Broken hearted at estrangement

Do be careful for both your sake's Mandymoo. If you manage to find out where your son is I suggest that you write to him first. If he doesn't want to see you then turning up wont be good for either of you .

MandyMoo I'm so sorry and I understand, but I hope you'll take Smileless's advice and not just turn up unannounced. IF you do, you may find hes too shocked to react, but later gets angry that you caught him unawares.

As time goes on , I have no desire to contact "the source" and I have decided that Christmas is cancelled as far as they are concerned. The door is shut. If in future they want someone to pick at they can go to their (selfish, uncaring, useless and absent) father as HE is the one who deserves the abuse for dishing abuse out and wrecking the family as it was. I wash my hands of them and live in peace.

I did my GC's birthday earlier in the year and got no thanks , just rudeness. I'm done with rudeness and being estranged. My money will be better spent- on myself! Life is short and I plan to do what's good for me from now on.

PS, Standard Counselling advice: We cant change them, we can only change how we deal with them.

I like this poem, we have one wild and precious life. www.loc.gov/programs/poetry-and-literature/poet-laureate/poet-laureate-projects/poetry-180/all-poems/item/poetry-180-133/the-summer-day/

00opsidia

MandyMoo I'm so sorry and I understand, but I hope you'll take Smileless's advice and not just turn up unannounced. IF you do, you may find hes too shocked to react, but later gets angry that you caught him unawares.

As time goes on , I have no desire to contact "the source" and I have decided that Christmas is cancelled as far as they are concerned. The door is shut. If in future they want someone to pick at they can go to their (selfish, uncaring, useless and absent) father as HE is the one who deserves the abuse for dishing abuse out and wrecking the family as it was. I wash my hands of them and live in peace.

I did my GC's birthday earlier in the year and got no thanks , just rudeness. I'm done with rudeness and being estranged. My money will be better spent- on myself! Life is short and I plan to do what's good for me from now on.

Life is too short indeed.
Glad you have opted for a much calmer and peaceful life which will give you a chance to heal.
🌹

Lovely poem, and let’s all make the most of this one wild and precious life.
Xx

Thankyou Babs03. I still think about death a lot and am going to get tested for kidney failure too. I think maybe my body is packing up so I'll just do what pleases me from now on.

I won't give anyone room to abuse me anymore. I've had a lifetime of it. Thankyou xx

A beautiful poem. Don’t let anyone suck the joy out of you.

Estrangement. It's all such a waste.

Yesterday we went to a gorgeous country pub and watched the fireworks. I had Mulled Wine. Very nice. (We havent been to fireworks since we were allowed to see our Grandkids, so it's often felt sad that we weren't doing anything.)

Fortunately this was predominantly adults of all ages, many single and many without children. It was such a relief to do something fun and move on in this way. Time to make new traditions and find new ways to do nice things at Christmas, next.

Making new memories with my husband, just us. Learning that we can celebrate being us together and celebrate there not being any toxicity present. Life is precious and it's better without toxicity.

I remember many fun fireworks evenings we had when the kids were little, which they loved. But they can make their own memories now, too - and we all move on.

Making new memories with my husband, just us. Learning that we can celebrate being us together and celebrate there not being any toxicity present. Life is precious and it's better without toxicity it certainly is 00opsidia and you and
Mr. 00ps sound just like me and Mr. S..

00opsidia

PS, Standard Counselling advice: We cant change them, we can only change how we deal with them.

I like this poem, we have one wild and precious life. www.loc.gov/programs/poetry-and-literature/poet-laureate/poet-laureate-projects/poetry-180/all-poems/item/poetry-180-133/the-summer-day/

True mindfulness.. it is so healing

Yes Smileless we are getting on with it now. Fireworks night was a turning point.
It's freeing that I haven't done a thing for Christmas yet. Always used to make so much effort for them all, but it was time consuming and tiring and the efforts were never reciprocated so we will definitely enjoy a simpler Christmas without them.

They do not appreciate us, so we will appreciate each other and what we do have. Last year I sent gifts. This year I will not as I got silence in return. I'm not going to be the one making all the effort and getting abuse or silence in return, anymore. I have strength in that and spending time with friends who are the family we choose for ourselves.

People who make you feel stronger and more positive are like gems and the older I get, I just want to be surrounded by kind people. I do not care if we are related or not.

It's so good to see how far you have come 00opsidia .

Being free of the burden to keep on trying and to keep reaching out regardless of the personal cost is empowering and when it happens, you can almost feel the weight being lifted off you.

I can see a happy, peaceful and stress free Christmas waiting for you this year x.

00opisdia lovely see the up beat messages from you . I hope your health problems you mentioned in your first posts on page one got sorted out and you have treatment if it was needed.

Getting abuse and silence is why I never sent any cards or gifts after August 2020. And why I decided last autumn to give up hope of every seeing or hearing from my son ever again . Still miss him and my 3 grandson's. But my decision means it doesn't hurt me anyone . And very happy I got to that stage . We all have to reach the stage when we say enough is enough. Just takes people different times .

Make lots of lovely memories with your darling husband. Friends are the people we choose to care about and love . Like you say better than some family .💐

00opsidia

Nice to see you’re getting on with life, and finding your happy times with your DH.

Always wisest not to let others rule your happiness.

Best wishes💐

00opsidia

Yes Smileless we are getting on with it now. Fireworks night was a turning point.
It's freeing that I haven't done a thing for Christmas yet. Always used to make so much effort for them all, but it was time consuming and tiring and the efforts were never reciprocated so we will definitely enjoy a simpler Christmas without them.

They do not appreciate us, so we will appreciate each other and what we do have. Last year I sent gifts. This year I will not as I got silence in return. I'm not going to be the one making all the effort and getting abuse or silence in return, anymore. I have strength in that and spending time with friends who are the family we choose for ourselves.

People who make you feel stronger and more positive are like gems and the older I get, I just want to be surrounded by kind people. I do not care if we are related or not.

So glad you have decided to put your own well-being first, just try to focus on recovering from what sounded like a harrowing episode health wise.
You are your own best friend, so be kind to yourself and relax.
Take care 🌹

my brother battered my mother 25 years ago and has not had contact since then, my sister wanted a holiday and mum would not pay so she went no contact with my mum, i will be the one to tell them when she dies and the funeral is over, i will also be the executor of the will and they are both set to get money, something i don't care about but they do, i intend to hold it as long as it is legal to do so, it might not seem fare but my mother said it was up to me. they have caused her so much pain and hurt, not being able to see her gc or ggc.

nexus63

my brother battered my mother 25 years ago and has not had contact since then, my sister wanted a holiday and mum would not pay so she went no contact with my mum, i will be the one to tell them when she dies and the funeral is over, i will also be the executor of the will and they are both set to get money, something i don't care about but they do, i intend to hold it as long as it is legal to do so, it might not seem fare but my mother said it was up to me. they have caused her so much pain and hurt, not being able to see her gc or ggc.

Thank goodness she has one loving daughter Nexus...

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If you have never put a foot wrong and are perfection personified, maybe then you can judge that what you don't know. I don't think anyone should give an opinion not asked for.

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Oops, glad you and your husband are getting in with life. I love fireworks, I watch them from my window but know animals are frightened so wish it were one day.

jodapo
my mum wanted to talk to her son about his child being sexually abused and my sister thought she was quids in because my mum had just been widowed 2 weeks before. no parent is perfect and if we are being honest and have children then we all know we have made mistakes, my brother worked in social work and my sister has never worked and is now 50, she has a disabled child and my mum has bought everything he needs costing her thousands of pounds. are you a mother and are you perfect and never made a mistake.

Jodapo
That is victim blaming and not on.
Are you saying every son daughter that goes wrong it is the fault of the parents?
Where is their own responsibility?
And why do you blame only the mother.
What about father.
Your post sounds misogynistic.