Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Spring20

Hi to everyone- good to see the sense of humour persists! Enjoy reading the posts when have time to catch up. Sad day this week. A friend’s EC has died and the family have said they are not to go to the funeral. Legally anyone could go but my friend doesn’t want to cause any upset so will watch it with them via a live link. Will be very hard but am mentioning this as it could happen to any of us. Afterwards the plan is to go for a meal and we will raise a glass to celebrate the life of the EC. Just about the only positive is that it brings closure for my friend….or maybe not? Even when we realise is no hope of a reconciliation, perhaps some part of us still longs for this, until it becomes impossible. But today am simply sitting with the thought that in a tough world is so sad people knowingly hurt others. Both big picture (wars) and in families. What does it take for kindness/compassion/forgiveness to win…

Perhaps they could have a quiet little gathering somewhere, and just remember what was.

I don't know, just a thought.

Very sad though. 💐

Oh Spring how very sad.

We wouldn't want to attend our ES's funeral or watch via a live link. Goodness, I can't think of anything worse TBH. I hope your friend will be alright; presumably she's talked all of this through with someone.

There's so much pain and sadness in the world, it's such a waste when family members inflict it on one another too.

Spring20

Hi to everyone- good to see the sense of humour persists! Enjoy reading the posts when have time to catch up. Sad day this week. A friend’s EC has died and the family have said they are not to go to the funeral. Legally anyone could go but my friend doesn’t want to cause any upset so will watch it with them via a live link. Will be very hard but am mentioning this as it could happen to any of us. Afterwards the plan is to go for a meal and we will raise a glass to celebrate the life of the EC. Just about the only positive is that it brings closure for my friend….or maybe not? Even when we realise is no hope of a reconciliation, perhaps some part of us still longs for this, until it becomes impossible. But today am simply sitting with the thought that in a tough world is so sad people knowingly hurt others. Both big picture (wars) and in families. What does it take for kindness/compassion/forgiveness to win…

Very sad Spring, I had a very dear lifelong friend who died recently and she was estranged from her daughter for many years, the daughter didn't go to the hospice even though she knew her mum was dying of pancreatic cancer nor did she attend the funeral, my friend never said she wanted her estranged daughter to be there, perhaps she had made her peace with the knowledge that it wouldn't happen.
We really don't think our estranged daughter will reconcile with us before we shuffle off this mortal coil and have found a way of making our peace with that though of course we can't sometimes help wondering 'what if?'
Thing is it isn't in our gift to make this happen, and I suppose what your friend has to hold onto are the happier memories when her EC was with her, and who knows, perhaps at the end she did think of her mother and the love that never dies.
Thinking of your friend and yourself.
xx

My initial reaction was suggesting they don’t watch the live link. My friend agreed - but has now changed their mind. I suppose it’s the last ever opportunity to ‘engage’ with their EC. Tbh I am dreading it. Can only be very hard. I’m not expecting our EC to be at our funerals, but if they died first I really don’t know what I’d do. As others have said, very sad and important we make peace with what is now. Thanks everyone. I’ll post in a few days and give an update on how it went. Appreciate your kind thoughts.

That is so sad Spring. I absolutely cannot envisage that happening with my daughter and I hope with all my heart I go first before my children. I am old now and she doesn't want to reconcile and have accepted that. That poor family so broken and for what, so much hurt and bitterness. We can only keep trying until the message does sink in, they don’t care about us. To ban her own parents seems so bitter.

Happy Birthday to Mr.S, we already spoke about the date coincidences, Mybe God had a hand in it!

My hand is all healed now, thank you, scabbed over. The body can heal itself given time, especially with the threat of a 6 hour wait in A&E. No blood thinners, pleased to report I am on no medication what so ever and my blood was thick and deep red, take it that's good .

Hope you Migraine has all gone Sparkly

Yes, I tried coming on here yesterday DL but gave up in the end.

Thanks for that Sparkly I've put it in my calendar. My s.i.l always took her cat on holiday in her motor home, had a little harness, very cute.

Spring so very sorry to hear about your friend's EC passing, awful situation for her for your friend.

A student of mine came back after about a month's absent, we have spoken a lot as she was downsizing just after I did and she was looking for the same as me [without the rotten neighbour, but got that too . Her D fiancée had cancer, being young, 28, you think he will recover in time, but she told me he had passed away, hence her absents.

Joey has his nice warm red sheep lined coat on, he looks lovely in it.

Spring I imagine, after a while, your friend will want to visit her estC grave . That will be painful beyond words.

Morning everyone.

It's a beautiful morning here, not a cloud in the lovely blue sky but SO cold. We did have snow yesterday but it soon disappeared. Thank goodness S managed to sort out how to dry only with my wm/dryer. The large tumble dryer is much better but at least I wont have to go out to the shed in bad weather to get washing dry.

I'd say that's very good Yogin, you'd be a real treat for a vampire . I'm glad your wound has healed over and you'll be glad that I wont be nagging you about it anymore .

He's such a handsome boy, I'm sure Joey would look lovely in anything; I know ours do.

It's not going to be easy Spring, far from it but it's good that she'll have friends there to support her. Strange isn't it how friends can provide the care, love and support that some family members are unable too.

That's very sad Babs. I've never understood why an EAC would want to attend their parent(s) funeral, it just smacks of hypocricy to me. I certainly wouldn't want our ES at mine or Mr. S's, not that he'd be there anyway.

Allsorts x

We decided to try a different restaurant last night and went to a Chinese. It looked lovely from the outside but when we walked in it was so cold. There were customers sitting at tables with their coats on!!! We were shown to a table but when we took our coats off we put them straight back on again, said it was too cold for us and left.

Thankfully we weren't far from the Thai we've been to before. You may remember me telling you about Mr. S. having the 'weeping tiger' which was a lot hotter than one he'd had elsewhere; the whites of his eyes were red.

He ordered it again last night, the young man remembered us so wasn't surprised when he said he wanted it to be mild rather than medium. It was the right decision as he really enjoyed it .

Morning all,
@yogi be careful with those knives in future, as I have found out several times myself when cutting and chopping, they can have a life of their own. Saw an ad on the telly the other night for some kind machete style knife for the kitchen, it looked nasty, my DH just looked at me and said ‘that isn’t going to be in your Xmas stocking’. I would probs lose a limb😂
@Smiles sounds like a good choice at the Thai restaurant. My DH can’t take hot food but likes a mild Thai curry, his favourite is a Thai chicken masaman.
@Allsorts, yes we have to accept that they don’t want us and probs never will. Their lives are so devoid of any memory of us I imagine it is as if we are already dead, and my daughter has actually told people this, so it is what it is. Sadly 😞
Hope you have got your milky coffee ready Sparkly is the weather for it, and nice to snuggle up with your adorable cats.
Busy today getting ready for friends this weekend, is the DH of my friend who recently died who is coming down with a good friend of ours, will be difficult, he is obviously feeling fragile, in days gone by we would all go into London to see a show and have a meal. This time will do things slightly differently, go for walks and have meals out locally, with a trip into London for lunch and a look round art galleries which he loves. Hopefully will be good for him to get away.
🌺🌷

Hello all. I have missed you . For future reference Yogin have you tried spray on plaster. Boots sell it . It's great once the worst of the bleeding is under control and guaranteed Joey will not like licking it . I am blood thinner and it's works on me. Plus I always keep plastic strips to close wounds.

Hello Whiff, we've missed you too. Didn't know about spray on plaster, sounds rather good so I'll get some in just in case.

That's what I had last night Babs it was delicious and is one of my favourites too.

Hey whiff great to have you back.
Hoping you have been kept busy with your creative efforts whilst absent. And keeping warm.
Is perishing here right now ❄️

Hello, Whiff - lovely to hear from you. 🙂

Yoga. Glad your hand is on the mend. How awful for thar student of yours to lose her fiancé so young and to cancer, just hope her new move turns out to be the right one. Puts my problems in the shade and I count my blessings
Lovely to see you back Whiff alongside your friends.

My favourite food Thai Smiles It's sort of between Indian & Chinese. Made me laugh about Mr.S too hot curry, reminding me of when my son insisted on a Madras [think that's the very hot one], my sister & I kept telling him it would be too hot for him to eat! He got it and then ended up eating some of my & my sisters meal

Babs hope it all goes well with your DF H visiting. Yes long walks and a home meal would be best. Whenever I read a poster saying about the estrangement and how our once beloved AC doesn't want us in their lives & doesn't care etc. It still breaks my heart to read it

Morning all,
Still perishing here, I think our next energy bill will make our eyes water, can’t wait to move somewhere smaller and easier to heat.
@Yogi thanks for kind words. Will be tricky this weekend am sure but looking forward to seeing old friends. And yes, is always sad to have our fears confirmed, that our estranged children really don’t care if we live or die, but our only wish was always that our children would be happy, and if cutting us off makes our grown daughter happy and able to live a good life so be it.
Acceptance helps us move on.
Have to say that as well as Thai I love Indian and Lebanese food. Oh and Turkish food too. Basically I love food. 😂

Thanks for that Whiff I'll look out for those; I certainly needed them as I was putting one plaster over the other and it was just soaking through.

Thank you Allsorts. Yes, really tragic, only 28yrs!

I've agreed to go to a 'Black Soul night' next Saturday with a friend, preceded by watching the Xmas lights being switched on. I've decided to say I'll give the lights a miss, as they are at 5pm and the club is at 7.30. But sitting here in the warm, I'm considering pulling out of the lot and just staying home; watching Strictly, with a G&T. I remember my dad always saying you have to push yourself out, otherwise you'll never go. My m&d went out a lot, but I'm a bit of a home loving girl, so my night out is a night in. I am out 3 evening per week anyway, with my teaching [before Covid it was 6 evenings]. My s.i.l feels the same way as me, as he does his carpentry job during the day m-f and then his entertaining at the w/e, so he loves a night in too.

So tragic.
Is all the wrong way round, children dying before their parents.
And we hear of younger people getting cancer so much more these days. Is scary.
A young paediatrician who has known one of my daughters since uni has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.
I mean why invest so much in senseless wars etc., when people are dying from these diseases?
There needs to be more money invested in research.
😣

Breaks my heart too Yogin and sometimes if there's a poster fearing estrangement, and I see that what's happening happened to us and others who ended up being estranged, my blood runs cold.

We met Mr. S.'s brother a couple of weeks ago for an Indian meal and I have no idea how he managed to eat his meal.
Mr. S. likes it hot, but tried one tiny morsel and choked!!!

Do go Yogin; wrap up warm and have a great time. You're dad was right and we've all had to push ourselves haven't we, to rebuild our lives and make the most of what we do have since being estranged.

That's our problem Babs; we just love food especially going out for meals. You'll be in my thoughts this weekend, it wont be easy but it's good to know that you'll be there by her side; a loving and caring friend.

We're heading out to do our weekly shop. It's another beautiful day here despite being really cold so we'll be wrapping up well and I'll be making my winter fashion statement with my ear muffs .

Well we watched the live link of the funeral of the EC of our dear friend with them. Was just 20 mins from the crem. I found it very sad, but it was well managed and all in all was a peaceful passing. There was a eulogy which focused mainly on their early life - a bit ironic as this was the stage of life my friend was there for. No mention at all of my friend. All in all though I think it was good to watch it, it has brought closure, and as my friend said, they aren’t left with questions about the funeral. The living bereavement has now become bereavement, which again ironically is easier for others to understand and for my friend to come to terms with. I guess it will take time to process but for now am just grateful the day passed calmly. We raised a glass afterwards to the EC, because as Babs said above, all we want is for our EC to be happy and for ourselves not to be eaten away by bitterness.

It sounds as if it was the right thing for your friend to do Spring. Whatever can bring her a little peace and comfort at such a difficult time is priceless.

The living bereavement has now become bereavement, which again ironically is easier for others to understand and for my friend to come to terms with this is so powerful Spring.

Had to start on page 16 as missed so much.
Yogin hope your plants are thriving. I recently had some Hellebores ,sedums ,poppies and a variegated plant which I have forgotten the name delivery. I rarely go to garden centres unless I go with my daughter so order my plants online and haven't had a dud yet. I always put variegated gravel on top of the soil if putting into planters so the squirrels wouldn't dig them up planting their nuts.

Hope you enjoy your pamper day with your daughter. When my daughter got married she booked me in for a manicure, she a mani and pedicure. I hated it . It was putting my hands into the hot waxy stuff that put me off.

Normally I hate having my feet touched but last week had the podiatrist come in. Had to admit been struggling to do my feet for at least a year . So been using my Scholl hard skin file to do my nails . As it's battery operated safe to use. As I clipped my skin with the nail clippers and being on blood thinners bled a lot . Good job always have plenty of plasters ,skin closer strips and spray on plaster in.
My feet felt like new so she is coming every month. And she's chatty .

If I don't write things down on my calendar I forget . Thursday going to to an event at the Brain Charity 4-7 I kept thinking it was Friday good job I checked on my calendar. Will pre book my taxi to fetch me as there is no way I am traveling home from the city at night on my own . But really looking forward to going and meeting new and old friends. Then craft group starts again the following week . Good job they have been having the roof done and the 4 offices they couldn't use because of water damage . Hopefully the awful weather hasn't delayed the work. But they did start beginning of this month

Allsorts moving by yourself is hard there is so much to do and can go wrong . For me moving gave me my life back and I found me again . After my husband died my home became a house he was my home . After the children left I rattled round the house . Had a gardener as my gardens to big for me to do and they where on 3 levels. But I couldn't move until the oldies died. I couldn't abandon them they needed me . When I did move before my son's estrangement both the children seem to forget I had 13 years with no back up it was down to me and while I appreciated the help especially my many visits to A&E, I was capable of doing and organising tradesmen etc myself. Thankfully thanks to my diagnosis's and on the correct medication no more trips to A&E since mid 2021.

Living my life to the full no longer just existing. I have to laugh at myself at times at what I have achieved since moving here and who I am now . Even what my son has done hasn't changed my joy of being here . This is my happy place and my home . Having that feeling of home is priceless only took me 15 years to get that feeling again .

All my Christmas presents where wrapped 3 weeks ago and those to be posted all packed ready to go. Most of my cards written just ones for my craft group and my gelli printing lot as we are meeting up for lunch before Christmas date to be arranged. Some of the gellies are in the craft group which is lovely .

It's my youngest grandsons birthday today they decided to go away on the spur of the moment not far and seeing Paddington today . My son in law has been away for work a lot this year so had several weekends away for quality family time . His 4 can still remember holding him when he was 4 days old. He's the only one I have seen regularly grow up both him and his brother grow every time I see them . My daughter asked if it was ok to pop round Monday morning but at GPs then sit fit on the afternoon so will see them Wednesday morning. He will have an extended birthday. His brother who will be 7 near end of January his presents all wrapped ready . He's mad on science so got him a subscription to a monthly science magazine my daughter says he likes. Be exciting for him to get it every month via post.

I gave up watching strictly couple of years ago and haven't watched the baking this year. But I do like pottery challenge,sewing bee and woodwork of the year . Can't wait until they start again . Did like the 2 series of the jewellery makers competition from the jewellery quarter in Brum.

My daughter has read all the Wolf hall books and likes the programmes but not my cup of tea . I don't mind blood and gore as some of the stuff I watch is rather gory. I like a lot of the Walter presents but can't read and cross stitch at the same time . I rarely watch anything live especially in the evening as after dinner I nod off some days and in bed before 10 sometimes as early as 8 .

Glad Mr S had a lovely birthday . I don't go to the pictures as it's to noisy but watch films on TV . Liked Gladiator with Russell Crowe I think I remember correctly Olive Reed died during the making of the film Anyway to finish the film with him in it they used some takes that weren't going to use.

I like binge watching series that way I don't forget what happened before .

DiamondLily glad your granddaughter was ok . Must have been frightening but the sea and weather can't be controlled.. But what a wonderful way to see the world . At my old house had mobile hairdresser her daughter was a entertainer on cruise ships and loved it. Whatever you do don't watch the tv series Wreck very gory. Channel 5 have a murder mystery series on my 5 set from a cruise ship but it's good and tame .

Just realised I was getting chilly hadn't put the heating on . It's 17.5° so it's on . Blowing a gale here anyway better get up.

I will be back . Bet you thought you had gone deaf without me rambling on 🤣