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Estrangement

Estranged daughter and my will

(489 Posts)
southwestgran Wed 13-Mar-24 14:05:40

My elder daughter hasn’t spoken or contacted for four years despite me sending birthday cards and saying our door is always open. She is married but has no children. I’m close to my younger daughter who is going through a rough time with a divorce and two teenage grandchildren. I’ve always said I would treat my children the same no matter what they did but I’m now wondering if I should alter my will in favour of my daughter and grandchildren. Elder daughter has in-laws with property so they’ll benefit at some point.

MJ67 Thu 24-Apr-25 08:29:33

Raising awareness about parental and grandparent alienation.

chng.it/9f2hZKj24Q

Mj 😊

Bcowlady56 Mon 02-Feb-26 15:46:45

I'm new here. I have 1 daughter. She is my whole world. In 2017 she quit speaking to me for some reason. I have done everything I know to do but regarding your Will, you don't owe her or anyone anything. If you have other children that do things to help you and will probably be there for you if you got sick, why should you give the child anything that has completely ripped your heart into pieces? I have a farm which my daughter has not bothered to do anything with or for the farm. She won’t bring my grandchildren I have never met to their farm. No im not leaving her anything unless something drastically changes. Which I don't foresee happening.

DiamondLily Mon 02-Feb-26 17:13:16

Bcowlady56

I'm new here. I have 1 daughter. She is my whole world. In 2017 she quit speaking to me for some reason. I have done everything I know to do but regarding your Will, you don't owe her or anyone anything. If you have other children that do things to help you and will probably be there for you if you got sick, why should you give the child anything that has completely ripped your heart into pieces? I have a farm which my daughter has not bothered to do anything with or for the farm. She won’t bring my grandchildren I have never met to their farm. No im not leaving her anything unless something drastically changes. Which I don't foresee happening.

You have joined an old thread. You might be better starting your own new one.

Smileless2012 Mon 02-Feb-26 17:18:09

Hello Bcowlady as DL has posted this is an old thread so maybe you'd like to take a look at the support thread for estrangement on this forum.

Allsorts Wed 04-Feb-26 04:32:04

If you are asking advice about a subject such as this poster and her will, personally I can see no objection to revisiting it rather than opening another with same heading, if no one want to contribute it will just stop.

User14823 Wed 04-Feb-26 06:45:40

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Smileless2012 Wed 04-Feb-26 09:14:24

Good grief User shock is there any need to be so unpleasant, especially to someone new to GN?

I think only someone whose fortunate enough not to have been estranged by their child could ask an EP why their estrangement has ripped their heart into pieces. makes you sound more like a forlorn partner than a parent really!!!

What on earth are you suggesting in your final paragraph? That the OP who you don't even know is an awful person?

This as you well know is a forum for estrangement and there's no need for such unpleasantness. It is, or at least it should be possible to disagree with and/or question a poster without being nasty.

Whiff Wed 04-Feb-26 09:47:08

Well said Smiles . User that was cruel and uncalled for .

Like Smiles says Bcowlady come onto the support thread . We understand how you feel .

Basgetti Wed 04-Feb-26 11:19:34

BlueBelle

Oh no no no treat them the same in your will even though she has estranged herself she is still your daughter Definitely split it three way, her, her sister, and the grandchildren or give the younger daughter who is struggling something along the way which no one needs to know about

Tbf, we don’t know that the daughter didn’t have good cause to cut contact: we don’t know the reason behind it.

User14823 Wed 04-Feb-26 12:02:38

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Basgetti Wed 04-Feb-26 12:05:16

Oh, I see. Tbh, I’d struggle to maintain any sort of relationship with my parents if they supported Reform.

Smileless2012 Wed 04-Feb-26 12:28:25

You have no idea whether or not Bcowlady is a Trump supporter User so what on earth are you going on about? This is really quite extraordinary even for you.

There's no specific information as to why there's been an increase in estrangement since Trump's election, so we have no idea how many parents have been estranged because they support Trump or because they didn't.

Your assumptions are off the scale.

We only ever know what we're told Basgetti, and whether or not an EAC has good cause to cut contact, doesn't necessarily reduce the pain of the parent they've estranged.

Basgetti Wed 04-Feb-26 12:32:56

Fair point.

User14823 Wed 04-Feb-26 13:14:39

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Labradora Wed 04-Feb-26 16:08:01

Smileless2012

^I've never understood why some people feel entitled to receive anything^ neither have I Marthjolly. Inheritance is a gift, not a right.

Amen to that.

Smileless2012 Wed 04-Feb-26 16:31:05

deplorable parents oh dear.

Madgran77 Wed 04-Feb-26 17:48:05

*User "Why does her estrangement have to rip your heart into pieces?
Shouldn't you be glad that your child grew up to be strong, wise and independent enough to do what's best for their life, even at the cost of a large inheritance. Having your heart ripped apart by their estrangement makes you sound more like a forlorn partner rather than a parent. Also, if you have no idea why she cut contact in 2017, it might have something to do with trump becoming president in 2016 and exposing how awful some people truly are*

Good heavens User have you no sense atall of an entirely human and understandable response in terms of feelings and emotions, of a parent who is estranged! I support someone who after years of abuse *chose to estrange themselves from their adult child*- and even as the one making that choice she has been devastated by the loss of that child etc etc!

And then in a later post you suggest that such feelings are immature (even though difficult to deal with). So the way that Bcowlady expressed her pain in dealing with it is now clearly not up to your apparent guidelines on expressing painful emotions.

And then there is your astounding unpleasantly expressed commentary on an upset posters potential politics being the cause.

At the very least your points could have been expressed more kindly as if one really wants to help on a thread like this, it is necessary to communicate in a way that an upset and hurting person can "hear"what is being said and it is perfectly possible to give very hard constructively critical comments on a way that a person can accept and at least think about your points!

User14823 Wed 04-Feb-26 18:49:36

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Smileless2012 Wed 04-Feb-26 19:22:45

Well I suppose you acknowledging that EAC can be deplorable is something User.

Well said Madgran.

Allsorts Wed 04-Feb-26 19:51:14

User, if you cannot be nice better not say anything, you don't know peoples circumstances.

User14823 Wed 04-Feb-26 20:17:15

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Smileless2012 Wed 04-Feb-26 20:59:12

You don't know User; you're making assumptions that are neither helpful or pleasant.

User14823 Wed 04-Feb-26 21:13:59

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Smileless2012 Wed 04-Feb-26 21:21:48

But you don't know do you User so how can you claim to be helping the OP with your 'highly-educated^ guess?

Madgran77 Wed 04-Feb-26 21:40:38

User you appear to simply wish to argue rather than respond to reasoned comment!

Bcow I'm sorry that responses to you have been overshadowed by educated or otherwise guesses. If relevant think about your politics. If not do whatever makes you feel is the right thing to do