Brother - no girlfriend or wife

I would assume at some point he would get the girl to meet his family
Why on earth would you assume that….. in 25 years you spoke half a dozen words, why on earth would he want to introduce a girlfriend/ male friend or any other friend to someone he has no relationship with
You sound a very disjointed family so I don’t expect any friendship or relationships would be shared with any of you Why would he?

BlueBelle

*I would assume at some point he would get the girl to meet his family*
Why on earth would you assume that….. in 25 years you spoke half a dozen words, why on earth would he want to introduce a girlfriend/ male friend or any other friend to someone he has no relationship with
You sound a very disjointed family so I don’t expect any friendship or relationships would be shared with any of you Why would he?

This

I think your expectations need to be adjusted. You barely know him. There’s no reason to think he’d bring a partner to meet you or your parents when he didn’t have a relationship with any of you. “Hi, these are people you’re not going to see again.” I mean, what would be the point?

You haven’t been a part of each other’s lives for a long time. Let go of your expectations. Let go of who he used to be, and get to know who he actually is now.

Bluebelle, I have heard that sometimes people will put these sort of messages on websites literally to find out how people will react.

JudyBloom

Bluebelle, I have heard that sometimes people will put these sort of messages on websites literally to find out how people will react.

Where have you "heard" this? What do you mean by "this sort" of post?
I assume you've read the OP's earlier response where she's said how unwelcome she has been made to feel?

As he's been meeting his parents (possibly the OP too) regularly for a few years, yes you would think there was a probability he'd mention, if not introduce, a girlfriend or partner.

Icr123 I don't know if you know of Mumsnet but if you post there you will probably get a wider range of replies. Most younger people have had experience of mental health conditions and neurodiverse people through a much broader spectrum in education. I've seen that in my children, the cane has been replaced by support and understanding!

Some of my husband's family are like yours - highly strung, not very communicative, people who have been single all their lives and very private. There is a sense in the family of not speaking about emotional life, almost being afraid of it, I don't know how he managed to escape! Ha, ha.

Good luck with the counselling, you need to decide what it is you're looking for in your relationship with your brother and accept that you may only ever achieve part of it. Have you ever looked at your wider family /family history, sometimes there are clues to be found there relating to the present.

Notagranyet24 - thanks.

Yes I speak with my uncle - who has distanced himself for years. He only lives 10 miles away. My mum rings him but never pays him a visit. I find this interesting.

My other uncle died (mums brother again). They didn’t get an invite to funeral.

Just odd.

You speak with your uncle ….but I thought we were talking about your brother? Where does your uncle come into the equation ?
There really is nothing to understand you have ALWAYS been part of an uninvolved, uncommunicative, fractured family I don’t understand what you find odd
I find it odd that you didn’t speak to your brother for 25 years and then wonder if he has now or has had a relationship He’s a stranger to you Icr why would you know
Its really little different to you not knowing if I have a relationship or not !

BlueBelle - Err, I’m speaking about my uncle as the person I was replying to (via their name) asked me about my wider family?

Is an uncle not classed as wider family?

I have nothing to say that is of help to you but what i do want to say is I am sorry you have had negative comments in reply to your thread. Don't let it stop you from future posting, just filter through the negative to reach the positive.

Thoughts with you.

Serendipity22 - it’s fine. I’ve posted here before and got met with similar comments, so not a huge surprise. It just seems that kind of place. Thanks for your words.

But icr you’re posting an impossible situation to answer That’s not being nasty at all it’s fact
I don’t really understand what can be said to help you
You don’t have a relationship (it appears) with any of your family apart from an uncle that you speak to, but you want a bunch of strangers to help you know whether your brother has or does have a relationship Why does it matter whether he does or doesn’t, he isn’t in your life is he ?
If you just want an answer to ‘does our childhood impinge on our adulthood’ …then yes of course it does

Ok thanks

I hope you're ok. I don't understand why people spew negativity.

I am sorry that some of the comments have been less than helpful. I get it, it’s human nature to wonder.

I have a cousin, well into her 70s. Sadly, she is now living with dementia, but to my knowledge she has never had a partner or relationship. She was bright, very dry, close to her family and had a very responsible career. Obviously, none of us ever broached the subject, but I think it’s only human nature to wonder. Whenever the issue crossed my brain I would remind myself that it was none of my business and move on mentally. I think the difference was that she had a full and interesting life, so we felt that whatever the situation was, it was probably a conscious choice on her behalf.

From your post I sense that you are concerned about your brother and that is your motivation for asking the question. I think that is a somewhat different situation. It does sound possible that he could be on the autistic spectrum, but there could be so many other things going on for him.

Given that he is very private, I don’t think that it would be a very good idea to broach the subject directly and he is of course, entitled to his privacy anyway.

Perhaps instead you could reach out to him and say something along the lines of, “I know we had a difficult start in life, the older I get, the more I appreciate the importance of those around us. I would love to spend some time with you and get to know you a bit better. I have been in counselling and it’s helped, but it would really help to talk to someone who understood my background.”

It might not work, but it’s worth a try?” Good luck in both your personal journey and in building a better relationship with your brother.

Some people are just aesexual .
I have known a few .
They seemed well adjusted ,but not interested in the opposite sex .
Occasionally, they are odd in other ways .
I'm thinking of an uncle , who lived in his sister's garden shed !
Poor man .
The sister used to do his laundry and provide meals for him .
In all my visits , I never actually saw him .

Is he happy though? If he is, I'd stop worrying and leave well alone - for your own sake. Some people just seem 'different' i.e. are possibly neurodiverse, but living quite happily with that.

Mamma66

I am sorry that some of the comments have been less than helpful. I get it, it’s human nature to wonder.

I have a cousin, well into her 70s. Sadly, she is now living with dementia, but to my knowledge she has never had a partner or relationship. She was bright, very dry, close to her family and had a very responsible career. Obviously, none of us ever broached the subject, but I think it’s only human nature to wonder. Whenever the issue crossed my brain I would remind myself that it was none of my business and move on mentally. I think the difference was that she had a full and interesting life, so we felt that whatever the situation was, it was probably a conscious choice on her behalf.

From your post I sense that you are concerned about your brother and that is your motivation for asking the question. I think that is a somewhat different situation. It does sound possible that he could be on the autistic spectrum, but there could be so many other things going on for him.

Given that he is very private, I don’t think that it would be a very good idea to broach the subject directly and he is of course, entitled to his privacy anyway.

Perhaps instead you could reach out to him and say something along the lines of, “I know we had a difficult start in life, the older I get, the more I appreciate the importance of those around us. I would love to spend some time with you and get to know you a bit better. I have been in counselling and it’s helped, but it would really help to talk to someone who understood my background.”

It might not work, but it’s worth a try?” Good luck in both your personal journey and in building a better relationship with your brother.

Yes that. If he's just private, but is happy, then once you've tried to chat with him, I'd just leave well alone.

It still doesn't matter

No one should be asking their brother "Why haven't you got a partner? Are you gay? A sexual? Hiding one from your family?”

No one should be asking any of that about any other human beings really.

That information is theirs to tell if and when they want to.

No amount of speculation is going to give OP any sort of clarity... This thread is all just gossip...

It may be his nature to wonder but would you expect complete strangers on here to know if and why ? I just find that bit a very strange expectation

One of my favorite pieces of advice:

”Don't forget to drink plenty of water and mind your own business today!”

VioletSky

It still doesn't matter

No one should be asking their brother "Why haven't you got a partner? Are you gay? A sexual? Hiding one from your family?”

No one should be asking any of that about any other human beings really.

That information is theirs to tell if and when they want to.

No amount of speculation is going to give OP any sort of clarity... This thread is all just gossip...

VS I agree

Noone is asking her brother why he's single. My response was not gossip.

Some pretty mean responses from people here. Thank goodness there are people who will try to engage instead of lecturing. You were brought up in an odd family and probably want to understand how it affected you and your brother and if things could have been different, I know I have thought before “what if”. In your case you have childhood trauma of some kind and are seeking to work it out, nothing wrong with that. I always think that your siblings are the only people who had the same or similar experiences to you and most of us are close because of that. Perhaps it works both ways. I wish you well in trying to interpret your past, I’m not sure why people assume such bad motives for your questions.