Choosing between my children

I agree, nightowl.

The post is not saddening. I hope toddler GD is protected from harm (away from people who abuse or rugsweep) and everyone gets therapy.

Is terribly saddening -- NOT is not saddening

I think I would take the matter to an appropriate therapist for help in sorting it out. And tell your son that's what you're doing. That way, you're not disregarding his feelings OR allowing him to dictate what you can and can't do. Idk but it seems likely to me that might be acceptable to him or at least more acceptable. He may just want the recognition of feeling like he's being considered.

That's a good idea BlueberryPie.

This is, or would be a nightmare situation for any parent, and certainly happens in real life

I am aware of real a life situation in a family that is exactly this scenario. Further complicated by financial abuse of the adult parent.

It happens. And sometimes OPs don't come back because they post then are so caught up in their worry they just cant face it, or they read but don't comment because its devastating ...or ...so many possibilities!

Whatever happens, you have a duty of Child Protection towards your GD. You could contact mosac.org.uk/ for support.

IF you are not 100% sure if the abuse is true, you could ask your son whether he has reported it to police. If your son decided to, he could choose to get a lawyer and take this to court. www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/children-and-young-people/protecting-children/getting-help-and-compensation-if-you-were-abused-as-a-child/

I am no expert on this sort of thing but my first thought is that I really don't think an adult should be held very accountable for something they did as a child. Twelve is very young and kids do dumb things.

For ex., say she'd stolen something from a when she was twelve. I doubt anyone would worry that she was a thief now, with nothing more than a long ago child's misdeed to go on.

I think you shouldn't have kept it from your son that you were back in contact with your daughter, though. I understand that you were just trying to avoid this whole situation. But I can also see how it might have made him feel uncared for all over again.

I'd start with a qualified therapist yourself, then possibly bring one or both children into it IF the therapist thinks it's a good idea.

At this point, the main issue to me is really just to show your son that you care very much about him. That's what I think I'd want if I were in his shoes, anyway. Good luck with it.

Correction: The above should have said "say she'd stolen something from a STORE when she was twelve.

Sexual interference is not equal to shop lifting, therefore I don't agree. Both are criminal offences in their individual way- and both have very different consequences.

My son did shop lift as a teen. The shop banned him for life and the police were called. He never did it again.

BlueberryPie

Correction: The above should have said "say she'd stolen something from a STORE when she was twelve.

What about what the daughter stole from her brother?

Well if anyone has all the answers it's certainly not me, OnwardandUpward and I'm not here to argue. But my post remains my opinion based on the info. presented.

As I said, I'd start with a therapist and sort it all out with their help.

Perhaps counselling for all of you would help? I am no expert but what happened all those years ago does not mean your DD is a sexual predator and that her children are at risk - I feel fairly sure they are not. Clearly what happened to your son has had to a profound effect on him - understandably so. Counselling is a powerful tool and not to be underestimated.
On a final note - this is not your fault!!!! As parents we are hard wired to think we are to blame for the behaviour of our children- I don't believe that. I wish you and your family peace and a positive
outcome. 💐💐

What a sad, difficult situation for you, as a mother, who loves both her children. I can’t offer much advice. ‘Sexual assault’ by a 12 year old on a 7 year old ?? Was your daughter just being inquisitive? (if you know what I mean). Perhaps I’m being naive here. But I feel bad that you are in this position.