The next thread for friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Smiles I have always found the radiographer to be lovely. Thankfully the machine to squeeze our boobs is smaller than my first one when I was 50 as it left bruises across the tops of both breasts.

As you know I speak plainly and don't use words like narcissist etc. But saw this on my HPX group today.

A narcissist wants the authority of a King while having the accountability of a toddler.

Too true Whiff re narcist.

Smiles good to hear all went well for you.

Well, the sun is out, the birds are singing, so time for walkies on the beach for me & Joey

It's a lovely morning here too Yogin and even brighter because I've just had flowers delivered from my "forgetful son" to his "wonderful mum" for Mothers day .

Perfect timing as we're going to our lodge today and I can take them with me.

A very apt description of a narcissist Whiff.

Just watched Guess who's coming down dinner with Spencer Tracey and Katherine Hepburn. I had forgotten what a powerful film it was and ahead of its time. Sadly some people still have those views about inter racial marriages . But it also could have been able estrangement as if the families hadn't accepted the marriage of their children they would have estranged themselves from them.

This wasn't just about mixed marriage but about people accepting those we love. And keeping the family that come with that love.

Our children have chosen we are unacceptable to be part of their families which is a form of intolerant and just another form of decriminalisation as any against race ,religion or sex.

That's lovely Smiles x

Those flowers will have brought lots of smiles , smileless 💐

Cool gran, I’m so glad your d was alright about you calling a gc by the wrong name, my grandma did it all the time and I do it. It’s sad to think you worried all day about something others would smile at. It’s very sad they feel the need to do that.
Smileless, how lovely getting the flowers from your son, such a lovely day yesterday to start your break away.
Whiff, moving has certainly been life changing for you, gettting the diagnosis and the support, you know what you’re dealing with and you do as you say things ‘you’re way’, not long now until your brother has his operation and do hope it all goes well.🤞
Yoga, you seem much happier now in your home, so glad for you, , it must be lovely walking by the sea each day, I would never tire of that,

Allsorts my brother's operation is today. Has to be at the hospital for 9am a 4 hour drive from where they live. But he is having the new socket fitted in the hospital he had the original hip replacement. Had his check up every since there. Because of the type of hip replacement they used it wasn't the sort for a working man as it was metal on metal . Over the years it's worn and he has high levels of cobalt in his blood . In the last 18 months lost over 7st because he knew he would need it replaced as the levels of cobalt have gone up every year. He swims every morning at 6.30am 50 lengths been doing this for 6 months to get fit. He doesn't want to be in hospital more than a couple of days.

One of his friends was taking him down today and he has 2 friends with large cars so one of them will take him home. He will beable to seat across the back seat with the seat belt on.

He has all the equipment at home ready and his local hospital will deal with his post operative care. The biggest advantage is they live in a bungalow with a wet room .

He has been cooking meals from scratch for a few weeks and frozen just to either cook or reheat. As he does all the cooking. My sister in law has MS and is limited to how much time she can do things and my brother doesn't like his father in laws cooking. Think I said they took him with them to live with them when they move 3 years ago. He's like a second dad to me .

Before Christmas they had a brand new kitchen fitted which has made life easier as they have a dishwasher now.

The village they live in people help eachother. Their friends at the allotment will take my sister in law up to feed the chickens ,clean them out and get the eggs. And anything else needed doing there.

I am worried about him as he has permanent AF 2 stents in his heart and one in his brain and riddled with arthritis from falls and broken limbs from motorbike accidents. His my little brother . But he is cheeky I am 16 months older than him but tells people I am 16 years older.

Luckily he hasn't got HPX as the sort our parents where carriers for meant they had a 50/50 chance of having a child with it . I have it but it's not the gene mutation that is past one . As I have it so not a carrier for it nor is my brother so our children and my grandsons are free from it. Learn something knew every time I talk to my HPX group. If it was one of the 3 gene mutations starting GL then it runs through families.

Smiles forgot to say the flowers where a lovely surprise and you know how much your son loves you both . The miles between you don't matter knowing he loves and cares about you both is the main thing . Enjoy your time at the lodge.

Thank you Allsorts hope you are ok. Yes, where I live is lovely, right by a beautiful park with swans, ducks & Cormorant etc. the beach is just a small walk through from the park. My flat is nice, but road is not good. My neighbour has claimed the parking bay in front of my house as his, in 2.5yrs I've never parked there!

Best of luck to your dear brother today Whiff for him

Best wishes for your brother who has is op today Whiff. You'll all be more relaxed when he's safely out of surgery .

It's a beautiful warm and sunny morning here which is even better after yesterday's rain although we did have a lovely evening so were able to give the dogs a good walk.

I did a lovely roast pork dinner yesterday with all the trimmings, and because the lodge holds the heat, I had to have the door open while the oven was on.

A bit of a panic yesterday as the site manager is away and we needed a new bottle of gas. We have two and one automatically transfers into the other so you never run out. We probably would have had enough but better safe than sorry, so Mr. S. 'phoned the main office yesterday, paid over the 'phone, and one will be delivered today.

Having twisted his arm, we're going to buy a new outside table and chairs set this morning. The one we have is almost 10 years old and is looking decidedly tatty. Mr. S. says I just like spending money!!! No idea what he's going on about .

My brother was in surgery for 3.5 hours spinal tap and sedatives. Seen the doctor ,had bloods done,BP low but they are going to do x rays and then the physios will get he up . He will want to get home quickly so I expect to him he's marching up and down the ward tomorrow.

Sunny here today. Hope you get a lovely new set of garden furniture Smiles . I just have a bench which I varnish every year before it goes out until the winter. Hopefully do that at Easter.

No exercise class yesterday so took the train to large town by me. Don't like going into the city. I always get lost and can't stand the noise and hoards of people. Only usually go to Brain Charity or the station by myself.

Hope you all have a good day.

Unfortunately my brother wasn't allowed out of bed today as his BP isn't stable. But they took him off 2 of his tablets before op so hopefully they put him back on them today. So he will start physio tomorrow. Fingers crossed as he's like a bear with a sore head when he can't do what he wants.

🤞For your brother Whiff, all over now and every day will see an improvement.
Yoga, I would have to wait until your neighbour went out and park in the space, see if he said anything.😬
Sounds a necessity to me Smileless having a new table and chairs.

Morning everyone.

I hope your brother continues to recover from his operation Whiff and is now being allowed out of bed and has begun physio.

I'd have already done what Allsorts has suggested Yogin and parked my car in the available space outside my flat. There are parking spaces on our road and it's simple a case of first come first served. No one owns one although one of our neighbours gets very annoyed if he can't park outside his house.

Mr. S. avoids doing so if he can but sometimes if it's the only available space he'll park there. We keep my little Fiat 500 in the garage so that's one taken care of.

It was another lovely day here yesterday but the weather's changed today. We're meeting Mr. S.'s sister and b.i.l. tonight for a meal, taking advantage of being nearer to them when we're here, then when we're at home.

It's been a while since we saw them so we're looking forward to it.

Of course the new table and chairs are a necessity Allsorts. You'd think Mr. S. would know that; maybe it's a 'man thing' .

Well done to Whiff's brother.

Allsorts I tried that and he arrange a parking ticket for me. I appealed; saying that I was not obstructing movement of his Vehicle, a caravan, as it hasn't moved in the 2.5yrs that I've lived here and I suspect many years before that too. It is really winding me up now.

All week he has parked his big silver van over the front of my house [in the parking bay, using his family car for work] with the space in front of his house vacant! He has his caravan parked on his driveway, leaving space to park over the driveway but instead robs me of a parking space, when he's out all day. In the 2.5yrs I've lived here, I've never parked outside my own house.

One of the reasons for buying this flat is that although it didn't have a driveway, it had a big parking bay, so I thought that would be fine, room enough for my DD when she visits too. I would love some advice on what to do, but I think there isn't anything, as he isn't breaking the law, just being a bad inconsiderate neighbour!

well I wouldn't be able to resist parking my car in the vacant space in front of his house*Yogin*, and when he complains saying 'yes, it's annoying isn't it'

Just heard from my sister in law they have just picked my brother up from the hospital heading home. So relieved as I was very worried about him . But once home I know he will recover quickly .

My brother and sister in law got back home just after 8. He will feel better being home .

Yoga, get free advice from citizens advice. When you bought the flat it was in part due to you having that space. If it's no ones space, park in front of his. He is a bully and I'm afraid it would get to me as I really can't stand them. He is totally unreasonable. If after a polite discussion with him asking why he thinks his actions are fair. I would send him a letter stating you will be using his space unless you can get in your own space. In fact as soon as he moves his wretched vehicle I would park mine and get taxis until he got the message. Once I get a bee in my bonnet about injustice I have to sort it.

Bumping this thread for Pips, so she can come and chat here.

Bump.

Hope your brother continues to recover well now he is home Whiff,

I desperately need some advise.
AD walked away 18.months ago, taking my gorgeous 3 GS's. They were then aged 11, 9 and 3.
Heart broken doesn't become close to how I have felt everyday. I was a good Nanny, they loved me and knew how much I loved them. I would have given them the world if I could. We live in the same village, so.bumping into them was going to happen.
They have been told not to speak to me....the pain when that happened was unbearable. I really don't know how to cope with this constant miserable feeling. My life really revolved around those boys and now I have nothing. Someone please if you could give me some advise. I live on my own. I am so sad

Hello Pipps and a warm welcome to this support thread.

I'm so very sorry that your D has walked away and is refusing to allow you any contact with your GS's. Telling them they're not to talk to you is so cruel, for them and for you.

I totally understand how horrible it is living in the same village and that seeing or bumping into them is inevitable. We were in the same situation and after 4 years took the decision to move away.

We all understand how difficult this is to talk about so please only give information that you feel comfortable with.

Do you have any idea why your D is doing this? Has it come out of nowhere or were you having problems with the relationship that have come to a head?

Thank you for responding. I really do appreciate it.
It started as a mother/daughter argument over something really stupid. Unfortunately her husband listened in to the conversation and sent me a text message that was absolutely vile. Calling me a narcissist and various other unrepeatable words
I told my D that he would never be welcome at my home again, to which she replied that if he wasn't welcome then to not expect her to go there either and of course that included the GS's.
I can absolutely understand her sticking with her husband.
As a M and D we have always had a strained relationship. I never felt I was good enough as a mother for her as she always went looking for other older women to confide in. Starting as far back as primary school to now where it would appear she has a new surrogate (wealthy) mum. That hurts too but the situation regarding my lovely GS's is what hurts the most.

I forgot to add her husband owes my brother a vast sum of money, which he is now denying.
It is all so awful.
My GS's have done nothing wrong. They must be hurting too.
I probably was not the best mother in the world, but I would never have hurt my D the way she has hurt me.
Thank you so much for listening.