The following is a letter to my mother that will not be sent. I went NC with her two years ago, and will never reopen that communication again. Please know that I will not debate my personal situation with the estranged parents on this forum. Any attempts to invalidate my experiences will be ignored. I am offering this in hopes that the estranging child's POV will be more represented here.
"It is okay that we don't see eye-to-eye. I am at peace with that. I have learned so much about childhood trauma, the mother wound, and my own mental health. I wish I could share this growth with you so that you could heal from your own traumas.
I know you're hurting, but that hurting started long before you had children. You didn't have the access I now have (as an adult with my own insurance and income). I understand what happened and why. I understand that life was hard for you as it was for me. I'm sorry you never moved beyond that.
You tried your best, but our relationship was unsustainable for both of us. I was your everything, and I couldn't take it anymore. The decision to move on from our relationship was so difficult. I don't want this, but I know it's right. My idea of family has changed. I need to surround myself with people who validate my experiences and support my life direction. You hurt me irreparably when you discounted a decade of my hard work and dedication to defend a conspiracy theory. Your refusal to acknowledge the pain I went through or your faults as a mother make repairing our relationship impossible.
I spent my childhood taking care of you, although I know you don't see it that way. I feel like we spent our whole relationship trying to change each other. It was my job to keep you happy after the divorce. I spent my childhood as your emotional caretaker.
When I moved away I realized that I didnt have my own identity. It was so wrapped up in who you needed me to be.
I have my own life and I am my own person now. The political climate was shown me how different we are fundamentally. When I started to live my values, you tightened you grip on me. My whole being rejects the beliefs that you taught me, and you couldn't let me go. I had to choose between what is right for the world and what is right for my mother. If I hadn't met my husband and experienced unconditional love for the first time, you and I would still be in this cycle. I realize now that although we are mother and daughter, you have never been a mom to me and I don't owe you more of my life.
I hope you find peace in time. I hope you reach out and find a community to support you. I accept whatever blame you need to place on me in order to find your healing. I don't need or want that accountability from you. If my happiness is what you want, know that I've found it. The decision is made, and we will never speak again. I'm no longer a daughter."
Helenwaspushed Mon 21-Aug-23 20:01:22
Sidelined Mon 21-Aug-23 21:25:58
Summerlove Mon 21-Aug-23 22:36:50
Smileless2012 Mon 21-Aug-23 23:06:14
VioletSky Mon 21-Aug-23 23:17:28
Hetty58 Tue 22-Aug-23 05:02:12
Whiff Tue 22-Aug-23 06:55:28
eazybee Tue 22-Aug-23 08:02:06
Germanshepherdsmum Tue 22-Aug-23 09:36:27
Sidelined Tue 22-Aug-23 10:48:47
VioletSky Tue 22-Aug-23 11:30:52
Fleurpepper Tue 22-Aug-23 11:39:18
crazyH Tue 22-Aug-23 11:42:42
Hithere Tue 22-Aug-23 12:19:28
biglouis Tue 22-Aug-23 12:30:09
VioletSky Tue 22-Aug-23 12:33:05
25Avalon Tue 22-Aug-23 12:35:45
Helenwaspushed Tue 22-Aug-23 13:19:03
Hithere Tue 22-Aug-23 13:24:28
Smileless2012 Tue 22-Aug-23 13:28:09
Helenwaspushed Tue 22-Aug-23 13:31:41
eddiecat78 Tue 22-Aug-23 13:57:51
Smileless2012 Tue 22-Aug-23 13:59:39
Helenwaspushed Tue 22-Aug-23 14:09:57
eddiecat78 Tue 22-Aug-23 14:17:25