Not sure if I should be posting this here, or where, but I'm feeling completely brain-scrambled at the moment.
I've posted, more than a few times, about the problems DH and I had with his adult kids.
The youngest son has been bouncing us in and out of estrangement for 18 years, and spent the last 4 abusing us by text, with demands for money etc.
The eldest son and family weren't like this, but barely bothered with DH.
Anyway, at Easter, my DH was admitted to hospital. I let my eldest SS know, but no one (other than me and my family) visited.
After a pretty horrendous week, the consultant spoke to me and my daughter (she was with me every day), and said that further treatment was fruitless and ultimately unkind. I had to let him go.
He went onto an end of life ward, and the staff were fantastic.
I notified eldest SS what had happened and that visits were open hours, for anyone to say their goodbyes. DH was unconscious, but I don't know what they hear or not.
I and DD went daily, and other members of my family went as well.
Eldest SS and family went, at some point, and that was fine.
Youngest SS chose not to go.
I and DD held him as he died.
I've had to arrange the funeral, and I've arranged that eldest SS and family, are fully included (car etc).
I have been keeping eldest SS fully informed by email.
Where youngest SS was concerned, I hadn't said anything. I then heard (through another source), that I was apparently banning him, and that he was "grief stricken" 🙄
I wrote to him last week saying I wasn't banning anyone, but I didn't want him or his wife near me. He could go and leave, but leave me alone.
I sent him details of the funeral times etc. and where to send flowers etc
I'm still hearing that by not getting him and car and including him in the "gathering" afterwards, I am effectively banning him.🙄
I am not.
His family have been no real support to me at all - I got a text yesterday (first), from eldest SSs wife, asking if I was going to watch the coronation (no), and thanking me for being so strong and organised. They acknowledged that I had given him the happiest years of his life.
Jeez, I'm on my knees here - stricken with painful grief and now having to deal with all this, along with the never ending formalities that death brings. I can't sleep, eat, and I'm out of strength to fight or argue with his family.
My family and friends have been truly wonderful - I'm grateful to them all. My son and family are flying home for the funeral in a couple of weeks.
Many friends are also attending.
I'm conscious of not becoming "a needy old lady" leaning on people all the time , but they have been great.
I don't know why I'm posting really, but I just feel bemused by other people. I'm so angry as well.
I am now dreading this funeral. It was never going to be easy, but all this friction is making it worse.
I'm now feeling so lacking in confidence (unlike me), I'm not even sure who's being unreasonable.🙁
DiamondLily Sat 06-May-23 11:59:39
Smileless2012 Sat 06-May-23 13:34:26
Doodledog Sat 06-May-23 13:42:19
Hithere Sat 06-May-23 14:08:25
Madgran77 Sat 06-May-23 14:10:27
Wyllow3 Sat 06-May-23 14:12:30
Redhead56 Sat 06-May-23 14:29:27
VioletSky Sat 06-May-23 14:32:30
DiamondLily Sat 06-May-23 15:38:24
NanaDana Sat 06-May-23 15:44:17
Whiff Sat 06-May-23 16:10:21
Whiff Sun 07-May-23 06:53:50
Hetty58 Sun 07-May-23 07:19:29
DiamondLily Sun 07-May-23 17:33:05
Madgran77 Sun 07-May-23 18:07:17
Hithere Sun 07-May-23 18:18:49
Namsnanny Sun 07-May-23 18:28:06
DiamondLily Sun 07-May-23 18:32:54
DiamondLily Sun 07-May-23 18:38:49
Whiff Sun 07-May-23 18:45:00
Hithere Sun 07-May-23 18:45:08
Spring20 Sun 07-May-23 19:04:07
DiamondLily Sun 07-May-23 19:14:58
Namsnanny Mon 08-May-23 00:52:25
Hetty58 Mon 08-May-23 07:49:40