Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Bridie, do hope your cat is now much better, its difficult getting a cat to to anything they are hesitant about.
All newly estranged are more than welcome for support, you can say as little or as much as you want to and no one judges. I only talk about the effect my estrangement had on me, I can’t talk about the reasons as I still don't know and no doubt I will die not knowing but I hope she’s happy. I’m now used to it.
This time of year, not only thinking of when I was a child and sharing them with grandparents and aunts and uncles all long gone. Then my husband’s . illness and death at Christmas. Also know everything in life passes and feuds and bad feelings are futile. I dreamt last night of a bad scene many years ago that happened in my wider family, I relived it all with things I didn't know I had remembered, it was very real and I woke up upset at the injustice i witnessed at that time. How weird was that. I’m not a warrior, more a surviver.
Whiff the topper for the post box is great, it brings joy to all that use it I’m sure.

Birdie good to hear your cat is eating now, must have a very sore mouth, poor thing. My Joey is very clever at spitting out any tabs I give him, wrap it in a pieace of cheese, munches the cheese down and finishes with a spite and out comes the whole tab. I always ask for the puppy ones as I would definitely not get a whole big tab down his throat!

*Whiff lovely craft work and the post box topper is great, we have those around here too.

Back after shower .....

Thank you FredGreen very cute card xx

Good post Whiff @ 05.53am

Allsorts strange what our dreams bring up of long-ago situations, wonder why that is. Like you I never liked the phrase warrior queen, it didn't fit with me, I was just a grieving mother & grandmother and I managed to survive, God knows how, as I was very suicidal for many years.

Yoginimeisje

Good post Whiff @ 05.53am

I second this, excellent post for anyone just spectating at the moment. It can take some time to get the courage to post. I, however, just dived straight in, after over ten years estranged I suppose I was just so tired of having no one to talk to in a similar position. I did have one very good friend who had experienced estrangement but she would hardly ever talk about it, found it too painful which I totally understood.
@Allsorts, we have survived, with scars but we have survived. That is something to be proud of, for looking back, when I had a breakdown and my thoughts turned very dark, I really didn’t want to live another minute, it all just looked so bleak.
Your dream is probably helping you to see how far you have come and how you now can enjoy much calmer days. No more drama.
Take care 🌺❤️

Have decided that seeing as we won’t send the GCs anything this Xmas we will pop into a church a mile or so from us and light a candle on Xmas eve. We aren’t religious but feel the need to mark it somehow.
🥹

That sounds like comforting idea Babs03.

Evening everyone, I hope you've all had a good day.

That's a lovely response Spirulla stillawip, I hope she sees it. The fact is we were all strangers here at one time, anxious about intruding into already established friendships, but that's what this thread is for. An open invitation to anyone whose life's been affected by estrangement or lives with the fear of being estranged.

I just love those post box toppers Whiff, they always make me and appreciate the skill it must take to make them.

You do make me laugh when you refer to your own posts as waffle and that comment about having never 'shut up' since you started posting on this thread was so funny .

Glad your cat's eating again Bridie. They are a worry aren't they and I just wish far more medication was available in liquid form, so you can put it into a syringe and simply squirt it into their mouths.

Our little poodle's like Joey Yogin, managing to digest the cheese and leave the tablet behind so now we crush them. Our cockapoo is much easier, she wolfs everything down but even she wont entertain these 'chewable' tablets which are supposed to be meat flavoured.

Allsorts I often wonder what triggers some of the dreams I have. The worse ones were dreaming of our ES when we were so happy, and taking a moment or two when first wakening to remember that that was no longer the case because we'd been estranged.

I don't have them anymore and on the rare occasions I do dream about him, he's always much younger; I wonder why [tchhmm}.

I dived in straight away Babs and looking back I was so lucky that a thread about parental estrangement existed here on GN. I just don't know what I'd have done without it.

Thank you FGT's for your lovely post and that great card. So apt as we're all animal lovers .

We have friends coming for a meal tomorrow evening, just hope the bad weather doesn't put them off. We're not in the red warning area but I don't think it's going to be very good.

Stay safe everyone xx

Smileless ...that's what this thread is for. An open invitation to anyone whose life's been affected by estrangement or lives with the fear of being estranged

It is a strength of this thread and so good that those who fear being estranged are welcomed and included. The experience and wisdom on here can support them to make decisions and/or to find strategies to cope or sometimes to avoid estrangement in a way that works for them.

@Smiles I used to dream about my estranged daughter but don’t anymore. In my dreams she would be much younger and I would suddenly wonder why I was feeling so sad when my daughter was not estranged at all but sitting happily beside me. Waking up was always a bitter pill to swallow.
My DH would have worry dreams about her where she would be injured or in pain and he was powerless to help her. He occasionally still has one.
😳

Thank you Madgran for your supportive post.

Waking up was always a bitter pill to swallow yes it was Babs . In that first year of estrangement I used to pray that I wouldn't wake up and have to face another day without our dear boy in our lives.

Now, I am glad that I did.

I’m glad that you did Smiles 🌺
Am glad that most who come on here have now reached a point where we greet each day with a purpose and the determination to live our lives as best we can.
For those struggling at the beginning of an estrangement or an ‘on’/‘off’ estrangement, and those desperate to try to turn things around this is the place to come to meet others who ‘get’ what it feels like, and won’t judge.
🙏🏾

I’ve been thinking about the radio programme by Jeremy Vine that includes interviews with both the estranged parents and the children that instigate it I usually switch Jeremy Vine off but I listened later. I found it immensely interesting and insightful. Just ordinary people like us, feeling bewildered and hurt and it made it normal in a way, it was described as an epidemic, that influencers and such were advocating it as parents were responsible for all life's problems. I wish it was discussed more in the media to help those in the beginning.
I caught the tale end of I’m In The Jungle last night I just dip in and out as only like the chat not the trials, and just saw Colleen Rooney meet her mother there. They have such a close bond, how it should be.

Wish I had heard the Jeremy Vine programme Allsorts, I looked on the sounds app but couldn't find it.
More openess about the emotional and physical effects of bereavement might encourage people th stop and think before they take that step.

Funny enough I have never dreamt about my son. But have rehearsed all the things I would say to him if he ever got in touch . But it would have to be face to face in my home with the door locked and the key in my pocket . He and my daughter in law had their say never had the chance to confront my son about his assumptions and accusations. He wasn't brought up to be cruel or a coward . That was the hardest thing to come to terms with that he turned out that way. But I know why he sent the email and letter because he would never have gone through with the estrangement if he had to say it to my face . At least my father in law had the guts to tell me I was defective to my face .

Had brilliant time at the Brain Charity Christmas concert yesterday afternoon/ early evening. Storm hit here at 4pm and had been raging all night and still going . But slept through it only hearing it when I needed the loo.

Anyone going out today please be very careful. Roads are flooding and trees and branches coming down all over the country parts have lost power. Keep warm and please everyone keep safe .

Just remembered I had a dream about my estD a few days back. I picked her up in the car and was driving home, we stopped and she hoped out, then I couldn't find her......

Went out last night, it was one of my Leisure centres Xmas parties. In 23yrs of working for them, us freelancers have never been invited, so when I got this invite I thought I must go, to show we should be included. It said on the invite 'Lounge club' which I took to be at the club itself. I know normally they hold it in a nightclub, so I thought they had changed it this year and thought it would be more appropriate for my age, so I'd go. Got to the club and they told me that it wasn't there but in a nearby nightclub. Found the club, only one other freelancer there, so thought maybe I got the invite by mistake [not the case]. Anyway I did have a nice time, they had a karaoke band on, so everyone was joining in and having fun. I was home by 11pm, thought it best to leave whilst still having a good time.

Waiting for this frighenting wind to die down before taking Joey walkies! Meeting a few friends for Xmas meal late afternoon today, so will be back home, safe and sound by 8pm I think.

Take care everyone if your going out in these stronge winds.

Yes, I listened to the Jeremy Vine show and as you've said Allsorts bewildered parents not knowing what they had done wrong.

Nice to hear you enjoyed your Xmas concert Whiff

Evening all. So now are in Brighton with our other GC, a hairy trip down early morning, the Queen Elizabeth bridge was closed so had to use the Blackwall tunnel. Very windy and rainy. Hope everyone has weathered the storms. we seem to get so many storms with such strong winds and rain causing floods. My heart goes out to anyone affected.
Glad you enjoyed your concert Whiff. I imagine the storms were worse in your neck of the woods. Hope it didn’t cause any damage.
I didn’t hear the Jeremy Vine piece, is good to hear of a piece that highlights the pain and suffering of parents who have not been abusive or neglectful but simply cut off.
The Guardian Piece that was posted on here was lamentable, only giving one side of the story, and caving in to the hackneyed old trope that parents must be bad versus ACs who are good. Nothing is ever that simple. Was lazy journalism that feeds the growing trend in society today for ACs to see their parents and other members of their family as dispensable. But ironically these ACs are shooting themselves in the foot, bringing their children up to see how easy it is to cast off their parents like a pair of ill fitting shoes
that are no longer in fashion. Indeed the next generation may be even more predisposed to estranging their parents than this one is.
What they reap they will sow.
And that isn’t something I take any satisfaction in, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
🌺🙏🏾

@yogi glad you enjoyed your night out. Sounds like fun. 11pm would be late for me, a good time to bail.
Got up early this morning to set off for Brighton, and found a headless plastic reindeer in the garden.
Will sort it with the neighbours when we get back. I think I know who it belongs to.
🙄

Hi all! The Jeremy Vines Podcast is called Jobs and Floods. Estrangement starts at the 1:03:55 mark and is available for 18 more days. This is the link I’m able to access it from in the US. Hope this helps ☺️
www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m00253jr

Love the post box Whiff is it guerrilla knitting as we have a gardening version where you throw seeds randomly hoping to sow them….guerrilla gardening. Very cheerful.

I’m not sure my estDS will ever turn up to explain. I was thinking about this yesterday before I read all your posts for the last two days. My conclusion?

I don’t want disruption, more pain.

Just stability and joy with what I have.

Thank you Debs08 for that info, I searched but couldn't find it, will have another try.
Like you SparklyGrandma, I dont think an explanation will ever happen now, I've stopped searching for answers its to painful, however I still live in hope, maybe one day.

Bridie, go on sounds then Jeremy Vine, its part of the programme that went out on 26/11 I think, it is not a headline just part of that mornings programme.. You need to read the subjects discussed that day,