a list of jobs and in which order they needed to be done. For the first 2 years of a move it's all pay out as you make it your home. Some people call home where they come from but this is my home I never want to go back to where I lived . I wasn't happy after my husband died and only people being dependant on me kept me there for so long . Didn't expect to stay from 2004 until I finally moved in 2019. Both children moved out in 2006. But I couldn't leave those who needed me. Even though it cost me more health problems.

Hugs this time next year your home will be as you want it or almost so. Then you can relax and just enjoy your new life but even though you have found problems you seem happy already with your new life.

All who have moved whilst I have been here sound happy you made the move. And happiness is underrated.

But moving changed my life for the better. I saw my son and his 2 eldest every week for 7 months before Covid. It was his choice to dump me not mine. I have changed in a lot of ways more confident and happier than I had been for years. More friends than I have ever had ,good neighbours,better healthcare and finally getting a diagnosis of 2 things I was born with and having medication for them. I am not the same mom my son knew but he isn't the caring loving son I knew . I love that son. But not who he has shown himself to be . But I could never hate him or my daughter in law. Don't need or want that in my life. Had it from 1975 until 2015 with my in laws.

Seeing my daughter and grandson's every week I can see what my 3 other grandson's would be doing. So that's how I imagine them.

Smiles you will look beautiful in your robes hope Mr S takes a pic of you in them.

Hand trembled again . But at least I didn't lose the post😄.

Hope you enjoyed your meal last night.

Going to my brother and sister in law's tomorrow. Bag has been packed since Wednesday only odds and ends to put in tomorrow. But I will check at least 3 times I have packed everything. Travel assistance was booked on Monday and taxi booked on Thursday. Only one change each way this year. Trains at 9.19 but taxi coming at 7.45 as I hate being late and don't know what the traffic will be like into the city. Can't wait to see them. My brother does all the cooking so going to enjoy every mouthful and sod the calories for a few days . Be back Friday evening.

Hopefully when I get back will have a PIP tribunal date but not holding my breath.

Keep out of mischief all of you while I am away. Take care all. 🤗

Oh hugs you have my sympathy. Water coming in is such a worry as often where it materialises isn't the place where the leak is.

It's taken us 6.5 years to finally get dry. Aside form the sink hole we right outside our house, we had one problem after the other which TBF to the surveyor didn't begin to materialise straight away.

You'll get it sorted I'm sure and hopefully it wont be anything serious.

You must be really looking forward to the visit Whiff especially as your brother will be doing all of the cooking. Food always tastes nicer when you haven't had to prepare it yourself doesn't it, which is why I enjoy eating out.

If you insist, I'll try to keep out of mischief while you're away but it wont be easy.

Felt a little nervous this morning, robed up and walking down with the choir and singing at the same time. I need glasses for reading but find it awkward to wear them when walking and there were a couple of steps to navigate, but all went well.

We have a friend coming round this afternoon for a BBQ so I'm looking forward to that and keeping my fingers crossed that the weather forecast is right and we wont get rain.

Enjoy the rest of the day everyone.

Good morning everyone.

Things much of a muchness for me -still struggling to find a way toward after DH's death. It doesn't get much easier, but I suppose it takes time - I just wish I could find some motivation for something (anything!) from somewhere.

Not heard from my step children since the funeral - no surprise there.🙄

Miss Dysfunctionality is still playing up, but that's normal for her. Hopefully her court case will concentrate her mind a bit.

My ex has estranged our son again, for a reason I can't get my head around. He sent my son a letter, telling him to eff off, he's was out of his life, and that he was never convinced that my son was his anyway...🙄

All that happened was that my son and family flew home for the funeral. They considered they were there just to support me at that time.

We weren't socialising - I was on my knees. It was just support.

While he was over here, my son realised that Fathers Day was coming, so he bought and wrote a card, instead of doing the usual Moonpig from America.

He asked DD to post it when she posted hers - which she did.

He then gets an abusive letter from my ex - he said that life wasn't all about me, and that my son should have found a way to go and see him.

Well, actually, that visit was all about me - I'd just been widowed.

The journey would have been horrendous, to a way out village, as my son doesn't drive over here, DD certainly didn't have time to run him there and back, so it didn't happen.

I then got stroppy, and sent my ex a furious letter, laying out his failings as a dad and grandad for the last 23 years. He could have written back, he could have phoned me - but, no, he won't take me on.😡

I have called his bluff - I told him when our son comes over next year, I intend to pay for a DNA test - I know who the father of my son is, it's my ex. But, I'm happy to pay to show him up for the petulant idiot he is.🙄

Jeez, some people are weird.

Anyway, all have a nice day x💐

It's still very early days DL. Motivation will come, probably when you least expect it so be patient with yourself .

Well your ex is a piece of work isn't he. Great idea about the paternity test, that should shut the idiot up. It's just weird isn't it how some parents don't get estranged when it would be perfectly reasonable for them to be, and how others who did nothing but love and care for their children get estranged anyway!!!

As you say Jeez, some people are weird.