Looking back, I feel like I did quite a lot.
I initially booked myself into therapy, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and felt like I was going crazy. The therapist said they couldn't help me, I wasn't displaying any harmful behaviours or symptoms. The therapist said that the problem was not me but my family and recommended counselling.
Then I saw an article about gaslighting at random. I'd never heard of it until then but discovered that gaslighting is a common trait with abusive people (happy to help if anyone hasn't heard of it). Then I googled "gaslighting mother" and finally saw my mother outlined in terms of abusive behaviour.
I went to counselling for quite some time, where we discussed my relationships with family members and different impacts from my mother. I read quite a lot of books on the subject. I very carefully looked into the impact my childhood could have had on my own parenting and what behaviours I had "normalised" that actually weren't ok
I looked into what I could do to address some of the ways I had been unsupported as a child which led to me going back to college in my 40s. My training to become an emotional support teaching assistant also taught me so much about what children in general as well as myself deserve in terms of good parenting. This led to my absolute dream job and I finally found my place in life where I fit.
There were wobbles along the way, I ended up severely hyperthyroid which had a massive impact on my brain and body until I was finally diagnosed with Graves Disease. That was a dark period of depression and anxiety where I struggled again to cope with guilt and my own self worth.
I don't think it is ever over is it really? Looking for the best version of yourself? Growing and changing and learning how to always be accountable and responsible for yourself?
What did you actively do to heal yourself?
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