Support and friendship For Those Estranged

Been a hectic couple of days and a roller coaster of emotions.
A lovely service at the crematorium, a Humanist celebrant read out the desiderata and gave a touching tribute, my friend's DD read out a poem 'Do not stand at my grave and weep'. Photos of my friend and all of us back in the day as well as more recently played on a screen the whole time. Two songs were played. Louis Armstrong singing 'what a wonderful world' and 'I've had the time of my life' from Dirty Dancing. We all wore colourful clothes as requested.
Very much a celebration, if a tearful one.
Her DH held up well but was flagging at the wake held at the daughter's house, so we took him home and stayed with him until his daughter came after the wake. We just chatted about the old days, good memories, lots to laugh and cry about.
Their estranged daughter didn't show up thank goodness, but the other daughter confided in us that her father is conflicted, feels that he should maybe have tried to contact her so that she could have been with her mother at the end.
But the estranged daughter knew her mother was dying, it was her choice to stay away, and if she didn't we all know that there was a good chance this would not have ended well. Obviously her DH has a long and painful journey ahead of him. Will stay until tomorrow then say our goodbyes.
Hope you are all well.
Take care xx

Good news DL that your life is slowly coming together, keep moving forwards.
Your posts always show such strength of character.

DiamondLily those 18 months have flown by. Your grief has been masked to an extent due to other family problems. But now is the time for you . Your ex is ex because he wasn't what you wanted or needed. Hope he gets the message soon to sod off.

Your husband was your other half of yourself and you need time to grief without everyone else's dramas. Time for me time. You don't need counselling or mediation just talking to someone going through the same thing is the best way as only they know how you feel.

Put yourself first for once and there is nothing you can do if your ex estranges your children again it's his choice. It's your time for you without that hanging over your head. 🌹

Babs glad the funeral was a celebration of your friends life sad and happy at the same time. But what memories she has left and the love she shared with others and those that will always love her.

Glad her estranged daughter didn't go as it would have made the day worse for everyone.

My son will never know when I die as there is no need for him to know . He had choose his path hope he is happy . But can see it hitting curves as my grandsons age my eldest grandson will be 8 next month his brothers are 6 and 4. I know how many questions my daughter's 6.5 year old asks me now about his grandad and great grandparents as my daughter talked to him about her dad and nan and grandad. So can only imagine what a 8 year old will ask.

Sorry veered of your friends funeral Babs . Think you said you are staying a few extra days hope you both have a good time .

Then will it be back to new home hunting I hope you find something you both like and get a buyer that goes through with the purchase of your home. 🌹

Hello DL nice to see your post, good to hear you have sorted everything out and can now get some 'me' time. I'm with you re counseling & meds. Oh, dear re your ex, if he is anything like my ex; he can be sweet as pie one minute and then turn and be nasty the next, if things don't go as he'd like, lucky for me he lives in Indonesia, but his emails, when he's had a bottle or 2 can be awful, I keep right away.

Babs good to hear all went well yesterday. The estD will surely never forgive herself when she learns her mum has already died, maybe she didn't believe she was so ill and maybe thought it was a trick to get her to get in contact!

Morning everyone.

How lovely to see your post DL; we've missed you. I had to read the part of your post about your ex wanting to 'air brush' out the life you had with your DH so you could pickup with him where you left off, because I couldn't comprehend what I was reading .

It's good to know that your life is settling down, that all the stress and worry created by Miss D. has been sorted and you no longer have to deal with your estranged step children.

As Bridie has posted, your life is gradually coming together again, and your strength of character shines through in your posts.

Pleased the funeral went well Babs. I hope her husband is able to put aside any guilt/regret he's feeling about their estranged D not being with his wife at the end. She knew her mother was dying and made her choice not to try and initiate contact.

Better for all in attendance that she wasn't at the funeral. IMO there is no place for the EAC at the funeral of the parent(s) they estranged.

It will be hard saying your goodbyes tomorrow; have a safe journey home .

You must be relieved your ex is in another country Yogin and even more pleased that he's your ex.

Feeling a little irritated. Our buyer has signed the contract as have we and we were asked if we had a preference for the completion date of 4th or 11th of October, which we don't. We then received a text yesterday from our buyer asking if they could have a key to begin moving things in.

Our immediate response was no but we contacted our solicitor for advice who strongly recommended we refuse. Having said we've been advised not to do so, we've had another text this morning saying they understand but there's not going to be a lot of time on the day.

Well there never is is there, and at least they wont be waiting for us to get everything out on the day because the house will be completely empty. The last items we're giving to my friends brother are being collected for storage on Monday, so that will be the last time we'll be in the house; still can't quite believe it.

Hi Smiles
Yes, I am relieved my ex lives overseas, there was talk about him coming back, now he's retired & divorced, but money issues are keeping him there at the moment, long may that be.

New chapter for you & Mr.S, and although it sounds ok to let the buyers move in before the exchange, it's best to listen to your solicitor.

Smiles until completion date when the money goes to your solicitor you still own the house . Signing the contacts is for exchange only . But means they can't back out of the sale.
Glad you asked your solicitor for advice . Only when the money is with your solicitor can the new people move in whether that's 9am or 3pm they won't be able to get the keys .

My completion on my house and bungalow didn't happen until 3pm which didn't please my buyers but they should have got there solicitor to transfer the money sooner. Didn't please the buyer of their house as their solicitor wouldn't except the money from his solicitor until then.

Thankfully never moving again . Love it here to much. Finally finished my cross stitch owls last night . Only took 3 months . Altered the chart as I wanted to do it on haunted moon Aida and not white. As I am happy with my cross stitch. Here it is .

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202409/medium-395659-img-20240920-202605694.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202409/medium-533878-img-20240920-202533020.jpg

Forgot the pictures the one in the frame is out of the magazine. And the other mine.

Thanks for your messages, I finally feel that I’m getting back to the land of the living, although some days are still pretty awful.

My ex, to be fair, was never abusive, he didn’t drink, gamble, smile, use any sort of violence etc. Especially against me lol 😉

He’s just one of these permanently whiny, needy people, blaming everything and everyone else when things go wrong. I can’t handle people like that very well. Life’s about what you make of it, even when things do go wrong, and I’m not constantly going to fester about past wrongs by people.

We both should have married different people - he needed someone gentler than me, and I needed someone stronger than him. I was 18 when we got married and I didn’t have the sense to know that. But, we made it last for 28 years, until the ACs had left - and then I left lol I just wanted more out of life.

I moved on, he didn’t.🤷‍♀️.

I am not going back making the same mistake - he’s still whiny, and needy, and I’m still gung-ho with life. We’d just be repeating the past.

Anyway, I still can’t forgive him for estranging our children for 10 years - and him doing it again still sits there as a silent threat. He knows what buttons to press with me lol

Anyway, I don’t want anyone else in my life.🙄

I’m happy enough just trundling through things. I’ve got the family and friends etc

Anyway, thought I’d thank you, and hope everyone’s doing ok.💐

Smoke, not smile, although he didn’t do much smiling either lol 😉

@whiff thanks for positive words as always, much appreciated. Just got back and are enjoying the last of the sunny weather in the garden. And am back on the property trail, one thing the death of someone close to you teaches you is that life has to be lived in memory of those who didn’t get the chance to live it. Seize the day!
@smileless you were right, saying goodbye was tough but have pencilled in a visit from my friends DH end of November, am going my other good friend can come too so he doesn’t feel too bad about coming alone this time. Would have stayed longer but DH’s sis, who lost her DH several years ago, is taking him back to her cottage in Cumbria, she is a strong northern matriarch so will certainly take him under her wing for now.
@Yogi am not sure the estranged daughter thought it was a ruse to lure her back to her parents, but then again who knows how the minds of our estranged children work?
Not sure how she will live with the knowledge that her mother is now dead and she will never see her again, most of us would feel wracked with guilt, but again, who knows? They certainly wouldn’t estrange parents for so many years unless they could justify it 😔

@DiamondLily,
Good to hear from you.
You sound like a strong and no nonsense person, probably down to the fact that you have had to be. Sorry life has been so difficult for you up to now but glad to hear that you are taking life by the horns.
Take care xx

Whiff

Forgot the pictures the one in the frame is out of the magazine. And the other mine.

What a beautiful picture Whiff.
Can we get our orders in??
Especially like the fact you included the moon in your pic, so in my opinion yours is better.
And this is using gel?
Well done xx

Babs03

@DiamondLily,
Good to hear from you.
You sound like a strong and no nonsense person, probably down to the fact that you have had to be. Sorry life has been so difficult for you up to now but glad to hear that you are taking life by the horns.
Take care xx

Thanks. 🙂. Yes, life does as it does, and sometimes you just need to deal with it, in the best way for you.

Yeah, I’m getting there - there’s no alternative really. 🤷‍♀️. Hard work at times though lol

Sorry to hear about your friend. 💐

My owls are cross stitch all 20,636 little crosses plus the back stitch..

I framed my gel printing for the exhibition today only 3 will probably go in depends on how many others want to submit and how they are spaced . We are supposed to give them names . To pretensious for me so just use numbers .

So glad you framed these, they look the business. Have parted with good money at craft fairs for stuff like this. So these are done with gel and your owls are cross stitch.
How did you find out about classes?
When we move will be near Brighton so imagine there must be classes there, did you just google it??
X

Babs the Brain Charity has a lot of activities everyday. Our council runs some classes mainly nutrition and diet and active ageing sit fit classes. Local libraries have lists of activities my library has 11 different activities. Local church all have various clubs from choir to knit and natter or just social groups plus exercise classes. Also local community centres have.various classes and colleges which are either free or don't cost much.

My sit fit classe.is £5, my gel printing was free so is my craft group.

Thanx.
✅

DL I married for love at 19. We were happy so I thought but he didn't like being tied to the children, when he left he didn't bother seeing or maintaining them. Then years later I met the love of my life, who loved me as I am, I wasn't looking to wed again, quite happy on my own and I had built up a career, but it was for both of us love at first sight and it stayed that way until he died too soon. Never want anyone else if I can't have him. I don't regret being married the first time as these experiences make us what we are and we were happy for a long time I just didn't love him enough. That time on my own told me what I'm made of and capable of. It's still early days for you and you cope well, you will alwats gave your moments when it's too much as I do, but you will bounce back back, we have to. We can't be with people that bring us down its a waste of time and energy, let them get on with it.
Whiff, your jel paintings are lovely, you have unleashed the artist in yourself. The yellow one is particularly good, pity you can't have it made into wrapping paper, your own brand.Just don't call it a Whiff.

Whiff

Forgot the pictures the one in the frame is out of the magazine. And the other mine.

Very good Whiff you're very talented.

Hope everyone is well, we felt ropy over the weekend, nothing specific and thought it was because of being emotionally drained aft the funeral, then our good friend whom we stayed with rang to say she has covid, we did the test and of course we have it too.
Am imagining quite a few people at the funeral will now have come down with it, my friend said she rang my departed friend’s DH and he hasn’t got any symptoms.
Will probs be in and out of bed today. The trouble with covid is it is always there,unlike other seasonal viruses.
My DH is of course getting it worse than I do 😂

Just hope we get negative readings before our few days away in Bath next week x

Allsorts I have smelt some scented papers and they should have been called Whiff they where awful. Love is an emotion we have no control over there is no rhythm or reason who we love it just happens . But you did find the other half of yourself and there is no love more precious than that love . That's why it hurts so much when they die . And why we lose half of ourselves . Our present and future dies with them and it's hard making a new present and future without them . Then add estrangement on top of the grief we are feeling but those who estrange us still live . But the grief we feel for our true loves far out weighs the living grief we feel. Well that's how I feel.

I don't feel the overwhelming grief for my son and grandsons that I feel for my husband. That grief is with me everyday and gets worse as the years go by. But the living grief for my son and grandsons gets easier .

Babs sorry you both have covid a friend of mine had it a couple of weeks ago after going to dinner with friends they all got it . Even thought she'd had it before this time it really floored her . But like flu it mutants. She was worried about her holiday but luckily was clear after a week and now enjoying herself in the sun for 2 weeks.

Already got my flu jab booked and as soon as I can book my covid I will get it done . Had pneumonia one last year so don't need that again .

Yogin thank you cross stitch is my addiction. Only time my hands don't tremble no idea why. Because it's slow I just relax doing it and can still watch TV at the same time . Mind you I was lucky last week made myself an instant hot chocolate and my hands let go it went all over the carpet into my sewing box all over my side tablet but luckily it missed my cross stitch. Thank goodness for Dr Beckman . That's why I had a light grey carpet so I could see any stains.

Going to get soaked going to sit fit class this afternoon. Autumn is definitely here. Take care all.