Feeling just so mentally drained from it all….

Adviceplease

Nothing wrong with giving her some space

You are of course welcome on this forum, the problem is that it is not a happy place and if you can avoid estrangement, that's always for the best.

Whatever the past issues are, while there is still some communication there is hope. As long as you are accountable which leads to genuine apology and change, there is always that chance for positive progress (I'd say the same to your daughter)

Wishing you the best

What kind of relationship does OP's daughter envision?

the problem is that is not a happy place really VS.

There are some very encouraging posts from those who have been estranged and have been the ones who have estranged. Of course there is heartache which is only to be expected when a precious relationship comes to an end or is believed to be at risk, but there are pages and pages of examples of what so many have done to move on with their lives.

When the dark clouds gather as they do from time to time regardless of how much time has passed, what better place to share than the estrangement forum where there's support and friendship, regardless of the circumstances.

No one here, especially those of us who have been estranged advocates estrangement.

Just give her lots of space and time...it sounds as though she has a lot ofthings to cope with... she might then ask for your help

Thank you Pascal...
I'm going to....let her come to me when she is ready...she knows I am here. But guess it's just too difficult atm.

I think this forum is a lovely space to share and support Smileless TY you made me feel welcome

I do feel better and that was the point of posting.

I think to just lower your expectations Adviceplease, as you have said, sounds sensible. Smileless was not being manipulative, just not be so readily available that’s all and appear too needy. Which is how I think I became, I just used to drop anything I had planned if my d suggested meeting.. I don’t think those that haven’t been estranged can understand how it lowers your confidence and you do walk on eggshells trying to avoid it.
I worked full time, had a husband and children, just as busy but always made time for my folks because I wanted to.

I'm so pleased you've found this forum a lovely space to share and find support Adviceplease and that posting here has made you feel better.

There are several regulars who will be here if and when needed .

Thank you Allsorts. We see so many posts from those walking on eggshells to avoid estrangement which sadly in the long term even if it does work, become stressed and anxious in case they say or do the wrong thing.

The healthiest relationships are reciprocal, there needs to be respect from all sides and a desire to make the relationship work which often requires compromise.

estrangement the situation, not Estrangement the forum topic...

Although it's easy to see why you thought that Smileless

VS I responded directly to Adviceplease who said I think this forum is a lovely space to share and support hence my response so I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.

Germanshepherdsmum

I’m sure you did a lot Hetty. It’s unfortunate that many older people have absolutely no idea what it’s like to have a demanding job, a family to care for perhaps single-handedly on a very tight budget, and rarely a moment to draw breath. And mobile phones make us constantly accessible. Their own experiences would have been so very different.

Indeed.

No idea what it's like to be busy, too many time demands.

Adviceplease It is entirely appropriate to post in the Estrangement forum when one fears Estrangement; the fear of what might be coming, the urge to try and avoid that is significant. The hurt, worry, confusion and upset are understandable even whilst acknowledging and taking responsibility for mistakes as you are doing. I think you are right to step back a little, give her space and wait.

OK Smileless

Madgran77

Adviceplease It is entirely appropriate to post in the Estrangement forum when one fears Estrangement; the fear of what might be coming, the urge to try and avoid that is significant. The hurt, worry, confusion and upset are understandable even whilst acknowledging and taking responsibility for mistakes as you are doing. I think you are right to step back a little, give her space and wait.

Goodness yes.

Always best to step back, wait quietly ever how long it takes.

Thank you all for your help yesterday. I am pleased that I reached out here and you gave me support. I stepped back and calmed myself. Then this morning she called me on her way to a meeting to arrange to see her Sunday. I am going to try and be less needy and sensitive, and enjoy seeing her. I just wanted to show my appreciation for your support. It has been a very tough ride, but I am hopeful that I can start to build a better relationship with her. I do appreciate how busy she is and how hard she works. I too had a very big job, and was a single Mum for the main part of her upbringing even when I had a new partner I was managing everything. So I am going to just be more relaxed about it all. TY and Best wishes.

That's great Adviceplease. Have a lovely time on Sunday and remember you can always pop onto GN if you need to talk.

I'm so glad for you and I hope things keep getting better now

Hi
Your post is exactly how my life is aswell, I do get on with my life best I can , however I'm really really down at the moment as I miss him and it grips you tight and physically hurts, it won't last forever , but I don't look forward to these depressive periods at all,

it grips you tight and physically hurts yes it does Mandymoo.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Where is NI Nadateturbe?
I accept that I'm not a priority now, the older I get the further back in the queue I get🙄 so we must all rely on ourselves. Diffucult.

They mean more to us than we do to them, they will find the same with their children.

Allsorts, I'm just so glad to see them getting on with their lives, being good partners and parents, making the most of opportunities - and coping so well with all the challenges of life.

All four seem happy and settled (so I must have done something right). Yes, sometimes I wish I could see them more often, be more involved in my grandchildren's lives. At other times, though, I just want more peace and quiet.

I'd hate to think they would visit due to guilt - or out of duty, though, rather than a genuine wish to see me. (That's why I felt compelled to visit my mother.) That would be absolutely awful for them.

Therefore, I try hard to be upbeat, fun and interesting, engaged, involved in my own life, hobbies and interests. I will always strive to be happy, regardless - and never mention my aches and pains!

"They mean more to us than we do to them, they will find the same with their children."

This is incorrect
You obviously talk to them weekly, so they care about you or they would not bother to put time weekly for that

As for their kids doing that to them - how do you know?
Your relationship with your ac is different than their relationship with their kids
When their kids become adult, it will happen whatever has to happen

As for offering money to them - how kind!

Expecting them to drive 7 hours each way to see you - that's a gift with strings

Message withdrawn at poster's request.