Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

*Allsorts’ I go on Mumsnet to read threads, it’s annoying on there when sometimes posters suggest kick the DM or DMil out and even go NC.

I remember growing up in a town in rural Wales where all sides of the family were well family. Quirks were accepted. Disagreements kept away from all the children and young adults. All 4 DGP and 4 DGGP lived in the same town, with some more in Swansea etc. It was great fun and a gift to us all.

So being estranged has me sometimes in a daze, how why etc.

Even monosyllabic DU Gwilym was part of the family….

Now, it’s mostly gone, that deep acceptance of everyone in a wider family.

@Sparkly
I agree. I was brought up in a close knit community in a small mill town in Lancashire. Families stuck together through thick and thin, of course in the case of abuse I imagine that made it harder for ACs to come forward or go NC, but most families were actually not busy abusing children/ACs, and there were real characters, oddballs and eccentrics, who were accommodated and accepted as part of the rich tapestry of family life.
Nowadays despite the younger generation saying they are more accepting of differences and accommodating others, this often doesn’t extend to their own parents/families.
Funny thing that 🤔

Morning all.

After my post about the cinema, there was just post after post from an irate AC. Swear words, saying are you all aged 5yrs. We on here all deserve it, poor kids [meaning our estAC]. It just went on and on! Not from a normal thinking person.

Morning Babs03 in my case, if a family parent wasn’t up to it, or low level neglect was observed, the family took care of it. Some children might be taken in by grandparents and brought up safely and kindly within the family.
Nothing much was said, especially outwardly.

I miss this local overwhelming family. I could be around a grandparents, on the way to church route, and during the day, family members would pop in on their way to chapel or church.
Such warm family. Such different senses of humour. Such love.

Yogi sorry you had to read that.

There might be more stroppyness from estAC as this issue gets more air time from the estGPs perspective, maybe?

Very sad isn't it Sparkly

Babs and there were real characters, oddballs and eccentrics, who were accommodated and accepted as part of the rich tapestry of family life.

So, all this is now missing from all the estrangers families.

When I was growing up, we had grtgrandmas, grtaunties, nannies etc, all one big happy family. I have very fond memories of them all and my childhood would have been empty and colourless without them, they all loved us very much, and we them. Our estranged GC have been robbed of all that; family history.

Yes, I miss it all too Sparkly

Yes, they have lost their family history, Yogin and most family history is handed down orally or through talking, between women in a family, certainly in mine.

My mom was the holder of the family history and she past it on to me and I am passing it on to my daughter and as they age my grandsons with her.

Like others I was brought up in a large extended family knew great aunts and uncles 2nd and 3rd cousins . Because I was accepted as me I didn't know I was different until I went to high school. I know what it's like to be bullied I was for 5 years and would never do that to anyone. Looking back it would be called mental cruelty and physical abuse . It was mainly name calling but I did get push over and even got stabbed in the thigh with the thing can't remember what it was called it made circles. So annoying not to remember the names of simple things. My hand was burnt by a boy holding in onto a projector until I shouted out and the teacher saw. Only people who knew was my brother who beat the boy up and later my husband. Never told my parents . The boy got detention my brother got away with it as the boy didn't tell who it was. But it didn't stop the bullying .

What enrages me about the trolls they have no idea what we go through and everything is of course the parents fault. We are the villains not the victims. And they never believe us when we say we don't know why our children decide we are not longer their parent .

If anyone asks if I have children I always say 2 and 5 grandson's. It's only if they ask if I see them all I tell them . But it's amazing how many people have told me they are estranged from children and other family members.

This support thread is so vital and because it's needed so much the trolls hate that . That's why the continued acts . Wonder if it's because they have a guilty conscience about doing it to their own parents 🤔

I feel sorry for my 3 grandson's with my son . They are missing out on a lot of love and fun . My daughter boys only think they have 2 cousins and not 5. But they are to young to understand. They know all about their granddad and the eldest asks me questions about him . And the boys love stories about their mom as a child. But of course never mention she has a brother.

If you read the angry, cruel replies full of hatred and swearing on estrangement on this forum, angry daughters and sons such as Yoga had recently, is that anyone really you would want in your life even your own child. I had to distance myself from someone very close because of such hatred he showed to family members, he was fine with me but completely focused on those people he put all his problems onto, he took things the wrong way and I used to tell him that as he was off the mark but then he would get angry at me. I think they are whipped up by so called therapists and dubious sites encouraging them that all their failures are down to parents which is utter twaddle.
The best thing for such people is to do as H O on G/N are doing and denying them that voice. No point arguing.
I wish this could be discussed more in the media and schools, the effect these bitter people who's prime aim is to be a victim, have on the families and how the families broken by them should move forward and not blame themselves.

‘What enrages me about the trolls they have no idea what we go through and everything is of course the parents fault. We are the villains not the victims. And they never believe us when we say we don't know why our children decide we are not longer their parent .’

Well said Whiff the troll attacking this support thread only knows one thing about us and that is that we are estranged from our ACs, yet this is apparently enough for him/her and others who come on mob handed to dehumanise us and make us targets for their abuse.
@Allsorts, I agree, there is a constant feeling of victimhood with those who attack us, yet they think nothing of being abusive and aggressive which is not the behaviour of a victim but a bully.
They need to stop blaming a bunch of people they have never met on a support thread and start looking at their own behaviour which is wholly their responsibility.
In a nutshell they need to grow up and get on with their lives.

I forgot to say a lovely thing happened when my video was shown at the Brain Charity. I had been talking to a man in front of me. After my video was finished he turned round squeezed my hands and said well done. When we where talking and he told me he was a volunteer at the Brain Charity and I said my video was being shown he said he was glad to meet me as he always reads what I write on the Brain Charity Facebook page. He said what I wrote was how he feels about the Brain Charity. At least my rambles are lot shorter than on here.
I don't know why but this highly intelligent man as he had said what he's job was before retirement. Thought my rambles and video where interesting and he liked them . And that meant a lot to me .

In real life I can't always get words out or they come out jumbled . I have to concentrate hard to make sense . So I either talk fast or very slowly eg I tried to say Budapest the other day to my daughter as that's where my best friend went to. But took 4 attempts to say it . Even my rambles get muddled and have to edit them but even then I make mistakes.

But that's my life muddled ,walk funny , hands that don't stop moving and having to concentrate to make my body do what I want it to. But I won't let my limitations stop me doing what I want otherwise what's the point of life.

Here we all have to live our lives to the full . Our estrange children hope to destroy us . But they can't and we are a very strong group because we talk about how we feel and things we do . That's what the trolls hate . They hope what our children do destroys us and we end up living a life of sadness . But we don't .

Yoginimeisje

Morning all.

After my post about the cinema, there was just post after post from an irate AC. Swear words, saying are you all aged 5yrs. We on here all deserve it, poor kids [meaning our estAC]. It just went on and on! Not from a normal thinking person.

Another one today🙄. I don’t know why they bother. Best they just get on with their “happy and healed” lives. 🙄

You are perfect as you are Whiff, such a brave thing to do recording that video and it will help lots of people understand the condition and how it effects people.

@Whiff you obviously underestimate how others may see you, but for me is no surprise that this young man praised you for your work. Your work for the Brain Charity is something you should proud of.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Your disability hasn’t stopped you but rather encouraged you to get the very most out of life within your limitations, and what you get out of life seems like an awful lot to me. In a way is as if you are living life in memory of your DH, who really would have wanted this for you.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

@DL have reported.

Babs03

@DL have reported.

Yeah, all good. I got a PM after that hurling daft abuse at me lol…😂😂😂

Oh no DL!
That is horrible.
So sorry 🌺🙏🏾

Babs03

Oh no DL!
That is horrible.
So sorry 🌺🙏🏾

I just laughed. They just make themselves look more stupid than ever.🙄x

They do DL, but private messaging you with abuse is going beyond the boundaries,
I'm pleased you don't take it personally, I'm not sure I could.

Bridie22

They do DL, but private messaging you with abuse is going beyond the boundaries,
I'm pleased you don't take it personally, I'm not sure I could.

Ah well, it’s probably down to my stroppy personality and weird sense of humour that I don’t.

There is enough sadness and stress in real life sometimes without worrying about those obviously unhappy individuals that state they are happy and healed. 😉

So, no, I don’t worry at all. 😉

I often wonder when the trolls say they are happy and healed . Healed from what ? You heal from a cut ,burn etc .. If they mean emotional healing how our emotions make us who we are . Our life experiences shape us and those experiences change as the years go by . I know I am not the same person I was 5 years ago . And my husband dieing destroyed what life I had . He was my life, my home. But you get through each day doing things you never thought you could do and experience things you wish you never had to.

Moving gave me my life back as I found me again . If my son through to destroy me he failed . I have done and experienced more things since his email . My happiness didn't depend on him and as much as I love my daughter and family I have made my own happiness doing things I wanted to do . And am fiercely independent. If my daughter asks me if I want to go out I do but she knows what days I am not available as I am doing my own thing. I have to laugh at myself sometimes at all the things I have achieved the last 5 years. And already have plans for next year .

If only those who seek to disrupt and hurt were 'happy and healed' . Clearly they're not which is why they do what they do.

It seems that the mere existence of EP's on this forum who have found happiness and continue to heal is what upsets them. Maybe they wonder if the parents they've estranged are also happy and healing, and they prefer to think of them living a life of pain and misery.

I'm glad you found the offensive pm amusing DL, not knowing the content I'm sure I'd have been amused too. Having been so badly treated and hurt by our own AC, and for you witnessing your step children's treatment of your DH, methinks they have delusions of grandeur if they think they can hurt us anymore than we've been hurt already.

Although the estrangement forum here on GN is in the main contributed too from EP's, EGP's and those fearing estrangement there is, and always has been a place for EAC too.
There have been some great discussions, sharing and support over the years but that simply isn't possible with posters who are cruel and offensive.

Our electrician finished off the work yesterday, so we now have power into the shed (no more running a cable into the lodge when I want to use the tumble dryer), lighting and two external power points on the decking.

We put up our Christmas decorations yesterday; two trees inside, a real tree outside and of course our magnificent stag. Some new additions to our decorations as we got rid of the vast majority of what we had when we moved.

It looks lovely, even if I do say so myself and we're really looking forward to our first Christmas in our new home .

No, you’re right Smiles - nothing tops DH dying, let alone daft people. 🙄

And, on the positive side, if they’re slinging it at me, they give me a laugh, and it, hopefully, prevents them doing it to those that would get upset. 👍👍

Your lodge sounds lovely. 🎄

I agree with you both DL and Smileless with regard to the idiotic posts of a troll but I think I would get a bit worked up if one PM’d me. But you’re right is best to just ignore or laugh at these ‘eejits’ as my old Irish nan would say. Their stupidly singular mission is just to outrage and so bait us into becoming engaged with their stupidity.
Cannot see what the draw is really. Is just so mind numbingly boring already. 🤔