Christmas without Son, his wife and 2 Grand Daughters

I just feel quite upset for the estranged parent who started this thread. They could have come back to vanished comments and simple words of support. Instead they must come back to arguments and vulgarity. Should not that estranged parents needs and feelings come before that of others here in this space they created for their hurt?

Luminance

I just feel quite upset for the estranged parent who started this thread. They could have come back to vanished comments and simple words of support. Instead they must come back to arguments and vulgarity. Should not that estranged parents needs and feelings come before that of others here in this space they created for their hurt?

Yes. Absolutely

That's true, and I apologise for my part in it, but I've watched years and years of estranged parents here taking metaphorical kicking by adult estranged children.
None of it is good.

Luminance

I strongly believe that these visits from a troll will never stop all the while they are engaged with. I also feel people are putting their own accounts at risk by engaging. I will not do so knowingly.

Yes Luminance I agree trolls can be ignored and in fact I have seen them ignored on some threads.

But that is not the same as responding to a viewpoint to challenge that viewpoint and to present a different perspective. I dont mean the obvious trolls. I mean just ongoing discussion and debate in a thread.

By the way, if someone does choose to respond to an obvious troll, why would that endanger their own account? I dont understand your point.

Luminance

I just feel quite upset for the estranged parent who started this thread. They could have come back to vanished comments and simple words of support. Instead they must come back to arguments and vulgarity. Should not that estranged parents needs and feelings come before that of others here in this space they created for their hurt?

Yes I do see that. But generalised comments (not trolls) about either EAC or EP does not help an original poster in their thinking anymore than a troll does.
There are many helpful comments and advice on this thread for you Rad14 and I hope you find those useful as you think about a way forward.

The trouble we've had recently has nothing to do with long term-posters who may have old scores to settle stillawip, but could well be to do with a banned poster who has scores to settle.

So let's stop attributing the unpleasantness to those who've been posting on this forum, in some cases for years. This forum is for every one, but there's no place for the offensive and nor should there be.

It doesn't help long term posters when they get accused of all sorts either MissA.

Agreed Madgran for example a generalised comment suggesting that long term posters may have old old scores to settle .

I shan't participate in this side discussion further and will ignore off topic comments out of respect for the estranged parent's needs. The constant repetition of other people's insular needs is tiring.

stillawip

Yes but, with respect, that approach is not really working for the vast majority of posters. It would be lovely if the whole forum felt like it was for everyone, not just long-term posters who may have old scores to settle. If every thread becomes about that, then it is very alienating for everyone else, and people will end up abandoning it when they desperately need it, because every thread becomes dominated by the same people again and again. I was one of those, until I became brave enough to come back and try again, & it is so sad to see so many being scared off by the arguments.

Thank you for putting that point forward. I posted a thread a few weeks ago and the arguing that followed, plus accusations that I was a troll because I was a new poster, completely took over. I wrote to GN to ask them to remove the whole thread as it was just so negative. Please don't be put off sharing your own valuable experience which may continue to help others.

MirrorrMirror

"as long as you are happy with yourself & your behaviour within your estrangement, why should the opinions of a nasty poster who doesn’t know you be of any importance to you?"

I've had the same realization recently. They wouldn't be getting riled up and angry over a troll who has no truth behind what they're saying. I imagine the troll is (inadvertently) parroting similar things that their own children have said about/to them, and that triggers them. But instead of self-reflecting, they just double down on their deplorable behavior. Leaving their kids no other option but to cut loose and run!

Stop baiting.
You are doing what the trolls go.

My apologies to Rad14, I stand by my initial advice before the baiting started. And wish you all the best with this situation.
🙏🏾🌺

*correction what the trolls do

Just ignore them. (Her of many names)

It is a pity when yet another assumption is made that anyone posting to query a viewpoint e pressed is an estranged EP! Based presumably on nothing but the fact that they are posting on a thread about Estrangement.

It's the 'same old same old' Babs and Madgran but you've got to love the irony .

I'm thoroughly confused about all this discussion about trolls. Are GNetters saying that Radl4 is trolling or someone else? Can someone please explain?

Retroladywriting

I'm thoroughly confused about all this discussion about trolls. Are GNetters saying that Radl4 is trolling or someone else? Can someone please explain?

They are making digs at a former poster who was banned. To the best of my knowledge said poster no longer posts, however anytime a new poster shows up they have decided that it’s her. New poster’s are treated poorly for having disagreeing opinions and are not so subtly called a troll.

No, no one's saying that the OP is a troll Retrolady and new posters are not being treated poorly for having disagreeing opinions and are not so subtly called a troll Summerlove.

Due to the unprecedented number of posts from trolls on the estrangement forum over the last couple of months, posters are understandably cautious and unfortunately some of the new threads that were started acted as a magnet to unpleasant, previously banned posters. Them being previously banned has been verified by GNHQ.

It's the unpleasant posters treating those who are EP's with disdain simply for being EP's, and not just confining themselves to disagreeing with their point of view that are responsible and thanks to GNHQ's tireless efforts to remove them, they're not as active as they have been.

Summerlove

Retroladywriting

I'm thoroughly confused about all this discussion about trolls. Are GNetters saying that Radl4 is trolling or someone else? Can someone please explain?

They are making digs at a former poster who was banned. To the best of my knowledge said poster no longer posts, however anytime a new poster shows up they have decided that it’s her. New poster’s are treated poorly for having disagreeing opinions and are not so subtly called a troll.

Ah thank you. I understand now.

I think Summerlove's description of what is happening is perfectly accurate.

Well no surprise there User .

There are very few surprises on sone of these threads.🙄

It's rather strange but I do see where the issues here arise.

I think quite a few of us do Luminance.

Rad14 you seem to have a lack of constructive comment on this thread! So here’s mine for what it’s worth. You don’t say what the rift was exactly but I assume it’s something very big for your son to still hold it against you after 17 years. On the other hand, they still want you to have contact by zoom with your grandchildren so maybe all is not lost. I wonder if there can be any further sensitive (and loving?) communication between you all, that might improve things. And if you both really want to go out to Oz, would it be worth doing that anyway…and who knows what might come of it. If all of that seems impossible, then it seems you have to accept the way things are and come to terms finally that your life can’t include your son in the way you’d like. I don’t know the extent of your ‘drinking problem’ but if you feel the time has come to address it (and it needs to come from you rather than people here telling you), I’m sure you know of ways forward to get the help and support you need. I think it’s all about both of you trying to carve out a meaningful life for yourselves. I know that’s not easy at all, but it depends how much you want it. Best wishes.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.