Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Sadly it seems estrangement is only ever viewed through the lense of the estranged AC, with blame planted squarely with the parents every time. Finding this thread was fantastic, I actually found estranged parents who actually understood what we were going through. It can be horribly isolating and depressing when you feel you are alone with your grief because many in society are quick to judge and to shame.
Only Esther Rantzen sympathised with estranged grandparents, however, that was now many years ago and obviously she is too ill to continue now.
On this thread though we know we are not alone and that our pain is felt by others. And is cruel for estranged ACs to attack this sanctuary as if they cannot even give us this much.
At the end of the day we know how much we loved and cared for our children. That is all that matters. And our estranged ACs also know how they ‘treated’ us.
Take care fellow estrangees 🌺🙏🏾

Babs a very good post. Says a lot about the people who come on here to cause mayhem, thank goodness HO are on to them.
I do at long last realise, its not me. I think I thought that it must have been as I had never come across an adult child just severing ties with their family. They are cowardly and selfish.Years later I miss the girl I had but not how she has become and its too late for us. Wish I had heard the Jeremy Vine radio programme on estrangement as I understand it was very good.

Hi Allsorts I agree about letting it go, I mean to not continue to contact our AC, send presents etc. I agree if our AC have set boundaries, said no, continue saying no, then sending or contacting will further p them off. Best at some point to let that part go.
I was sending a quarterly loving encouraging email to my AC, and in 2019 decided to stop.

Christmas approaches. A painful time. Last year I caught RSV so this year have booked a 30 minute care call for every other day until 2/1/25.

Morning everyone ☕️

Morning all,
Cold and frosty 🥶 today. Travelling back home after being with daughter and GS.
Seen a property we really love, the other one was sold, and now have an offer on ours again. This one has really lovely views of the South Downs, and is immaculate, so no work to do when we move. Will make an offer in next few days 🤞
@Sparkly we used to send loving letters and emails, but after abusive replies telling us to stop being controlling we gave up but continued with presents and cards for the GCs until this year.
The thing with being estranged is that we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t when it comes to our ACs, no doubt now we have stopped sending presents my AC will hold that against us as well.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

Allsorts you can listen on radio catch-up.

Babs I agree with you, d**ned if we do, etc.
And some people will and can twist anything if they are so minded.

Another book I’ve come across this week;

Lovely post Babs. I haven't sent anything to my son,daughter in law and 3 grandson's since August 2019 when everything came back unopened and the babies presents crushed. My son had put in a hand written note saying he didn't want my vindictive and manipulative behaviour anywhere near me or my family ever again zero contact.

I will never give him the pleasure of hurting me that way ever again. I do wish them happy birthday,happy Christmas etc to the air. I haven't done anything to warrant being treated this way. He's choice just hope his happy in his perfect world . But I know they are not perfect parents as no such thing . But I also know my grandsons are their world so have no worries about them . But I do wonder what my grandsons look like and miss them very much . But I will never let my son hurt me again. He isn't the son I had for 32 years but then again I am not the same mom he knew . My tolerance for bad behaviour is at zero.

Babs glad you have had an offer on your home and hopefully when you put in an offer for the new place it's accepted and everything goes through this time. But as you know until the contracts are exchanged nothing is certain . Fingers and toes crossed for you both .

Went to the Brain Charity annual celebration. Had a lovely evening and lots of lovely nibbles . Meet more new people. I don't know if I mentioned I had agreed to make a 90 seconds video about what the Brain Charity did for me and about HPX . It took a hour to do . And it was sent to me earlier in the week thought I would need to watch it through my fingers but I was pleased with it . Didn't sound to black country nor did I sound like an idiot. I was told it would be launched yesterday but I thought just on their website but it was shown to room full of people last evening. Had a shock seeing my name on the running order . But it was well received and congratulated plus people clapped. But I am proud of it and the camera man did a wonderful job editing it. Plus the woman who did the interview was lovely and told not to look at the camera which I didn't for the hour . Only looked at the cameraman when he wanted me to say something in a different way. Glad all the times I got my words jumbled up, and when I repeated myself where cut out .

Activities start again this week and am going to the Christmas concert on Friday it's 3. 15 to 5 so will be ok on the bus and train . Because of the weather yesterday went in by taxi . Had already pre booked my taxi home .

Going to post my parcels today and Christmas cards . And after lunch put up my tree . I put on the lights and breakable ornaments and my grandsons will decorate it after we have been to see Santa on Sunday.

Can't remember if I says my daughter and youngest grandson took me to a very large Sainsbury's that hadn't long opened on Wednesday. My grandson insisted on helping nannie with the trolley so he guided it but he's stronger and quicker than me and kept asking him to slow down. When his mom said leave nannie alone he said but I am helping . Not bad when a 4 year older is stronger than you 😁. We past a Dobbies garden centre and they had a giant Santa outside nearly as tall as the roof. On the way back it was leaning forward my grandson said he was tying his shoe laces . Back at mine he opened his birthday presents and card . He was 4 on Saturday they went away for the night and saw Paddington film on the Sunday. Must say I do like the Paddington films but only watch on TV. I couldn't go to a cinema now. But at least I understand why they always made me jittery or should I say anxious as I have seen found out its anxiety. Because it was so loud set my jerks off and being close to people made me startle and limbs stiffen . I just thought I was weird turns out I am normal for HPX .

Glad I put my stars in the front garden on Tuesday when the ground was soft and I remembered how to set the timer . Will be changing my door bell ring to the Christmas tune.

I don't buy chocolate adverts for the boys but for their parents . They just have an normal one . Their other grandparents buy chocolate ones. But I won't.

Can do some baking this week for craft group. Making it's not Bakewell tart. Sponge topping as our craft leader is allergic to nuts.

Hope you all keep wrapped if going out and warm at home .

Morning Whiff and all,
Sounds like you had a brilliant day...and star of screen too, pleased that went well...well done you, hope it helps others understand your condition.
Wish I lived near you, I would be a constant pop in neighbour to sample your lovely baking 🤣
Christmas is hard, your heart wants to do one thing , but your head says best not.
Hugs to DL and have a good weekend all .

Morning all
Whiff, fame at last!! So glad that the film footage turned out so well - I had no doubt - and was equally well received.
Sounds like your grandson had a fantastic birthday, I love Paddington but like you wait until it is on the telly. The same with most films. I used to like to go to the local cinema with friends but a couple have now passed a way and others have health problems so we just meet up for coffee and cake every so often. Tbh going to the cinema isn’t a social occasion anyway when you have to sit in the dark saying nothing.
Bridie, yes, Xmas is another occasion when we remember xmases before the estrangement, and what could have been. But that is the same with every bereavement. These moments show how much we loved them and how much we wish it could be different. But as with everything else we go through as estrangees we move on with our lives as best we can knowing that our ACs are doing likewise and probably without a fleeting thought for us.
Having a calm and peaceful Xmas is also a gift.
🌺❤️

I'm the same Babs & Whiff I wait till the film comes on the TV. Been a couple of times with friends a few years back and enjoyed it, but as you say, can't chat, so prefer a meal out or drinks.

Charming!

The posts should be left for all to see. If the posts were in the evening, then I would imagine a couple of empty bottles by the side, or maybe I'm wrong in thinking it must be evening!

Shame on you!

Or is it Wakybaky/Skunk? Whatever it is; not normal.

Oh dear, think Google needs to read your posts and consider if they want such a person in their company, I know I wouldn't.

How do you know what connections I or others on here have with Google? We all use Google, so all have conections!

Oh no, the posts should have been left, how come everything has gone, normally it says Post deleted but this time no trace .Can you tell us why GNHQ these posts have been delted in a different way, completely erased?

I think they are better totally erased Yogin, then at least the posters don't get anymore attention, that's why they post.

Oh no!
Have the trolls been out to play again.
Thought school doesn’t break up until December.
Some people seriously need to get out more and actually mix with real people.
😡

Bridie22

I think they are better totally erased Yogin, then at least the posters don't get anymore attention, that's why they post.

Very true x

It sounds like the trolls are back, horrible creatures. In away HO are ensuring our posts are not wrecked by them, they become anonymous of no importance which they are not.
. I listened to that interview and it summed up how I had felt for years, every day like a bereavement. Apparently there's sites on social media actively encouraging it, its all the parents fault, all life's problems are due to us, its like a disease. The fifty something daughter that has cut her mother off because of the negativity it bought her and didn't care what it did to her. She was an angry person and didn't sound as if she was barrel of laughs. The letter Joshua Coleman said to write, I did and I was informed it was laughable and she had put it in the bin where any others would go. The estrangee is devoid of empathy or love for us. Hearing that interview openly addressed has helped me.
Whiff your grandsons birthday sounds perfect. You seem to be having a lovely time and I would love to see your interview.

I wondered why your posts seemed not like you Yogin . Now I understand they where in reply to trolls which had been erased . Why do they get a hard on for the estrangement threads especially ones with estranged parents. A bunch of saddo's the lot of them .

There's been such a lot of unpleasantness Yogin the vast majority from banned posters. I think if the posts are from someone whose been banned, all trace is deleted.

I don't think a couple of empty bottles by the side has anything to do with it TBH.

I think you are right Smiles.
There is a ‘someone’ responsible for these attacks, or at the very least a ring leader.
🤔

I missed the troublemaking trolls again. Not that I need to read any negativity about my situation as an estranged gran and mum.
I wonder if we could share a weekly or bi weekly password, then we can check by DM we are who we say we are?

Just an idea to extra safeguard ourselves?

Would it be an idea for me to open an ‘Estrangement positivity; books on estrangement, documentaries and radio programs recommended’ and we can put things we find there?

If it would attract trouble then it’s a no no but just thinking.

Babs03 well done on getting an offer on your house..