Christmas without Son, his wife and 2 Grand Daughters

Agree Smiles. For those who have suffered terribly already is like twisting the knife. Hard to ignore.
🙁

stillawip

I really don’t understand why people don’t just ignore the troll posts and not engage in any exchange at all with the poster - threads can only be derailed if someone lets them be! Just pretend they’re not there and stick to the original point of the thread…
So, OP, has your son given you any reasons for the estrangement? Any clues at all?

It depends on the post. Not all unreasonable or generalised posts are automatically a troll! The obvious ones can well be ignored. But if a view is expressed that it feels needs challenging then it should be challenged. I have also been challenged on some of my own views which is fine too.

If a comment requires a report that is the only challenge needed. Every day I sit down for a cup of tea and a browse to find discussions that make no sense at all and participants shouting at invisible assaults. Not easy to navigate for those who aren't here regularly throughout the day.

That's for the person to decide, not anyone else.

It isnt always things that should be report. Just viewpoints that someone might feel need challenging. We can all benefit from having viewpoints and assumptions challenged. We may or may not change the view but challenge and discussion help us all to consider our own and others perspectives

I strongly believe that these visits from a troll will never stop all the while they are engaged with. I also feel people are putting their own accounts at risk by engaging. I will not do so knowingly.

Exactly Madgran, we're talking about whether or not posts that we disagree with should be challenged because not all that are disagreed with come from trolls.

You can't report a post unless you think it breaks the guidelines and not being in agreement, isn't breaking them.

The reason you see posts in response to posts that are no longer visible, is because the responses are not breaking the guidelines Luminance. If they were they would also be deleted, so those making them are not putting their accounts at risk.

Thankfully due to the fact that posts from trolls are being reported and those reports acted on very promptly by GNHQ, there's been far fewer of late.

Or simply, no one is reporting them perhaps. I could have rightfully reported posts about myself but I did not. I received no apology either for unwarranted remarks except from Gransnet who quickly realised the reports against myself were unfounded.

As MissA has posted That's for the person to decide, not anyone else.

That is rather clear. It does however show a person's character that they would speak about someone so openly and withold apology so easily.

My point is…if they are simply ignored, then there is no point in the troll continuing them, and then they will stop. All the time someone is giving them airspace and arguing, you are playing right into their hands, it is exactly what they want! I know it is hard when you are targeted personally, but as long as you are happy with yourself & your behaviour within your estrangement, why should the opinions of a nasty poster who doesn’t know you be of any importance to you? Literally pass over them, continue addressing the original point of the thread, and they will stop bothering to post. All the time they see they are riling you, they will continue. I just feel so sorry for the new posters who are desperate for advice and support and their post gets lost amongst arguments between others. So many never come back because they are so frightened off by the hostility and nastiness and that is such a travesty for those who are reaching out, maybe being brave for the first time.

Please come back Rad14, most people are genuinely wanting to help you rather than arguing with others.

The OP must wonder what on earth Gnetters are going on about on this thread - I know I'm thoroughly confused.

I do hope he's still here and that he has read the more sensible and relevant answers to his problem. My advise would be to do as your wife does - accept the status quo; be friendly and caring during your Zoom calls (which are after all better than nothing); take your autistic son the way he is and most of all - get help with your drinking!

Rad14, for any part that you think you played in this estrangement, have you genuinely apologised? That is very important, for a start. I wondered why you felt it relevant to say that he met his wife “on the internet”? Is that relevant at all? Did you express any disapproval of this? I’m just trying to establish whether you have been given any reasons for the fallout….

To paraphrase MissA's post today @ 13.00 stillawhip it's up to individuals to decide how they wish to respond as it's the hostility and nastiness that we are trying to deal with.

I think it depends if posts are designed to just cause more hurt to those who have been hurt enough.

There have, as freely admitted, been trolls on here to just get some sort of jollity from it.🤷‍♀️. Sad individuals, but they don’t seem to see that. 🙄

And, of course, we’ve had a previously banned poster who thinks a name change means they won’t be recognised.🙄

So, people, naturally, will respond how they feel best.

Hopefully, the trolls and disrupters will find their own happiness in the New Year, and find more positive things to do with their lives. 🤞

Yes but, with respect, that approach is not really working for the vast majority of posters. It would be lovely if the whole forum felt like it was for everyone, not just long-term posters who may have old scores to settle. If every thread becomes about that, then it is very alienating for everyone else, and people will end up abandoning it when they desperately need it, because every thread becomes dominated by the same people again and again. I was one of those, until I became brave enough to come back and try again, & it is so sad to see so many being scared off by the arguments.

I haven’t got any scores to settle with anyone, but it certainly doesn’t help new posters when they ask advice and then get “accused” of all sorts.🤷‍♀️

Luminance

I strongly believe that these visits from a troll will never stop all the while they are engaged with. I also feel people are putting their own accounts at risk by engaging. I will not do so knowingly.

Agreed.

All engagement is choice. All choices belong the to individuals who make them. No one forces anyone to read or respond to comments that truly don’t deserve the attention they so desperately seek. When we do, that’s on us.

Rad14, please please get help with the alcohol. There is nothing but despair at the bottom of the bottle. I know what it is like to deal with severe depression. The alcohol will only make it worse. Whatever comes of your relationship with your son, please look after yourself. Should reconciliation be possible, you want to be sober and ready to embrace your grandchildren as a safe, loving relative. Even if it isn’t, you have your wife. Do not leave her earlier than you need to .

BlessedArt

Luminance

I strongly believe that these visits from a troll will never stop all the while they are engaged with. I also feel people are putting their own accounts at risk by engaging. I will not do so knowingly.

Agreed.

All engagement is choice. All choices belong the to individuals who make them. No one forces anyone to read or respond to comments that truly don’t deserve the attention they so desperately seek. When we do, that’s on us.

Rad14, please please get help with the alcohol. There is nothing but despair at the bottom of the bottle. I know what it is like to deal with severe depression. The alcohol will only make it worse. Whatever comes of your relationship with your son, please look after yourself. Should reconciliation be possible, you want to be sober and ready to embrace your grandchildren as a safe, loving relative. Even if it isn’t, you have your wife. Do not leave her earlier than you need to .

I agree with both posters.
Rad14, I am so sorry that your estrangement has led to your issues with alcohol - it is always a heartbreaking situation so it's not a surprise that you have leant on something to take the pain away. Your wife is dealing with it in a different (but equally valid) way. Be kind to yourself and take things one step at a time - work on one thing and the other may well follow. Start with the thing you do have control over - the alcohol issue - and do whatever you need to do to work on that.

stillawip

Yes but, with respect, that approach is not really working for the vast majority of posters. It would be lovely if the whole forum felt like it was for everyone, not just long-term posters who may have old scores to settle. If every thread becomes about that, then it is very alienating for everyone else, and people will end up abandoning it when they desperately need it, because every thread becomes dominated by the same people again and again. I was one of those, until I became brave enough to come back and try again, & it is so sad to see so many being scared off by the arguments.

With respect too, seeing estranged parents being told they're c^^^ts, and pieces of s^^t doesn't really work for me.

Fine if you're happy to leave those rants in place, but not by me.
foul mouthed idiots.

Why bring deleted vulgarity back to the forum where it will now be seen by more people who could have done well without it?

Why question everything everyone else does?
I didn't write the words, people are free to draw their own conclusions.

Estranged parents don't need to be castigated by you for objecting those terms.n

OK, I think I give up now too. I’ve tried to explain what many others are thinking, but it’s impossible when people aren’t prepared to listen to others’ points of view.
My family is now safely and happily through estrangement, and I thought that my experience might be useful to others, but I keep getting shut down by those who are still estranged or are determined to be right, so there’s little point in continuing trying to offer advice and keep to the point of a thread.
I’m so sorry, Rad14, I tried. I wish you well with your family issues, and hope all improves for you soon.

Rad14: I hope bickering on here hasn't out you off. It doesn't appear you had a drink problem at the wedding but that you have developed one. You must feel so down, its not easy being with your wife with a chronic condition, plus a son that won’t talk to you and another with Autism, there's no one for you to talk things over with. Firstly do something about your drink problem and start looking after yourself, you deserve some me time, join a gym, do something for you. You do have a relationship with your grandchildren although its only zoom, make it interesting, give them a few years and they will want to visit, so make your home one that they will enjoy visiting..