Estrangers and their 'entitled' expectations

I'm sure that's true for most who have estranged Sara and true for those of us who have been estranged, but we just have to make the most of what we have and the people in our lives who do love us.

Sara1954

Please don’t assume that every adult woman who estranges her mother does it without very good reason, and don’t assume that this adult woman has any interest whatsoever in an inheritance.
Honestly, to suggest it’s a ‘trend’ is ridiculous, do you imagine it’s done lightly? Do you think that it’s just a whim?
It normally happens after years of difficulties, and inheritance is the last thing on your mind.

Agreed

Unfortunately for every Adult child who is No Contact with a parent I have met one that uses Low Contact instead. Sometimes they are in the same family.

Those children will be in the will and their parents will never know they were kept at arms length either by avoiding them or by distance

I've never actually met an estranged child who expected something from the will and never seen any of us here say they expect it

So OP would do a kindness by remembering this is a shared space when posting

sassysayso feels that depriving someone of an inheritance means a chance lost to prove that the child is loved.

She speaks of people on their deathbeds who may well regret not leaving anything.

Well they wont know unless their AC tell them why they're being kept at arms length via avoidance of distance, and how do you or they know that they will be in their parents will?

MissAdventure

sassysayso feels that depriving someone of an inheritance means a chance lost to prove that the child is loved.

She speaks of people on their deathbeds who may well regret not leaving anything.

That's not the same as an expectation is it?

A lot of people say that on relevant threads, no idea if they are actually estranged or if they understand what it is like to be estranged

I will miss out on every inheritance where my family estranged me for not wanting a relationship with my mother... Because I chose not to hurt the family with how she treated me and all the awful things she said about them.

I chose to walk away from my family, of course I expect nothing...

If something came my way regardless, it would just be spent on my children and I would ensure I gained nothing from it that would leave me any guilt

There have been examples on GN from a relative of an EAC expecting to inherit, and from relatives of those who were very low contact with the family member now deceased expecting to be acknowledged in the will..

There is nothing unkind if that's what you're suggesting, about the OP VS. It does happen and those who are estranged and have stated they would not want to be a beneficiary have been heard.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't springs to mind MissA. I've seen posts in the past suggesting that leaving an inheritance is akin to a 'guilt trip' and 'control' and that not doing so is a final act of anger, revenge and/or spite and tells the EAC they were never loved.

Best to do what you are comfortable with.

Yes, as every situation and the people in it are different.

Everyone should do what they decide is best for their own well being and peace of mind.

Smileless

Estranged children not on this forum do not count when I am asking that someone is mindful there are estranged children here

I have not said anyone was unkind. I said it would be a kindness to remember this is a shared space...

Let's keep this a positive thread, I understand this is a tough subject for you but we don't need to let that become an issue or a disagreement

What on earth do you mean?
Do what you feel is right for you hardly warrants your response, violet

1

Sorry I have no idea what you mean, VS is what Smileless calls me (I do really prefer my name Violet) so I was responding to the part that was to me MissA

Everyone knows there are both EP's and EAC on this forum VS.

This isn't a tough subject for me and my estrangement status has nothing to do with issues or disagreements. The subject matter itself is an issue ie an important topic or problem for debate and discussion, and disagreeing with other people's point of view is the nature of discussion and debate.

We took the decision to disinherit our ES sometime ago and are more than comfortable with what we have done.

Smileless we cannot disagree with what people actually said

I said it would be a kindness and I haven't called anyone unkind

We have a lot of new posters recently so they may not know this is a shared space posting, it's quite unusual but also I think, something to be treasured and those of us who have posted here for years together should be able to look out for eachother in that sense and ensure people know all are welcome here and the support thread

I have no idea what your point is VS or why you felt the need to refer to kindness when there hasn't been any unkindness, just disagreement. Saying it would be a kindness ..... in relation to the OP suggests that the OP is in someway unkind.

Of course we can disagree with what people say, you and I disagree with what one another say all the time.

MissAdventure

sassysayso feels that depriving someone of an inheritance means a chance lost to prove that the child is loved.

She speaks of people on their deathbeds who may well regret not leaving anything.

I certainly had no expectation or feelings of entitlement that I was due an inheritance.

Regarding the second point, I could discuss this further but it is very personal and private and don't wish to elaborate.

Smileless2012

I have no idea what your point is VS or why you felt the need to refer to kindness when there hasn't been any unkindness, just disagreement. Saying it would be a kindness ..... in relation to the OP suggests that the OP is in someway unkind.

Of course we can disagree with what people say, you and I disagree with what one another say all the time.

A kindness

This is a favour or a means to help someone with something

It doesn't suggest anything else, I have now clarified this to you twice that I haven't called anyone unkind so I would appreciate if you could acknowledge that so we can move forward

We have no way of knowing what we may or may not regret when our time comes. Someone who disinherited the one who estranged them may regret it, someone who estranged may regret their decision.

I have explained to you that your post about kindness suggested to me that the OP, the original post was unkind VS and I stand by that.

I'm more than happy to move forward.

Expect what they want they will not get. Simple. Well said Smileless.

Smileless I don't understand why you would but ok

JaneJudge

a lot of estrangements are to do with abuse from either a parent or a child. I don't think money is a factor at all for most people

Money is a huge factor if financial abuse has caused the Estrangement and certainly influences any decisions re wills for the person who has been financially abused.

That's a good point Madgran.

The only thing that actually concerned me regarding my mothers money, was that she might leave me something and that would put me in a very awkward situation
I am now 100% sure that’s not going to happen, and I’m very glad.

I wouldn't expect you to explain, sassysayso, and I don't feel that you're entitled or grabby.

After needlessly going all around the houses, we are back to the original point.

Each person does what brings them peace of mind, in their particular circumstance, without having to explain to anybody else.