Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

theworriedwell

I suppose the other difference is that with bereavement you usually are losing one person, of course there are exceptions with terrible accidents or terrorist incidents but in the main, whereas with estrangement it is often multiple people - your child and GC for example.

Yes, we are estranged from our eldest daughter and GCs but also my sister, brother in law, and nephews as well as a couple of other relatives on my side of the family. Also our three other daughters are also estranged from their sister and auntie/uncle and cousins. Is a lot of heartache and disconnection caused by members of my family taking sides and turning a blind eye to our daughters abuse.
Have heard from a cousin still in contact with us that other members of the family who took sides have now also distanced themselves from my estranged daughter having had the scales fall from their eyes.
Too late. Not that they are rushing to apologise. But after the damage done to us there will be no reconciliation there either.
Might sound harsh but they made their decision and nobody even batted an eye when I had a breakdown, losing my job and nearly losing my sanity as a result.
Some things are unforgivable in my book.

Babs that sounds terrible. I'm reading that as you aren't estranged from your other 3 daughters, I hope I have that right and thank heavens for those 3 if it is.

Yes we hold our other three daughters close and vice versa. 🙏🏾

Babs03

Yes we hold our other three daughters close and vice versa. 🙏🏾

Truly a blessing Long may it continue.

As you say theworriedwell when there's estrangement those estranged tend to lose more than just the one who decides to estrange them.

We have also lost our only GC who like us, have had no say.

Thank you for the new thread Smileless2012, hello Madgran, Yoga Whiff and Babs03…wow DiamondLily how wonderful…..

Christmas is on the horizon….I long ago gave up sending cards and presents to my estDS and partner, plus DCs. I give money to a charity, maybe Guide Dogs this year, to make me feel better about not sending presents.

But must stay positive and am planning for my small garden next year. What veg to grow etc. Over Christmas a lot of online plant sellers offer small fruit trees at a heavily discounted price.

Might order an Opal plum this year, on dwarf rooting stock.

I hope your buyers pull their fingers out.

Smileless2012 I meant!

Well, I’ve never been estranged by my birth children, but I’ve had various assorted estrangements, by others, and watched my late husband bought to his knees by his own ACs.☹️

Which was painful to watch.

But, losing DH has bought me a special kind of hell, much on a par to when I lost a GD, many years ago.

I suppose both have similarities - that powerlessness to change things, and that sense of loss. With estrangement, there is sometimes hope, but that can be damaging, There can also be anger.

With spousal bereavement there is no hope. Death cannot change. It alters your entire life in every way. Theres no real anger though, just sorrow.

The main difference, I would say, is that, with bereavement, most people are sympathetic and there’s no judgements bandied about.

With EP estrangement, there are always some who assume all sorts of things, and that can be hurtful. Strangers pontificating endlessly. We see it on here. Unkindness for the sake of it. The so called “happy and healed” don’t usually appear to be either at times.🤷‍♀️

But, both “bereavements” are a process to get through. I chose to do it “cold turkey” - I just didn’t want counselling or medication. I still get through the days and nights, trying to alter my life and adjust. And, you do adjust, although it’s hard work at times.

But, on here there’s a lot of bereaved people, estrangement or death related, that find a way, and start enjoying life again.👍

So, enough of my rambling, which are just my thoughts lol - and I hope everyone has a nice day. 💐

Good morning, babysitting over for now.
In Brighton looking at other properties. Made an offer on the bungalow but of course because ours hasn’t had an offer it won’t stand. So are looking at other bungalows. Bit silly really seeing as we need an offer first but is a day out and we get to see our daughter and grandson who has kindly said we can live in their garage.
Might come to that yet 😂

@sparkly grandma
You sound like my OH, he has grown veg and fruit trees, we have quince, apple, cherry, pear, and fig. Sadly no quince or apples this year so no lovely crumbles. But have got sone gorgeous pears for compote and the figs were divine.
Will be sad to leave them behind when we move
Take care xx

@DL easiest thing in the world to judge others but as I always say judging others is for a jury in a court of law, not for random posters on a thread.
But as you say sometimes is done just to needle others and that is unkind.
Take care xx

Smiles put it very well, as always.

As I've said; it took me 6yrs to draw a line under it all and move on, felt tons better for the decision. 6yrs is a long time to hold onto hope, but clearly for me, it took that long. Yes, you do move through stages, same as if a loved one has died.

Unkindness for the sake of it sums up what we often see on this forum and threads elsewhere where there's estrangement or the possibility of it happening DL, but thankfully not here.

'Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone' has sprung to mind. No one on this thread cries alone because there's support and friendship here, and I do wonder if the fact that we also laugh makes some uncomfortable, if they prefer to think of us in perpetual pain and misery because that's how they picture those who they've estranged.

We're waiting for our solicitor to call us back. Emails from our buyer yesterday didn't make sense, their buyer is waiting for some points raised by the searches to be clarified, but we were told from the very beginning that they had a mortgage in place and were just waiting for them to find the house they wanted to buy.

You're right to keep looking around Babs. We did a lot of looking before our previous house was on the market. It's good to see what's out there and you may not have come across the one that you'll eventually make your new home.

Thanks Whiff you're right, searches have to be completed and be OK before a mortgage offer is made . We've told them that if we don't complete by November 1st, we'll have to seriously consider putting ours back on the market.

Feel really bad about it TBH because they're so worried about not getting the house but we have to be practical and we can't wait indefinitely.

Sending what you would have spent to charity is a good idea Sparkly, we always make a donation to the Salvation Army to help make Christmas that little bit better for those who have nothing and no one.

I think it took us 4 years Yogin as it was after 4 years that we moved away and were able to find peace and happiness that we'd never thought we'd have again.

Lovely morning here and plenty of golfers out already.

Can you see the golfers from your new home Smiles?

Morning everyone.

Yes Yogin we have a very good view of the golf course and the golfers, some who are out in all weather.

Busy day today as we're taking the dogs to be groomed and I have my Covid and flu vaccinations. We'll have 3 hours to kill while they're being groomed as I'm staying with the groomer where we used to live.

She does an excellent job and they know her, but that doesn't stop them being a couple of drama queens when we first arrive.
Our little poodle applies the brakes when we get to the door and our Cockapoo quivers like a jelly. She always gives them a warm hug when they arrive so we know the drama is for our benefit .

Morning all, @yogin I think it does take years, it took us over ten years to stop sending cards and money for the GCs, but every small step is a victory over misery.
@Smiles, my OH is so jealous you live near a golf course is now trying to persuade me to look at properties close to one!! 😂
We have to wait till next month or so to get covid jabs because we just had covid. But are getting flu jabs on Friday. Xx

Good morning everyone. 🙂

Goodness, I’m glad I haven’t got to deal with the palaver of moving house - I don’t think I’ve got the energy now. Luckily, I’m happy staying put. I’ve got it how I want it, and I’ve got lovely memories of DH here. 🙂

I can’t have the flu jab, because of side effects, and I don’t bother with the others - so I stay needle free lol

The weather is driving me nuts though - we’ve gone from freezing cold, to constant rain and cold, and now today it’s turned really mild. 🤷‍♀️. Still, at least the heating can go off for a while.

I suppose I shouldn’t moan - I have friends in Florida and California, and they have both struggled with real extremes in recent weeks.

Anyway, not much else happening here - all quiet. After all the stress of the last two years,, I’m finding this peace a bit disconcerting lol

Anyway, hope everyone has a lovely day. x 💐

Morning all, lovely sunny day today .

You & Mr.S must take up golf then Smiles. I've been grooming Joey myself the last couple of times, I think I do a good job, but of course the groomer is more professionally done, but maybe with practice I'll perfect the art. That's one of the reasons why I've been doing Joey myself, as he really cries when I leave him and really pulls on the lead as he's lead away. I have no doubt the groomers are kind and they do such a good job in just over an hour, also they are only a couple of doors down from me. Other reason being I spent £150 on clippers for Joey for his Xmas gift!

Babs It's so sad isn't. How my estD can be happy with what's she's done, when we were so close & happy, is beyond me. I do know that life isn't good at the moment for her & her family.

DL I'm needle free too. Keep getting txt from my doctor & NHS offering me a jab for this and a jab for that, I think no thanks, I'm fit & healthy, I don't want to be pumped with something to make me ill. Friends that have had it done have all been really ill after having a jab, so I'm not going there. My son was seriously ill for 10yrs from having the 'Swine flu jab' So consequently none of my family or in-laws will have one. My sister makes up for us all though and must have had about 20 jabs, been really ill with them all, so why she's so keen, I don't know . She texted me to say you can have the shingles jab! "NOoo!^

@DL enjoy the peace, you will get used to it, certainly after all you have been through your adrenaline must have been kicking in a lot of the time. I am a big believer of ‘calm’.
@yogi don’t blame you for doing Joey yourself, you don’t want to see him so distressed, and am sure he is fine with your efforts 🙂

Today should be warmer so are off for a long walk and lunch out. Is a local pub that does a brilliant ploughman’s, traditional without all the bells and whistles, just good crunchy cheddar, branston pickle, crunchy salad and a couple of large slices of a white bloomer with butter on the side.
Hope you all enjoy the better weather. ✅

Yoginimeisje

Well, DH had every jab known to man. In Autumn of 2022, he had the flu, Covid and pneumonia jabs.

The following spring he died suddenly of a combination of all three illnesses.🤷‍♀️

Didn’t work too well for him, so I’ll just take my chances.😉

Thankfully the fake post and resulting thread has been removed.
The lengths sone posters will go to in order to torment EPs is appalling.
🥺

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